Look, I'm sorry you're lost, really, I am...

Yes, quite sure you are in the wrong spot.

Nope, that name isn't me, this place isn't there.

I'm sure that you really need to be wherever you think you're going. I can see from the look on your face that you're probably late. Perhaps you're trying to get to a job interview, or an important meeting. I can imagine that you just might be totally fucked if you can't find your way. I feel you, chief, I've been there myself. Or more specifically, I've been here, not so much there, since that isn't where you are right now.

Yes, I can see that the address you have is for this location, and your little google printout of directions and maps has put a shiny star right over this location, but I'm telling you, pal, you are in the wrong place. I don't have a clue what you are talking about, and I've never heard of where you want to be... moreover, I don't know you, I can't help you, and I'm at work and I've got other things to be doing.

Look, I've seen your directions. You've got the wrong place. This is a big building, and lucky me, if you don't have the suite number you get directions to here. No I don't have a directory of the building, even if you had the suite number I wouldn't know where it is. Nope, don't have that phone number you forgot to write down... I am of no use to you or your navigational needs.

Asking three times, or speaking more slowly isn't going cause me to develop the ability to assist you. I'm not retarded, and I have at least a limited grasp of the english language, but, you see, I'm just not the right guy to help you. That guy is somewhere else, and perhaps you should go find them... here, I'll help you out a bit. Since we know that that he isn't here, by a process of logical deduction, one can assume he is on the other side of this door you just came through. That's the one. Steady now, don't doubt yourself now.

Almost there... No, seriously, don't turn to ask me the same questions. Yes, I'm sure. You've obviously got me confused with someone else - someone, perhaps, that give even the slightest shit about who you are, what you want, or whatever the fuck buisiness you are not on in this particular location.

Chop, chop, now. Time's a-wastin', and you've clearly got somewhere to be.