CAT CHAT

Happy Birthday to Me.....

Milo — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 00:51:34 GMT

Hey all I made to the ripe old age of one. Boy am I getting spoiled today! It is a day of Catnip, Salmon, and as many Tummy Rubs as I want. Oh and dId I mention the remote control mouse that I got. That sucker moves fast, but not too fast for me. And Mom canceled the trip to the groomers for my first bath until next week. Well it's been a long day. Time for a well deserved CatNap. Wow what a purrrrrfect day!

The Cat Days of Summer

Milo — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 22:35:20 GMT

What else can a kitty be expected to do on these long hot summer days?

Sparklers, Firecrackers and Rockets OH MY!

Milo — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 17:30:45 GMT

Keep your cats happy and safe on Independence Day The 4th of July, Independence Day, is the most traumatic day of the year for cats. If you live in the U.S., unless you pack a tent, hiking boots, and your cat, and take off for the high country, it is unlikely you'll spend a fireworks-free 4th of July. As with many of our traditional holidays, people tend to forget the meaning of "Independence Day," but concentrate their celebration on "bombs bursting mid-air" and barbecues. Although many municipalities don't even allow the "safe and sane" fireworks anymore, people still seem to find the not-so-safe kind. In my neck of the woods, some fools take the "bombs" literally, as they explode one M-80 after another. These can be devastating to human nerves, to say nothing of the poor cats'. Prepare a Sanctuary Frightened cats will seek shelter, immediately. Many cats will run and hide under a bed or in a closet when the doorbell rings. Imagine what they will do when a bottle rocket goes off nearby. It will help your kitty if you prepare a sanctuary in advance, perhaps a bed inside a closet in an interior room. Rub a towel or small blanket with her scent and put it in the bed. Show her where it is well in advance of the 4th, so she will know it's her own "safe place." We usually spend the evening of the 4th in our bedroom with our cats on the bed, so we can pet them and soothe them when the fireworks start. It doesn't totally take away their fear of loud noise, but it does help a lot. If your cat is normally an indoor-outdoor cat, keep her indoors for the day. Unfortunately, there are still sadistic sub-humans around who think it's great fun to tie a string of firecrackers to a cat's tail. Don't let your cat become a statistic, and forever ruin your enjoyment of the holiday. Having a Party? Unless it's a quiet family get-together, you might want to consider boarding your cat at your veterinarians if they will have staff on duty during the holiday. Otherwise, it's best if you keep Fluffy locked in your room during the festivities, with her food, water, and litter-box handy. Even if it's just family, try to discourage feeding kitty scraps from the barbecue, though she might beg. Barbecue and the accompanyments that go with it are usually too rich and greasy for your cat's metabolism, and she needs all her physical resources in optimum condition just to handle the fireworks later. Consider Herbal Relaxer No, not for you, but for your cats. If your favorite feline is normally the skitterish type, ther are some herbal concoctions that have a calming effect. Rescue Remedy, available at health food stores, is recommended for shock, both physical and emotional. It is a mixture of several Bach Flower Remedies: impatiens, star of Bethlehem, cherry plum, rock rose, and clematis. Many veterinarians routinely prescribe it. Try to take time out from the activities of the holiday to spend a few minutes with your cat, every couple of hours, petting her and talking to her. She needs to know you haven't abandoned her during these stressful hours, and the respite will be good for you, too. Happy Independence day, and I hope it will be a safe and sane one for both you and your cat

VACATION AND CHERRIES

Milo — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 02:50:19 GMT

Well My mom has been on vacation all week. It has been great, I let her sleep in til 6:00 am. She hangs around and plays with me. She even bought me a new toy, it's called Peek-A-Prize by Smart Cat. www.esmartcat.com. Well it was supposed to keep me busy all day when she goes back to work, but I figured the toy out in 10 minutes and now I just get the balls out of the box and bat them around the room. I found out that my mom loves Cherries and it is Cherry season. She was eating some from a bowl and watching T.V. of course I had to investigate this new food. I don't like to eat them; however, they make a great toy. I get one by the stem and let it hang from my mouth and then I bat it with my paw as it swings back and forth. I can only do it twice and then I get excited and drop it. So, I just go back to the bowl and get another. It's a lot of fun all you kitties need to try it.

Happy Times in this House

Milo — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 01:43:14 GMT

My human is so happy she is done with school until August. She got a "A" in her Sign Language class. I'm happy because this means home cooked dinners and more attention time for me in the evenings. Meooow!

The Kitten

Milo — Sun, 13 May 2007 14:05:32 GMT

He's nothing much but fur And two round eyes of blue, He has a giant purr And a midget mew. He darts and pats the air. He starts and cocks his ear, When there is nothing there For him to see or hear. He runs around in rings, for why we cannot tell; With sideways leaps he springs, At things invisible- Then Half way through a leap His startled eyeballs close, And he drops off to sleep With one paw on his nose. By Elenor Fergeon

Wisdom, by, about, or exemplified by cats.

Milo — Fri, 11 May 2007 18:48:43 GMT

Cats have incredible vision - but they never see your flaws. - Anonymous Intelligence in the cat is underrated. - Louis Wain The purity of a person's heart can be quickly measured by how they regard cats. - Anonymous If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence. - Will Cuppy A rose has thorns, a cat has claws; certainly both are worth the risk. - Anonymous By associating with the cat, one only risks becoming richer. - Colette Cats know how to obtain food without labor, shelter without confinement, and love without penalties. - W. L. George Cats whiskers are so sensitive, they can find their way through the narrowest crack in a broken heart. - Anonymous Everything I know I learned from my cat: When you're hungry, eat. When you're tired, nap in a sunbeam. When you go to the vet's, pee on your owner. - Gary Smith If we treated everyone we meet with the same affection we bestow upon our favorite cat, they, too, would purr. - Martin Buxbaum If you are worthy of its affection, a cat will be your friend, but never your slave. - Theophile Gautier

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S GUIDE TO HUMAN BEINGS

Milo — Mon, 07 May 2007 03:58:52 GMT

1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans? So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence. What's so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple: THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS. Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves. True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train. 2. How And When to Get Your Human's Attention Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important activities than taking care of your immediate needs, such as conducting business, spending time with their families or even sleeping. Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do, just to get you out of its hair. Not coincidentally, human teenagers follow this same practice. Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do what you want: Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of it, chances are good it's something they assume is more important than you. They will often offer you a snack to lure you away. Establish your supremacy over this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys and small children. Waking your human at odd hours: A cat's golden time is between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning. If you paw at your human's sleeping face during this time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an incoherent haze, do exactly what you want. You may actually have to scratch deep sleepers to get their attention remember to vary the scratch site to keep the human from getting suspicious. 3. Punishing Your Human Being Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have to punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or eating household plants, are likely to backfire--the unsophisticated humans are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU. Instead, we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective alternatives: Use the cat box during an important formal dinner. Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude. Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment and feign a hairball attack. After your human has watched a particularly disturbing horror film, stand by the hall closet and then slowly back away, hissing and yowling. While your human is sleeping, lie on its face. 4. Rewarding Your Human: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive? The cat world is divided over the etiquette of presenting humans with the thoughtful gift of a recently disemboweled animal. Some believe that humans prefer these gifts already dead, while others maintain that humans enjoy a slowly expiring cricket or rodent just as much as we do, given their jumpy and playful movements in picking the creatures up after they've been presented. After much consideration of the human psyche, we recommend that cold-blooded animals (large insects, frogs, lizards, garden snakes and the occasional earthworm) should be presented dead, while warm-blooded animals (birds, rodents, your neighbor's Pomeranian) are better still living. When you see the expression on your human's face, you'll know it's worth it. 5. How Long Should You Keep Your Human? You are only obligated to your human for one of your lives. The other eight are up to you. We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end, most humans (at least the ones that are worth living with) are pretty much the same. But what do you expect? They're humans, after all. Opposable thumbs will only take you so far.

The Laws of Cat Physics

Milo — Sat, 05 May 2007 04:02:18 GMT

Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. Law of Cat Magnetism All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. Law of Cat Stretching A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. Law of Cat Sleeping All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat. Law of Cat Elongation A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. Law of Cat Obstruction A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic. Law of Cat Acceleration A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop. Law of Dinner Table Attendance Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. Law of Rug Configuration No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. Law of Obedience Resistance A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something. First Law of Energy Conservation Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. Second Law of Energy Conservation Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. Law of Refrigerator Observation If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. Law of Electric Blanket Attraction Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. Law of Random Comfort Seeking A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. Law of Bag/Box Occupancy All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. Law of Milk Consumption A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. Law of Furniture Replacement A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. Law of Cat Landing A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human. Law of Fluid Displacement A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed. Law of Cat Disinterest A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. Law of Cat Composition A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.