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I wrote a short story- feedback welcomed!
Fri, February 22, 2008 - 9:49 PMJoanna knew Zach was special from the minute he was born. Different from all her others but even so very different from his twin brother Luke, Luke was a follower, a good boy, never questioned a thing. But this was not a place to be different, even special. Somehow, Joanna carried the fear of this knowledge but never discouraged him, at least not in private. For now at just over twelve years of age, Zach’s ideas were gaining attention, including from the wrong people.
“It’s just ridiculous to think that our energy doesn’t play a role in everything that happens. It can’t be ‘god’s will’. EVERYTHING we do, everything we eat, drink and more importantly everything we THINK is related to the outcome. We have the power to make things happen we are not pawns in God’s game”
“Zachariah! Enough blasphemy! And at the table no less!”
Hannah, the youngest, blushed. She knew Mama and Zach talked of such matters and of energy and vibrations, when no one was around (or at least no children ‘old enough to understand’.) She didn’t quite understand why this was a secret, but was enlightened enough at just 6 months to know it must be.
“That talk will get you in all kinds of trouble, the clergy brigade have been asking questions about you.”
Joanna gasped at her husband’s words. “No, he’s just a little boy.”
“You knew this might happen the way he spouts that nonsense and I warned you son.”
Zach remained silent as Joanna wept, and the faces of the children around the table were that of robots, conditioned to think and feel only what they’re told. Except, Hannah she looked over at her brother and thought ‘I believe in you, and there are others’.
‘I know’, he mouthed back to her. This was the first time she’d made a connection with him this way and felt a profound sense of peace.
That night as Joanna tucked in the twins and closed the door on their bedroom cottage, she knew she would likely never see her boys again. One must make sacrifices for what they believe in, as a breeder surely she knew this at least. But lately what she’d been taught was being challenged and what she believed was changing. Zach had changed everything and only with her help, with her sacrifice, he’d change it for others.
The next morning Joanna awoke to the dreaded rap on the door she knew was coming.
“We’ve a church order to arrest for Zachariah Jewel under suspicion of religious treason.” The brigade stepped into the foyer.
Joanna put her hands to her head, she knew it was more than suspicion, there would be no trial. She knew children didn’t come back when the brigade took them away.
“He’s still asleep, out in the back, I’ll take you.”
Joanna wanted to hate her husband for this. But she knew the men would go to the boy’s cottage, with or without assistance.
“No! It can’t be! …dear God…. please, no..!”
Joanna moved down the hall towards her husband’s cries.
“It’s burnt to the ground, the boys… Zachariah and Luke!”
She could do nothing but stare, any more emotion might have given away her thoughts of whether the teeth would fool the forensics team. Inside, Hannah cried out for her and Joanna rushed to her baby, silently grateful for an out.
Under cover of night, Zach had made swift ground. Now at daybreak, safely outside the confines of the village, he couched low and checked the coordinates where he was to meet the Enlightened Rebels. His mouth was throbbing, but he was positive, energized and hopeful for the first time in his life. He thought of Hannah, and how he believed she was different too. She’s spoken to him too had she not? He concentrated very hard on Hannah and soon he could see her. “I’ll be back for you, take care of mama.” Hannah replied “I will” and let out a cry to call Joanna in from outside.
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Fri, February 29, 2008 - 6:58 AM
great writing Amanda! It left an eerie feeling in me when I found out they killed the twin to save Zach. It sure left you guessing... like Ray Bradbury does sometimes in his short stories. I was at first confused about the 6-month old baby being able to 'think' things to Zach, but then I realized that she was 'gifted' in some way. It also reminded me of the story, the giver.
I think that every paragraph could have been expanded into a chapter! Thanks for the early morning story to start my day off. Maybe I can read more of your stories on our trip to Portland:) |
