Grief - the 6 stepsFri, October 6, 2006 - 6:30 PM
Yesterday, as I was going to ask him outt, (like an asshole) I overheard my ex asking someone on a date for tonight. So there it is. Nice play. Oh yeah, I can move back if I want to, um, yeah now that you dont care, or want me anymore, of course I can leave whenever I want right? Fuck you, I don't need to be good for you. I only need to be good for myself. You left me and myself is all I have to focus on. You didn't see how special I am. I don't need you or your selfish shit. He cared for me, yes, in his selfish way. Sure, I did things wrong, like asking lots of questions, being possessive, and wanting to spend a lot of time with him, being angry with him and mean when he didnt want to be around me, which made him not want me more, not seeming to him that I was as determined as he to be successful, but I at least was trying to change, too slow for him to see, but change doesnt happen overnight and though he believes it for why we broke up, it is impossible for him to believe it as to also why we could have gotten or been back together. I hate him.
Too late for him to look, never good enough for him never the right fit, well fuck his "fit". Truth is, he never did want a girlfriend. I was at first site a long distance convenience girl who adored him who he didn't have to give a real effort or shit about. When I moved here however.. it was the daily grind. Whatever. It is over, done, caput, bye bye. He isn't going to try and I am not going to hope for getting him back or wonder why he doesn't want me.
Yup, I'm at Step 3 ANGER moving into Step 4: The 6 steps to getting over grief below. Never fails. --->
1) Shock - If the grief comes suddenly, as in an accident or murder, shock is often the first response people feel. Even if the death is anticipated, there may be disbelief at its finality. A person may be numb, or, like a robot, be able to go through the motions of life while actually feeling little. At the same time, physical symptoms such as confusion and loss of appetite are common. 2 )Denial-Shock and denial are nature's way of softening the immediate blow of death. Denial can follow soon after the initial shock. People may know their loved one has gone, but some part of them can't yet accept the reality of it. It is not uncommon to fantasize that the gone will walk through the door, as if nothing has happened. Some people leave bedrooms unchanged or make future plans as if the loved one will participate, just as in the past.
3) Anger -Anger is normal. It may be directed at the person for leaving and causing a sense of abandonment, or at doctors and nurses who did not do enough, or at a murderer who killed without remorse. People of faith may feel anger at God, for allowing so much pain and anguish. Anger may also be directed at oneself for not doing more, saving the life. It can be a mild feeling or a raging irrational emotion. It can test one's faith in religion or even in the goodness of life. 4) Guilt -Few survivors escape some feeling of guilt and regret. "I should have done more" are words that haunt many people. Were angry words exchanged? Most people are very creative in finding reasons for guilt. So many things could have been done differently "if only I had known." 5) Sadness- Sadness is the most inevitable emotion of grief. It is normal to feel abandoned, alone and afraid. After the shock and denial have passed and the anger has been exhausted. Sadness and even hopelessness may set in. A person may have little energy to do even the simplest daily chores. Crying episodes may seem endless.
6) Acceptance - Time alone will not heal grief. Acknowledging the loss and experiencing the pain may free the survivor from a yearning to return to the past. Accepting life without the lost loved one may give way to a new perspective about the future. Acceptance does not mean forgetting, but rather using the memories to create a new life without the loved one. Hoping for things to be as they were may be replaced by a search for new relationships and new activities. 7) Growth- Grief is a chance for personal growth. For many people, it may eventually lead to renewed energy to invest in new activities and new relationships. Some people seek meaning in their loss and get involved in causes or projects that help others.
So yeah …there are the steps of grief. Here I come!
"Ring the bells that still can ring, Forget your perfect offering, There is a crack in everything, That's how the light gets in (Leonard Cohen)" God bless em. Today is a better day than yesterday and the day before was the definite worst. I am reading testimonials of people who broke up in relationships and how they are dealing and getting over it and it actually is helping me see that I hate Gordon. I can't possibly want to be with him again. He doesn't care, he isn't crying or hurt or calling me or anything. He doesn't miss me or think of me in a nice loving way. I am a nuisance to him. A waster of his now precious time. Blah blah ef off slag! Today is gonna be just fine. I am going to be ok because I choose to be strong and get through it 1 angry day at a time.
PS the picture below is my self burning. Yeah im burning bitch you better believe I am a woman scorned and hot as fire.
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burn it upBurn it up, baby, till there's nothing left but love. That's all there is anyway. Just love.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross, who pioneered the stages of grief in her book "On Death and Dying," originally outlined 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. You'll move into acceptance when you stop bargaining and just give the fuck up. Expect nothing, and you'll realize you already have everything. YOU ARE LOVE!!!