"Is anybody out there?"Thu, January 3, 2013 - 2:52 AM
"Pen Pals": my favorite episode from ST:NG.
It is 4 AM, and I am feeling existential loneliness, and my own mortality. No, no -- if I would have had to have gone to the ER, I would have called them already, and would not be typing this.
I am boiling a pot of water because the air in the house is so dry I cannot sleep. I can't afford a humidifier, and after many years, my vaporizer has given up the ghost. The air is so dry it hurts to breath. Once the pot of water has boiled almost dry, I will try to go back to bed.
It's silent. There's just me and my thoughts. And we're having conversations. Not hostile; not unfriendly. But curious. Answers and questions pop into my head, but the linear thinking has lost its tight focus, and normal stream of thought seems to be filtering through bendable time and alternate universes.
This IS the universe I'm in, isn't it, because it is the universe I'm aware of?
"Is anybody out there?"
Will I wake up with a mysterious singing stone that will assure me to my very core that I'm not alone -- but I'll have no memories of any incidences, because they would...complicate...my life?
|add a comment|
Not aloneThere are a number of isolated individual lights in the world at that hour, and many of them are thinking the same kinds of thoughts. I suspect for you 4:00 AM is late at night. For me, it's early in the morning. The silence and the sense of isolation are common to us both. i sometimes dwell on the eternal, but other times I think it's the perfect point at which to start something. I've slept for as long as I'm going to in the immmediate future, and it's too early to do the normal things of the day. What better time to open the word prosessor, or the craft box, and stare at the blank page or the unfiinished surface and take a whack at something I've never done before. You're isolated, perhaps, but not alone. Look out your window. There are other lights and other minds in much the same state as yours.
|Its not really morning or night. The routines of either don't apply. Its a time when little things said take on new weight. Its a mental flagellation. Its a reach in the dark. The butterflies of the certainty of something reached, and not knowing quite what it is. Its standing just off stage. Would that I could, be the hand that strokes your head and holds you till it passes.|
|Such moods are, I feel, the inevitable consequence of having a soul. The best thing to do, if at all possible, is do as you did and try to make yourself as physically comfortable as possible... relax if possible... acknowledge the bad feelings... allow them their say and let them pass.|
|But the consciousness of our mortality is a terrible burden to bear. It's the price we pay for our existence as self-conscious individuals. All we can do is try to find ways to make that price worth paying, if we can.|
|If all the near and post death paranormal investigations and filmed studies are correct, our lifespans on Earth and consciousness afterwards, we would not be alone. Various belief systems have guides, spirits, Godforms, angels, etc to attune to feel a presence and protection. In sickness, or crisis, the real time to feel the largeness of the World. But those of us with similar feelings are out here. I usually do Pagan ritual evocations or divination, but I work on psychic hotlines, so speak with the public regularly. My way of seeing the times.|
Data did good!
Sometimes the Prime Directive simply does not apply.
A cry in the night does trump all things I think...