My Blog

The Dance

big john — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 18:24:01 GMT

Looking back on the memory of The dance we shared beneath the stars above For a moment all the world was right How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye And now I'm glad I didn't know The way it all would end the way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance Holding you I held everything For a moment wasn't I the king But if I'd only known how the king would fall Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all And now I'm glad I didn't know The way it all would end the way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance Yes my life is better left to chance I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance Lyrics by Garth Brooks Thank You for all the memories

So beautiful

big john — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 08:35:28 GMT

Because the one i love lives inside you, I lean as close to you as i can

Thank You

big john — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 11:38:46 GMT

I LOVE YOU

A gift

big john — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 06:18:13 GMT

By Hafiz (1320-1389) Persian Poet and Sufi Master) SOMEONE UNTIED YOUR CAMEL I cannot sit still with my countrymen in chains I cannot act mute Hearing the world's loneliness Crying near the Beloved's heart Is your caravan lost? It is, If you no longer weep from gratitude or happiness Or weep From being cut deep with the awareness Of the extraordinary beauty That emanates from the most simple act And common object. My dear, is your caravan lost? It is if you can no longer be kind to yourself And loving to those who must live With the sometimes most difficult task of loving you. At least come to know That someone untied your camel last night For I hear its gentle voice Calling for God in the desert. At least come to know That Hafiz will always hold a lantern With galaxies blooming inside And that I will always guide your soul to The divine warmth and exhilaration Of our Beloved's Tent

Conversations on Love

big john — Sat, 31 May 2008 05:29:35 GMT

Recently I was Blessed by one of the most beautiful conversations i have ever had, and I felt it needed to be continued. Here are my thoughts on it. Love is truth, Love is God, Love is the most beautiful and most raw feeling we could ever have as humans. So here we are the essences of the vision our fathers and mothers had for us, cultivating the one Love. Living in Love, creating happiness as often as we can. We have learned to Love our friends, our community, our music, ourselves, we have made so many changes to be in the path of enlightenment. Still with all that evolution some how we have neglected our ability to Love in the construct of personal relations. Why do we loose the feeling of the one Love when we are in Love with one? What is it that changes our thought processes when it comes to "Lovers"? We are able to love those we call friends unconditionally with out expectations, we allow those people to be themselves, have there faults. And without even a blink of an eye we accept because we Love them. But when in the structure of relationship those same faults, demons, and down falls challenge us to the core. Is it not the same Love? Have we let archaic relationship structures cloud our ability to Love one with one Love? We are embarking on a time of great change and we know deep in our hearts that those that love can be the answer. So now I think we have a challenge to redefine these old traditions with in relation, as we have redefined so many other structures we have been conditioned with. I am not in full support of polysexual relations (if thats what you like go for it) I am personally in support of monogamy with ties to sex. But I am curios about the truth behind polyamory, the ability of the human mind to love in multiples. I truly believe we can change the way we love within relation, as well as how we define relation. I believe this to be one of the more perplexing and challenging philosophical issues i have wrapped my mind around, and i really would love you to sit on this topic, please write any thoughts down. We will be Blessed to hear your thoughts.

once scorned shame on you, twice shame on me

big john — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 05:39:48 GMT

apparently scared for all the right reasons even the change in the seasons couldn't hide her deceptions should have known she'd shed use all the weapons in her arsenal to make me crawl scared of what might be said read in a glance her eyes wouldn't give me a chance

can't wait

big john — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 06:34:20 GMT

til this weekend because i get to shake all this shit out. dance this heart ache away. because i know when i am on the dance floor i am a god i wish i could be there everyday. i can't wait to see you there

why does the sky cry?

big john — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 19:58:28 GMT

I aint trippin Im just flippin Out About the things she just said It echoes in my head So loud, cant even sleep in my own bed When I was a child they fed Me on hopes and dreams Now those beams Have all but faded away Ive grown but I still need time to play But as they say Playtime is over There only three leaf clovers In front of me Or at least that is all I can see And all I can be Is my self Try to keep in good health In body and mind Still attempting to find That rhyme That stops time For just a brief moment I look back on all the time spent In tears In beers Six years And nothing to show for it Now youre asking why all I do is sit? It so I wont throw a fit Explode Implode Reload And try in again Where does in all begin? End? At the same point? In the smoking of a finely rolled joint? In the origin of original thought? In the moment your corpse begin to rot? In the sunrise you tried all night to stop? The minute you reach the top? You fall down No one can where that crown Forever I can assure you I never Felt quite like this I miss How she used to kiss With no reservation Hesitation She wants me to change Rearrange Be something I am not ready to be Deep down I know I'll never be free And I know there are flaws in me But give me hope Give me dope Give me a noose at the end of a short rope Give me a branch to hang it from Give me something that will make me numb Dumb Give me something to choke on Better yet give me a rip off the bong Give me the soft touch of Lucys song Give me the one who decides wrong And right Day Night Peace Fight Blind Sight Dark Light The one that restricts my flight Tonight May be I'll fly my kite In the presence of lightning And thunder All this makes me wonder Why? Does the sky Cry?

severely out numbered

big john — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 00:57:59 GMT

i'm trying to peel away the emotions to find these dark devotions that linger deep inside the ones i hide with this smile on my face cause i can't keep pace any longer i need to be stronger to keep it together i feel like i am slipping into the nether regions legions of ghosts and demons that block my path i do the math only to find i am severely out numbered encumbered by the weight i begin to question my fate and my dreams now the beams from above that used to bring the love seem so few need something new to take the pain away but i have no hope for this day or tomorrow feel like i need to borrow some time or find a new rhyme to fit in this spot i am caught yet i no longer want to run i am done with this ridiculous game for now i am tame only a smolder where there used to be fires i am older with only a few desires like a goddess with a good shoulder to to cry on enough money so i can rely on my last meal before they steal my soul make my love null so i smoke my last cigarette and try to forget my heart's break-beat my inevitable defeat

coming forth to carry me home

big john — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 05:33:18 GMT

"a cradle" i could worship you as a goddess but i can't lavish you like a queen so i must lean to the side of loneliness and this is a test cause i hate being alone i don't want this to come out in the wrong tone but i guess i can't see what it is thats wrong with me i would die for passion and love take flight into the heavens above i could give you every essence bask in the glory of your presence still all night i cuddle my ghosts and dream of what i need the most a soft caress of my skin a beginning to my end a breath on my ear a cradle when my fear is just too much to bare i wake to stare up at my bare ceiling longing for that feeling one last time before my rhyme ends and she sends me home

back into mothers embrace

big john — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 02:54:24 GMT

these days i try not to care when it all comes at me with no regard to fair and i stair at these walls as the hope falls so far out of reach and i will always preach about rising up yet i still can't destroy these corrupt demons in my own head i don't think i am better off dead but some times those rhymes are so loud in my ears even the beers don't silence the shouts routes my thoughts to insanity why can't it be a little bit more easy and i don't think it funny that i can work so much and never have money yet some how i still fight even when the night gets bitterly lonely all i see are ghost in front of me just want to close my eyes but the stress denies me any good sleep so eight hour days seem so steep i just want to fall down this ravine lay in the creek become weak and sink back into the mothers embrace and finally be rid of this forsaken place

beyond brothers

big john — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 23:40:35 GMT

yo bro its been ten years so many fears beers even tears between the two souls roles for each other? beyond brothers and i know some how you hear these thoughts so remain caught in the light don't give up your fight cuz' we got so many more nights do be gifted this love let it rain from above so many more songs to sing and smiles to bring until i see you again stay strong my friend i love you geber mac

"Wake Up!"

big john — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 22:55:05 GMT

Then i got to high to write Lost sight Of the focus I was centered on all night The true light In all this hocus pocus The locusts Swarm in my mind Try to rewind To a time Where i was A little less frazzled Dazzled By all the bright colors All the lost lovers Are embodied in me I see Only what i can Plan On stepping up one day Yellin' destroy the corrupt one way Or another We are sisters and brothers Fathers and mothers To our community Promote our unity Support the artistry Or watch it fall into government supported Anarchy Living in distrust Like rust, In the revolution Their solution To civil unrest Put 'em in colleges Make 'em take tests Put 'em in debt So they're not a threat Easy to say you can change the world But the tick of life has already burled Deeper then they know Cause once your out you owe And degrees are a dime a dozen today So i work as a cop these days So I feed you slop all day So I work at the Co op Cooped up with all this to say Try to change my situation Curve my aggravation Revive this dying nation My numbing agents don't work any longer I need something stronger To kill this pain But still let the Love remain In this fragile heart Shattered apart By carelessly thrown Stones At glass homes With wooden mirrors The purpose? To make you see a bit clearer I believe we still have a chance To dance In glorious light But we must take up arms and fight For they will be here soon To leave this town in ruin Unless we establish our roots Bring voice to the mutes The time is now So bow Your head You have been miss lead Malnutritioned, Unfed These words of revolution ARE being said So stand tall Break down the walls Of oppression Don't fall victim to depression We are the tribes They've tried so hard to hide Time to be abrupt WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!

Under a full moon

big john — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 04:18:59 GMT

"Under the Full Moon" Poetic notions Unending devotions And these chaotic emotions Keep me bound To the ground Like a slave Save Me From this society I only want peace Happiness at the least Save Me From this negativity That pounds down on me Everyday I just want to play Like we used to Dance with you Under the full moon To a blissful tune Touch beauties essence Be in your presence Bathe in your glory Write a new chapter in each others story Like dragons dancing in the setting sun Like lovers souls becoming one Defining beauty A peaceful mutiny On conformity

who is singing?

big john — Wed, 08 Nov 2006 03:19:35 GMT

Singing My Song, by john ruddick Twisted memories Of when she came to me Saying Im going to you let you be Who you need to be But I wont let you flee From this spot Caught In that moment Think of what went wrong Think of what song To sing And whom does that bell ring For Why is it easier to go out the door? Then to come back in Where should I begin? End Send This to my grave Or somewhere it will save Another life End the strife Cant remember the last time I felt glory If you sit here I will tell you a sad story But if you need to go I will pretend I dont know And you will be free What if I looked in the wrong direction? What then would I see? Something new? Wish I could paint myself blue And be seen like the sky With the sun in my eyes Be the truth in all the lies Tell then I just put on my disguise And wonder through the dark Hoping some one will light a spark In my heart So I can at least start To escape from this hole I dont know my role So how can I succeed? Sure I have planted the seed But it does not grow Or maybe its real slow Like my progression Just give me one good suggestion In your on slot of criticism Your Sinicism Is starting to annoy The boy That lies inside me All he wants you to see Is there is no difference between black and white Day and night Still you want to fight those emotions Just go through the motions Everyday Please I dont want you to go What can I do to make you stay? Play Like you used to Still trying to remember what I once knew It has to do With innocence A time when we didnt have to count our cents To survive A time when we were all a little more alive Are those times gone? I wonder what went wrong? Wonder who it is singing my song?

why did i take this route

big john — Wed, 08 Nov 2006 00:39:13 GMT

Im just chillen here Trying to steer My mind To find A rhyme Or a dime So I can get high Try To escape this world In search of the goddess within a girl Some one to be here Help me to see clear Erase the fear I hold I am too old To be this young Looking for a life time of eternal sun A light Through the most bitter night Evolution of sight Solution to this fight Trying to curve my thought Feel so caught In this spot I got To get out Throw the last punch in this bout Remind me why I took this route Shit Let me get a hit So I can get loose from these emotions Devotions They keep me bound To the ground Like a slave Only six feet to an early grave I know you think you'll save Me Change how I see Many have tried Relations died Hard to hide These feelings Killings In my soul Trying to get my belly full One last time Before this rhyme Ends Bends out of contortion Which one of you read this fortune? Can you tell me when i'll die? Fly To the heavens above Find my love? Can you tell me how long? How strong I need to be To see The truth Rally the youth To destroy the power Build towers Of revolution End this nations pollution Change the constitution Live as sisters and brothers Love one another See through the money Live comfortably As a family When will we Be Free?