Hopefully this is a better format than the previous one.  I'm closing my myspace account so I'm actually planning on spending more time on here writing and such.  We'll see how that turns out. :)

I just realized how annoying my page's color and font are when trying to read a bunch of text.  Sorry about that... I'll work on fixing it when I get the chance.

Some of my poetry that I had posted on another blog I'm transplanting here to keep.

These are all very personal to me and have in some way or another helped me along in my journey.  By sharing them, I share a very intimate part of myself with you.  I hope you can appreciate them for that even if they aren't that good. :)





My newest poem that has no title:



Hidden in the cracks of circumstance

Unable to see the view,

Waiting in the wings of time and chance

To start my life a new.



Worried my worth is beyond it's prime

Overused, wilted and weak

Has love already run out of time,

Or shall I contnue to seek?



Earnestly longing but greatly afraid

My future I do not know,

The journey ahead is already laid

Please give me the courage to go.

___________________________________________________________________________





Joy



Joy is not so far from me,

It haunts me in my pain,

In sight, but out of reach it stays;

I grasp for it in vain.



My pain it will not let me go,

I wish it'd let me be.

Cause then I could take hold of Joy,

And finally be free.



________________________________________________________________________________



This next one I wrote back in college:



The greatest love my heart does hold

Tis in your beauty my eyes are told

But is not seen with sight alone,

Til heart, mind and soul are known.



The heart so tender, soft and true

The mind what splendid visions view.

The soul is light and spirit free,

Thus makes you far more dear to me.



As beautiful as the setting sun

More grand than a victory won

As endless as the rolling sea

O' Greater is my love for thee.



___________________________________________________________________________________



World vs. Mind



"The world is too much with us,"

I once heard a poet say.

It's not the world, but my own busy mind,

That drives me to madness today.



The world is not easy to live with,

There's worry and stress, tis true.

But, if I could learn to mute my mind,

Then maybe I won't feel so blue.



___________________________________________________________________________________



This next one is actual lyrics to a song I wrote while playing my guitar:



Take my hand and walk with me

Help me become what I want to be

The road is rough and hard to see

Please take my hand and walk with me.



Give my thoughts a listening ear

Understand my joy and fear

Don't criticize, but hold them dear

Please give my thoughts a listening ear.



Free my spirit, let it fly

Help it to soar across the sky

May I never cease to try

Please free my spirit, let it fly.



Close my eyes and let me rest

I've worked hard and tried my best

May my sleep be heaven blessed

Please close my eyes and let me rest.



___________________________________________________________________________________



This next one I wrote while living in New York:



Texas Girl



I was born in a small west Texas town

Where the people all know you and never let you down.

They say things like, "reckin" and "how do ya do?"

Thy're always so friendly and smile a lot too.



It never seemed to suit me so I moved far away

In the big city is where I now stay.

If you hear me say "Howdy!" or "Pardon me sir,"

Just ignore it and think, "well, that's the Texan in her."



___________________________________________________________________________________



A more recently written poem and it helps me forget about the past and look forward to the future.





By Night and Day



I wait for you by night and day,

In hopes that you may someday be

Within my arms. A lover's kiss

Is all I need to set me free.



The fear and doubt this world may give

Can't keep you from my memory

So here I wait by night and day

In hopes that you're my destiny.





Well that's all I have to share for the time being.  Hopefully you got enjoyment out of at least one of them.  :)

I am an avid reader, and have lately begun collecting quotes that interest me from the books I have read.  This is the list of some of those quotes.  I will not attempt to explain why I chose these particular selections, but if you would like to know why or what it means to me, then feel free to ask and I will respond.

(note: these are not listed in any order of importance)

1.  The Friar's Tale  written by  Anonymous



"True religion (said he) howsoever it may vary in outward ceremonies, or articles of faith, will always teach you to do good, to love and help each other; it will teach you that no sin, however secret, can long remain concealed; and that when the world and all its vanities have palled the sated appetite, you must seek refuge in conscious innocence, or a sincere repentance."

2.   The House of Usher   written by Edgar Allan Poe



"…I feel that the period will sooner or later arrive when I must abandon life and reson together, in some struggle with the grim phantasm, FEAR."

3.  Rappaccini's Daughter  written by Nathaniel Hawthorne



"Blessed are all simple emotions, be they dark or bright! It is the lurid intermixture of the two that produces the illuminating blaze of the infernal regions."

4.  Olalla  written by Robert Louis Stevenson



"…I lived upon the thought of her, slept only to dream of her loveliness, and would gladly forswear my country, my language, and my friends, to live for ever by her side."

5.  Barbara of the House of Grebe  written by Thomas Hardy



"He dwelt upon the folly of indulgence in sensuous love for a handsome form merely; and showed that the only rational and virtuous growths of that affection were those based upon intrinsic worth."

6.  Hurst of Hurstcote  written by E. Nesbit



"To be beautiful is not the same thing as to be dear…"

7.  The Outsider  written by H.P. Lovecraft



"Unhappy is he to whom the memories of childhood bring only fear and sadness."

8.  The Monkey  written by Isak Dinesen



Straight is the line of duty,

Curved is the line of beauty.

Follow the straight line; thou shalt see

The curved line ever follows thee.

9.  Moll Flanders  written by Daniel Defoe



A poem taken from within the text of conversation:



He: You I Love, and you alone.

She: And so in Love says every one.

He: Virtue alone is an Estate.

She: But Money's Virtue; Gold is Fate.

He: I scorn your Gold, and yet I Love.

She: I'm Poor; Let's see how kind you'll prove.

He: Be mine, with all your Poverty.

She: Yet secretly you hope I lie.

He: Let Love alone be our Debate.

She: She Loves enough, that does not hate.

10.  Persuasion  written by Jane Austen  (note:  my all time favorite book)



"All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one, you need not covet it) is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone."

I used to be a person of intense religious study, and although I don’t follow those ways much anymore, something happened to yesterday to make me want to write about it. I got into a discussion with my mom which irked me because like so many other spoon fed Christians, I believe her views to be misdirected.

The subject: Prayer

The Misconception: God answers prayers.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that God doesn’t take an active part in the world. I’m saying that most people’s view of the role of prayer is incorrect.  Almost everyone I know who prays, (both religiously active and inactive), spend about 2% of their time in reverence and maybe 3% in repentance and contrition, and the other 95% in asking for things.  Even some of the most pious people who pray for others and good causes, in my opinion are in error.

I believe that prayer is for the purpose of communing with God.  It should be spent in reverent worship, sincere repentance and maybe at most 5% for the petition of basic needs.  (Side note: I use the Lord ’s Prayer as the example of how prayer should be conducted).  If God is the all-knowing, all-powerful being He’s supposed to be, “prayer requests” should not be needed.  The idea of asking for things and waiting for God to answer creates all sorts of problems.  First of all, it’s treating God like a trained puppy.  It’s as if we expect Him to work on our schedule and do as we ask.  Secondly, it causes disappointment and loss of faith when He doesn’t “answer” the way we expect Him to.  I’ve heard people say that God answers all prayers, just not always in our time and in our way.  But the truth of that matter is God already knows everything and has His plans set, there is nothing we can do to change that.  Asking for things, doesn’t change that fact. In a sense petitions therefore aren’t needed at all.  Another problem I hear from Christians is the fact that if you want things to happen you have to pray for them, but, when you say that you are taking the power out of God’s hands and putting them in your own.    Like I stated earlier, God already has everything under control.  If He needs our help it’s in our actions, not our words.  So many times, I’ve heard Christians reply to someone hurt or in need, “I’ll pray for you.”  It’s not prayer they need, it’s help and comfort.  I hear way too many words being spoken of and never enough action.

Prayer is not meant to make things happen, it’s a tool for our own comfort, and encouragement to help us feel closer to God.  Personally, I no longer pray.  I don’t need to tell God anything he doesn’t already know, and I no longer need to experience some pseudo-spiritual ritual to have comfort or feel complete.  I’m not saying that people are wrong for choosing to pray.  It can be useful to the minds of those that need it.  I just prefer to be enlightened by knowledge not spiritual rituals.

Anyway, I don’t know why I felt the need to share that.  Maybe it is because I’m tired of my mother treating me like an evil heathen because I no longer pray or go to church.  I’m still a spiritual person who understands more about scripture and theology than most Christians, but I chose to live differently.