My two cents

In the words of Eddie Vedder... 'I'M STILL ALIVE!'

Tyler — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 21:52:21 GMT

So, I've been away from internetting for a while, and I feel like I need to jump back on the information superhighway again. I've been going through a lot; fear, depression, pain, anger, rage, and even some hate. I can't deny it, and I know its not me, so the only alternative is to take this powerful energy and redirect it in a positive direction. I won't fall victim to the devil's tricks, I'm tired of being pushed around, kicked down, and spit on. This is my answer to the question 'So what exactly are you going to do about it punk?' Many of you know that I've been moving through a conscientious objection with the U.S. military, and up until this point I've been very sad and scared about the whole thing. Now I've moved past the point of feeling sorry for myself to the point of outrage. I will not put up with this disgusting fear, this ridiculous apathy. I'm making my stand, and in the words of the prophetic Tom Petty 'no I won't back down'. I've just allied myself with the IVAW (Iraq Veterans Against the War) and they are doing a lot to help me move through this process. I joined the military because I wanted to defend my country, protect my family, and change the world. As I began to search for my Truth, I found that I didn't believe in a war for oil, or wars in general for that matter. It was Mírzá Husayn Ali Callad Baha'u'llah that said 'It is not for him to pride himself who loveth his own country, but rather for him who loveth the whole world. The earth is but one country and mankind its citizens.' I have no reason to fight a man from another country because he is as much my brother as anyone in my country. War is caused by things like confusion, greed, fear, and ego. So therefore if everyone eliminated these things in themselves we would have no reason to fight at all. Which is why I cannot support war any longer, because I must lead by example. I know I am doing my part to change the world, I feel that if we are to change this world we must find the problem that resonates with us, the issue you feel most passionately about. I've found my passion, and it is to bring peace to a war torn world. I feel as though I've been betrayed by my country, a misguided pawn sent to be sacrificed for the king. I was ready to die for what I knew to be right, and now I am called to make sure these soldiers know what they're dying for. No one should be forced to suffer the pains of the blood shed for greedy megalomaniacs. The biggest problem in our country is apathy, so many people say they are 'against the war' but no one really does much about it aside from the little yellow ribbon you so proudly display on your gas guzzling Hummer. Empathy kills apathy, and if you can feel the pain of thousands of dead soldiers' families, or of the hundreds of veterans on the street that comprise one third of our homeless population, or even the suffering of all the soldiers who have made it home only to be trapped in a world of pain inflicted by PTSD, you might just be inspired to do something about it. We all know the media controls what we see about this war, when was the last time you heard a soldier on the front lines speak about our mission overseas? We must seek out these individuals and feel their pain, because they should not be forced to bear the weight by themselves. Lift this blindfold of apathy and fear, open your eyes, you can change the world. I invite you to check out this video and if you feel so inspired to look through the rest of the site as well http://www.ivaw.org/node/1591 Thank you for your time.

Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell

Tyler — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 01:23:24 GMT

I love The Flaming Lips... And I love lamp. I guess I could sum this journal entry up by saying I'm just full of love these days. Love is the glue that binds us, the remedy that heals us, and the will that drives us. Without love we would be nothing more than empty shells floating along to no place in particular, never abandon love for it will do you no wrong. This world is full of so many amazingly beautiful people but its also full of evil natured robots, and its our job to teach them how to love, because beneath their cold hard exterior there is a soul desperately waiting to be saved. I love you, whomever you are, wherever you may be, and whatever you do. Just know that when your chips are down and you think the world has given up on you, remember that I will always love you.

Om Namo Narayanaya

Tyler — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 09:06:17 GMT

So.... I was just doing some surfing online and I came across this, I thought it was a fairly inspirational story. Hope you enjoy it as well :) A Vedic Children’s Story For a Modern Time Copyright 2003 Dr. Marc Halpern Once upon a time, there was a king named Arrogance. King Arrogance was the ruler of the largest kingdom in all the world. Although he ruled only his part of the world, he looked out upon the entire world as his true kingdom and he felt responsible for all of the world’s peoples. King Arrogance was for the most part, a good King to his people and his people, for the most part liked him. King Arrogance wanted the people of the whole world to become like his own people. He wanted them to live the way his own people lived. He wanted them to think the way his own people thought. He wanted to be their king. There were many smaller kingdoms in the world. One was ruled by another king who the rest of the world called King Rage. King Rage was an angry king. Many thought he was a crazy king. He did crazy things and often he brought harm to his own people and sometimes to the rest of the world. His kingdom was small and he wanted it to be larger. He did not like King Arrogance because King Arrogance has a larger kingdom and had more power in the world. King Arrogance did not like King Rage because he was not very nice, respectful or obedient. One day, the two kings got angry with each other and got into a fight. Then, they decided to go to war. They called all of their soldiers and sent them into battle. Meanwhile, somewhere in the kingdom was a boy, an ordinary boy. He was playing outside with a ball. He kicked the ball as hard as he could and the ball rolled down a hill of grass into some bushes and trees. The boy chased the ball and when he found it, he found himself in a beautiful field of flowers. He sat down to admire the beauty of the field and the sweet smelling flowers. There, as he sat, quietly, he had a vision. A radiant being floated toward him. The being was both beautiful and awesome, powerful and quiet. I am Narayana, the being said. I am the God of Peace.” The boy prostrated before the great God and said why have you come to me. The God said, “You are the one I have chosen. Go to the battlefield where there is war and in my name bring peace.” Then, the magical being disappeared. The boy did not know what to do. He was after all, not a great God but a small boy. How could he bring peace? However, when God asks you to do something, the boy knew he should at least do his best. So, he set out for the great battle field. As he approached the battle field he saw great bombs exploding. He saw men and woman in uniforms with guns in their hands fighting with one another. He did not know how he could stop anyone from fighting. Who would listen to him? What would he say anyway? The boy closed his eyes and saw the image of Lord Narayanaya, the God of peace. With this image firmly in his mind, he walked into the middle of the battle field and sat down. He kept his eyes closed as if in a dream and continued to see the image of the God of Peace. The two generals leading their armies saw the boy and ordered their troops to stop fighting so that the boy would not get hurt. When the guns stopped firing they heard the voice of the boy singing the name of the God of Peace. The Boy was chanting, “Om Namo Narayanaya. Om Namo Narayanaya. Om Namo Narayanaya,” Over and over he chanted. The two armies stopped and listened as the words resonated from the boy’s lips the boy’s voice echoed through the country side. Its vibration entered the hearts of the soldiers. Hearing the name of the God of Peace being chanted so beautifully, the two armies dropped their guns. Deeply moved, they walked toward the boy and surrounded him. There, they sat with him and began to chant, Om Namo Narayanaya. As they chanted their hearts became purer and purer and arrogance and rage faded away. They felt only the love that was inside of them. When the two kings heard what was happening they came to the battle field. They ordered their armies to fight. Victory for our kingdom they each called out. The soldiers did not move. They kept on chanting. The kings, in frustration picked up a soldiers gun and fired it into the air to scare the soldiers. Still, the soldiers did not move. Still they chanted. Om Namo Narayanaya. As the soldiers chanted, the words that resonated from their lips entered into the hearts of the two kings. The words stirred great conflict inside of themselves. One king was moved to sit down and chant with the boy and the soldiers. His heart became pure. The other king could not let go of his pride. He jumped up and down, yelled and screamed and then, he picked up a gun. His aim was not very good. He fired a shot at the soldiers. The bullet bounced off a rock and stuck the king. He died and arrogance and rage died with him. Their hearts pure, the soldiers and the one king, set out to spread peace throughout the world. Whenever they came to a conflict, they chanted, Om Namo Narayanaya, Om Namo Narayanaya, Om Namo Narayanaya. Today, during times of conflict, Yogi’s by themselves or in groups often sit quietly and chant the name of the God of Peace hoping that their words will purify the hearts of those who are in conflict.

I Am

Tyler — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 02:04:19 GMT

I Love, Every day, every way, till I almost burst at the seams, My love cannot be contained even by my wildest dreams. I Cry, When I'm happy, sad, and when I feel like I can't take it anymore, These tears that fall from my eyes I cannot ignore. I See, All my concerns, doubts, and everything that holds me back, I know now its not something that I personally lack. I Feel, Like never before, more and more, I'm finally free, Maybe I've finally discovered the key. I Breathe, Rapturously, blissfully, passionately, without fear, As I breathe the muddy water becomes clear. I Live, Without restrictions, empowered by myself from within, I live and I allow life to begin. I Die, Letting go, now I know, that nothing is lost, As the boundary between worlds is crossed. I Am, At peace with myself, bigger than myself, I am One, Finally my journey has begun...

A valuable lesson to be learned...

Tyler — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 05:36:29 GMT

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house." Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

Hate vs. Love and Letting Go

Tyler — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 01:18:58 GMT

Just something I felt like I should share with anyone who wanted to hear it :) Hate cannot create, it can only take away, Love will only give, and bring you strength every day. Hate is lifeless, hollow, and cold, Love is beautiful, passionate, and bold. Hate will alienate and destroy, Love can only embrace and enjoy. Hate breeds loneliness and depression, Love brings harmony and freedom of expression. Hate will never be there to catch you when you fall, Love will respond to your every desperate call. Hate can bring an end to everything you care about, Love will always be the thing you cannot live without. I'm leaving all my fears and troubles behind, No longer will my insecurities keep me confined. This sheltered existence only hinders my growth, I cannot be trapped by this unyielding oath. Pushing me closer to the edge stops here, Done with it now I shed my final tear. Now I make my own path, blaze my own trail, The time has come for my inner light to prevail. Making my final stand, once and for all, The higher I climb, the harder I fall. Breaking free from these infamous chains, True freedom is all that remains. Letting go of everything I ever knew, Finally allows me to break through.

Love is...

Tyler — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 08:29:47 GMT

Some say that love is not something you can see, its an intangible representation of the purest form of emotion. I think they're wrong. You can see love every day, wherever you look, manifesting itself in people, in art, in huge gatherings of like minded individuals. I saw love this Saturday as a beautiful community of people came together to create a peaceful gathering in Chicago, a place that unfortunately doesn't always see as much love as it should. This peaceful gathering was called Entheon, and some would call it a musical event, place of performance art, a rave, and to some a crime... The Chicago P.D. arrived at our peaceful gathering looking for some way to end it, and they found it in the way of a lack of a business liscense. Why is it that these men, whom are supposed to protect us from the murderers and theives that seek to bring us harm, took time out of their patrol of a very dangerous city to bring a halt to an event which was doing no harm of any kind to anyone? An event that was working toward unity of a divided city, that was raising money for a camp at Burningman, that was desperately trying to bring peace and understanding to everyone who wanted to hear their message. I have no grudge against the law enforcement officials of the city of Chicago, they were only doing what they were told. I only wish they would open their eyes and see that we are both working toward the same goal, peace.

Found

Tyler — Sun, 01 Oct 2006 11:00:10 GMT

I once was lost, but now I am found. You picked my soul up off the ground and turned my whole life around. Just when everything seemed like it was falling apart, You opened my eyes and touched my heart. Looked to the skies above, Felt this thing called love. Never knew it was there or how good it could feel, What is this thing I don't know how could it be real? Lost deep within your beautifully serene eyes, Glowing radiantly like the perfect sunrise. An amazing smile I could never forget, Meeting you is something I will never regret. Ecstasy I found in your loving arms, I knew that when you held me I could never be harmed. Now I ask myself how did it take so long? For me to finally find a place I could belong. So confused and I don't know what to do, These cold walls inside need to be broken through. I once thought I had nothing to live for, Deep within I waged a violent civil war. Now I realize I have something to protect, Something to die for, a beauty I shall never forget. At one time these emotions lay dormant, Before that fateful night and now they run rampant. I was a slave to myself and never knew it could be, After a life never lived, you have finally set me free. For... Erin Tom Every other person that made me the man I am today.

What Is Life?

Tyler — Fri, 22 Sep 2006 19:27:39 GMT

Is it the endless pursuit of passion in it's many beautiful forms? To raise a child? To experience everything this crazy world has to offer us? Why are we here? For we are born with a finite number of breaths, each one we take brings us closer and closer to the end of this winding road. But what lies at the end of the path? Of course, even though some people think otherwise, none of us will ever truly know what happens when we die. We can all hope for a realm of infinite happiness and joy, but is that simply a foolish dream? I can barely begin to fathom the limits and boundaries of this life I live. Maybe it is that curiosity that gives me the inspiration to continue. Is it possible that my life is confined only by my imagination? That I am bound only by my own whims and desires? I would like to believe that, but what happens when my needs conflict with another? Is it then just a battle of wills? Why should my pitiful existance be placed on a higher pedestal than anyone elses? Therein lies the paradox. For I am but one piece in this massive puzzle we call life. Just another ant marching along to no place in particular. Please don't take my views to be pessimistic, even though they may come off as so. I just constantly feel the need to ask why, which interestingly enough may be the answer I seek. The answer to life is a question. For the journey will always be more important than the destination. As extremely redunant as it might sound, life seems to be an endless cycle of 'Why' that always leads you back to the beginning... Or maybe I'm just crazy.........

Erin and Tom

Tyler — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 06:45:37 GMT

There are two people I care about in a lot of trouble right now. Please help them. They wouldn't hesitate to do the same for you.

R.I.P. Everett Lee Zabel

Tyler — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 06:05:04 GMT

I've never been a paulbearer before, but I guess its one of those things you have to learn some day. My grandfather passed away last night, this is my dedication to him. Only when a person completely and honestly accepts the inevitability of death is he free from the fear of it. - Drizzt Do'Urden Every man dies. Not every man really lives. - William Wallace Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow. - Mahatma Gandhi If I think more about death than some other people, it is probably because I love life more than they do. - Angelina Jolie One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly. - Unknown For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity. - William Penn Is death the last sleep? No--it is the last and final awakening. - Sir Walter Scott Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It is the transition that's troublesome. - Isaac Asimov I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. -Winston Churchill Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come. -Rabindranath Tagore

Wisdom

Tyler — Thu, 13 Jul 2006 06:58:25 GMT

Another exerpt from an amazing book, tell me what ya think. We are the center. In each of our minds--some may call it arrogance, or selfishness--we are the center, and all the world moves about us, and for us, and because of us. This is the paradox of community, the one and the whole, the desires of one often in conflict with the needs of the whole. Who among us has not wondered if all the world is no more than a personal dream? I do not believe that such thoughts are arrogant or selfish. It is simply a matter of perception; we can emathize with someone else, but we cannot truly see the world as another person sees it, or judge events as they affect the mind and the heart of another, even a friend. But we must try. For the sake of all the world, we must try. This is the test of altruism, the most basic and undeniable ingredient for society. Therein lies the paradox, for ultimately, logically, we each must care more about ourselves that about others, and yet, if, as rational beings we follow that logical course, we place our needs and desires above the needs of our society, and then there is no community. I have seen that way of selfishness. I have seen it fail miserably. When self-indulgence rules, then all the community loses, and in the end, those striving for personal gains are left with nothing of any real value. Because everything of value that we will know in this life comes from our relationships with those around us. Because there is nothing material that measures against the intangibles of love and friendship. Thus, we must overcome that selfishness and we must try; we must care. I have seen the failure of self-indulgence; I have run from such a world. I would rather suffer the physical pains, even the end of my life. Better that than watch one I love suffer and die because of me. I would rather have my physical heart torn from my chest, than to have my heart of hearts, the essence of love, the empathy and the need to belong to something bigger than my corporeal form, destroyed. They are a curious thing, these emotions. How they fly in the face of logic, how they overrule the most basic of instincts. Because, in the measure of time, in the measure of humanity, we sense those self-indulgent instincts to be a weakness, we sense that the needs of the community must outweigh the desires of the one. Only when we admit to our failures and recognize our weaknesses can we rise above them. Together. ---Drizzt Do'Urden

Nightmare

Tyler — Tue, 20 Jun 2006 22:32:48 GMT

I think this nightmare came about because I have been thinking a lot about getting shipped off because I was supposed to leave June 30th, but it turns out that was a false alarm. I'm staring down the crosshairs of my M-4 assault rifle with some nameless insurgent in view, suddenly I hear 'kill him' whispered really soft in my left ear and when I look over I see a cloaked face with red eyes staring at me, for some reason it didn't really scare me. I'm about to pull the trigger when I hear a soothing voice in my right ear say 'he has a family'. I look over and there is a beautiful woman staring deep into my eyes. I look back into my crosshairs and the demon on the left says 'he wouldn't hesitate to kill you' and I start to shake. The girl on my right says 'he's only trying to make money to feed his wife and kids'. Then he notices me, as he slowly points his AK-47 in my direction everything starts moving in slow motion but these two people start talking faster and all I can hear is 'kill' then 'don't' back and fouth, faster and faster, until finally I hear a gunshot go off and I wake up screaming in a cold sweat... I still don't know if it was me or him that got the shot off first.

I Am Dying

Tyler — Tue, 20 Jun 2006 22:31:54 GMT

I'm not taking credit for this, but it is an exerpt from a great book with a little philosophising and a few stabs at religion. Its long..... I am dying. Every day, with every breath I draw, I am closer to the end of my life. For we are born with a finite number of breaths, and each one I take edges the sunlight that is my life toward the inevitable dusk. It is a difficult thing to remember, especially while we are in the health and strength of our youth, and yet, I have come to know that it is an important thing to keep in mind--not to complain or to make melancholy, but simply because only with the honest knowledge that one day I will die can I ever truly begin to live. Certainly I do not dwell on the reality of my own mortality, but I believe that a person cannot help but dwell, at least subconciously, on that most imposing specter until he has come to understand, to truly understand and appreciate, that he will one day die. That he will one day be gone from this place, this life, this consciousness and existence, to whatever it is that awaits. For only when a person completely and honestly accepts the inevitability of death is he free of the fear of it. So many people, it seems, stick themselves into the same routines going through each day's rituals with almost religious precision. They become creatures of simple habit. Part of that is the comfort afforded by familiarity, but there is another aspect to it, a deep-rooted belief that as long as they keep everything the same, everything will remain the same. Such rituals are a way to control the world about them, but in truth, they cannot. For even if they follow the exact routine day after day after day, death will surely find them. I have seen other people paralyze their entire existence around the greatest of mysteries, shaping their every movement, their every word, in a desperate attempt to find the answers to the unanswerable. They fool themselves, either through their interpretations of ancient texts or through some obscure sign from a natural event, into believing that they have found the ultimate truth, and thus, if they behave accordingly concerning that truth, they will surely be rewarded in the afterlife. This must be the greatest manifestation of that fear of death, the errant belief that we can somehow shape and decorate eternity itself, that we can curtain its windows and place its furniture in accordance with our own desperate desires. Perhaps the greatest evil I see in this existence is when supposedly holy men prey upon the basic fears of death of the common folk to take from them. "Give to the church!" they cry "Only then will you find salvation!" Even more subtle are the many religions that do not directly ask for a person's money, but insist that anyone of goodly and godly heart who is destined for their particular description of heaven, would willingly give that money over. And of course, the "doomsdayers," people who claim that the end of the world is at hand, and cry for repentance and for almost slavish dedication. I can only look at it all and sigh, for as death is the greatest mystery, so it is the most personal of revelations. We will not know, none of us, until the moment is upon us, and we cannot truly and in good conscience convince another of our beliefs. It is a road we travel alone, but a road that I no longer fear, for in accepting the inevitable, I have freed myself from it. In coming to recognize my mortality, I have found the secret of enjoying those centuries, years, months, days, or even hours, that I have left to draw breath. This is the existence I can control, and to throw away the precious hours over fear of the inevitable is a foolish thing indeed. And to subconsciously think ourselves immortal, and thus not appreciate those precious few hours that we all have, is equally foolish. I cannot control the truth of death, whatever my desperation. I can only make certain that those moments of my life I have remaining are as rich as they can be. --Drizzt Do'Urden