PurpleMonkeys

Water to the Roots

lori — Sat, 31 May 2008 01:43:03 GMT

Water to the Roots I walked in a land without water I snapped dry branches between my fingers Nothing lives without the dream of water And I have seen this place look like death Empty cabin dreams buried in refuse Hopes the wind alone heard and remembered Creosote pale gray and nearly leafless Blackbrush bare and the feeling of being barren Like a country mired in money without heart Every sweet beauty starved into ugly profit Driven by a demon dubbed necessity But manufactured needs can be unmade Not like this dry desert needing rain Waiting, a quiet pulse beating like a muffled drum deep beneath the sandy soil Waiting, like a lost breath when the heart jumps But near the end even waiting feels dead And still the desert waits for its erratic Lover, its impetuous unpredictable Partner in this gray green dance of life And when the rain comes, often in the night Soft like a lovers hand, or in the heat, Wild, frenzied, an outpour of passion Like a desperate need to be loved, to be loveable, to remember love, driving floods, overflowing gullies, digging sand whirlpools where washes cross irreverently and water, water, seeps into sand, seeps down to the roots of all things, heals the ache of dryness, springs life back into awareness And then, our desert is a new woman, a woman wild in love with everything a woman who can’t keep her hands still for loving for touching for caressing that green life pulse trembling everywhere with ecstasy.

People before Profit

lori — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 02:25:45 GMT

I’ve had some bumper stickers printed up: “People before Profit” . They are 1 ½” x 8 ½ “, black background and white lettering. If you would like one please send $1.00 to cover printing and postage to: From A Wild Place PO Box 130 Twentynine Palms Ca 92277 Please pass this information along to anyone who might be interested. All profits go towards supporting the writing workshops I teach at domestic violence shelters so feel free to send more than $1.00 if you are so inclined. ;-) Here’s for a saner future for humanity!

At home in the Mojave

lori — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 03:30:32 GMT

A warm hug and embrace for all of you. (Are there many of us left here?) I don't have internet access in the desert this year and I am finding it a wise decision. The world rarely intrudes on my happy oasis. A recent rainfall has covered my little homestead with wildflowers, a real treasure. I'm becoming very involved in the desert community and enjoying it tremendously. I find myself happy here as I have not been since I lost my home in a forest fire four years ago. In this sense, I am a true moon child...I need those deep ties to the earth, to place, to community, and the community here is whimsical and eccentric. It seems everyone is an artist, writer or musician. I don't think I've ever found a place I've felt more comfortable in. My particular blend of scientist and artist and just plain wierdo is completely "normal" here. It's even normal to be broke and to consider art more important than financial security. Even though I'm spending less time on tribe, I hope I can continue to build the friendships I've found here. Be well. With BIG love, Lori

Talking about roofs -- technical stuff

lori — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 17:51:32 GMT

The cabin is 20' x 20' square with a 6'x5' bathroom in the NW corner. All these walls (including the bathroom) are cinderblock wall reinforced with rebar. Along the top of each of the N/S running walls are 2 2" x 6" boards. The joists are also 2" x 6" boards, and they are anchored at each end by joist hangers. The boards are 16" from center to center. So, the two mistakes (that I know of so far) are that the boards that cross the entire 20' may be too far apart and rather than using joist hangers I should have used 2' x 6' boards between each joist. Which would have been quite a bit easier. :-( I can just fit boards between the joists now, but do I really need to? They seem pretty well-anchored. If the 2" x 6" boards are too far apart for a 20' expanse, can I put up a support beam from the S wall of the bathroom to the S wall of the cabin, or will I have to squeeze in more joists instead?

Defending against love

lori — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 17:16:30 GMT

I am so grateful to this forum and to all of you who responded to my last blog and have been so supportive. I hoped it would jog something loose and it definitely has. A really neat man (friends only) popped into my life recently and today is his birthday. He lives two hours away and I was supposed to drive down and join his friends to celebrate but I really didn't want to go. The last few times we've talked on the phone I've been argumentative and it became very clear this morning what was going on. [What is it about mornings?] I am really very afraid to love again -- a person or a place or even my own work. I'm pushing him away, pushing away my own creativity which is the greatest joy in my life, afraid to give myself fully to anything, which is what used to drive me. It's not unusual for people to feel this way. I know that's true, most people go through periods like this after they've been deeply hurt and there's no doubt I was deeply hurt. For those who are new friends a few years ago, I went through one of those trials by fire (literally) where I lost everything in the space of a year (house--forest fire, assault, friends who couldn't deal, position in a PhD program, job, etc. etc.) And now I'm holding back, afraid to love again, afraid of being hurt again, but miserable because love is what it's all about, love in the sense of being fully present. What is life without love? How does this relate to the homestead? I'm a woman with my feet in the earth, I love places very deeply, feel myself a part of them and though I love my little desert homestead, I'm holding back, looking for the courage to love again, to love in spite of the flaws, imperfections and risks. I think what I've been looking for (in the eyes of others) is permission and courage to love again but I haven't found it there. I am finding it here. Thank you.

Handy tips on how to behave at the death of the world

lori — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 18:09:01 GMT

Handy tips on how to behave at the death of the world Anne Herbert Sometimes it comes in a dream, and sometimes in one more newspaper headline. And then you know. With your cells and past and future you know. It's over. We are killing it all and soon it all will be dead. We are here at the death of the world - killers, witnesses, and those who will die. How then shall we live? PROBABLY GOOD TO TELL TRUTH as much as possible. Truth generally appreciated by terminal patients and we all are. Good to avoid shoddy activities. You are doing some of last things done by beings on this planet. Generosity and beauty and basicness might be good ways to go. Avoid that which is selfserving in a small way. Keep in mind standing in for ancestors including people who lived ten thousand years ago and also fishes. Might be best to do activities that would make some ancestors feel honored to be part of bringing you here. Silent statement to predecessors: Well, yeah, we blew the big thing by killing ourselves. I tried to honor you as much as I could in that context by doing the following: TRANSFORM YOUR OWN POWER-OVER BEHAVIOR to whatever extent possible. Life system of world being efficiently killed by human habit of going for power over. Tasteful to try to profoundly correct that to extent that you can even though it's too late. E.g. Men profoundly understand and change around relations with women. White people profoundly change in relations to people of color. Humans profoundly change in relationship to other beings on planet. This constitutes thank you note and note of apology to the whole history of the planet. I mean it has been rather great, sunsets, oceans, some art, some moments between beings, smells of fresh mornings. As we kill it all by dominance habits too huge to stop, we can thank it for the good times and say sorry by changing our own participation in the dominance stuff in some profound way. Doing this kind of change will involve confusion, embarrassment and awareness of activities and attitudes you have not been conscious of. Doing this kind of change will involve increased aliveness for you personally, a fine thing to bring to a dying planet. Be in radical alignment with particular forms of aliveness being smashed. Particular species, human cultures, styles of living are being obliterated brutally now. In as much as we all going to die fairly soon, the stylish thing to do is to align with one of the lifeforms and help it be itself as long and strong as possible. Eschew blandness. Eschew causing other's pain. We are all the target so wear bright colors and dance with those you love. Falling in love has always been a bit too much to apply to one person. Falling in love is appropriate for now, to love all these things which are about to leave. The rocks are watching, and the squirrels and the stars and the tired people in the street. If you love them, let them know, with grace and non-invasive extravagance. Care about the beings you care about in gorgeous and surprising ways. Color outside the lines. Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty. This is your last chance. COPYRIGHT 1995 Point Foundation COPYRIGHT 2004 Gale Group

Kiss or Pass

lori — Thu, 31 May 2007 19:54:27 GMT

Time for me to lighten up a little. ;-) ********************************************* There is at least one person on tribe.net that wants to kiss you. So lets play the Kiss or Pass! game. The rules are simple... if you want to kiss the person who posts this, send them a message saying "yep, I'd kiss you." repost this as "Kiss or Pass"

Need some feedback

lori — Mon, 28 May 2007 01:41:01 GMT

I've been working on a flyer for my writing workshops. So far I've been teaching the workshops within the context of an established organization (recreation clubs, domestic violence shelters) but I want to expand outside those frameworks. Many people are intimidated by the idea of a writing workshop. I think it brings back bad memories of mean English teachers, or something. So I've been trying to find a way to explain how different these workshops are. This is a flyer for a women's workshop. Tell me what you think, whether it sounds appealing or if there is some aspect of it that is off-putting. http://www.findingavoice.fromawildplace.com/

House approved war-funding bill

lori — Thu, 24 May 2007 23:47:46 GMT

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070524/ap_on_go_co/us_iraq I feel like I can't breathe. 70 % of the American people oppose this and yet the house passed it. More murder, rape and mayhem on the way... I just feel physically ill. I am so angry and so frustrated. "In a highly unusual maneuver, House Democratic leaders crafted a procedure that allowed their rank and file to oppose money for the war then step aside so Republicans could provide the bulk of votes needed to send it to the Senate for final approval." How much do you think they were paid? For this "maneuver"? What is it going to take to stop this? I am beyond disgusted. This isn't funny, it isn't a joke, it isn't about being right or wrong, it's about human beings...about suffering, about pain, about lives wasted and ruined for nothing, for the egos and images of a few individuals. How do we find meaning in a world like this?

A kiss for Jessa...until next time...

lori — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 22:57:48 GMT

"He who binds to himself a joy Does the winged life destroy; But he who kisses the joy as it flies Lives in eternity's sun rise." --William Blake

Not the elect

lori — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 00:58:27 GMT

why do i feel as if I were imprisoned in this nation? (this best of all nations) where millions are making billions? and I could if i only would (with just the right intention) and the screams I hear... homeless depressed (a BURDEN on society) dying of cancer, heart disease impoverished by diseases that fill the gullets of others (gulls) I die You win god ordained grief and glory and why do I... victim (slash that) citizeN of this MOST GLORIOUS NATION feel that I am being raped over and over and over again? why does my heart sing out to stories of slaves and occupants of concentration camps? i feel the numbers on my skin disposable irrelevant replaceable unwanted woman

feel it?

lori — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 06:06:16 GMT

better

lori — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 05:37:50 GMT

This feels much better.

losing my grip on reality

lori — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 03:05:00 GMT

I...picked up my oil paints for the first time in a year(or more...and I'm a writer) and tried to mix desert colors...gray-green, rose, pale blue...and I feel so incredibly lost... and could someone please explain why I suddenly miss my mother, so much?

.

lori — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 03:36:03 GMT

We want to believe it doesn't matter (it's all projection, illusion) but what if it does matter so much "every breath you take every move you make" And which is more terrifying? that nothing you do matters? or everything? every choice? every breath? every moment of love? or failure? Who have you loved? Who have you failed?

holy creosote

lori — Sun, 04 Mar 2007 04:23:33 GMT

i am the holy creosote deeply rooted in rock and sand evergreen from unseen sources enduring, pliant, patient growing surely over centuries waiting for you to see me clearly waiting for you to have eyes to see love waits quietly in the desert watching the moon rise and set feels the deep motions of wind moves like a tortoise, slow, sure unhurried, love can not be hurried i wait and you will have eyes to see i wait and welcome you home

Wearing away time

lori — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 22:41:48 GMT

Creosote creaks in the wind, I listen to the fiddle of its branches, hear all the worn places, the echoes of relentless motion wearing away bark and tissue til it is smooth and silent And I sit here listening in a white plastic chair, my hair straying from two brown braids, my breasts warm in soft spring sunlight like golden sunrise, a kiss through the window. And I think I will sit here and listen for two or three generations. See what I can learn from creosote dancing in the wind wearing away time.

sunrise

lori — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 03:08:28 GMT

A sunrise of crisis or opportunity. Are some people just meant to be alone? For two years I was solitary, and though there were times when I was afraid and times when I was lonely, I was also deeply happy. In the last eighteen months I have had some fairly serious flirtations, and a couple of relationships and they have all, with one exception, ended in a great deal of pain. I have felt distracted and pulled away from my own heart. I am so confused and sad tonight, but I know I can't do this anymore. I'm wondering why I did this to myself. There is so much I want...but it isn't cars or houses or... I found this today in Camus' "The First Man" "All that was left was the anguished heart, eager to live, rebelling against the deadly order of the world that had been with him for forty years, and still struggling against the wall that separated him from the secret of all life, wanting to go farther, to go beyond, and to discover, discover before dying, discover at last in order to be, just once to be, for a single second, but forever." I want out...I am struggling against the years of conditioning, the wall of lies that separates us from what is, from our true selves, from each other, I want to touch the secret of life with the tip of my tongue like a hummingbird dipping into the nectar of a flower, I want to go farther, to let loose of all that holds me, to go beyond and to discover, to discover before dying...just to be...for a single second...for forever...just to be...without pleasing you...without pleasing me...just to be.

Look Ma, A Roof!

lori — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 00:36:42 GMT

Finally, after three months (and a comedy of errors that would impress even Murphy) I started laying the boards for the roof. And yes, the tongue and groove boards do not fit together, the boards are warped and ill cut, and the universe is guffawing once again. What's really fun is putting a board down and then having the wind pick it up and literally sail it like a kite off the roof. Yes, I *really* am smiling. ;-)

Far Out and Funky

lori — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 00:12:24 GMT

My soul wants OUT! It won't tell me what it wants out of, it just says OUT OUT OUT like an insistent three year old. But sister, I say, you can't get much farther *out* than this. ****** The photo is an old abandoned cabin about a mile from my property.

About Love

lori — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 23:46:51 GMT

The predominant response to my question: "What is our responsibility?" was love. (Y'all are so very cool!) So, I've been thinking about love and I found this very cool article "In the Name of Love" http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-19940301-000021.xml&print=1 and I've been posting it rather compulsively all over tribe but it's looooonnnng and hard to read, but basically it argues that love is the need to feel attached (feel that someone will be responsive to your needs and available when you need them) which is very different from earlier psychological theory, and remarkably simple. And, it actually fits with my observations of human beings, which no other theory or idealization of love I've ever seen has done. I really like this section: " The Musicality Of Emotion Attachment theory makes sense of a matter that psychology puzzles over—how we come to regulate our emotions. We regulate feelings, specifically negative ones—fear, sadness, anger—through the development of affectional bonds with others, and continuing contact with them. Through the lens of attachment we also come to understand that the expression of emotion is the primary communication system in relationships; it's how we adjust closeness and distance. Emotion is the music of the interpersonal dance. And when attachment is threatened when we feel alienated from a partner or worry about our partner's availability—the music either gets turned way up, into the heavy metal of angry protest, or way down, shut off altogether. The lens of attachment sharply illuminates the dangerous distortion personified in a popular icon of Western culture: the John Wayne image of the self-contained man, the man who is never dependent and never needs anyone else. Our need for attachment ensures that we become who we are as individuals because of our connection with other people. Our personality evolves in a context of contact with other people; it doesn't simply arise from within. Our attachment needs make dependence on another person an integral part of being human. Self-sufficiency is a lie." Of course, I get a kick out of the assertion that self-sufficiency is a lie. Although I do agree that we each need to take responsibility for our own needs, I find the idea that any one of us could go it 100% and completely alone quite laughable. We need each other and that, my friends, in my opinion, is one of the most terrifying realities to face.

What is our responsibility?

lori — Tue, 26 Dec 2006 00:09:39 GMT

To ourselves? To each other? To humanity? To the earth?

Lantern Light

lori — Sat, 25 Nov 2006 16:30:09 GMT

Beauty

Fire in the RV

lori — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 01:43:46 GMT

Shit! The inverter in my RV caught fire tonight. It must have shorted out somehow which explains why my battery was overcharging last week. I am so down. What am I doing? Now I have no electricity, no lights! Damn!

Lamplight

lori — Sat, 11 Nov 2006 03:39:25 GMT

(for Lev) alone in the moonlit Mojave desert i light the wick and the lamp casts a circle on my page you are here whispering to me stroking my hair timeless we are timeless i step out of my clothes into the circle outside of time (don’t waste any more time) (i must stop time) he had broken the spell of my belief in myself and i had to cast the circle all over again you took me by the hands showed me the steps until i remembered myself everywhere i'd been you drew the best from me the sacred gift of a sacred man