new book maybe

hmm, i just may have to write afew books in the near future, im thinking of a few titles that i think people need to read. Like " EVIL: an exploration into its origins and notable characteristics" and " HOW TO BATTLE EVIL AND WIN" and "Logans rules to live by" and "HEY YOU!! WHY ARE YOU STUPID?"
i think itll go well. i have LOTS to say about these topics, could go on for days, a collection of rants, everything i hold back normally and never write down, sort of been simerring in my brain for the last few decades or so, lol.
personally, cant wait for armageddon, gonna enlist in whatever army lets me beat the crap out of the guys that destroy the lives of others and give them the smack down with a custom built spiked mace and watch their skulls shatter and whatever they use for brains splatter.
man i hate the soulless.

masculine insecurity, maybe human?

so where is there a place, a forum, a chance to speak honestly and expose ones insecurities, ones personal shames and fears,where a guy can talk about his life and be brutally honest with others about who he really is without fear of being judged for it, without fear of being treated like less of a man, where people can praise you for your accomplishments, a support group of peole that can understand you, cn understand all that youve gone through and the reasons why, and not think less of you for , or insult you or treat you like less of a man. where are there people that WANT others to be happy and well, people that are kind and understand that people NEED to be treated with respect and occasionally a little praise for hard work and generosity and love. where is this place that i can be loved for who i am ,thought highly of for the things ive done and the sacrifices ive made. DOes such aplace exist? i once taught a martial arts clas, weapons mostly, kids ranging from 17 to their 30s, and it was great, i was never more happy, i had something to offer to others that was worthwhile, i had respect, i had FUN, i was fianlly doing something that mattered, i like to think i made a difference.i had no formal training so i could never do that in a respected dojo, the thing ive learned ive taught myself, ive always had to teach myself, i once thought that was admirable. now i discover that people mostly seem to only respect formal education and without that little piece of paper all that you know is worthless cuz no one can take your word for your knowledge,no matter that its EFFECTIVE. i just want to go somewhere where i can be treated kindly, where i can be whjo i am without being made to feel like im less of a human being, ive done aLOT in my life, i used to be proud of that. NOw it just seems like so much wasted time. i should have maybe gone to some school or other but i always felt that ones best education is what one learnms in real life, so i plunged headfirst into life and tried to learn everything the hard way because i beleived it was BETTER, and in a way it was, not just the martial arts stuff, but philosophy, job related stuff, LIFE. i hav alot of insecurities about life these days, ive changed so much of my life, so many times, from the ground up, ive done things that i once thought were amazing, a great achievement, adventures, sometimes even miracles, but theres not one to talk to, and no one to listen. and it gets to me, i sometimes feel like i have nothing, that i AM nothing but a failure and a loser, ive strugled SOO hard and have an amzing life to show for it, an amazing set of memories, but nothing material to show for it. not ONE thing. the only person in my life that acts like it matters is my Raven, and thats hard to take, not that she is bad or anything but i realy thought that there would be more people who cared. so where can i find these people, or do they exist anywhere? i would do the same for others if i could find this place everyone need appreciation for what theyve done with their life, everyone. but i have never seen a place like this, where a person can confess, can set the burden down for a minute and recieve praise for doing what theyve done, or respect, or hell, just acknowledgement. maybe i should create this place,sort of a general purpose support group thingy, for people that are so tired of living their lives without any praise or acnowledgement, imagine how many WIVES coudl benefit from this, lol, and how many men too. just a place where you can sit and talk about who you are and what youve done a place to spill out all your achievements and all your sorrows and the people listening will give you support, where you can spill your guts about all those dirty little secrets all those guilty felings and secret shames, all those incredible sacrifices youve done and for what reaosn, and be APPRECIATAED for it.
Appreciation is a very human need, and there is so little of it, nobody wants to give it it seems but everybody wants it. and im just plain tuckered out for its lack.

MY GAWD my comand is retarded!!

so i went to a disciplinary review board today, got my ass chewed royally, for, get this, mistakes that were made a YEAR ago, and are currently in the process of being on the mend. and of course with all DRBs on my ship, ill probably go to mast, and then god knows what else. oh yeah, LOOOOVE the navy, although iv been told its not the NAVY, its just this stupid ship, keep hearing it too, have seen it with my own eyes actually, but still, it really sucks to be stuck here on this boat. man, i got to get another comand, yay Iraq, here i come! if i can go i cannot WAIT to get off this damn ship.

Well thats it, im going to Iraq

i didnt pass my AM3 test, so i have to do something desperate.im not going to let my girl down, so i have to go paly in the sandbox for a while, at least it will get me off this damn ship, and away from my insane command. Ill take anything to get away from them, and yes, it REALLY is that bad. My command is absolutely INSANE. ive seen more people thrown out of the navy for the most outlandish reasons ive ever imagined, im not going down that road, i cant afford to, i have people counting onme, i will not let my girl down. Still, wow, is it going to SUCK! ant be much worse than here though, lol, at least ill be treated like a human being.Even if i have to duck the occasional M-16 round or hand grenade or flak or IEDs or what not. Depending on where i go, it canbe bad or it can be a walk in the park, im hoping for the park, that would be nice, i like nice things, i like the desert too so hey, at least i can say i was in Iraq, and ive been to deserts in other parts of the world now, its like 130 degrees over there though or more. damn, this is going to suck.

more about me

well okay, im feeling a little bloggy at the moment.
here is a little about what i am and where im comin from, i dream. ... a LOT! i never stop seeing the horizon, i get visions, visions of going somewhere no one ahs ever gone before, i like to do dangerous things,i like to experience things that make me scream with happiness. i never feel more free than when im travlelling, i love the road, i love walking even just to the store, i love to go off the beaten path, i like the adventure. I have found that freedom is what my soul craves, and lately ive also discovered that that isnt necessarily so for everyone else like i thought it was, in fact, it seems like that almost NO ONE is interested in freedom, not the type of freedom i like, like being in a desert and making it entirely on your own, like exploring the wilderness alone, i love being alone, i love the freedom, nothing to slow me down, nobody to judge me, nobody to worry about what crazy thing im doing, ill handle it, by myself, and i am the best judge of what i can handle and what i cant, and when im travelling and alone, i can feel completely free, i love to be with people, but theyre opinions and judgements weigh me down, i like people for their company but then when im no longer needing that i like to be able to leave. i love my Raven and she is probably the only human on earth that i would even CONSIDER wandering with as she never judges me, or rather she DOES, but never in a mean way, she can say things to me that make me see more about a thing than i could ahve conceieved of on my own but without making it feel like im less, no one else in my life has ever done that. i could travel the world with her, but pretty much nobody else, i love being free. signing up for the military was just about the hardest thing ive ever done, im voluntarily wearing a chain around my neck, shackled to a big grey ship, my life dependent on the approval of others, my money and schedule in anothers hands, its hell. i feel bound, collared, shackled, and i dont like it. i wnat to be free. im not normal if im not free, its like being sick, i cant eat right, i cant sleep right, nothing is good, i want to pace my cage. i have travelled pretty much the entire coastline of the states before i came to the Navy, and the occasional trips to see other places since having joined are pretty cool, but its like seeing places outside the bars of a cage, im not free. its notn the same. i cant be me when im there, so its less, it almost hurts to travel because i cannot be me enough to really BE there, so it just makes it like a tease.
i know that for others its not like this, they care little for freedom having never truly had it before, ( at least thats what i think it is, could be something else, i ahve no idea) but i, having tasted freedom, feel the bonds every second of every day. i imagine my world as an adventure, i see all the thing i COULD do, and i know in my heart of hearts that i am capable of them, but the people around me, the shackles of society , the opinions of the judges in power that approve or dissaprove of every action of others continue to bind me. i want to be free again. i want to walk in the desert, i want to sleep in the mountains, i want to swim in lakes and fish in rivers and climb mountains, and scream for love of life, i want to do crazy things just for the fun of it. i want to hunt.
i cannot go much longer like this. to every side i am surrounded by judges and egos, i am trapped in a world where truth and freedom are made to be false, where one is punished for being an individual, for wanting something different than others, for daring to express it instead of keeping your damn mouth shut like everyone else. We are in a dark age again, and it seems very few percieve it. I want to leave this place and go where i can be free again. my soul demands it. When i am free of my commitment to the Navy, i will go to the desert and i will scream to my hearts content, i will light a fire so big it can be seen for miles, i will dance naked in the moonlight and hunt with the dawn. i will do things civilized man is not meant to do, lol.another word for civilized is TAME, DOMESTICATED, BROKEN,i will have nothing more of this when i am done. i want my choices back, i want to run flat out for the hell of it, do handstands, scream, rage and bleed for the loss ive endured, i am SOOOOOOO angry inside for all this. inside me there is a rage, a deep terrible rage for all that i am suffering. i want to do very very uncivilized things to purge my soul of this BONDAGE i feel.
i have learned one thign from allowing myself to be bound though, no one can shackle my heart. they can chain my hands or my time or my money or my life or my schedule but never my heart. in my heart i am always free, that may be worth it in the end, i hope so. I am doing this, i am a slave, for love. i am doing this all, all of it every day and ever minute of every day i am doing this for Raven adn for our future, that keeps me going. one day, this will pay off for BOTH of us. and after i purge myself of this STAIN of bondage, we can live together forever, and we WILL be free. i will kill to keep it safe, i will do ANYTHING to keep our freedom safe from those that would shackle me again. Make no mistake, im deadly serious. if you are reading this and thinking that maybe youd like to see how far im willing to go, i suggest you make funeral plans first, because i swear to you, i will kill you without a single thought ,at first glance. i mean to be free. and i mean to take my love with me, where we can live in peace from people that want to destroy our happiness. I am prepared to do just about anything to protect her and our future together. i WILL l have my freedom back. and im going to cherish every single moment of it with her, and everything will be better because of it and because i am with her, in my life.

Looking for PAgan friends in Jacksonville Florida

my god is there ANYONE out there? just need some folks to talk to occasionally and maybe hang out with, i drink, i smoke, my morals are questionable but im a fun guy, looking to meet ANYONE that has half a brain in the JAx area. Write me and ill reply.

well ive applied to the Necromancers union, local 93

hopefully theyll accept me, i have lots to share. As an exercise in the great work i can think of no better place to observe the workings of the mindless undead than in the military. nothing but braindead zombies as far as the eye can see. id like to share with them my plans for an undead legion bent on a hostile take over of the white house, have no idea what i can use to motivate the masses, though, as apparently brains are in short supply, im sure we'll think of something, though, maybe dancing lessons. In any case, im thrilled to finally be able to share my ideas on the unique perspectives of the walking dead, and the wonders of working with them every day. although really , dealing with the smell of dead flesh and the sea has GOT to become a priority, the navy's penchant for securing potable water while underway has GOT to STOP!!