joined on 01/25/06
last updated 03/24/07
My sister says that my mother is going to send a letter. I'm not welcoming the disrupting prescense of her thoughts in my life, but curiousity being a major player in the human psyche, I will read it. (If it actually comes, my mother is famous for saying she'll send letters and then never doing so).
Cassie said Mom had made a sincere apology to her about the way she'd talked about her to me years ago, and that she also felt sorry for the way she talked about me to Cassie. We both agreed it...
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Thank you all for your kind words in response to my blog. Those are compliments I can live a month off of! :) You all are amazing women yourselves - and you are helping me in this journey of recovery with your support. Words can't quite say how much that means to me - but thank you.
I had a revalation, actually, with your responses. You see, that was the first time I'd ever realized that maybe - just maybe - all of the abuse others wreaked on me and the abuse I wreaked on myself - doesn't ...
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Watching RENT, I felt the need to look at my old using journals. I'd always wanted to be Maureen, but wound up living Mimi. I came so close, so very, very close to dying. If I'd not been lucky enough to die physically, complete spiritual and emotional death was immeninent at the time I wrote those journals.
So close.
So much self-loathing. I hated myself with a passion and fierceness that is terrifying - and absolutley alien - today.
I grabbed Mekai and held him. I would have missed ...
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I realized something two nights ago, something that almost made me fall out of my seat.
I'm no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't know when this happened, but I was sitting at dinner with the Sullivans and I suddenly realized that I was content with my life and I was not afraid. "When is this going to be fucked up? Who will lose thier job? When will we be evicted? Who will die next? When I will become non-functional with my issues again?"
It's gone.
I've always been w...
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08:27 pm: I've been having a difficult time finding things to talk about lately. At least, the things I normally write about. But I want to quote something from a book that, while it describes a disorder I do not have (anorexia/bulimia), it speaks very deeply to me as a recovering addict, a survivor - a person on the path of healing.
-------------"WASTED" Marya Hornbacher
"I am alive for very menial reasons.
1)Being sick gets singularly boring after a while.
2)I was really annoyed...
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about me
I AM: a recovering drug addict; an abuse survivor, a content nomad, a lover of the moment when two people laugh, a daughter, student of the heart, runaway, wage slave, smoker, a writer, a dreamer, someone who suffers from chronic nightmares; hopeful, idealistic, not afraid.
DON'T LET THE LABELS FOOL YOU: Definitions all have thier flip side.
What's yours?
Forgiveness
(blog entry)
My sister says that my mother is going to send a letter. I'm not welcoming the disrupting prescense of her thoughts in my life, but curiousity being a major player in the human psyche, I will read it. (If it actually comes, my mother is famous for...
read more
To Layla, Mira, and Mirabellis
(blog entry)
Thank you all for your kind words in response to my blog. Those are compliments I can live a month off of! :) You all are amazing women yourselves - and you are helping me in this journey of recovery with your support. Words can't quite say how mu...
read more
Mirror Images
(blog entry)
Watching RENT, I felt the need to look at my old using journals. I'd always wanted to be Maureen, but wound up living Mimi. I came so close, so very, very close to dying. If I'd not been lucky enough to die physically, complete spiritual and emoti...
read more
July 2cd - The Fear is Gone. The Fear is Finally Gone.
(blog entry)
I realized something two nights ago, something that almost made me fall out of my seat.
I'm no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't know when this happened, but I was sitting at dinner with the Sullivans and I suddenly realized th...
read more
"There is, in the End, the Letting Go."
(blog entry)
08:27 pm: I've been having a difficult time finding things to talk about lately. At least, the things I normally write about. But I want to quote something from a book that, while it describes a disorder I do not have (anorexia/bulimia), it speaks...
read more
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