My Blog

Ch Ch Changes

Katherine — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 05:11:40 GMT

A lot has changed since I have last written in this thing. Some good, some bad, some a little of both. But, that is the nature of change. I have been waiting until I have time to sit down and write a big entry about it all, which is the wrong attitude to have and is probably why I don’t journal very often. I always think that I have to write about everything every time I write. So, the first change is that I now live in uptown Normal, and I absolutely love it. My apartment is old fashioned and quirky, and has lots of things about it that suit me really well. I like to be organized, but not necessarily clean, but luckily the floors and sink and countertops are so old and speckled that you can’t really tell if they are clean or not. This sounds gross, but it’s not really. I also love the location. I can walk to do many errands, so I am getting more exercise. I have to park my car about 10 minutes away, which is a bit of a pain, but on the up side I think I am using my car less and saving gas and everything. My neighbors are really nice, I only know two of them, Pete and Tim, two older men who live down the hall. They usually stop me and chat because they spend a significant part of their day hanging out in front of the coffee hound. A different change (of the “some good some bad” variety is that I am now single). I don’t really want to get into the gory details, suffice to say it’s a change and I am adjusting to it as best I can. And another change that is definitely good is that I am leaving for Mexico in a week!! I am excited, but it almost seems surreal that I am going. One of our assignments when we are there is to keep a daily journal and use photo story software to make an interactive journal with pictures and/or video. I am debating bringing my laptop for this endeavor. I have mixed feelings about my laptop—its super handy, but in a foreign country I should be out soaking in the culture, not hiding behind a laptop screen. Plus I will be constantly paranoid that I will lose it. But I think that it will be quite helpful for the journal project. We will see. If I get a chance, I hope to post some of my entries from Mexico here.

New place in Normal, Salsa dancing, and being "chic" the green way

Katherine — Mon, 26 May 2008 20:19:28 GMT

I have a lot to write about today. In a few days I will be moving to my new place in uptown Normal. I am really excited about the place. The location is great and I hope to walk, ride my bike, or take the train to many places and use my car as minimally as possible. The inside of the apartment is really cool—the floors are wood and there is a skylight in the kitchen and in the bathroom. The whole place has kind of an antique type feel, like a place where my grandparents would like. There are some charming elements that go with this, such as duct tape holding in the window units, but overall it is much more my speed than a brand new place would be. I can’t wait to go in and decorate. I am the type of person who doesn’t change anything around once I have moved into a place, but starting over is a great time to rearrange my posters, put up new pictures, and give each room its own feel. There is a large hook in the living room, like one that you would hang a potted plant. I really want to find some sort of focal piece for that hook. I am intrigued by the idea of a plant and always having something fresh to look at. But I am also afraid I might kill a plant. A lantern or something would also be cool. Too bad World Market is out of business. I have been gradually moving stuff out of my current place, which is weird as my apartment more and more empty. It seems unfathomable that I will be moving in a week, and that Laura and I will no longer live in the same apartment, much less the same town. She and I have been having a lot of fun the past few days. Friday and Saturday night we went out dancing. I forget how much I love salsa dancing when I have not danced for awhile. I love everything about it, the music and the international crowd it draws. I love meeting new people and the private conversation a partner dance affords. I love the Latin sabor, and feeling good about my body when I am dancing, not for what it looks like but for what it can do. I love having a weekend activity that doesn’t involve food or drinking and waking up the next day feeling sore. It is sad that I am losing my dancing partner (Laura) and I will have to make an effort to take some trains out to see her and go dancing together in Chicago. Sometimes I find myself in the trap of “its not fair, why isn’t there more good dancing in Bloomington, why can’t I live in Chicago where there is amazing dancing 7 days a week, how much harder will it be to go dancing by myself. . . but I have to stop and remind myself for how lucky I am to have what I have. I have been able to dance for the past two years of grad school, and although central IL isn’t the hottest place. . at least there is something. I have a great friend who I know would go dancing with me any night of the week if I gave her a call. Really, I can’t ask for anything more. The last few days have been incredibly relaxing and refreshing. Sure, I have plenty of school projects that I could be working on, and actually have been working on, but the constant time crunch of the school year has been lifted. As an added bonus, I enjoy my free time immensely more than I think I ever could have before I started graduate school. Yesterday I went to a movie with Allison, and even though the movie kinda sucked (Made of Honor) it was so glorious to go to a movie in the middle of the day on a Sunday that I didn’t even notice. I have had time to catch up on my reading. I re read the last Harry Potter book over the last few days which might normally feel like wasting time, now feels like a sweet indulgence. I am also reading a book that Laura has called “Green Chic” about ways to make your life green in an incredibly fashionable way (always a concern of mine). I was excited to read that many of the things they suggested I am already doing, such as eating less meat, not drinking soda, bringing bags to the store, using efficient bulbs, etc. However, I am learning more about products I can buy to be even more energy efficient, use less chemicals, and be overall less wasteful. This comes as a good time when I may have to be purchasing new cleaning supplies, etc at my new place. An interesting tip that I read was that to reduce the amount of water that is wasted when you flush a toilet, you can fill a plastic bottle with stones and place it in your toilet tank. This displaces the water so it doesn’t fill as full each time. Cool, huh! As I have mentioned in my previous posts, I am always looking for ways for my life to match what my ideal would be. I feel pretty strongly that as a society we are ridiculously wasteful, and the more ways I can use my power as a consuming and change by behavior to match this, the happier I think I will be. Or at least the more in harmony my body, mind, and sprit will all be. I also mentioned earlier that one of my goals for the summer will be to try and lose weight. The past week or so I have been logging what I eat in an online journal. I don’t know if I have lost weight yet, but I definitely feel healthier and less guilty about pigging out. This is a really long entry, and if you are still reading it, good for you!

BDSS, new goals, and more

Katherine — Wed, 21 May 2008 02:38:14 GMT

This weekend I went with my family to LA because by sister was trying out for the bellydance superstars. It was a really cool experience. I got to hang out with my parents a lot and enjoy LA while my sister was mentally preparing and getting her audition ready. On Saturday I met Megan at Raqs LA, where different belly dance superstars were teaching workshops. I took one with Kami Liddle, because I really liked her workshop in Kirksville and her in general. Afterwards we walked around and checked out the vendors. It was very interesting to me to overhear snippets of conversation from these very talented dancers, many of whom are aspiring to be in the belly dance superstars. It seems that the true artist strives to perfect their art above all else. Their day job is merely a means so that they can pursue their art (except for Sahira, but I have no clue how she manages a job and so much teaching. But she is like superwoman). I have always had great respect for those who are truly artistically gifted. I have had many artistic like hobbies, but I don't have that undying passion for one particular medium. I also realized that although this can bring so many exciting opportunities, how difficult this life would be. Whereas grad school may be some of the most grueling years of my life, I know that when I am done I will likely graduate and can become a psychologist with little difficulty. However, those who try to make a living in the arts must try so much harder, and even then could be held back by things such as looks, height, or just merely being unknown. I have a great respect for those who still aspire towards their dreams despite these obstacles. I am especially proud of Megan (because she is my sister) for pursuing her dream in the face of these harsh realities. I really think that even if she doesn't make BDSS she will have succeeded just by trying . . . or something corny like that :) I have also decided to tackle a new goal, now that everything in my life has calmed down, I am mentally ready to tackle this, and I am inspired by watching so many beautiful dancers. And this is "(cliche)" losing weight. Normally I get nervous when people tell me this is a goal of theirs because it seems temporary and kinda feeds into the "women need to be sticks" mentality. However, I am trying to orient my own goals towards being fit and feel good about my body. Jose just got here. More about this later. . .

Update

Katherine — Mon, 12 May 2008 00:19:45 GMT

School is finally over, and I am going to take some much needed time to relax and reflect a little bit. I think part of the reason why I am still a student (and will be for awhile) is that I need the summer to recharge. Its also part of the reason why I am considering a future career in the schools. . . but that is also a topic for a different post. I can usually predict how my school behavior will progress. Early in the fall, I will have unrealistically high hopes for the semester. I will comment on how interesting all of my classes and how manageable my schedule appears to be (you can all probably look forward to a post like this come fall). Then I will usually get a head start on all of my assignments, start studying well before exams, and plan out all sorts of interesting sessions for my clients. I will get enough sleep, eat healthy, and be generally organized. Then, I will start to figure out what I can get away with (this is part of the grad school game). Then, the motivation to do anything extra will fade. I am usually good though the fall semester (I always, since elementary school, get better grades in the fall semester). Then everything will go to hell near the end of the Spring semester, correlated almost exactly with the time when the weather starts to get nice, and also with a significant decline in sleep. So, the last couple weeks have been those "go to hell" type weeks. Which, unfortunately, also seem to land when all the exams and papers are due (why does school work like this??). This year has also been just a big learning experience for me, because this is the first year that I have seen clients. There is more than I have learned than I could begin to describe here. . . things like the importance of having your own shit together. When I meet with someone, I have to put my own worries aside to focus completely on them. Which is, in a way, therapeutic for me as well. It relates back to that theory that sometimes you need "something" to worry about. . . well for me, its better if I am worrying about bigger problems than my own.. . . which can also lead to problems if I worry too much or care too much. Its always a balance that I have to practice every day. I have made a lot of other positive changes. . . as I wrote about in here previously, I decided to become a vegetarian, which was one of my life goals :):) So far it has been easy, and it feels really good. I have a lot of vegetarian friends and people who have supported me, which has helped tremendously. I stopped drinking diet coke (except for a treat once in a while), but I used to drink one a day, and I feel a lot better now just drinking water. I think that my next big goal for the summer (now that I have had a month of solid vegetarianism under my belt) I am going to tackle that goal of losing weight. As I said previously, I don't think I'm fat or anything, and in general and fairly happy with how I look, but I used to be thinner, and I would like eat healthier more as self-improvement more than anything. I will be living in uptown Normal, within walking distance to the Farmer's market, and plenty of time to cook healthy, locally grown meals. Mexico may be a challenge, but I think that not eating meat will eliminate some of the fattening foods. I will also be trying out for the Synergy Sirens, trying to write the first draft of my dissertation proposal, plan a biking trip with Jose, and trying to read up on some topics that I feel fairly uninformed about in my field (mainly cutting, bilingual education, eating disorders, and group therapy), and going to Mexico for three weeks. It may be a busier summer than I think!

Flying Pig

Katherine — Mon, 05 May 2008 02:44:15 GMT

This weekend I did the Flying Pig half marathon in Cincinnati with my mom and my friend Sarah. The race was really fun, and I had a great time. This race gets its name supposedly, from someone who said that they would do a marathon "when pigs fly". Well, I guess this person did end up running a marathon, and thus the race was born. This made me think about my own "flying pig" goals. On this list would probably be skydiving, bungee jumping, becoming a Republican, going to a nudist beach, and hmm. . . maybe like getting really into baseball or something. What are on other people's "flying pig" list?

Progress

Katherine — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 12:19:11 GMT

So when I was trying to just eat meat without calling myself a vegetarian, I usually had about one situation a month in which it was awkward. Like, when someone was serving meat and I felt bad saying that I didn't want to eat it. So, I figured that life would be fairly easy being a vegetarian, with about one situation a month when it might be more difficult. So far I have had two. I went to a wedding last weekend, and they served me chicken. Fortunately, they also brought out plates of pasta, so I ate that with the vegetables. It was honestly, more than enough food. However, when the chicken came out, a few of my friends were concerned. (You can dip the veggies in the chicken sauce, someone offered. However, if you don't like meat, a sauce that is cooked in meat is not very appetizing). What I don't like is when people are concerned about me. I know they are just trying to be nice, but not eating meat is a choice I made.

Kimya

Katherine — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 16:09:08 GMT

Last night my roommates and I went to see Kimya Dawson in Champaign. She is part of the band called the Moldy Peaches, who were all over the Juno soundtrack. We got there early and had some really good beers at a nearby bar. The concert was in a post office (wierd, I know) and was a really small venue. She told us all to sit down, which created a really chill atmosphere. Her music is great. Sometimes whimsical, sometimes sad, and very honest. She was extremely modest and shy to the point of being socially awkward. It was totally cute. One of the most enjoyable nights I have had in awhile. www.myspace.com/kimyadawson

Veggie I am

Katherine — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 21:34:46 GMT

After going over my list of goals that I was contemplating, I have decided that the one I am ready to change is becoming a vegetarian. It seems that of all the things that I have always "really wanted to do" this one is really the most feasible right now (as compared to say, traveling the world) and is really the one I am most committed to. I talked to Sahira, which helped a lot. She brought up a good point that after while, meat did not settle well with her. For many reasons, eating meat is simply not enjoyable for me anymore. And I feel that this is a perfectly acceptable explanation to get me out of that awkwardness of having to explain to someone why I don't eat meat. Sahira also had a good point that at this point, my major change would be calling myself a vegetarian because I currently do not eat meat. While this makes things easier (I don't actually have to change any habits), it also signals a significant commitment. When I finally made the decision, I called my best friend Jennifer, and told her "I am a vegetarian" (Jenn is also a vegetarian since she was 15, and she is one of the people I admire most in the world). I thought that it was important to say that I was a vegetarian, not that I was going to be one or thinking about it. After I talked to Jennifer and had some time to reflect about this decision I felt elated and relieved. Nothing had changed, but then again everything had changed. I finally felt like I was doing what I wanted and what I thought was right. I was living my life a little closer to ideal,which is one of the best feelings in the world. I heard that you should focus on one habit change for thirty days before adding a new one. So, for the time being I think that I will focus on vegetarianism, because, as I previously reflected up, the minor yet major change that just happened. Thus far, since Tuesday, when I officially told Jennifer, I have not had any conflicts. The major battle that I expected was at the Latina Mother's support group that I help out at, when interesting and new (but which often, sadly, contain meat) are served. This week it was canceled, so I didn't have to face that challenge. I am hoping for rice and beans next week :) Thanks for those who are giving support. So far everyone that I have told has been supportive which has helped me greatly. Peace and veggies. --Katie

Two faces

Katherine — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 16:21:10 GMT

A baby was born with two faces in India. Luckily, because she was born in India, she is being hailed as a Hindu goddess. I think that is is a miracle that she was born in India, where she is a goddess, and not here, where she may be seen as a freak. http://itn.co.uk/news/7f717ee35cfa071df2c257f4d4ef5b92.html

Continued goal post

Katherine — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:53:10 GMT

So on to the goals that I am actually ready to implement. They are fewer than those I am thinking about, which makes sense. I would rather be successful with these few than to over commit to those I am not serious about. (1) Set four small goals to complete each day. This may not seem like a big deal, but in school there are always about a million things to complete, and not all of them have deadlines. This makes things difficult to prioritize, and I often find myself driving myself crazy if I have not completed everything on my to do list. I can be productive, but it hardly ever seems like it. So, I think that by devoting myself to several small goals, I will actually be more productive and feel better about myself in general. (2) Be compassionate in all (well, maybe almost all) my interactions. Life is too short and people are too important not too.

Goals

Katherine — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 16:41:04 GMT

I am obsessed with goals lately. I have been particularly fascinated with the blog zen habits, written by an attractive man named Leo who writes on simplicity, productivity, health and exercise. He is a marathon runner too:) I have always loved goal setting. I have daily goals, life goals, career goals, sub goals of larger goals. . . etc. And part of my jobs involves writing goals for others. Joy. Next year is approaching and I find myself again thinking about my goals. What do I want to accomplish in my second half of grad school? What do I want to accomplish personally, and how do I balance the two? I am also trying to be mindful with how many goals I set for myself. I have learned from the "stages of change" model that one must be in the action stage of change before a change will actually occur. So although I have many changes floating around (silly things like cooking dinner every night or giving up sugar, yeah right). I am hesitant to write these things down until I am READY to change. In addition, I am recently enticed by the idea of simplicity, and thus I am wary to take on too many goals at one time. Often, the goals conflict , and I find when I am standing at the grocery store thinking, well, one of my goals was to save money, but another is to eat healthy. So should I buy the berries or not? Finally, I want my short term goals to lead to life long fulfilling goals. This is hard. It is easy to say, I will read two articles today, but harder to say that I will be a compassionate and giving friend. Articles are easy to count. Compassion, less so. So, several goals that I am currently contemplating: (1) Vegetarianism. I can count on one hand the number of times that I have eaten meat this year. If up to my own devices, I would not eat meat. But, if someone prepares a meal with meat, I feel the need to eat it to please them. This is weird, I know. (2) Losing weight. I could lose a few pounds, but then again I could not. My body is not perfect, but I like it. Plus I like to eat. (3) Learning a third language. I really want to learn another language, but time is somewhat of an issue. I would also have a hard time being too critical of myself and not satisfied until I was fairly fluent. Plus I don't even know what language I would want to learn. Probably French or sign language. (4) Going to church/finding a religion. Won't even get into that one. Another post to follow about goals that I am actually serious about.

San Diego

Katherine — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:06:46 GMT

The idea of a trip by myself turned out to be a good one. I have spent 3 1/5 wonderful days in California, meeting people from all over the world and spending much time by myself, reflecting, reading, and journaling. Thursday was probably the best day. I met someone who was walking the California coast (over 700 miles) to learn more about love. I ended up walking over 7 miles with him up the coast and learned more about his journey. It was quite insprining and beautiful. I will post more about this trip later. . . right now I am running out of internet minutes.

This weekend. .sigh. . .

Katherine — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 03:06:28 GMT

The sisterhood of bellydance is amazing. But when you can be lucky enough to share it with your actual sister. . . well that is indescribable. This weekend was the synergy RAD showcase. Sahira did a fabulous job putting it all together. Megan and I did our duet from the Sphinx Haafla, and I also was in the level 2 drum solo. All of the dances were great! Whenever I start to feel down about life or living in such a Normal town, I think about how lucky I am to have experiences such as these, and I stop myself. How many grad students do you know who are not only able to perform a beautiful dance, but also be inspired by so many amazing women. I think I will float into next week on this high. . . .

My Trip

Katherine — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 00:32:16 GMT

I want to take a Spring Break trip by myself. . . this sounds weird, but I really would just like to reflect by myself for a few days. I can go to San Diego for $204 dollars and stay for 20 a night. Its a lot of money when you have no income, but relatively cheap. Thoughts?