My Blog

Thoughts and Feelings

Zorka — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 20:36:06 GMT

While I was taking my shower and thinking ( doesnt everyone think in the shower?) it might be time to hang up my belly dancing veils and hip scarfs. I am 43 yrs old and I am tired of people telling me that I am too fat, too poor, not good enough, or to leave my daughter at home. Guess what? I am fat, I am poor, I am good enough, and I am a single mother! My dream was to open a dance place where I could teach dance to women and young girls that have little to no self esteem and do not have a lot of money. I have been told that there is no use for a place like this. If women want to dance tell them to take classes. Dream 1 shot down. My other dream was to open an herb shop and Reiki healing center. My little town said " there is no need for that either" Let the bigger towns take care of that" Dream 2 shot down. What the hell am I to do? I guess I will listen to the music and raise my daughter alone.

Facebook

Zorka — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 16:41:33 GMT

I am also on Facebook. Look for DawnMarie Rogers and you will see me there. I too am tired of the down time that we are experiencing lately. Sigh... Hope to see some of you over there!

What the hell is wrong with me?

Zorka — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 08:52:03 GMT

I dont know what to do anymore. My ex tells me that he loves me but cant live with me anymore, then he says if anything happen to him and his new fiancee that he would never come back to me. He said it makes him a hipocryt (i know i spelled it wrong) and he does not go back. This is a man that I love with all my soul. I know that he is different not due to his MS but I would take him back in a heartbeat. Am I being a stupid idiot for that?

MS and family

Zorka — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 06:59:30 GMT

My husband has MS. I have been talking to his friend of more than 30 yrs. She says this man that she talks to is not my husband. You see I know MS messes up your brain and can cause a really bad judgement problem. My husband does not think all this has to do with his MS. Everyone else does. How do I let my husband know that he needs help? I have done a lot of reading on MS within this last month and all the sights say that one should seek counseling when they are married so that issues can be resolved. I found out that I can have my husband put into the hospital and get evaluated to see if his judgements are off. I talked to someone who unfortunatly is stuck on the middle because he is trying to pursue a relationship with her. She sees him as an uncle and has since she was a young girl. Now, my husband would normally never do this. Since I left ( he basically kicked me and his 3 yr old out) I found out that he is lying to me. I think he thinks that he is telling the truth. I am confused because I do love him yet he is pissing me off horribly. I have noticed that he is looking at women that are similar to me. What the hell do I do? I am calling his neurologist on Monday. He is supposed to see him every 3 months. Has not in 6 months now. I need help but he needs it more. How do I tell him he needs it? Do I just do it and let him get pissed off at me? I am looking for any advice.

New Attitude!

Zorka — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 07:10:19 GMT

I got my hair cut drastically and got it colored! I will post pics as soon as I can. I figure that if my husband is going to be an ass then I am going to be the Celtic witch that I am. And for the love of pirates I am going to blow his galleon out of the F'n water! It is time for me! I got my hair chopped off and what I mean is that it was below my waist and now it is in layers brushing my shoulders. What I and a friend are going to do is this. My husband loved my long hair, well now he can have it. We are going to mail it to him to show that I am pissed and I am not going to be pushed around and I am going to try with all my might (with the help of the gods and Goddess) not to shed anymore tears over him. I will not tell him if I go out on a date. Let him start the sniffling when he realizes that a damn good lady was sent packing! I am somebody!

Sinking in

Zorka — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 02:00:30 GMT

I think it is sinking in that my husbans does not want to be married to me anymore. I know what is in his heart. We both cried over the phone the other night about it. He says he has prayed about it and it feels right. I asked him what kind of God would want a man to divorce the woman that he loves and has a beautiful daughter? He said God didnt talk to him. I hope The Gods and Goddess thump his skinny ass and knock some some sense into him. I want him to come home, but he wont until I am gone he says. When does it stop hurting when your heart is hurting so bad. I do love him so I will let him go. Hopefully he will come back.

Life sucks

Zorka — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 17:01:23 GMT

When it rains it pours. I have found that I am going back to Sweet Home. I moved up here just over 3 months ago and I am now splitting from my husband. I love him more than anything. I thought he was the best thing that ever happend to me. He says he cant live with my shit anymore. It all stemmed from him wanting to go to a friends house and he didnt want to leave me alone because I am having seizure like activities. My some said he was going to visit but my doctor said that I cannot drive, so Andrew decided to wait until after my neurology appointment. I told Ken that my co-worker might be able to visit me for a while. Only problem is that my co-worker is a male. Well he flew off the handle and said that I have done this to him 3 or 4 times now. He gets jealous easily, I see that now. I feel like I cannot have male friends. Well, Ken went to his friends house this morning and I had a seizure after he left. I have to drive with Cheyenne in the car like he didnt want me to do.To make a long story short Ken and I are going our seperate ways. At least I know I have one friend in Swet Home, he sent me a note to let me know that I have at least one. Will let you all know what is going on later.

Health

Zorka — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 03:43:37 GMT

My health as of late is not so good. Last week I took Nyquil on top of my paxil and that gave me some sort of side effect. For the past week I have been twitching uncontrollably on my r ight side. My head bobbles. Yeah I know I look like one of those stupid bobble heads we all make fun of. I went to the ER and they did not know what was wrong. Here I am a week later and still twitching. Had an MRI yesterday and it was normal. I now have to go see a neurologist at Swedish Hospital soon. Not too many people stop by or call. I dont blame them. At least I know who my friends are. Remeber NyQuil and other meds BAD!!

Ex's are F***en Morons!!!

Zorka — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 09:38:37 GMT

Ok tonight my hubby gets a call from his friend in Minnisota. He tells hubby that at the ex (hubbys ex that is) is going to move across the country so she doesnt loose her newborn daughter. Ok that is not a bad idea. But, hubby had remined her many times that we are going to claim on of his girls on taxes.( they have two daughters together) She says no your not. Hubby calls her and they get into a huge fight. She said they he has no right to get any money for any of the girls. She said she is claiming both of the girls plus her newborn daughter. She says she is doing it cuz we owe her money! WTF!!! She is pissed because she had to pay child support for a year and that she had to drive the girls up to be with us. Hubby and the ex have always been able to come to an agreement and we have always claimed one of the girls. She needs the money she says. Hmmm doesnt everyone? Hubby and I were paying her mother back for the airline tickets. She bought the tickets so the girls could get back to California. I had to pay almost 60 bucks for them to get on the plane unaccompanied. SHE said she was going to pay me back because I told her that was the money that I needed to get up here to Washington. I have not seen the money. She then tells hubby that she didnt plan on paying me back even though tghe eldest daughter was told by HER that she was going to pay the money. Now I know why hubby calls her "Queen Bitch of the Universe" Ok now I got it all out. Still dont feel better but oh well. What can we do?

Moving to Kitsap county

Zorka — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 03:39:33 GMT

Ok it is now official we are moving to Kitsap county. I am wanting to start dancing again once I get there but have not heard of any dancer that are there. Now if I was in Seattle I would have no problem. Dancing alone is ok for a while but the feeling and magic of others around you is awesome. The group that I danced with here are wonderful women and we really had great spark and energy when we danced. I will miss them. So I am looking forward to meeting new dancers when I get to where I am going. The moves and the music are a part of my life and I cannot ignore it any longer. So, are there any dancers out there from Kitsap county? I will be looking for you! hehe

Life sucks!

Zorka — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 02:16:14 GMT

Went to the doctor last week and found out that I have an abdominal hernia. I knew that the lump on my belly was something other than an over pumped up muscle. It has been hurting a lot lately and so has the sopt on my side. I go in on Wednesday to have a CT scan of my pelvis and abdomin. I get the joy of drinking that barium crap! (oh I was told if I refrigerate it it tastes better cuz it is Berry smoothie flavor) On Friday I will find out when my surgery is. So no dancing for me right now until I am healed. I will be back dancing better than ever now that I will have no pain. I guess when this happens you find out who your friends are. I have not heard from anyone in such a long time. Makes me sad too because I love all my friends and I am loyal till I get pissed off! LOL Well hugs to you all and blessings to your families. )O(

Alternative religion meeting and ideas

Zorka — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 07:13:20 GMT

Greetings! If you practice the alternative religions Then this is the meeting for you! We will be discussing what you would like to see happen Here in the Lebanon-Sweet Home area. We will also discuss an event that I know some Would like to see happen. The Gathering! If you are interested please e-mail me at the location below. Tell me your ideas, your thoughts and dreams for the Path. I need feedback so that I can get a meeting place. I look forward to hearing from you all! Blessed Be! Contact Autumnwolf at: Gaiasvoice@yahoo.com

Frustrations

Zorka — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 00:20:09 GMT

Ok, don't get me wrong, I love living in a small town, BUT, when family don't have the time to help you then it sucks. Tonight is my 3rd anniversary and my husband and I wanted to go out. We have never been out for our anniversary. Or first year my step daughter threw a huge fit and we argued with her all night. well that and my father in law told us he would watch her and her sisters but it would cost us $50. Last year I had to work we still had issues with the step daughter. This year we wanted it to be different. We call my sister in law and she said she could not do it because my brother was in a foul mood. my parents are at a VFW meeting and friends are not home. We did not have a honeymoon due to no one wanting to watch my boys. The two step daughters had family to go to. But, it seems we are doomed to a life where we cant get any help. So much for family.

Email addy for newletter

Zorka — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 18:22:06 GMT

I now have an email addy for Gaia's Voice. Send all letters and articles there! gaiasvoice@yahoo.com I am looking forward to seeing all you got! Blessings to you all!

New Newsletter coming soon...

Zorka — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 07:57:50 GMT

Hey all you Earth loving people! I am creating a new newsletter called Gaia's voice. I am looking for ideas and/or items to put into the newsletter. It is not going to be just Pagan news but news on the Earth and how to help the environment. Looking for items particularly for the Linn-Benton area. I will be getting a new email just for the newsletter and when I get it I will let you all know. FOr now let me know on here. I hope to hear from you all!

ACK!!!

Zorka — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 17:15:51 GMT

I am so nervous today! I am performing my first wedding today. I am an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church. I have been wanting to do things like this for a while and finally doing it. My real passion is to get my Holistic Health Care Pratitioner Degree. I love helping people and helping them achieve a better self. I am also wanting to get more into the pagan community. I have missed it very much. But, when you don't tell the family what you are and feel like an outsider it is hard to meet people. Well, I will let you all know later how the ceremony went. !