A lot of people worry about categories in the lifestyle: “What’s really dominant or submissive and what’s fake? I get asked that often. “Is cross-dressing part of BDSM or a fetish?”
Why is Rudi Giuliani in drag an example of cross-dressing, but not Hilary Clinton in her designer pants suits? And just what about gender-bending and cross-dressing? Are they part of power exchange play, or are they forms of kink all their own? They aren’t even strictly gay or heterosexual, so…?
Some people worry that if “feminizing” a man is a form of erotic humiliation, it implies that he must regard being a woman as a put-down. Sexist. But maybe he just likes the feel of those nylon pantyhose.

They worry too much. It’s obvious that it’s all in our heads anyway. Sometimes all these worries – often laden with embarrassment – lead to keeping corrosive secrets in a relationship.
It’s generally better to share – not in a do-me, do-me vein, but just to lay it out there for your loved one without judgment or expectations.
It took him a little time, but one of the power players I interviewed did just that and was pleasantly surprised. He didn’t get necessarily what he wanted, but something better…
The man, Jamie, ironically was already well into a 24/7 total power exchange (TPE) relationship with his dominant partner, Beth, but he’d been shy at first about telling her that he also liked to cross-dress occasionally and had a female wardrobe to prove it.
It was risky telling her then. She might have balked, or been peeved he’d not told her right away, or…who knows? “It wasn’t a fetish thing, he said. “And it never felt part of D/s to me either.”
But watch was you wish for, it soon because just that as Beth took his spike heels and ran with them.
Now she says, laughing, during our interview, “I love when he dresses up and becomes ‘my girl.’
She turns to him. “You act like a different person. You seem less inhibited, less of this having-to-prove-you’re-macho or having to prove something.”
Playing together, the couple gave Jamie’s cross-dressing new dimensions and turned it into a rich experience for them both. “I know it never would have progressed as elaborately as it has if it weren’t for Beth,” Jamie says.
Once she has him all dressed up to her colorful, tasteful standards, Beth says, “I really dig going out with him dressed up.” That’s something he was too self-conscious. “There’s something about it that’s a big kick for me.”
“It shows your artistic talents,” Jamie says.
Beth adds: “I turn you into the end result of my creative force, and I like the way you look,” she says.
“Plus, I really love fine clothes…I love to shop. I like buying shoes. I guess all women do. And I like that I can look at Jamie in the things I bought.” (She laughs.) “I can’t help it. I like it a lot.”
She adds: “You dress up in very high heels and a tight corset and you are quite restricted. I like that I can put you in a corset and it feels like you are in bondage.”
They both are quiet for a few moments. She adds softly, “You’re in a room like that and I feel like you’re the only one, it makes me start to cry…”
Beth stops, dabs her eyes and recovers with a smile. “So, I enjoy that.”
Presto change-o! Forget labels and categories.
With the wave of a dominant’s magic whip and lots of love, cross-dressing turns into very erotic power exchange, and a solitary kink becomes a delicious dinner for two to enjoy.
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You can go to www.LifeStyleEducation.net/video.html to see video podcasts of Dr. Gabriele’s fascinating, in-depth interviews with couples