evangeline 6/7/08 - delivered Sabine Ming June 16
sasha 6/16/08
maria 7/30/08
lauren (Loza) 8/08/08
MerryMarie 8/25/08
Amrita 9/20/08
H.P. 9/22/08
Jami 09/28/08
Ann 10/17/08
Elizabeth 10/20/08... read more
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"So I walk like I’m on a mission
i wear makeup every day .. there is a history behind this ..
Sun, July 15, 2007 - 1:02 PM
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most people i know are suprised at this .. others who know me more intamtly are not. long ago .. when i was a young child i was so frightened to speak .. that i went years in scilence.. i would speak only in school when prodded repatedly .. i was thrown in classes where i was forced to perform on stage . i would play parts and speak in plays .. but otherwise i would not.. i would miss all days with oral presentations.. avoiding the limelight on my true face.. my tue voice.. my true self.. i would sing .. and i enjoyed singing .. i performed often.. one day i was present on the day of an oral presentation .. i was ten.. but he thought of giving my true words outloud to a class of my peers petrified me... so .. i disappeared into the woods.... the teacher came after me ... she attempted to convince me to get in front of the class.. and i spoke to her.. explaining how impossible it was.. how afraid i was.. she took pity on me.. but did not want to deem me exempt.. for what of her postion then.. if she let me get away with it .. then she would be in the position of perhaps letting others.. she did not want to waver on her position .. but she let someone else give my presentation for me. she was the first teacher .. who ever really listened to me .. she was the one who discovered that i had a lisp.. and i was ten.. before this point because of my silence and my daydreaming teachers had thought that i had a learning disability..or was perhaps borderline retarded.. soon.. though this teacher discovered that i did not.. why do you not show your work on these long division problems she asked.. because it takes too long to write it i replied .. simply... you mean that you do these in your head.. she asked yes.. i nodded.. she called my mom that night,. your daughter is a genius .. she said.. my mother said.. i could have told you that.. i continued to shy away from school and speaking.. except.. when performing .. in middle school.. i discovered .. that even alone on stage i was not frightened if speaking words other than my own.. i could give monolouges as long as i was my character. it is in middle school that i discovered make up.. i wore it to disguise my face... to cover,, to become another... a blow to me was not a blow to me.. if i was someone else .. wearing another face.. i was determined at this point to change my situation.. to go somewhere .. where i could be myself.. i plotted a new start.. and in highschool i left .. i left my peers.. i left my makeup.. i went to a small school.. for artistically inclined misfits. and here i was unafraid .. i embraced drama and art .. after i left highschool .. when i became a waitress.. i once gain embraced make up ..
i am painting again .. and it is a time for remembering how hard flowers are ...
Sat, November 25, 2006 - 12:21 PM
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so delicate so perfect.. i could only render the beauty imperfect from my hand.. i was painting a picture of a edwardian illustrator ... but she ended up looking like my sister and my mood in combonation with one another.. today is my day off from the job... and i am feeling guilty for not working.. i am also feeling like i need to do things that i might not get a chance to do for another week or so .. but i feel as if i am weighted down and listless all is well though ...
"The latest astronomical findings,"
Thu, November 9, 2006 - 2:52 PM
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he said, tipping his beer in my direction and going on "seem to indicate that Tallahassee may be the center of the universe. The planets are nested in crystal spheres on which they roll like marbles down a track. The stars are further back. They are eyes of hoary men twinkling as they listen to intriguing tales they've heard a hundred times before." He stopped and smiled at me. "you're interesting to talk to," he said, and sipped his beer.
today is the one year anniversy of my bosses death.. its so strange how i can remember it so clearly..
Mon, October 30, 2006 - 12:26 PM
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the events that surrounded it .. the night and the preceding day .. sort of hanging they are .. in my mind,, suspended in time... so many days are not this clear. it was eid .. and he did not return home to feast on that night.. he never returned.. so soday .. has this air of rememberence. and the wind sweeps over my soul.. somedays .. are like this in fall. but nothing makes me shudder like the fall of a leaf turned crisp brown.. blown across streets echoing a hollow sound. to bring us close to the memories of old. this sound chimes as a bell marking the passage of the dead.
as is every day.. somedays i feel so blessed.. just thinking about it reminds me of words my grandmother spoke .. of how she was so blessed .. it made me just proud to be me..
Wed, October 25, 2006 - 6:24 PM
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and so it is today .. granted with the ability to hold my head on my shoulders and feel strong as myself.. my sister described me today as the person who raised her.. who she learned a lot from strong and smart but a hippie.. so i asked her what she meant by that .. beacause i dislike social classifications .. label.. boxes.. she gave me some sort of answer .. but didnt quite convert me to acceptance of the term, however it did satisfy me enough to leave the line of questioning.. i also think that it raised more questions in my sister than it did me.. which is good. keeps her on her toes i suppose. cant let that beautiful brain of hers get lazy .. work as always is work.. and sometimes it takes all of the personal will that i can muster just not to walk out.. its not the people i work with or the job at all really.. but its the monotiny . the day to day.. the same old people .. i am comfortable, but of course that leaves not as much room for growth .. but my arms are stronger than ever ... i can pick up a whole tray of silverware just usuing to fingers and not placing it on my hands.. i can balance three bowls of soup at once .. one on my left forearm, one on my left hand and one in my right hand.. sometimes when i hand people the many things i carry i feel like i have as many arms as shiva and as if i am dancing .. once the chaos of a lunch rush stops i feel as if time crawls into a corner and i am imprisioned.. i usually get the urge to stick my face and hands to the glass of the windows as if i am a suction cup animal imprisioned in a role and encased in a synthetic, plush and silent form. oh sigh. i have a new phone .. i am now contactable .. so if you would like to reach me .. you can have my number .. feel free to drop me a line.. and relieve my doldrums.
Gender
Female
Age
24
Location
about me
many think upon meeting me that i am younger than i am.. and wether that is just my fresh face or my youthful outlook i do not know. what i do know is that i can feel very old and times and at other times contrastingly very young. i find this to be common in my life.. a contrast of feelings or values or some kind of conflict in general. in fact i kind of like conflict it spices things up. i like life to be exciting, but i also enjoy feeling safe comforted and relaxed, but there is only so much of that i can take before i turn things around, but i have over the years learned from this and i try to make peace with myself and my surroundings , i am just thankful that i was blessed with the ability and grace to do so.. or else who knows i might do something crazy like climb a mountain or crash a plane or some such nonsense.. life has kept me lucky and for that i am thankful. there have been times where i was going to dip of the map, explore the unknown, but lifes swift hand hit me, throwing me back into the right position which is moderation..
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Re: Updated Due Dates list
(in pregnancy and its ups and downs)
Kimberlee 5/29/08 – delivered Ivan May 22
evangeline 6/7/08 - delivered Sabine Ming June 16 sasha 6/16/08 maria 7/30/08 lauren (Loza) 8/08/08 MerryMarie 8/25/08 Amrita 9/20/08 H.P. 9/22/08 Jami 09/28/08 Ann 10/17/08 Elizabeth 10/20/08... read more discussion post on Mon, June 30, 2008 - 8:59 PM
Re: Villianization
(in Rising Scorpio)
yeah definatly . have problems with people villianizing me.. assuming my motives are this or that.. i feel sometimes ripe for projection..
the other day my friend told me he wanted me to meet his roomates.. this is when i was soo exhausted.. i e... read more discussion post on Mon, May 26, 2008 - 8:23 AM
Re: What's your Fav #
(in Rising Scorpio)
seven, three, two, thirteen, and eleven in that order.
discussion post on Mon, May 26, 2008 - 8:17 AM
my life as a performance
(blog entry)
i wear makeup every day .. there is a history behind this ..
most people i know are suprised at this .. others who know me more intamtly are not. long ago .. when i was a young child i was so frightened to speak .. that i went years in scilenc... read more
blog entry posted Sun, July 15, 2007 - 1:02 PM
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5 comments
new
(blog entry)
i am painting again .. and it is a time for remembering how hard flowers are ...
so delicate so perfect.. i could only render the beauty imperfect from my hand.. i was painting a picture of a edwardian illustrator ... but she ended up looking l... read more
blog entry posted Sat, November 25, 2006 - 12:21 PM
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2 comments
"the best parks in town"
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