almost a year since i've come back to vancouver, and i'm doing better than ever. i love these times in life when one can really notice the benefits of having done so much internal work. i needed to leave this city and my regular way of making money for a while. and now i'm here again, with a new perspective, with a bunch of healed wounds and i can live in this city again, sanely and contentedly.

i'm feeling committed to a certain plan i have for the next couple of years, and i'm also finding myself committing to a small group of people. and i also have a lovely home now. something i'm enjoying enormously after living out of my truck, my tent and on people's couches for 1.5 years.

i miss my friends who live scattered about, and i miss having regular contact with them. but i trust that our connection will continue to be as it needs to be. in the meantime, i send my affection and care to them every time i think of them.

finally after SO long, i'm beginning to feel a concrete sense of confidence in myself. i've always known that this would attract more to my life and it's true. i'm beginning to see the effects of all the work i have been doing, especially the work over the last 3 years.

i have clear and honest communication to thank.
i have the processes of feeling my emotions without judgement to thank.
i have all the beautiful and caring healers who have come into my life to thank.
i have love from my genuine friends to thank.

and now, most recently (and thank goodness, after such a long hiatus), i also have the healing powers of healthy sex to thank. i tried to appreciate myself without this in my life, and i'd almost convinced myself that i could do without this basic human need. to be touched, to be appreciated, to share pleasure. and to be able to carry this around in my day to day life, just knowing that someone is happily sharing this with me, makes me stronger.

ahhh tribe with its many faults and its many joys. i'm glad that i've recently had so much access to computerland, in order to explore in tribe.

i especially love the potential for connecting with so many people trying to live consciously, creatively and AS THEMSELVES. it helps me to feel hope.

but i am still occasionally feeling like a bit of an outsider. like i havn't quite gotten the hang of it. that familiar feeling of being misunderstood or not appreciated. that might not be true here, i might just be feeling insecure. after all it has been a long time since i've really participated in online communication....it has it's quirks.

i do think that i've gotten excited at times, maybe a little overambitious and written some meandering overly detailed posts. ha, it figures. it reminds me of a quote that a writer friend of mine had taped to her computer, "resist the urge to overexplain"....can't remember who by.