Oh, also, Gary's dating life is the only one as outlandishly, hilariously rocky as my own.

Few people know that Gary is actually a Hasidic Jew masquerading as a gay, black man. He's a man of many talents, including air sitar, Kenny G trivia knowledge, the ability to fart the entire Farsi alphabet and he is also a world champion Segway racer.

We met during our time in a Turkish prison and have been inseparable ever since... except after he's eaten sour cream. Then, I must separate myself for a few hours.