Editor's note: I am now divorced from said woman. Live and learn. Ouch. Did I mention "ouch"?
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Here is something I wrote. I hope you find it funny. It just occurred to me two days ago after my wife and I were talking about some good romance the day before, and I become cognizant of what a lucky guy I was to have a woman in my house who will dress purty for her fellow, me.

The rest just sprung up as silliness, one of my most
endearing and heartwarming traits, men feel reassured by it, children flock to it, and it is all but irresistible to women.

OK here goes. I hope you don't find any part offensive, but if you do, write me back before I send it out to publications.

Patrick :-)

--Reprinted from NY Times, April 8 2006

"Americans increasingly moving towards In Home Prostitution"

Recently, due to stress and rising oil prices, men have increasingly turned to lap dances and prostitutes for relief, and if projections are correct, it appears 2007 will be a boom year for the industry. Yet over 2/3 of all Americans maintain inadequate savings, and often carry debt load at levels nearing negative cash flow.

The good news? A researcher in Fresno, California may have found the solution: In home prostitution.

Utilizing this revolutionary new method, the husband simply contracts with the wife at the prevailing wage rate for a Rim of Fire, Backward Cowgirl, etc. The wife contracts to put on hot lingerie, spend at least 1 hour studying the Playboy channel, print erotica, or other sanctioned materiale, and then have sex with the husband in a mutually agreed fashion, for an agreed upon time period. The wife would act as an independent contractor, thereby neither social security or employment taxes apply, nor licensing fees.

It is 100% legal, proven effective in trials at 3 major universities, and has been written up extensively in both psychology and law enforcement journals.

Advantages of in home prostitution

1. With this scenario, all money is reinvested in the family. Closed loop.

2. Safer working conditions for the woman, less likelihood of robbery and assault for the man.

3. Transportation costs are negligible. Both customer and employee can walk to site.

4. For the breadwinner, Greatly reduced risk of STD’s, no possibility of embarrassing stings or unexpected TV appearances, no unwanted pregnancy/paternity issues.

5. Small initial investment; 6 inch heels, garters, large round earrings, etc. are widely available at shopping malls, retail outlets, etc.

Another unintended yet pleasant side effect of the use of this technique is that both partners have reported an increase in the frequency, and quality of their sex lives, with enhanced intimate relationships, and elevated levels of self esteem.

The Society for In-House Prostitution welcomes your participation in this ground breaking project.

Sincerely

Patrick Young, Ph.d
Project Director
Central California Social Research/Innovation Facility
Fresno, CA
www.projsocihp.fresno.ca.gov

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