I'm beginning to think I'm being punished for something I've done.

I remember a couple of years ago I went to the symphony with Carl. We were hearing Beethoven, no intermission. Two hours long.
I ended up sitting next to a mousy little man dressed in a tux and he was with (I assume) his very, very large wife who sat on the other side.

The first hour was uneventful, engrossed in the music, when I a feel a slight bump against my foot. No problem. I moved my foot over thinking I must be in his space. Time goes on. I feel another bump. No problem, I must not have moved over enough. I sit up straight, knees together, ankles crossed. Time goes by, I feel another bump. I'm thinking "Wow these sure are cramped seats" move over again only to bump into Carl's feet. I lower my eyes to see that the man sitting next to me was practically doing the splits to play footsie with me.

What to do?? Nothing. I'm in the fifth row. Whatever I do will be seen by the whole theater. So I move over as far as I can and snuggle up to Carl. He looks at me as if to say "What are you doing?"

A couple of months ago I went to a play. Again stuck next to a disagreeable man. He sat spread legged with one of his knees tucked between his and my seat, his hands between his legs holding onto the edge of his seat, rocking back and forth through the whole first act. The seats are hooked together so that means that my seat too is rocking back and forth. When he wasn't rocking, he had both elbows on my armrest, chin resting in his open hands, watching the play intently. Occasionally he would lean forward and whisper something/kiss/massage the woman sitting in the seat in front of me. Luckily I was able to trade seats at intermission with Carl, a very big gentleman who (I'm sure) made it almost impossible for the young man to move more than 2 inches let alone see any more of the play..

Last night I went to a play. No intermission. Ended up sitting next to a fashionably dressed young lady for two hours who had to have been on something. She placed her elbow on the arm rest between us, placed her head in her hand and play insensibly with her hair... pulling, twisting, scratching. She laughed the loudest of any in the theater a most irritating high pitched laugh and at the most inappropriate times. Right in my ear. Her head was almost resting on my shoulder. I was hugging Carl's arm rest trying to put as much distance between us as possible. Carl just shook his head and gave me an apologetic look. At one point she did something to make her hand slip and she smacked me across the right side of my chest. I was so shocked I couldn't speak! She apologized. I moved closer to Carl who, again, gave me an apologetic look.

I'm almost afraid to go anywhere I need reserved seats.