not posting...

just in case you are a friend or a co-hort... and stumble upon this site...

I occasionally use it to read a few groups I'm on...
but don't use it for much else...

and all of the messages for some reason
are read by my mail program as spam...
so if ya want to keep up...or connect
use my MS, Xanga, or LJ...

or write me on my main e-ddy ;)

Reality Check...

Stolen from SD on MS...who stole it from another... neither knew where it came from...
but it gives words that are oft times needed.

A time comes in your life when you finally get it.....When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change… or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you - and in the process a sense of serenity is born of this acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are.. and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you.

And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave; how you should look and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should shop; and what you should drive; how and where you should live; and what you should do for a living; who you should sleep with, who you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising children; or what you owe your parents.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing - and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love...and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms...just to make you happy.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely.

And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch...and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple.

And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer you prayers. It's just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most prima state-the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to try building bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than you heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

Sometimes we just gotta see it in "print"

Optimist Creed

Promise Yourself -

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

-Optimist International

Square-ish in my Round-ish-ness

another by e e cummings

it is at moments after i have dreamed

it is at moments after i have dreamed
of the rare entertainment of your eyes,
when (being fool to fancy) i have deemed

with your peculiar mouth my heart made wise;
at moments when the glassy darkness holds

the genuine apparition of your smile
(it was through tears always)and silence moulds
such strangeness as was mine a little while;

moments when my once more illustrious arms
are filled with fascination, when my breast
wears the intolerant brightness of your charms:

one pierced moment whiter than the rest

-turning from the tremendous lie of sleep
i watch the roses of the day grow deep

poem by e e cummings

i like my body when it is with your

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like,, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big Love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you quite so new

Alive...

My brakes went out on the way to work this morning... ;)
drove down to my mechanic... had them fixed...
no accidents... no bumps... ;)
sometimes I amaze myself...

Sheep poetry...

www.thesurrealist.co.uk/sheep

New Job...

Started Friday the 13th...

Admin Assist to a Financial Planner

doing well!

Texas considering Dog Ban Bill April 4

Someone sent me a bulletin on the California SB 891 which allows all municipalities to ban or require manditory sterilization of breeds they consider dangerous... which can be any breed from Labs to Corgies...etc...

unfortunately it passed last October, the first attempt to get a refferendum failed because of not enough signatures...a second attempt is underway...

Tommorrow (April 4th) in Texas ... there is a bill under consideration that is very similar to the California Bill...
see details here:

www.akc.org/news/index.cfm

If you wish to know more about Dog related legislation...
look here:

www.akc.org/canine_legislation/index.cfm

Viking Invasion...

Viking Invasion is a European Style Viking Festival that happens in Waco Texas once a year...

Originally there was a viking villiage at the Viking Fest in Georgetown that a number of the Ansteorran Longship Company (basically a "household" of the SCA) participated in...and took their longship down to sail in and display.

Viking Fest got moved to Waco with a different organizer. She still wanted the Ansteorran Longship Company to do a villiage (and treated them like second class citizens) and hired 30 Jomsvikings from Europe to come over and do fight shows (and paid all expenses for them)...

The European Viks got with the American Viks to try to make things more even...and to create more cohesion between the groups... and to try to get a more stable situation...since the organizer kept promising things and backing out of them or otherwise changing them...

Because of mismanagement...the Viking Fest...went under... but that last year...
the Viks got together...and formed Viking Invasion... and started planning to do a seperate festival that could be married with the Viking Fest (if it continued) or become it's own venue...

It's had a couple of years as it's own venue...and each year at least some of the European Jomsvikings come over...and now there is a Jomsviking group based out of Texas. Viks from other American groups participate as well.

I belong to the Ansteorran Longship Company so feel some obligation to support my people in their participation in Viking Invasion. I also really like doing demos and talking to people about history...so it benefits me...and I tend to get more handwork done at something like this...cause it's part of the participation...
I think I made 2 hats and learned a basic nalbinding stitch...
I also get to hang out with a kinsman and his family, who I got into helping with the groundwork/legalistics of Viking Invasion, that I don't get to see often and talk to alot of people with different research and perspectives on the Viking Age than I do.

Didn't get there till 7am Saturday morning...
cause I didn't start packing till Friday evening at 9pm...

Got in...parked... found out where to put my "plastic" tent...
Ended up in assisting with the "running around" stuff...that happens
before the gates open... and assisted with the set up of a gentleman
and his wife who were there for him to do a book signing. He had written a childrens book set in the viking age and it was an interesting promo venue for him.

I wondered around and talked to friends and the public and just in general helped out... I assisted in decorating the feast hall (they had a viking dinner Saturday night with us Vikings as the entertainment and flavour that people could buy tickets for.)

The Jomsvikings that came over from Europe were Per (Jarl of Foteviken), Jerker (an amazing storyteller) and Jimi (who I believe is head of the Swedish Jomsviking group...I think...). Many of the Joms who would travel were either on the Amon Amaranth tour or the Man O War tour...but that's okay... the ones that came over are terriffic actors, know their craft with the fight shows and are kewl people to boot...

Many of the American Joms weren't able to show...and so we were short on horses but Olaf and his wife (I can't remember her name at the moment) brought her Fjord horse who was a very sweet horse...and shed lots ;)...

Liz got to come in from New Orleans where she is working on her degree...and her husband and daughter came down from Oklahoma...

Of course Regenwulf was there (leader of the American Joms) and his wife Monica...as well as Thordis, Ivar, Ronvalder, Justric, Ann and Deborah...Ameline and Stella came from Fort Worth and Catriona, Bronwyn, her man and kids came from the Houston area...

Magnus (they call him the pretty one...) was there...and an integral part of everything...and I got to put name to many of the people I knew of by only e-mail address on the Viking Invasion e-list...

I even got to meet a Tuchux who came to the festival...she is now living in Waco and we got to talk about people we knew in common...and she invited me to come visit her at Pennsic in Tuchux camp...which is kewl...that way I'd be a guest...not the guest of a guest...hope I get to Pennsic to take her up on it.

At the feast...there were lots of people sworn into the Jomsvikings under Regenwulf...it was an excellent feast...even though the caterers only got the recipes a few days before... may favorites were the venison stew and the apples with cream sauce...

Sunday I got up late and spend a fair amount of time in Skalmir (the boat)...
or climbing in and out of it....it was just an easy place to sit...and it always becomes the repository of weaponry when someone needs to put it down to go do something else... so someone needs to be stationed there...

I helped with take down and clean up...
and found out that the Vikings NA Oklahoma group was asked to put on a Viking Villiage at the end of June in Heavener...
Thordis and I started making plans on going up...and several other folks are planning on going up as well to support the people who come down to support Viking Invasion...

Overall it was a good weekend...and I met lots of people...and got to know Per, Jerker and Jimi better...and it didn't start raining till the last thing was put away on Sunday...so apparently the gods were looking out for us ;)

I ended up staying Sunday night with Hundur and family... cause it was just too good to catch up with them...and I miss them....and I got to play with the baby...;)