Sometimes, no matter how interesting any given situation is, it really just is not worth getting involved. You try and tell yourself that you can kick it and it will all be ok. But you know deep down that you will only be annoyed.

I am going snowboarding this weekend, for the whole weekend. And this cat from another ship wants to come. And while this person is chill on some level, I can not fucking stand being within 20 ft....2ft....2 miles, knowing that I might cross paths in 2 years.... read more

Never thought it was possible to be down here again
And never thought it was possible to be
Never thought it was possible to meet this way again

Isn't this the way it oughta be now, to meet me here
I can only see what life will be outside to leave me here

Never thought it was possible to be down here again
And never thought it was possible for me to grow

'Cause if you take back the empty cold
I will be there for you
I will be there for

Never thought it was possible to be dam... read more

There always seems to come those moments in which you want to do something but KNOW for sure it is for the worst. You do them anyways, regret it later....and even if you get away with..... you know it was just barely. What you sacrificed was totally not worth the half ass thrill that was provided. Being good at things comes from experience. Experience comes from choices, bad choices. Bad choices surround us. I am surrounded. Nevertheless I make each decision based on feeling. "Can I d... read more

And so it has been, many moons since my last post. 31 seconds plays on Renegade Hardware in the background, and Todd Guy's endless voice in the background. Many props to this mix keeping me focused. But at last I am fucked, when it comes to being focus. Keep your heads high and maybe some of us will pull through this.

Free of all Navy interaction for 24 days, I have set out to conquer the old ways of sleepless nights. On this day, just before Judgment Day, objects moving across the ground on round things like this will create the great trial and tribulation that will soon be upon us.

=)

I can not do this with out you all. While the first leg of my journey will be isolated to only a few people do not think that means I have forgotten about you. The first 6 days were preplanned this way to achieve a... read more

Just as the tittle states I am not a Man today. I am sad, afraid, stressed, unsure and more than anything hurting. The red sun sets on the city of Oxnard, which has become my horizon. The train is zipping through the crop lands and I am praying for it to turn around and take me to my REAL home. Tomorrow brings nothing good at all. From my current prediction I will only make things harder on myself because I am not good at keeping my mouth shut. What I mean by that is when I know someone... read more

As the sun begins to ride the horizon out across the Pacific Ocean I grow more distraught. I have grown to dread 630pm on Sunday. I have wished for many things in my life, but there is nothing I wish for more than to make 630pm Sunday NEVER come. It is the mark of reality for me. There is no escaping it. When I must go I must go. And off I am on the train.... back to reality. This is not to say that my time spent at home is NOT real. AS a matter of fact home for me is as real as it ge... read more

Reflection. That damn word. Reflection never comes when you want it too. Most often we look for reasons and meaning to help us through hard times. Reflection. If we could have it instantly it would make things a lot easier to get over, but less meaningful. That brings us to tonight topic. Reflection.

ONCE long ago I was in a very bad place in Mexico. 7 months and 28 days of my life were wasted away. Many of you have probably heard a funny about it before. I would like to say that... read more

Thats just the way I feel about some people right now. I am not used to being this torn inside. Alone in a sea of friends that love me and got my back (Dabis is a good example there). I know you all are there for me but there are to many nights now I am messaging Paul or Aeries more or less complaining. It just doesn't seem to matter anymore how much time I spend doing other projects and staying occupied, almost systematically, almost as if there is an unspoken rule that the second I am t... read more

I cant sleep.....