Male

22

I'm taking steps towards learning principles and practices of permaculture, primitive skills, and community building for the purposes of dismantling the industrial capitalist state (or accelerating its demise before the landbase is destroyed), healing the physical and psychic wounds of thousands of years' colonization of our species by the disease of civilization.
I am extremely anxious about the steps I'm taking and feel perpetually guilty about not contributing enough, not learning enough, not taking enough direct action. I am working with my family's auction service and plan on moving onto the adjacent family farm, where I plan to work with friends cultivating a permaculture garden with the long-term goal of converting the family's moderate free-range cattle operation into a communally occupied and tended permaculture village.
These goals are the outcome of my studies in history and philosophy, primarily, which were both shaped by a wildlife conservation class I took as a freshman. I have little actual knowledge of gardening and community building, and after spending years in the dry alienating abstractions of academia, I'm struggling to find a way to make my ongoing studies hands-on, an experience of learning- and growing-with others and what it is I'm studying.

I am very isolated from and alienated by mass society, but at the same time sincerely love and crave meeting new people, hearing, being heard, and finding common meaning and potential for shared action (Be it cooking a meal for a bunch of people, starting worm compost bins, giving massages, juggling fire, making music, insurrection, etc.). I just discovered this site and am hoping it can help me to this end.