My Blog - poems and rambling reflections

Is there anybody out there... going deeper

Rainbow Spider — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 11:10:21 GMT

Hello there Tribe It is 5:24 am and I am beginning to really enjoy the sanctitude of these early morning hours again. I am challenging how I have lived my life for a while ... in many ways... But before I explain, the question is... is anybody reading my blog? I don't care in one way, actually I would rather not know, because I have been choosing to share more and more here, but I will go deeper because I am beginning to realize that life is too short for secrets and paranoia. I am what I am, I am who I am and in some ways I don't give a shit who knows... so I will explain. I am openly HIV+ and a Person Thriving with AIDS here in my blog and to most in most of the circles I hang out. Actually, besides my landlady, I am very openly HIV+ BUT I rarely discuss the other parts that make up the real challenges I deal with day to day. I will open one of those windows more this early morning. I am BiPolar, yes a label. I prefer Indigo as good friend has told me this label talks of those of us shining with the creativity and energy that can come from the hypo-manic or manic side of BiPolar. I have a long history and can expand on that more later - hospitalizations when I stopped taking lithium, embarrassing arrests (that I never talk about) DEEP depression where I disappeared for days and weeks, either almost starved or binge eating. But depression sometimes came with rage and that was hard to deal with when I was young. I have a mom who is a Music Therapist with tons of Psychiatric training but it is so hard to see it (or admit it in your own) and... Well let’s see...at 39, I was diagnosed ADHD... and then I read more... I was a textbook ADHD kid, but who am I kidding when I was a kid in the late 70's there was no ADHD label, no Ritalin. NO, but now I know that this was a reality when I was younger. Bipolar, or MANIC DEPRESSIVE - sometimes I prefer the HONESTY of that title ... cause that's where I went for years to MANIA or to deep Depression. Years later, many doctors took credit for overmedicating me and "CURING" me, but my ARTIST was lost... my writer handcuffed, my musician uninspired, my dancer tired from heavy meds. So there are detailed stories of struggles with meds and doctors and changing meds and all that, but today I am searching for a new Shrink I laugh at my Psychiatrist's advice to be in bed by midnight and if I tell him I am depressed and need 9 hours sleep and that doesn't do it, I REALLY laugh when he recommended I go to bed at 10pm. I love these late nights writing, feeling the flow. I am so thankful that I am still on disability (to be honest, more for BiPolar/mental health issues than HIV for the last few years as I am mostly stable and healthy - I am saddened at my recent history of Bronchitis setbacks but my new Primary care doc says that some folks (with or without HIV) just are pre-destined for Bronchitis... ) anyway... I am thankful that until later this year or by early next year, when Drum N Fun will become part time work on its own and I can laugh at Social Security and their measly $921 a month from where they sit and try to control me (I can only work PT and only make $800 a month in addition) I live in Montgomery County MD, my rent is $850 a month... do the math... I am still so week to week, month to month... so I was saying I am so thankful that I only work PT and I am thankful that my dad gives me the opportunity to write my own schedule so I can be up till 6am but sleep in and show up for work around 3pm like I often do and then work past rush hour till 8 or so... so I am blessed with this life just above the poverty level where I have gotten a little too close to living. Now I am motivated and I trust myself. I wrote of my mission and my vision and created the poem that was FIRE CALL Sunday morning till 8am. (see post from then) Then I crashed for 10 hours. Kewl. That’s trusting my heart. Trusting my passion as I know that I am an artist, a writer, a drummer and I will begin to shine this year as a teacher and a leader in the community, cause, Well to be honest... because damnit I have paid my dues. I have been sick, REAL sick, I have fought for my life with some awful physical health problems... if you are new to my blog, go back to the oldest posts and find Lost To BE Found - the story of almost succumbing to HIV side effects and ailments... but that is not the toughest It's the not trusting myself about who I will be and when I will show up. It's being in a band in 1994 and getting fired as the drummer cause I got sick and then getting replaced by a drummer who COULD play for two sets, cause I had physical health limitations. That was tough and like a relationship breakup that burns the heart but not as bad as the last two years in the last two years I have tried so hard to soak up everything in the Fire Tribe community and go to every festival and be on staff for events and blah blah blah... and then... I get worn down (as any 42 year old would trying to stay up all night with 20 something year olds) and then I can't live up to all my commitments. Well I got burned by burning others. I didn't live up to my commitments, I let others down, I had to cancel or back out or got sick and had to call in sick, over and over till I learned that I have to pace myself (I repeat, as any 42 year old should) and that I can't do everything that I want to do. So I am planning a Spring to Fall season in which I want to attend festivals and lead drum workshops and playshops and facilitate circles but I am being cautious and careful... I am trying to leave weekends off... downtime for me. I am trying to figure out what is the most I should do and schedule less. But I will not just stand by and let my good health go to waste. I will use my training, use my clear head, and use my vision to accomplish my mission. Use my experience and savvy to find a new way to do things. I will use my network and friends and connections and give it a shot But back to mental health... so yeah... ADHD, BiPolar and then after my grandmother died 14 months ago both my mom and I one after each other were diagnosed with Hypo Thyroid and that causes depression and makes it hard to get out of bed... so that was one more blood test and one more med. I will share later about new hope I feel due to a shaman and her teacher and a path that could have me reduce my meds drastically or get me off all my mental health meds - over two years... very slowly, using meditations and assistance from a shaman while working with an open minded Psychiatrist - Does anybody know one in DC/MD/VA????? that's my current search... But in the meanwhile I am proud that I have survived in spite of a label (BiPolar, Manic Depressive, whatever you prefer) that is actually harder to share with folks than being HIV+. Folks can be ignorant about AIDS but precognitions about mental health often come from having watched others crash and burn. Family, friends etc ... to the point that I have had woman flat up and stop dating me for sharing about being Bipolar almost as much as being HIV+. Folks are entitled to their fears, but I know that when this long, long chapter of my life comes to a close I will be able to say that I can show up, be reliable and manage my own energy just fine thank you... And not by going to bed at 10 pm ooops, better go to bed to beat the sun from coming up Spider man coming out of the web

DRUM N FUN MISSION STATEMENT

Rainbow Spider — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 07:58:19 GMT

“Empowering people to join in communal harmony by facilitating fun drum circles, workshops and events that encourage creative exploration … by offering my heartbeat and vibration as a model for others to join until we all find one pulse together.” MOSHE ADLER RAINBOW SPIDER 2-20-08 As the days get warmer and the nights are shorter I feel the energy of the fire circles calling me into Spring. I am working now daily on my website for Drum N Fun and to market the business to schools and local gigs as well as to offer drum workshops and playshops at festivals - mostly for children (but my past playshops have always welcomed parents and adults with or without children as many enjoy this beginner atmosphere designed to be fun enough for children and to keep their attention - lol Throughout this coming year. I will be posting some roughs and other things to the universe via blogging in Tribe www.drumnfun.com website not up but first page is here for all to see, possible launch as early as mid March for more text, pages, data and photos (photo from Isis of Tigre's hand on drum at Samhain drum circle near Halloween at Jefferson Memorial)

Call to action - Poem, statement intention - long - Fire Call - it is time to burn bright - long but important... to me to you to us.. lets see

Rainbow Spider — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 10:47:00 GMT

FIRE CALL – IT IS TIME TO BURN BRIGHT (Open mind, abandon fear, embrace hope) I am ready I hear the call I feel the pull I am ready to do the dance I have accepted that I may have powers, skills, tools, energy, charisma, wisdom, vision, patience, charm and determination. I am ready to share my dream… because it is not just my dream I am just the surrogate parent… I have carried the visions co-created by bi-secting communities of artists, musicians, pagans, Jews, Native Americans, Buddhists, Wiccans, Druids, Celtics, shamans, new age searchers, hippies, men in men’s groups, folks in HIV+ positive support groups, folks who have walked the 12 step path with me, addicts, misfits, black sheep, troubled souls, folks who have battled mental health challenges, folks who have fought for their lives for years – months - days or hours – whether the challenges were real, perceived, ours or theirs, they are truly All OURS And All THEIRS For we are ONE I am just another father, I give birth to possibility by bringing my spirit, my intuition, my drive, my creativity, my background, my network, my passion, my vision To you My family and my tribe. I am here to serve -------------------- So, please… Help me on the way Come dance with me Come drum with me Come write with me Come chant with me Come sit out under starlit nights, Dance around a fire while I drum Drum while I dance till the sun comes up Lets sage each other tenderly and share our love for ritual Come enter the fire… look deep, feel the heat We will be entering into a process Go as deep as you are prepared to go. …or just a little deeper Try something new Fly when it is true Wings give way to winds that blow When the time comes you’ll know It is our fire It is our vibration Our sensation Our fermentation, calcination And deep penetration To the psyche To the heart To the shared vibrations Heard, felt, seen, known The beats will carry us Everywhere we need to go The songs will lift us up The winds will aid our newfound wings The eyes with which we see will see Technicolor in black in white See rainbows in the darkness And feel lightning and thunder in the calm In our sleep As we grow Together The storms will pass but the beats will never fully die down because Yearly, monthly, daily, hourly there is a fire burning somewhere And there is always room for one more by the fire Come closer to the warmth Let yourself go or ground yourself firm Fly if you are ready, Send roots down if you so choose But remember That those wings beat air into the one air That those roots go into one soil, No matter what city, country, continent, time zone, temperature, language, culture, company, school, friendship, family or tribe we come from… We all walk on the same land, swim in the same water We all see the same flames in our own fires We all have the same flames to kindle inside We all are here to love and support each other I am ready for any of you Are you ready to join me? Don’t be shy There are so many questions to be asked So many ways to reach the same destination There is always room for one more spirit, one more family, one more community in our ever growing tribe Let’s play Lets live love grow Let’s breathe Let’s be Together As one Fire ----- Rainbow Spider with Vision to Create On a precipice, overlooking a passageway Like a gateway Ahead lies my future Behind lies my path But right here in the moment All is safe and all is well I cannot succeed alone nor would I ever want to try It is so much more fun with friends, family, and tribe BREAKTHROUGH NOW State your mission: I Moshe Mark Allan Adler, Rainbow Spider with Vision to Create, will offer my time, energy, spirit, drums, percussion, toys, friends, network, background and determination, resolution and commitment to accomplish my mission: “Empowering people to join in communal harmony by facilitating fun drum circles, workshops and events that encourage creative exploration … by offering my heartbeat and vibration as a model for others to join until we all find one pulse together.” Interested, want to learn more … contact me But first check out the first seed… it’s been planted… www.drumnfun.com and please, check back soon over the upcoming weeks and months… because growth happens – sometimes despite the farmers worry of storms or draught, the crop prevails and sometimes despite the parents worry of not being good enough, and fearing that we are not worthy of bringing children (or visions) into our world/our tribe – the kid’s live and even though we fall and hurt our heads, we get tougher, even though we fight for our lives or our passions or our family and friends… we learn to not engage in defense … in preparation for battle… instead learning to come only from love, from honor, from faith and belief… and then the children and visions grow, the crops are bountiful and the dreams come alive. One after another, after another. These are tough times and these are joyous times. I believe that hope prevails and action makes a difference. I have to believe I haven’t fought for my life and taken this sometimes arduous and uphill climb for the scenery, I have chosen this path to understand you and your friends and your family. I believe it has all been worth it, don’t you??? Well, that’s a lot of words, so I pledge to let my actions follow and I pledge that if you choose to come join me on any or many parts of this journey I will bring it 110%. I will believe in magic and hope. I will believe that it is time for mystical transformations… Hear the drums, feel the fire, feel the call, hug someone, Let’s play Shalom, Namaste, Blessed Be, Peace, Empowering peace through percussion, Moshe moshe@drumnfun.com Rainbow Spider with Vision to Create Rainbowspider222@yahoo.com

The rhythm is gonna get you

Rainbow Spider — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 09:55:50 GMT

Well it is almost 5 am on a slow weekend and I have stayed up working on a major project to unleash my creativity, my "voice", my rhythms... I won't jinx myself by bragging on the great start I got tonight, cause it ain't worth diddly squat if I don't find a way to make time for my creative process... Stirred up alot of my old energy from the 80's - my decade, although actually 2/3 of a decade since my party crashed and burned in 1987 with my HIV diagnosis... but oh what a party it had been... especially from 1983 when I graduated high school - got my first full time job - waiter at Pizza Hut and learned that if you mooch off your parents but work FT you have lots of money to party with - hosting parties - kegs, food, drinks... concerts, eating out, dating, experimenting with magical portals through the assistance of sacred items... I was real good at working hard and partying hard... through 1985-89 I worked at Hudson Trail Outfitters as a manager of their outdoor outfitters stores. I live with my rents, friends in a group house or with a girlfriend through this time but in addition to working 60-70 hour workweeks I was also able to do promotions, deejay and ALWAYS DANCE at the hip little local dive, Chaplin - a destination for alt dance parties, events and nightly 'locals' who gathered and shared the good times when life was simple - no 9/11, Patriot Act, no Ipod, no cell phone, no laptops or any computer for most of us, no text messaging or internet ... just living in the moment, not knowing pain or discomfort or trials and tribulations ... we were spoiled upper middle class kids, living the dream on our parents dime or living simply on our own. We defined the quality of life by the most recent night dancing or the most recent concert or the most recent breakfast at a diner or Steak & Egg at 4am I really partied up from fall 1983 till 1987. I will share more reminiscing later must head to bed, got fun drumming gig at 1pm tomorrow Spider

Settling in MD for the winter and jamming with DragonSong band

Rainbow Spider — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 02:44:58 GMT

There are many things amidst and shifting in my life and I have decided to focus on these changes (one at a time) from the foundation of support, network and connections I have in the Maryland/DC area... and as I wait (relatively calmly) to market and build the Drum-N-Fun business I am letting self care come first. Ironically, before I teach and help facilitate rhythms, I am focusing on my personal rhythms and cycles... I am working on: my SLEEP(still nocturnal but aiming for midnight in bed to read and asleep by 1am) DIET (drastically cut down on red meat and dairy, and trying to eat more seafood) - and the last week I have started making smoothies from fresh fruit and juice (last one had orange juice, bananas, strawberries, grapes and apples) to start my day every day; DRUMMING - I am studying with Jaqui MacMillan and working torwards practicing at least 30 minutes a day - last two weeks I have gotten in a good groove with that (and other drumming opportunities have sprung up - more later) and EXERCISE - I want to get back to the gym and work my way back to 3-5 wkouts a week with weights and cardio on M,W,F and cardio on any bonus days I can muster... I still need to re-hab my knee - that I dislocated it's kneecap in late November but it was doing ok when I danced on it last night It was great to return to SoulFire Inside for a full day of setup and then drumming, dancing and hanging out with the community. It was nice to re-connect with mz imani and my friends Alan and Bridget & Jeremy came for setup and stayed through the potluck into the event Jeremy and Bridget are with DragonSong and I had their full 5 piece band plat a set at my 20th Anniversary party Dec 1st and I had the honor to jam with them on djembe and percussion ...then a couple weeks ago I got the call and found myself having one (1) hour practice and then playing a 90 minute set at the Open Hearth Foundation's Pagan Band Jam at The College Perk (great food!!) near University of MD in Collage Park. The event was awesome, we all felt a kinetic buzz of synchronistic energy and the crowd seemed to enjoy the turnes and the jams. I invited one of the drummers from the second band that we opened up for .... ILYAIMY... to sit in for one percussive tune and then I got to kick back and enjoy their incredible set... checkout DRAGONSONG @: http://www.myspace.com/dragonsongband and here on Tribe in my friends as DragonSong and checkout ILYAIMY @ http://www.myspace.com/ilyaimy or at ilyaimy.com I love you and I miss you... I am excited by the buzz we created playing together as I haven't sat in with DragonSong since before Bridget joined him and I am excited about some upcoming gigs in the next few months....stay tuned for invites as they get closer or check out the myspace page. Jeremy plays guitar, digeradoo, percussion and sings and Bridget plays violin, percussion and sings and we made a tight treo with myself playing djembe and percussion. At my party in December they had a drumset player and an electric guitar and they usually have a bass player too... plus there are many roving musicians that play, jam and record with the band. I am happy to follow the leads of the universe as this and a few other drumming opportunities are keeping me happy in MD/DC area <knock knock> hot chinese food just delivered... yummy gotta go eat Hope this winter is going well for you all, Ranibow

New poem - second draft... Tomorrow will always be tomorrow... present and accounted for

Rainbow Spider — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 09:02:52 GMT

This one doesn't require any lead in... just an insomniac speaking from the gut. I am growing, not just getting old!!! -------------------------------------------------------------- Tomorrow will always be tomorrow… Present and accounted for I am scared. I am taking big steps I am walking down new streets I try to leave my fear at the door and open new windows But hard as I try, wherever I go… there I am I will always have my baggage, even when only I can see it Or can I really leave it behind re-invent myself, Just by believing I am worth it! I would rather be alone than with someone who constricts my creativity, and doesn’t support my growth by living in fear. I have allowed myself to limit my present by fearing the future… Today I have today and Tomorrow is just that … always tomorrow I can never get there but I am always in the present… and accounted for Except when I stumble and fall into the holes of my past and I let others lessen who I am by choosing to let them define me I know where I have been and from those memories I truly appreciate the Todays and the presents of the Present I am blessed with friends and more friends I have support in almost every direction I turn I don’t like to burn bridges but I meet new people all the time Yet I feel alone I choose to look around in bed before I sleep and see the space on the pillow next to me instead of seeing the man I am becoming inside of me Others appreciate my supposedly valiant struggle They call me a miracle or an inspiration I have survived hardship after hardship But Wouldn’t you if you had to fight for your life??? I will accomplish something or this tarnished life this hardened soul this deepened spirit will JUST be a survivor I am not impressed ... There are exciting paths ahead of me I know not where they will lead me but I know that where I am coming from is a place I won't mind leaving behind. Rainbow Spider 1-18-08

Still here... cleaning and purging into the New Year

Rainbow Spider — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 08:38:04 GMT

I just super saged my apartment I have been cleaning and purging my clutter much trashed, recycled much more to sell or FreeCycle I am considering a major move and relocation and planning very carefully. I have lived in the DC area, Montgomery County, MD for 90% of my adult life. Besides travel and 5 summers working in VA and upstate NY. I was very ill and lived with my parents from 1997-99. I then moved out and have lived 5 places in the last 8 years... all within 30 minutes of my parents. I have worked for my dad for over a year- at my parents house (the house I lived in high school and junior high and returned to or commuted from in college. ) I created this job for myself when my grandmother was in her last months. It has been healing to assist my father and my parents but it is time to fly the coop. I have many teachers here in DC and a very deep network... but I also have a history... baggage... and have been in a rut artistically most of the 4.5 years I have lived here in Germantown (cookie cutter suburbia 20 minutes North of the DC beltway (495) and 30 minutes from NW DC.) My cats are nervous that they won't come along but I would never abandon my girls. I am reducing my clutter and trying to have a smaller footprint on the world. I have much I want to keep - drums, more drums, percussion/ books, records, DVDS... plus toys - board games and outdoor toys from my years managing a toy store... and tons of art and decorations, altar items, sacred crystals etc. I likely will put much into storage, get rid of 2/3 of my furniture and move to my new home (approx 100 miles away from Germantown) sometime in late February through early March. I want to get settled and have a new home, a smaller sacred space ... or likely a 3 bedroom house/rowhouse where I will eventually get 1-2 roommates (stay tuned for more info -especially if you are a nocturnal artist or musician) I plan on being settled in time for two Beltaines (Spring festivals) that start a busy Spring to fall festival season in early April. I hope to attend as many All Night Fire Circle events as I can... I had an amazing Solstice and New Years weekend. I went away and had much time to think, to dream, to manifest and to plan... I just did a 3 rune reading about the move and a 5 card spread of Awareness cards, my favorite deck. I will work with those answers over the next week My Redskins (NFL football team for all you pagans) lost a tough playoff game today and are done for the year. I have been going to Washington Wizards games (NBA basketball team) with Dad as he has a partial plan of season tickets. I would so gladly give up my sports fix if I had someone to come home to other than my cats... there is always Tivo. I think it will be hard to tell my parents my plan but as a good friend said... This move and the preparation to slim down for it is a sucession of GROWTH STEPS for me... I have an opportunity to move OUT OF MY PAST and INTO MY FUTURE I have been scared and worried over the last few weeks as the intuition has been strong to make this move... The divination done tonight and the time I have taken to go over all the details it will take to up and move, to get re-established with doctors, insurance, medication coverage, work, housing, possibly finding a new core group of men to meet with weekly from my men's group and taking care of the cats as I travel to do the research ... lots of details but I have thought most through and know what I am up against... I am not quite fearless now, but I am confident, grounded and focused. My intention and inspiration for this change is very clear and I feel strong. much more to catch up on... I will likely compose a belated New Years post reviewing the ups and downs, lessons and challenges, gifts and give-aways from 2007. Much love and big hugs to all Moshe Rainbow Spider patiently spinning a new web and luring in my future

Heading up to Concord, MA for DRUM CIRCLE FACILITATOR TRAINING ... MISSION STATEMENT from homework posted here!!

Rainbow Spider — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 04:36:01 GMT

Well, Friday early morning I am off to fly to Boston to drive to Concord to spend 3 days with Arthur Hull and the folks from Village Music Circles to get me my Facilitator certification ... I have wanted to head to one of Arthur and Michael Wall's Drum Circle Facilitator Playshops in Hawaii for years, but the costs were prohibitive. So I found an East Coast weekend training and I have been saving my pennies (and I renogotiated my work to get a bonus for every book I sell... made an extra bunch with book sales up recently!) I have been cramming with the book, DRUM CIRCLE FACILITATION that Arthur released last year... and I highly recommend it to anyone curious. I am not so great with focused studies from books but with the help of many bright colored highlighters I have forced myself to read... slowly ... an hour or two at a time. I am almost up to the reading homework... and there was a great homework assignment which is about our personal Mission Statement about why we are attending I think I will post it to the world here in my blog yeah.. sound right ---------------- MISSION STATEMENT for Drum Circle Facilitation training w/ Arthur Hull, in Concord, MA 9/28-30/2007 WHO AM I? I am Moshe Adler, also known as “Rainbow Spider” in the fire tribe and artist circles. I am 42, single, never been married or had children; and I live in suburban MD, 30 minutes North of DC, with my two cats. I consider myself a spiritual chameleon who incorporates prayer and rituals from Jewish, Native American and Buddhist spirituality. I am a Person Living with AIDS, have been HIV+ for over 22 years and have earned the title “Long Term Survivor.” I write poetry and prose reflecting my life experience and vision. I work part time with my father’s book business buying, researching and selling First Edition books online. For over 30 years I have been playing drums & percussion including hand drums, drum set, marching band instruments, timpani & other orchestral percussion. At GWU, I was a Music/Theatre major playing in the pit in musicals, and drum set in numerous bands from classic rock to reggae. In 1994 I began studying djembe w/ Babatunde Olatunji at the Omega Institute in NY where I later met Arthur Hull. Since then I have studied w/ Jaqui MacMillan, Ken Crampton, Stream, Baile, Mz imani & others. I attended my first all-night fire circle event in 2005 and have been very active in the Fire Tribe community ever since, attending events in PA, NY, WVA & Las Vegas. I have worked with children at a High Adventure camp where I ran a rope course, at a toy store that I managed, and I have led drum circles for children with cancer and with HIV/AIDS. I helped start a Spiral Scouts troop in my community and later led many workshops to help these scouts earn their drumming merit badge and learn how to drum and chant at our communal bonfires. I have just started a new business, Drum-N-Fun, to offer drum circle assemblies and after school workshops for children from all demographics as well as offering drum circles for communities & businesses. WHYAM I TAKING THIS TRAINING? I am taking the Drum Circle Facilitatrion training to expand and embellish my skills working with drum circles, to learn the tools & techniques that have worked for others around the globe, and to feel more comfortable as a drum teacher and facilitator. For Drum-N-Fun, it will help to become certified as a DCF and then be able to join my teachers locally who have started the Drum Circle Facilitators Guild and network within that organization. I look forward to seeing how comfortable and natural I can feel in the orchestrational spot, and learning how others have used their facilitation skills. After this weekend I will re-evaluate my focus on offering drum circles to schools, organizations and businesses and consider the many possible paths for my business, the website I am building & my networking and marketing. WHAT IS YOUR INTENDED USE OF THE KNOWLEDGE YOU GAIN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE? I intend to attend “Drumble Club” back in MD & other events to practice my newfound skills & get feedback from other facilitators. I intend to offer drum circles for HIV+ clients at DC’s Whitman Walker clinic, for at risk youth, teens in recovery, and possibly with developmentally disabled teens through Eddie Tudori’s The Rhythmic Arts Project as I volunteer to hone my skills while supporting other teachers as much as possible. In these environments I believe drumming will make a difference and that by sharing my passion and love for the drums, others will find my enthusiasm and joy contagious and will head home smiling, while tapping their feet! With Drum-N-Fun, I plan on later offering drum circles as in-school assemblies for Middle to High School children, and for organizations (community building) and businesses (team building.) For me drumming is fun, social and spiritual… but can be so much more. My vision is to bring my love of drumming to a broad range of individuals – as a musical “voice”, as a deep and meaningful way to communicate, as an educational/cultural tool, as a true emotional and physical release for other issues, and as a team builder. My mission statement with Drum-N-Fun: “Empowering people to join in communal harmony by facilitating fun drum circles, workshops and events that encourage creative exploration … by offering my heartbeat and vibration as a model for others to join until we all find one pulse together.” -------------------------------- So that's all she wrote.... ooops, all that I wrote. Its past midnight and I have to settle in to finish my last 20 pages Oh... today I got a call asking me to help co-facilitate the Open Hearth Foundation's annual Samhain (Halloween) Drum Circle at the Jefferson Memorial OCTOBER 27th at 8pm till Midnight. I facilitated the closing drum circle for OHF's DC Pagan Pride Day and that went well. I hope to be joined by other local folks like Tigre, Stream and Jaqui MacMillan... stay tuned here for more details and I am starting to plan a DRUM BUILDING workshop (likely the first weekend in December in Silver Spring or Bethesda) where anyone can assemble and build their own djembe or ashiko and learn from a master builder how to assemble the parts and then be versed in how to tune and take care of your own drum. My main djembe was built in a workshop like this 13 years ago... Drums from 9" to 15" can be built for $225-400. If you are interested - drop me a line at moshe@drumnfun.com or call me at 301-717-7966. MORE INFO WILL FOLLOW hope you all are enjoying these last warm days. peace and hugs, moshe

The Jewish New Year and High Holidays provide a platform for reflection and introspection

Rainbow Spider — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 03:29:03 GMT

The rams' horns shown in my clip art graphic above are Shofars - an instrument sounded during Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. "The Shofar, the great horn, which is always sounded on Rosh Hashanah. In antiquity, the shofar called people to worship, called people to battle, called the people together." (from Carly Lesser's Rosh Hashanah service 2007) At our outdoor Rosh Hashanah that I attended last week, we were the sound of the shofar... we sounded the battle cry, we cried out for change, we cried out for peace. This past week has been the week between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and I have entered into some very deep and personal work reflecting on what I want the next year to be, and what I have done in the past year that I am ashamed or not proud of that I will ask forgiveness for (from Great Spirit and from family and friends) - This weekend is Yom Kippur which is the Jewish Day of Atonement when we reflect on our sins in the past year (against self, others, community, nature and spirit) In this light I have gathered my thoughts about the last year - my actions (or inactions) and how they have affected others. I would like to share my observations from a new perspective that has helped me understand why I repeat the same patterns that have the potential to hurt myself and those close to me. This year has been a learning experience for me as I have tried to grow and expand my skills in the fire tribe community and as a drum teacher/facilitator. As I looked back during a time of contemplation, I realized that often as I have attempted to walk this new path I have stumbled I have missed some important events in the drum and dance community due to health challenges. Often these events were things I had helped plan, events where I was to help in production and staffing. It would be convenient to say that I am a Person Living with AIDS, with a weakened Immune system and that these challenges were part of my struggle with HIV. This has not been the case. In my past, I battled for my life for many years and was sidelined with Shingles, Bronchitis, Pneumonia and bedridden with Neuropathy which had me very ill, unable to walk and humbled and dependent on others. These past experiences do sometimes haunt me in a way and they can make me fearful when I get sick, but I am writing more about an opposite reaction: Now that I am relatively healthy, day to day and month to month… I have often wanted to do so many things. I don’t want to miss any fun, I want to learn and grow. I want to make a difference in the world… but I have not paced myself or prioritized well. I have not left enough down time. I have gone through a difficult stretch earlier this month during which I chose to slow down and listen to my body. I chose to feel the stress I had imposed on myself. I then chose to not attend SoulFire Inside – the local drum and dance event’s first event for the new season - earlier this month while I worked through this period. During this time I have had a chance to look back and see some of the patterns that I am replicating. When I overbook myself and/or push myself too hard at all-night events I have been wearing myself down. The last few times that I have been sick it has been a result of not prioritizing and setting a reasonable schedule, not pacing myself, and not allowing enough time for re-integrating and recovery. I am working on learning how to set up a reasonable load of events and commitments, how to say “No”, and especially how to set reasonable goals and expectations for myself. I am currently re-evaluating my personal and business goals for this fall and winter and trying to focus on good self-care; while balancing commitments & fun experiences with down time & rest. In this new season, I will be much more cautious and thoughtful about how I book my time and make new commitments in the future. I have had a very powerful and introspective time during this year’s High Holidays. I am thankful that I was able to drum for a soulful and spirited outdoor Rosh Hashanah “Jewitches” service. My good friend, Carly, who is studying to be a Jewish Priestess, puts together a thought provoking and spiritually uplifting RH service and I have been pondering her words and challenges all week. During this powerful week, there has been the potential to re-think how I want to live my life and speak that to manifest it into reality. There is also of course the opportunity to forgive oneself and others and to ask for forgiveness as we try to live, grow and continually move towards spirit. I will go for a long hike tomorrow and do my Yom Kippur service outside as I conclude the work that started me thinking about my patterns, my past and how I want my future to unfold. L’Shanah Tovah, Happy New Year and happy fall to all Shalom, Namaste, Peace, Moshe

Sweat Lodge weekend is empowering, grounding and healing - long

Rainbow Spider — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 07:31:17 GMT

Well, I headed back up to West Virginia to Abrams Creek (where I adopted my kitty 5 weeks ago, and where we had Sacred SoulFire two weekends ago) for a magical Sweat Lodge experience last night. The group was small and spirited and the weather worked out just right. I arrived Saturday mid afternoon in time to get settled, see the lighting of the main fire (for the lava rocks that are the heat in the pit of the Sweat Lodge,) helped build and start the fire at the second circle and then went for a long swim in the creek in which we also had fun trying to build dams to create a deeper swimming hole. I was in a great space leading into the lodge with intentions, thanks and prayers firmly already in mind. I asked again if I could help as we gathered to smudge and was almost shocked when I was handed a shovel and asked to help work the fire/carry stones into the lodge before each round. (It takes 3-6 hours to heat the stones deep inside the main lodge fire and these stones are then removed one at a time and carried into the lodge where they are placed in a pit dug out in the middle of the lodge. 8-12 or more stones are added before each round and then the lodge closes to darkness and heat and water is added to the stones to create the sauna like heat...) Doc was our water pourer -lodge leader (and was supported by his wife Ellie and Dougie) and went in early to explain to the many first timers about the lodge. I worked in a team with Dougie and Ellie (Doc's beautiful wife/shaman) to pull the stones from inside the fire and "dust" them off with hemlock branches -so the lodge didn't get too smoky - and then Dougie and I carried each stone (The Grandmothers and Grandfathers) into the lodge and with Doc's direction put them into the right cardinal direction in the pit. The fire was raging hot, some stones very heavy and many others precarious to carry, and the sweat lodge door a challenge to duck under (with shovel and red hot stone in hand!) but I barely noticed. I was so joyful to be in service and the lodge experience inside was magnified and enhanced tremendously by having the opportunity to work with Doc, Ellie and Dougie. I have done sweat lodges since 1994. My first lodge was a Lakota Lodge with Edward McGaa at the Omega Institute and I helped build that lodge in a day of ritual. I then started doing sweat lodges again with my men's group in 1999 and have done 8-12 in the years since. In 2004 I did my first lodge at Four Quarters Farm with Buffalo Heart and crew and over the last 3 1/2 years I have helped build two lodges, done two Sweat Lodge Intensive weekends - composed of 4 rounds a day, 3 days in a row - and have attended many lodges at events large and small. I have probably done between 70 and 100 rounds of lodges at "Buffalo Island" at 4QF and always give deep thanks and have much appreciation for how hard the fire tending crew works to tend fires, cut wood, haul stones into the lodge etc. I now have even much more appreciation for this work. I am at some interesting crossroads in my life as I work to start a new business, Drum-N-Fun and as the festival Spring to Summer season comes to an end. I am considering taking advantage of the ability to do my PT work at any time and anyplace (with internet access) to focus on researching, networking, marketing and building my own business while also slowing down and taking time to focus on practicing my djembe while working through getting back to the gym and making nutritional and other health changes as well as considering possibly sub-letting my big master bedroom <with a Master bath and massive closets, a furnised living room and kitchen, fireplace and balcony if you know anyone looking for housing in October or November> or moving to a group house in Takoma Park to reduce rent and my imprint on this planet. In the lodge I also got to drum and we had some other wonderful drummers and voices that came together for some intense and spirited improv jamming between native american songs, prayer rounds etc. I especially loved being able to jump back into the chilling and cooling creek between and after each round. I dunked myself completely first and then found a spot right in the slow rolling rapids where I could lie between the boulders just covered by water all over except my nose and mouth. The creek was running down over my head and over my feet and it was a profoundly purifying and spiritual experience. We had a major feast after the lodge and then a guitar came out, my main djembe and a bag full of percussion came to be shared and as we built a jam 3 more djembes and a doumbek came out. A torrential downpour couldn't stop our jam session as we moved under a 10 x 20 cover (Thanks to Mz imani!!) and played for a long while. I loved jamming with Lark and Mike and guitar and with Zachor and others on djembe. We found some nice grooves, synchopation and offbeat explorations and the vibration was relaxing and fun after the intense night in the lodge. I am now home with my two kitties so happily playing together and I will head to bed for a quick but hard week of work until I leave Wedneday night for 4QF for Stones Rising... peace and blessings to all for a wonderful holiday weekend coming up Moshe Rainbow Spider

Updates - Kitties getting along just fine and I made it to Sacred SoulFire

Rainbow Spider — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 06:27:52 GMT

First of all - priorities - here at home my lady and my girl went through their endless hissing and Cleo showed Abracadabra who's boss around here and then Abra went right back to play, again and again. They still play king of the mountain on my bed at night but have been known to share the contours of my body lounging in my Lazyboy chair as we all three watch TV. I think at times Cleo is bemused by Abra's endless energy and she still will hiss at a growling Abra now and again but Abra knows to give Cleo space and what spots are Cleo’s - like the ottoman leg section of my Lazyboy... the seat next to mine at this computer and the foot of my queen size bed. Many nights I have been up with Abra climbing all over my head and licking my ears - that is weird!!!! At times I have to lock her out and give her the rest of the apartment so Cleo and I can get some needed rest... but Abra is soooo cute. My sister and nephew came by today and he played with them both for over 90 minutes - actually Cleo played for about 20 minutes then just collapsed in her big furry ball... Last weekend I had the blessing of attending Sacred SoulFire as an attendee. I started feeling better around two weeks ago Monday or Tuesday after the anti-biotics and much sleep kicked in. I was encouraged by a good friend to consider just attending the event since I couldn't get off the full 5-6 days to be on staff. I had lost 3 days work while out sick and at Doctor’s appts so I needed a full weeks work. I was able to work out an arrangement and I was offered a free ride after a half day's work last Friday and my buddy offered me an upper bunk at the Lodge in West Virginia where the event was ... so ... no gas costs, free bunk - no camping details or effort. I made the trip and paced myself through my first fire Friday night - taking a few short naps and made it till the sun came up. Then I crashed for about 6 hours and had a wonderful experience in an Elemental Group with Rory and Lyra and my friend Alan. It was a small group but we did movement on the lawn as the sun came out from the clouds, then some intense breathwork and then we did an art therapy type session. I will share what came out of that in a separate post, powerful. Saturday night I decided I was strong and felt empowered to dance, drum, make art and stay up till the sun. I drummed up the sun and although on my last legs made it to breakfast… my big problem for the weekend was that I usually take LOTS of heavy meds at bedtime... I have learned that I need to sleep for at least 6 hours or I am really sluggish - and I am told quite grumpy. After all night fire events I usually crash from breakfast till mid-afternoon. Well, Sunday I was awakened for lunch after only 3 hours sleep and was on auto-pilot. When I went down to pack my drum and percussion I almost fainted. I was so slow moving that most of the fire circle had been packed up when I got there and when I sat down at a friend's urging I didn't get up for 30 minutes as a kind soul laid hands and did energy work to balance me. On the curvy ride home, still off kilter on the meds I got seriously car sick, kind of a bummer after such a spiritually juicy weekend. I rested all day Monday and have been back on task with working on research and web design for Drum-N-Fun and marketing and hustling for the Drum Circle Facilitation training in Concord, MA on Sept 28-30. I posted an invite here in Tribe with the info. I am being called to complete this training with Arthur Hull. I have been reading his book and one by Kalani and I have intentionally s-l-o-w-e-d down my web building stages to do more research and prayer and meditation on the directions I want to take my work. I feel that instead of rushing to hustle more late summer camp work and trying to book Fall school work, I will be better off putting together a clean, professional site and waiting to contact my "hot" leads till I am ready... I have all the time in the world and if I get work for Winter and Spring but am truly ready... that will be fine. I have already invested in the new drums and percussion. I feel that this set the balls in motion... Now I can slow down and get things right. My kitty is knocking things all over the kitchen. She is insatiably playful. Great energy for me!!! Night y'all, Moshe Rainbow Spider

Good times, bad times

Rainbow Spider — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 18:50:16 GMT

Well the last three days I have felt awful, miserable and weak. I woke up Tuesday feeling sore all over and the cough I have had for over a week became much more pronounced. I ended up not going to work and slept through most of the day. I did drag myself out of bed to make a planning mtg and found myself shivering at the restaurant and had to put the heat on in the care riding home. I also was so dragging that I hit a pole at the gas station and put a massive dent/scrape through two doors of my car - argh I went to my doc the next morning to hear of the possibility that I had pneumonia (again) or bronchitis (again). I have been hospitalized or knocked out with both many times and dreaded the chest x-ray and having to wait... Got my anti-biotics and came home to rest. Today I found out I don't have either of the big two... just a nasty viral thing and I feel weaker today than yesterday. I forced myself out of bed and will roll into work for at least a half day cause I can't afford to miss the money I will not be going to Body Tribal at the farm this weekend, and I have decided I can't afford to miss the 4 days off required to staff for Sacred SoulFire so I sadly had to give my "notice" that I won't be there on crew either. I think the hardest thing about listening to my body (and my doctors) is that I have been down this path so many times before. I think I am doing great... I am very busy and have events booked and responsibilites lined up and then... wham... I am home sick or worse. Don't get me wrong I am so thankful I will not have to go to the hospital with pneumonia again/ it's just that the little times being sick aren't just a scare for me, they also bring back so many memories of weeks and months of my life home sick in bed or worse and I soooooo want to be healthy for a long stretch of time There is also the angle of that voice in my head that sees myself as letting others down and feels that others can't rely on me and are just waiting for the next shoe to drop... I know this is pesimistic and I know that my friends just want me to be healthy, but I have lost many opportunities by having others "perceive" that I can't be reliable or stay healthy. this is just a bump in the road .... in a few days or weeks I will be better. I have missed major events before and the event will go on without me and I will have many more to do in the future. I will pull myself out of this negative place and do what I have to do... go work as many hours as I can today and then wake up and work again tomorrow I am thankful for the relative health I have. I am thankful I have this roof over my head, two cats that love me and look to me for care, I am thankful for food, a car, a job and a loving family and friends. I am not a pessimist and will not choose to stop dreaming or stop making plans I will show up whenever I can and do whatever I am capable of... I hope that these little sick days will be less often and less scary, M

Spiral Scouts weekend and two children's drum playshops a big success

Rainbow Spider — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 03:02:42 GMT

Well I had a marvelous time this past weekend We had probably 50-70 children and adults from PA, NY, DC, Md and VA and the weekend was much fun. Friday nights drum circle started off with a bang... and a boom, bam too. The children jumped right in to drum and dance and then many adults helped carry enough beats to make the fire circle hoppin Saturday afternoon Lightning Wolf helped me tune up my 8 new drums and the two workshops went great. I had 12 children ... mostly 3-5 years olds for the first hour and held their interest as we had much fun with simple beats and interactions. The second workshop had a small turnout at starting time but LW went and recruited the 9-15 year olds and we started late... but with 16 children and adults. I felt that workshop went very well and we learned a bit of drumming ethno-musicology (where drums are from and how they fit into a drum circle - polyrhythms) We also played within my Earth/Air/Fire/Water model and the "Earth my body, Water my blood, Air my breath and Fire my spirit" chant layered on top. I was upset that we started so late and when I had asked the parents especially if we could run late (and they all said yes) I had paced the last two projects accordingly... unfortunately right at the original ending time the group disbanded and rushed to the next workshop. I learned many things from this and asked to schedule my workshops at different times and with a half hour buffer to go over if needed... plus the whole weekend was booked with each new event starting at the exact time the last one ended even though many areas were a short to medium walk apart. I did have one set of parents who each had very nice cameras, and who had a 3 year old and a 7 year old in both workshops, who took many many pictures - maybe up to a 100 or more that I will be able to use for my website Much more later... I am off to play with two cats Moshe

Business Plans going along well... Mission Statement fine tuned into presentable words

Rainbow Spider — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 05:03:27 GMT

Things with Drum N Fun are moving along very well. I had a great meeting with my friend who is going to set up my website. We have agreed that I will not contact any new clients or the teachers I hope to have assisting my playshops until at least a mock up is done of the site. He said we are only a few weeks away... Tonight he helped me re-draft my bizness mission statement into one I am really proud of... It is the product of much molding and being open to many folks inputs... hope you like it... Nothing is final so your input and suggestions are still welcome!!! I am off to play with a Spiral Scouts weekend at The Farm and will be offering two drum slots for the scouts... a workshop for the drumming merit badge and a playshop for pure fun. My friend Lightning Wolf is coming up and will assist me as well as hopefully getting some great shots of me teaching and coaching the scouts in the playshops and drumming and playing at the night firecircles AND I will head to Washington Music Store in Wheaton tomorrow morning to pick up my new Djembes!!!! My new Bizness Mission Statement for Drum N Fun is: "Empowering people to join in communal harmony by facilitating fun events that encourage creative exploration!" Wow... that feels goooooood... whatcha think??? I am off to play with Abracadabra... my new kitty!! night Much love and appreciation, Moshe

New four legged adopts me... kitty kat questions

Rainbow Spider — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 07:17:17 GMT

Well this has been an exciting and busy week. Since returning from Drum N Splash at Four Quarters July 8th, I have been working on building up my new business - DRUM N FUN... offering drumming workshops, etc for children (and their parents) At DNS I gave two planned drum "playshops" for children and even sat in and taught 12 adults in an Intro to Djembe class. I drummed and danced till the wee hours for four nights and had a blast... while networking during the days with drummakers, teachers, and a few educators and folks that worked with at risk and "troubled" teens. I did some deep work in the sweatlodge one night and dug deep and asked for what I really wanted ... including lifting the blocks that have stopped me from entrepreneural success before. I have been working on my website with a secured domain and have my second meeting with my web design guy next week I returned from DNS with a mission in focus and actually had a message from a camp director for a gig the next week - referred by another teacher friend. Last week my friend Lightning Wolf and I offered a 1/2 hour workshop for 8 4-5 years and then an hour + workshop for 28 5-9 year olds... they went well and we have been invited back Today I went up to West Virginia with a small but hard working crew to work the soil and flatten out a 20 foot diameter circle and fire pit.. we roto-tilled and moved over 50 wheelbarrows of dirt and raked it all neatly and then hauled the heaviest stones we could lift from the creek. We rewarded ourselves with a skinny dip in the creek and then after a full tour I was greeted again by two tiny kitties who were near my car. Vince, the owner, had said they were up for adoption so before I could change my mind Tanith loaded the little Torti one into my car She was a quiet and mellow doll the whole ride home but I just played with her for over an hour... she is sooooo tiny with a head smaller than a plum and a body smaller than my hand. she likely weighs like a pound. Since the campground is Abrams Creek, pronounced like Abraham, I named her Abra with an eigh, like weigh at the beginning but it is short for ABRACADABRA.... and this magical cat found me on Harry Potter release day...and she has a light brown beauty mark over her third eye, like Harry's lightning bolt Sooo... I am keeping the two cats (Cleo is 6-7 and 18+ pounds ) separate but they can smell each other under the door ... in a few nights, when I am home I plan to try to integrate them ... I have been told I need to leave them separate during the day for a few days to a few weeks... any cat experts out there? I have gotten her kitty food and her own bowls and litter box and will feed her separately since Cleo gets measured portions of OM (Overweight Management food for meditating cats - LOL) I want them both to be safe I am off to rest this tired body... As soon as I figure how to upload pics from my Treo I will share pics of Abra or ask me in person Signed ... the man with two cats

Rainbow Spider tattoo documentary short now on You Tube

Rainbow Spider — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 16:29:40 GMT

Thanks to the blessing from Shiva, a member of my extended Fire Tribe community, there is now a 5 minute documentary short that covers my tattooing process, my intention for the tattoo, the transformation and a closing interview. The video is taken from close in and shows the folks drumming chanting, doing energy work and surrounding me with support as the tattoo machine hums in the background. It covers many stages of the 5 hour process from beginning to an interview after the work is done. It was empowering to hear me talk about the meaning of the tattoo work to me and what Rainbow Spider represents in my life. In the month since I have received the blessing of this ink, I have been working my way towards many of the paths and goals I mentioned on the video interview. I offered 3 drumming workshops for children and adults at the amazing Drum and Splash festival at Four Quarters Farm in PA this past weekend and played drums, danced and spend sacred time in the sweat lodge in addition to all the schmoozing and socializing and partying with my friends I also did some divination work (runes) that have spoken loudly for me to follow through with my drum business and I made dozens of potent networking connections for links to work, resources and teachers. Please check out the You Tube video... with link below http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt4WqtIwzSE Peace and love, Moshe Rainbow spider

Full 6 card reading done by new friend after closing time

Rainbow Spider — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 08:34:12 GMT

Tonight I shot pool with Lightning Wolf and his friends and afterwards Korenne, who I just met , offered to do a tarot reading. I had experienced a day where in one hour (with modest ninja like efficiency) I cut through my usual wordiness and captured my biz plan in a concise and clear manner... and IT FELT GOOD!!! I wanted to know where I stood with my balance etc and as always if the cards spoke of love I was curious if someone special lay in the cards in my (near?) future I dropped part of the deck so she read 5 of those cards and then Wolf found a 6th under the car which is my 6th At first she just smiled... it was a totally positive reading... and she said I would have some fun at many upcoming weekend events, especially Sacred SoulFire .. this was imparted with a wink of the eye and when asked I was told it meant more companionship and potentially someone special So here's the 6 cards with their more literal meanings/overview 1) EIGHT OF SWORDS - The dealing with stresses from my past... she guessed about my "illness" (which I gently corrected her by telling her that being HIV+ is more of a gift/blessing to me) which would prove its importance in reference to #2 2) NINE OF CUPS - The celebration of overcoming challenges and stresses of the past and living and growing stronger from those experiences 3) THE HERMIT (inverted) I am very social and outgoing ... when I want to be 4) THE FOOL - I live from the heart... all that I do is from sincerity and love 5) FIVE OF WANDS (personal self card) I am guarded and selective of who I let in... who I choose to let get to know me better 6) THE MAGICIAN - My guardian... I am being watched over very closely Wow... ok the first two already had my attention... Very Social/outgoing (that's easy) but "when I want to be" That part is one that many don't notice (that I have a very private side) All I do is from sincerity and love - wow... double wow... I hope I can live up to that. Guarded and selective - I am the consumate flirt but haven't seriously dated in 10 months and don't engage deeply easily (which in and of itself is healthy... by itself though it can make me lonely!) Being watched over... no duh - I need a bumper sticker that says "I only drive as fast as my team of dozens of guardian angels can fly" ... I feel at many times that I am blessed with so much support and feel almost ashamed that to be honest over the last 24 years I have pushed my boundaries and tested that support more than I care to admit... but... not as severely recently. I feel good... so now I will get a power nap Fondly, The Fool and Magician!

3 card tarot reading from Fires Rising the night after my tattoo - short

Rainbow Spider — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 08:10:57 GMT

On Sunday night, this past June 3, in the midst of the pouring rain, about a dozen of us huddled together under Gordon and Abraham's Sacred Mark Sanctuary tent late in the evening. We had just spent a few hours drumming, digeradoo playing, chanting, and toning as Billy Bardo had his Mercury wings tattooed above both ankles (lots of bone - read = intense work!!) by Abraham and Gordon as a tag team. After having just spent 4-5 hours with Abrahm tattooing my spider web's colors the day before it was an ironic twist to be able to drum and support Billy and it was helpful and insightful to see his intense experience in such a close and confined space. So to make a short story long.... the rain dumped in buckets and suddenly a new friend came in to the tent and offered up a deck she insisted she was "retiring" and we each picked 3 cards we could keep. She interpreted quickly , but artfully. I have carried my three cards in my new journal since then and tonight asked Korenne to interpret them (after she deftly and powerfully did a fuller new reading) So without further ado, here's the 3 cards, in order of their being drawn. 1) STRENGTH - Not only am I strong, but others see me as strong (something I shamelessly admit it is helpful to hear) 2) QUEEN OF PENTACLES - People also look at me as someone who is wise. Whereas men often draw the King, this Queen means I have a kind heart. (in the original reading it was interpreted more that I was in touch with my feminine side... but alas - aren't they the same.) I am comfortable with this assessment 3) QUEEN OF CUPS - I am very giving ... wholeheartedly to folks around me and to the universe. (in the original reading I was warned to be careful here with not being overconfident with newfound strength - a reminder to pace how much and to whom I choose to give to) Both assessments ring true So.. for me at least... that was a short blog entry as promised Sssssppppppiiiiiiiidddddeeeeerrrrrmmmmaaaaannnn

Emerging creativity, confidence, connection and focus

Rainbow Spider — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 07:45:18 GMT

I am feeling very alive and present. It is 3 am and I just had an amazing day. I worked hard, drafted a simple concise working model/outline for the business/life path I see myself taking the next 2-5 years, went to another successful planning meeting for this August's upcoming Sacred SoulFire (3 all night fire circles in West Virginia, August 9-12 with great day workshops and a solid crew... see the Conscious Collaborations link on my main page!) and then when I took my friend Lightning Wolf back to drop him off at Hard Times (a chili and pool hall here in Germantown, MD) I decided to go in and be social instead of coming home to my cat, my computer and my TV. I had a great time shooting pool, talking to amusing drunk folks and made a solid connection with Wolf's lady friend who later did a VERY powerful tarot reading for me and when asked re-interpreted 3 cards that were part of a reading done for (and given to me, as the owner was "closing out" her deck the night after my tattoo work at Fires Rising 6/3) I will post the results of these two readings as separate blog posts. I am feeling on track. I know that I can work hard and show up for my job helping my dad out and I am aware that as much as I love helping him with his business and seeing he and my mom so regularly, it is only a matter of time before I will faze my way out of the book business and being his right hand man. In a perfect world by this fall I will start working in my own afterschool programs with children (drumming, art, and dance) or become a substitute teacher or assist others afterschool programs... and my hours will be shorter or I may take him up on the offer to telecommute (since all I need is a computer, internet access and the books I am looking up) and one of us needs to process any sales within 2-3 days. I am feeling confident that the new name and clear vision I have for my work will manifest from part time work into a full fledged career and its only limitations is my time, the way I can train and hire others and the marketing skills I (already) have. I would be glad to share my outline and vision with any seriously interested in working with children (and adults) in Drum and Dance and Drum and Art workshops. I have focused on after school and weekend workshops, have written a simple schedule, outline, have many potential teachers and consultants that I am considering and starting dialogues with and I have two to three long term other angles to expand the work to keep me challenged as I reach more and more children and potentially can offer them a path for drumming as a life study or profession. I am interested in seriously talking to anyone who: * Has worked with children - especially 10-18 year olds *Has thought of working with children with drumming, dance or art *Has educational training as a drum facilitator, teacher or art or dance teacher *Has background writing business plans or grants *Has worked with inner city/at risk children ...or anyone who has a friend or referral for any of the above people, especially someone who lives within 30-45 minutes of DC/Montgomery County. I will be looking for a dance teacher who would like one or two days work in the afternoons and possibly be available for weekends 1-2x/month and who has worked with or would be interested in working with live drummers I will be looking for artists who have worked with children, camps, and classes with especially middle school to high school children who could be a consultant and possibly also work up to 2 days a week in the afternoons and possibly on weekends once to twice a month And I will be looking for drummers who really enjoy and feel drawn to working with children and could be available on afternoons and possibly weekends and I also will possibly be looking for drummers who could introduce younger students to a drum culture - West African, Middle Eastern, Latin, or other world percussion. Are you curious? Contact me here through tribe or at rainbowspider222@yahoo.com. I will now post my two tarot readings as separate posts and then to bed as I have a full and busy day of some manual labor (moving four heavy bookshelves) and will work with Lightning Wolf for Dad completely shifting the four shelves and then 100's and 100's of books Then I will head to my men's group's graduation as a close friend's boyfriend just went through our initiation weekend, The New Warrior Training Adventure (see www.mkp.org) My NWTA weekend in August 1999 changed my life and my (still) weekly meetings are a sacred place where I do my work and support the work of my brothers (the nine other men I would trust with my life and I can count on to be there for me) Cleo is basking in my desk's spotlight - did I mention that she has lost over 3 pounds ... and ONLY weighs about 18.5 pounds now... lol night y'all RS seeing rainbows of color and a blank canvas to paint on!

21 x 2 - a new poem explores mature vision and future mission

Rainbow Spider — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 16:17:08 GMT

Well -the weeks recovering with my new tattoo, being challenged by tough obstacles and a looming 42 birthday all hardened me and I rebeled a bit. Today I finally had an interesting duality of vision - looking forwards and back to find perspective and hope This is the first edited draft of "21x2"... hope you like it Spider (waiting more patiently in my web!) 21 x 2 After my first time around I learned some tricks I don't need to try it all... already had my kicks I partied and played in so many ways I woke up for work after missing the days I worked late at night and partied till dawn often searched for nights not knowing where they had gone It is embarrassing how bad I had to let myself go as I made the same mistakes so many times in a row I pushed boundaries, tried things I am ashamed to admit I dug myself deeply entrenched in my own pit Others tried to help to shed some new light but it was my debacle and only my plight Amazingly I was saved with the gift of grace as a blessing of death reared its beautiful face I was threatened with justice that could take me down if I didn't repent and change the way I partied around town AIDS was a sentence but I have made it out on parole its not looming today but I can't completely console myself with confidence that I will now live forever No one knows if a cure will be here tomorrow or never Many look at me and see a younger man I smile and give thanks for a resilient spirit whenever I can I have been blessed with trauma, tragedy and disgrace and chosen to get up and take an about face I now live my life in a more present way I am clear and dedicated to my tasks each day I can still be the joker, the fool with the laughs without needing to fall in a pit surrounded by my own gaffs I see better ahead and keep close my past failings as I move to clearer water and smoother sailings Weather permitting I have so much more to live I have found a passion where I have so much to give So I look back and realize how much I have grown and look to my struggles and how much I now know The future is brighter I have faith in my vision I am firmly committed to follow through with my mission A re-shaped man I feel that I can still play but I have a life to live that starts with each new day So I don't need to be the last one still out I don't need to prove that I can wear everyone out I know that I have all that it need but concede that it will take help to plant a new seed Please: Believe in me and my vision today and I will invite you along to play Today is the new life and fun is the goal with high energy present in the form of coal I must stoke the fire and build up the heat as alchemy takes patience and rhythm takes beat Together we have a process to use so gather here in your dancing shoes Rejoice, release and start fresh right now I will live today with a simple vow Be all I can be, not afraid to make mistakes Just alert and present with all that it takes An artist, a teacher, a leader... that's me The process has birthed me, its time to be free. Rainbow Spider 6/26/07

Street drumming in my hometown

Rainbow Spider — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 05:43:04 GMT

Tonight I had a wonderful (small) group join me for a birthday dinner in Bethesda (my hometown- where I grew up and went to High School - I now live in Germantown - 20 minutes North, but still work in Bethesda - now didn't that complicate things - lol) I sent out an invite via email to 40 or 50 of my "closest friends" about 8 days ago to join me for a night of dinner and dancing and alas... 3 of us showed up just for the dinner... and it was just right. We had tappas and I enjoyed the meal and the company.. We ate outside and it is so pleasant out... and across the street, in front of the ice cream store was a small "band" with two electric guitarists with tiny amps and a homeless guy with sticks and a metal chair Turns out the two friends were tired and headed home, but I wandered back to see the band and asked if they wanted some more percussion. Minutes later there I was with my mom's djembe (the only drum I had in my car) jamming out with Jay and his band. It was good fun but they stop playing WAY too early in Bethesda (just like there is no place to hang out and eat late (except the diner 4 blocks away) or anyplace to dance .... 200+ restaurants serving fine dining from around the globe and no disco or dance floor... anyway it was fun drumming to classic rock tunes and looking up at the looming suburban high rises all around me. Jay was cool and opened up a few spots for drum jams and Al and I had fun jamming. Turns out Al ... the heavily bearded man in a wheel chair with a sign around his neck about being a Homeless Veteran... was quite handy and expressive with drumsticks, a metal chair, metal coffee mug and his wheel chair... we had a few nifty beats and I was invited to come hang out and jam again... Friday and Saturday nights Jay and the "band" play Bethesda and/or Dupont Circle - 7 metro stops or 20 minutes down into DC. It has been a long and hard week and I reeaallllyy need to get back to the gym, but for tomorrow and Sunday I will be checking out to the beautiful woods behind my friend the Perry's house... whose backyards host PerryPalooza a two day festival with 20 bands and tomorrow night I will lead a drum circle around midnight. I borrowed mom's djembe (cause I have one in the shop and a broken doumbek currently), a BIG group drum and a LARGE frame drum plus two amazing xylophones whose sounds are so rich and clear.... those plus my frame drums, paddle drums, the magical purple bag of percussion (17 toys of all shapes, sizes and sounds) and my back up djembe (a Remo Paulo Mattioli drum, since my main drum is being re-headed, again) plus some bongos and whatever else wants to jump in the car with me tomorrow afternoon With the help of my wonderful friend Tanith I charted out my schedule for the rest of the summer and I have 1-3 weekends off till mid September. The schedule includes 3 five or six day events - Drum and Splash (7/4-8) and Stones Rising (8/30-9/3) at Four Quarters Farm (www.4QF.org) and Sacred Soul Fire in West Virginia August 9 -12 http://consciouscollaborations.com/SSF/ I will also travel to New York for CosmFire mid July, to a work day in WVA the next wk and then potentially to 4QF for two "short" 3 day weekends: Spiral Scouts weekend and Body Tribal although I may have to decide between hanging with the scouts or doing intense personal ritual and only do one of the two... luckily I have blocked off the weekend after Sacred SoulFire and will have nothing that Sat/Sun... then I head to 4QF for Stones Intensive (the weekend we prepare the land and the tools for pulling large stones) and then summer ends with a 5 day weekend of intense community ritual with Stones Rising when we pull and erect three new stones to our stone circle. September looks wonderfully calm... but I am sure my weekends will fill up before then - lol plus the two Jewish high holidays are mid September and Embers is the first weekend of October and if my money holds up I will head back to Vegas for Harvest Weekend end of October including Bonedance the magical one night fire circle in the dessert (and The Witches and Wizards Ball the night before was much fun too.) (hey, do you think I use enough <parantheses?>) I will head to bed thinking about the discussion I had with my friend after dinner about my possibly moving to Takoma Park, MD (on the DC line) this Fall or early Winter... I may be heading towards that hippie/eclectic town of war protestors, vegans and musicians and energy workers... I had planned to be moving there 4 years ago until this apartment came available through friends of family real cheap.... Anyone who knows of a group house in Takoma Park with a room available this Fall (or sooner) ... you know where to find me night y'all Moshe

Happy early morning birthday to me

Rainbow Spider — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 07:33:56 GMT

Boy, nothing is more anti-climatic than having a birthday fall on a Wednesday... here I am up at almost 3 am just 9 hours shy of being 42 years young and I am alone with the glow of this laptop (and the tremendous soundtrack from LOVE, the Beatles Cirque de Soleil soundtrack on headphones up REAL loud) I feel alive, awake and somehow bored with life as I plan away my busy, busy summer weekends. I know that I have fallen short of de-cluttering my life as my own deadline for that project has been pushed back from winter to spring and now it is officially summer. Bummer.. can’t my clutter just stop complicating my life and be gone… maybe if I let it go… oh yeah that would make too much sense, and I have to do the real work of realizing it is just stuff and I don’t need any of it…. Hopefully soon I know Cleo doesn't mind all my piles, but as a good cat she could be no happier than a pile of my dirtier clothes on the floor and she loves just hanging out wherever. I am excited about Perry Pallooza, a two day 30 band backyard party in MD this weekend where I will likely sit in with many bands and then lead a Sat night drum circle/jam/experiment. I am also psyched about Drum and Splash at Four Quarters this July 4th weekend. I think I am offering two kids drum playshops and a “Make your own percussion” workshop, but may instead assist the wonderfully creative, fun and funny Ken Crampton instead. My main drum...DJ, the djembe I built 12 years ago in a two day workshop ... will finally return to me with a new head .... again. It was re-headed by Alex W. from Ohio for Fires Rising and when he cranked it up for me the head blew a hole... I had been without this wonderful skin and skin drum (Poplar and goatskin) since Sacred Soul Fire LAST fall and really miss its unique sound and feel. I love my Paolo Mattioli Remo drum but its over-ring isn't perfect. So.... I am 42 years old and what does life look like? I am single, working in a family business, active in a diverse eclectic mix of men's group, support groups, drum and dance activities and I get out to play to events in MD, DC, VA, PA and sometimes farther. I have plans to re-focus my life to more self sustainable income that will be residual. I am waiting to publish my poetry for THE BOOK around the poems, which may never come. I am kind of holding myself back in my pursuit of being a teacher and more of a community leader. I see myself through much, much more critical eyes than most... and I should know... I have witnessed all my failures, glorious efforts that have fallen short, mis-directions and hardest to swallow... I don't trust myself to stay healthy and focused long enough to stay with one thing. I know that the choices I make in the next 6 - 12 months likely should determine the course of the next 3-30 years of my life. I know that I have not only fallen short of success, but I have much more potential than I have allowed myself to believe. Try almost dying, surviving, living through a few decades of being a professional patient, watching many, many others die all around you and wonder... WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL HERE??? I would love to give you a simple answer and know that I have one calling and just start today to focus on the streamlined pursuit of that success and write myself a nice tidy story line. BUT I have had way too much time to think. Way too much time when I didn't have the health to pursue dreams or didn't have the dream of what would come after achieving health. I wrote business plans, I wrote poems, I wrote love letters.... then I wrote another business plan, some songs, another love poem and then soon enough another business plan On any given day I can make a "presentation" to a patient friend of how any of at least three of these plans is the likeliest to be my next step. I have businesses that are creative, that will make a difference in the world, that are daring and that are so logical... but I have a very, very hard time of prioritizing them and choosing JUST ONE... one to start with... and therefore which 2 or more to table for the near future. I am remembering a recent conversation held with a true dear friend who encouraged me to pursue a path that I feel called to but for some reason very under qualified for. I sense that it might just be time to let myself fail. Yup... at least try If I fail, I dust myself up and try again... In many ways in the 80's I tried to die. I failed, and tried again.... and then failed again. I just didn't count on the power of a spirit that wouldn't die and the support of friends and family and resources when I was ready to die. So if I didn't succeed with my old death wish... I better accept that I will be here blogging in ten more years at 52 celebrating being HIV negative. Yup... I have been positive way too darn long. I am sick of the baggage, the pain, the sorrow, the survivor’s guilt. I am ready to be 100% healed and wake up one day to a cure for Aids or my own negative test…whichever comes first. I can't write a long post without thinking about being positive... why... hmmmm... lets see, I take medications 5 times a day... that might be it. Or maybe it’s going to the pharmacy 2-5 times a month or dealing with Social Security, disability, Medicare... ahhh. I bore you with my reality. But realities can be re-structured. People can choose a new path, can re-define themselves. I would like to be dating a beautiful woman. I would like to have a stable income doing something I love where I share smiles and good energy. I would like to not live in isolated suburban hell. I would like to be a community leader who follows his instincts and teaches from the heart. I would like to mobilize folks to think about what is important to them and to remember that at least for today - HIV and AIDS are alive and well and affect some of us... every fucking day So I write a bit here and a bit there My rainbow spider colors are bright across my heart and this summer I will dance around many fires, drum many suns up and find where I can dance within this community If I ever ask for your help or tell you I am ready to make one of my dreams come true... please give me a moment... or two. I may just shock myself Peace and love, Moshe Rainbow Spider P.S. the track of Here Comes the Sun (with its amazing tabla intro) is on... I hope I can get to bed before the sun comes up ... lol

Rainbow Spider signature tattoo pics loaded to picture book

Rainbow Spider — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 17:09:23 GMT

Well Saturday was a day I will long remember. The process of getting the colors to my web took about 5 hours with short breaks in between color changes... I had dozens of friends from the fire tribe and Four Quarters family join me and support me throughout the process. It did not feel like an ordeal... we chanted and sang songs much of the time with doumbek, djembe and frame drum players and magical Loup on didgeridoo. I had Ulsa, Tanith, Fox, Jacob, Katy and Tigre drum for me, the whole tent, including Abraham – the tattoo artist, chanted for me. and Shiva, Tanith, June, Cynthia and others held my hand as Kala, Dee and Kelly did energy work and supported my feet and legs. We even documented aspects of the day on video with Shiva videotaping my intention, Abraham's words and later Shiva's son River interviewed me on camera (during a break.) We covered about a half a dozen fire tribe chants, improvised a few new ones and even dis-integrated into show tunes for over 1/2 an hour. I felt myself intentionally breathing, chanting, smiling and laughing more than I was grimacing or crying. I was wiped out after the session and slept through a good part of Saturday night's fire circle but did show up around 5:30 am for the final sunrise and our closing ritual Thursday and Friday night's fires were amazing and I drummed, danced, chanted, saged folks at the Eastern gate, offered water and food throughout the evenings. Early Saturday morning just before sunup, I danced into the circle in full court jester costume with harlequin face paint and engaged many in a fun dance. I had a staggering loss as the new head on my Djembe developed a crack and I wasn't able to play it Friday on, but Alex let me borrow his drum Friday night and I was jamming in the peacock (solo) seat for a great session I haven't felt so supported by community since the days when I was really ill and I was touched and empowered by the support of my tribe. I also had the amazing opportunity to return the favor Sunday night when I drummed for Billy Bardo's tattoo of Mercury's wings on his ankles... I will write more soon Peace and colorful rainbows Moshe

Please send energy my way Sat 6/2 at 2pm as I finish my Rainbow Spider tattoo

Rainbow Spider — Wed, 30 May 2007 04:44:52 GMT

hey there Tribe Earlier this year I embarked on starting a tattoo and piercing project that is very significant for me...my signature Rainbow Spider tattoo. First I had my left nipple pierced in February. Then I had a white spider web tattooed over my heart from my shoulder down across from the middle of the chest basically over towards my elbow in March... Well this Saturday I will be having the rainbow added to the web and will finish the third faze of the project ... I will complete the work when a silversmith finishes the nipple shield that will be a 3 dimensional spider to put on my piercing and sit in the middle of the web. I will be having the tattoo work done by Abraham of Time Bomb tattoo, usually based in Frederick, where he did the white web, but the work will be done at Four Quarters farm in PA as part of the Fires Rising event. For Fires Rising we drum and dance till the sun comes up for three nights... Well Saturday afternoon Abe and I will embark on adding all the chakras to the web. I will have some friends there to support me, drumming and chanting and likely someone to hold my hand (it hurts, duh!) Saturday, June 2 starting at 2pm till 6 or 8 pm if you could please send out some energy, thoughts and prayers my way, I would really appreciate it Look forward to showing you the finished work next time I see you after I return peace and love, Moshe

T-M-I , Too Much Monologue A NEW poem (2nd rough edit)

Rainbow Spider — Tue, 29 May 2007 05:44:23 GMT

As the final days count down till I finish my Rainbow Spider Tattoo I have realized that many processes are going on for me concurrently. Physically I have needed more time to recover from weekend activites. Emotionally I have been wavering from blissful joy, to haunting depression to plain uncertainty & back again.... and mentally I have been thinking way too hard and over planning as I worry and micro-manage too far into the future. Coming from this needy space, too often I find myself bouncing every detail off of close friends. I have been known to burn others out and in the last 10 days two close friends have really dug deep and leveled honest feedback of our conversations and how my talking (often of long stories and/or lots of details) can dominate space and turn a talk into a monologue. I was flat out told I give too much information... TMI as I walked the glorious labyrinth at Four Quarters moments later, the following poem/song came to me. Moshe ----------------------------------------------------------- TMI – too much monologue As I get older and I continue to grow The best lessons come to me real slow Teachers and mirrors and foils abound But I have to listen for the thoughts profound I don’t hear well but I sure can talk It is often much harder to walk my walk. Today I am humbled and more aware I know my energy can be too much to share Too Much Information, running through my brain The words come out like a run away train T – M – I, too much monologue Is coming through loud and clear When I shut my mouth and listen There is so much more to hear! Empty space and quiet welcomes others too Learning better communication is what I’m inspired to do T – M – I, too much monologue We get along better with our dialogue It can be scary for me to quiet my mind If I keep it inside there is more to find Listen… listen … as I hear I don’t have to be held hostage by my fear. Quieter nights without as much talking are what I have ahead The energy that was overwhelming can be tempered now instead T – M – I, too much monologue No one ever likes a hog Listen to everyone’s dialogue In this machine I am just one cog I’m scared of changing… can I slow down my brain before the babble flows? One conversation at a time Keep my stories for a later rhyme I can be entertaining, funny and proud Without being in your face and talking way too loud T–M–I, too much monologue, I bid my chatter goodbye It has been my crutch way too long So I release that talkative guy What will I find? Who will I meet? Will old friends appear right on the street? They have been there hiding all the time With my words as a shield I didn’t let them shine Group dynamics and dialogue, everyone’s words are said Without dominating the talking, the TMI is shut off instead Many thanks to friends who listened and didn’t hide away in fear Their feedback and their wisdom helped me find what I could hear! T – M – I, too much monologue I haven’t shared conversations very well Can I change and open the space I really wonder, but only time will tell Moshe Adler written 5-27-06 after walking labyrinth at Four Quarters Farm. *Lyrics to Police song snagged and re-written... Much thanks and respect go out to Sting.