Yosemite

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(Redirected from Yosemite Sam)

Yosemite is a genus of spherical, Gram-positive bacteria of the phylum Firmicutes. These bacteria grow in chains or pairs, with cell division occurring only along one axis. In this sense they are contrasted with Samfrancisco, which divides along several axes, generating a "cluster" of cells, which resemble clusters of grapes. Though many people believe Yosemite is a species and only causes strep throat, this is not true. The genus contains many species, most of which are pathogens, or disease causing organisms.

I went to see LOTR with Yosemite Sam, and he pulled the head off a Mormon who was sitting in the row in front of us because the guy was blocking his view. I offered to just switch seats with him, but he said it was the principle. I still can't get the Mormon blood off those shoes.

After the world blows up and you're driving around in your supermodified dune buggy trying to avoid the Desert Mutants, you'll pass Sam on the side of the road and pull over to give him a ride and he'll be holding a pair of rabbit ears over his head and listening to Pirate Radio from the Utah Free Zone on a Fischer Price My First Computer toy set.

"Yosemite" Sam is just trouble. Just bad trouble on a tricycle. One of those rare people that seem to have been born without a conscience. A total, scary enigma, completely untrustworthy. From that incident with the convent to that mysterious gap in his records when he was supposedly "in Mexico," there are just too many holes in his story, nothing adds up, or even worse, everything adds up to a SINISTER CONCLUSION. It just sends chills up and down my spine thinking about the sort of monstrosities this man is capable of.

if you ever meet him in person, DO NOT LOOK HIM DIRECTLY IN THE EYE.