My Blog

check this project out!

raven — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 20:46:29 GMT

http://www. myspace. com/seedsofeuphoria right here in portland is an amazing organization that fosters young women in honoring their bodies, sexuality and working together instead of against each other while having a great time...if it speaks to you, mention the program to friends, volunteer/donate in anyway you can, or come dance yourself! ~blessed be the sacred dance of the sensual self~ luv and sparkly magickals, raVen

choose joy.

raven — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 20:27:38 GMT

"There's something that, growing up, my mom would say to me. And i say it back to her a lot. We're fairly dramatic people. And we're prone to very big feelings. So, when those very big feelings sometimes aren't the most positive thing, we just look at each other, and we say, 'Choose joy.'"-Anne Hathaway so i'm sittin here, having created the most pleasure producing experience for myself, coffee, a chocolate PB and oatmeal raisin cookie from Mana foods and a good mag ;)---thinking about how the last few days have challenged my ability to stay focused on experiencing my joy. and i see the entry above in the mag i'm reading. right after i think about this. such synchronicity....i love these moments. the other day, i went for a walk in the jungle, tangled in something's despair and struggles, and i decided that i no longer wanted to allow my body and life to be taken over by the shadows of others seeking help without my conscious consent. that's a big statement for me. a chewy one ;) i stood strong and tall and claimed that it is now my highest purpose to choose things, people, experiences, moment by moments that produce a sense of comfort, joy, love, pleasure, support for me...whenever possible. i know i will always have "learning opoortunities" come onto my scene, and i do not intend to avoid these experiences. i've just decided that whenever i remember that have the choice...i will choose joy. things that make me feel like i want to be here, in this body, on this planet playground. i've experienced these people, these experiences, these times, so i know they exist. i just continue to have faith, and keep on choosing joy, knowing it is leading me to my own unique evolution. this being said, i'm calling for all that are choosing this path to come forward, join me in reminding each other that joy exists everywhere, everyday, minute, second, in every breath. nothing is so serious that i cannot laugh at it anymore, and i look forward to dancing with all that helps me remember to laugh. and dance. and smile. this is a most excellent sensual playground. let's choose joy.

the visitor.

raven — Tue, 13 May 2008 08:32:46 GMT

woke up this morning there was a visitor at my door he looked troubled i let him in offerred him a seat something warm and nourishing i asked him what was causing such a sadness in his heart and he hesitated. he said is this really all there is? walking these streets waking each morning the same day the same pain? the same people the same experience blinded, confused overwhelmed? forgotten, illusion numbed, sleepwalking competition resigned he said is this really all there is? i asked him what he'd want if it had always been this way and he spoke there was a time when each day brought new discovery. when we were all excited to follow the magick together when we created and danced and played as if our life depended on it. when each morning we explored the dream and lived by its teachings with our days when we'd tell stories sit in circles dance 'round fires, 'round friends when we'd shapeshift pay respect, honor to the unseen. he had a lot of thoughts about the unseen. dancing, singing offerring praise and joy joy. for this beautiful life. but now its all despair, what's wrong, what needs fixing, what's causing the problem. i remember when there was no problem only an endless day to explore an endless night to remember where life was beautiful where all was magickal oh, how do i miss these days, he said. i sat, enchanted, and saddened, by my visitor. i looked him in the eyes. i saw me. i saw every human. deep down inside this despair. i looked at my visitor he looked back at me we knew each other we knew each other very well. and suddenly my visitor got up to say thank you that he'd be going now, onto the same day, head hung low. but as he was leaving he mentioned that this warm invitation to be just be was different gave a solemn hope that there may be others i told him i felt the same that this authenticity touched my heart despite its dark shades. i told him i was tired of pretending, appreciated his cold, hard truth. i told him it helped me remember. is this all there is? we laughed, tears in our eyes. he went slowly out the doorway becoming smaller and smaller in my vision as he walked away and i thought' as he disappeared, thank you thank you for letting me listen to you for the invitation to just be with you thank you for helping me remember and i shut the door.

eekers!

raven — Sat, 10 May 2008 23:54:07 GMT

every morning, i type up a journal entry from a past date that will eventually be compiled into a book of some sort. this came forward today. geez, i say the darndest things... 2/18/08 "LATER" am i overwhelmed by myself? by all the possibilities i hold by all the pain and sufferring i hold? do i freeze do i strangle do i supress myself or is it you? or is it you? is there a you? or is there just a me? do their eyes make me cry because of their sufferring or from their great love and respect is it me or is it you? is it you? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! why when i'm with you does it feel i have to hide all of who i am that i threaten why do i play this game of being small so you can keep thinking you're bigger? you're invulnerable you're FINE? why? why does this truth only come through in solitude when high is there just a me berating judging or is there a you? is there a you? a you?

;)

raven — Tue, 06 May 2008 23:09:15 GMT

? !

sharing, learning

raven — Sun, 04 May 2008 07:39:50 GMT

its funny, over the past few days of opening and sharing more on all levels in my life, i am seeing the parts of me that expected more "response" from my Universe in relation to my sharing. its as if something inside doesn't believe sharing my thoughts, being this vulnerable is worth it unless it is profoundly affecting others, and that this effect is being communicated to me, somehow outwardly validated, valued. its this part that really wants to know there is a deep purpose in my choosing to share my truth with others. that sharing what i'm going through means something, to someone. i hear that, i understand that. but I'M listening, and that's the most important part. so i'm learning two things here: that sometimes, my sharing and playing and writing and...well, you get the point, is done for the sake of the action, the good feeling it gives me. that everything in my life does not have to have some sort of purpose, or that it be clear to me why it is an action worth doing. that the usefulness is not always the priority. and i also realize that somehow, these things allow me to shine, vibrate more intensely, and that somehow serves its own purpose. so i share, i play, i am, because that is what feels good, in the moment. i choose to do things i love because i am alive, and am grateful for this opportunity to experience all of life in this body. for no purpose i know of, but somehow, that is effecting the whole, like a ripple in a pond. i am continuing, exploring, sharing, playing, living my authentic, juicy bliss. may it be my ultimate service.

but AFTER my morning coffee...

raven — Fri, 02 May 2008 21:21:09 GMT

;)

urrrgh!

raven — Fri, 02 May 2008 21:17:04 GMT

do ya ever just feel like this?

5pm jungle blues...

raven — Fri, 02 May 2008 03:22:34 GMT

jungle blues, you say? how is that possible you say? well here in the jungles of maui, hawaii, life goes on. and as an observer of this tripped out Earthscene, i have noticed, no matter where i go, the general group energy around 5pm is never very at ease. this is the time where i want to grab a beer, have to walk...somewhere, anywhere, watch a movie, somehow distract myself. but inside, i know i am picking up on a larger energy at play, and i choose to look a little deeper. instead of creating mental stories of why i'm feeling this way, these are the times i consult my inner council of elders to give me guidance, and i thought i'd share what came forward today in relation to this 5pm group energy of dis-ease. the nordic elder encourages me that this is a transition time, a period of downtime, that leaves a void, a purposelessness. from the frenetic "i know what i'm doing with myself, my life" energy of "work" and the morning and afternoons, comes this period of time where i am asked to once again take stock of my life, my ideals, my rituals...my relationships, my community, my livelihood, my passions...are they truly soul-satisfying, or do i distract to avoid the void? what is INSIDE the void, this that i run from? he encourages me to create rituals that nourish to balance out the play/distract rituals i have created for myself. to allow the beer, to allow the whatever distraction or comfort i'd like, but to also make room for a centering, wider option. and then my native elder comes forward, speaking to me of deer, in all of her gentleness. she reminds me of the courageous, innocent spirit of deer, who sees all as equal, and approaches inner demons with curiousity and respect. the medicine of deer, my elder reminds, is to approach dark, uncomfortable feelings with the curiousity and non-judgment of a child, asking the darkness, why are you here? what have you to teach me? why do you cause me dis-ease? the kahuna reminds me that there is benefit from sharing what seems to need hiding. and the elvish pagans, also remind, that this is a time in my life where i choose to look for something on a much deeper level than the status quo. that inherent in my process is the desire to go beyond the superficial to follow my true path or destiny. that i am seeking to renunciate anything that is now unimportant or unaligned with my path. so what does all this mean? my teachers inside encourage me to listen to and hold these feelings of dis-ease, those 5 pm jungle blues. they also encourage me to not be too strict, too rigid, always in the search for some transpersonal significant explanation, to sometimes just allow myself to distract. it can be hard being a sensitive being on this planet, all that is going on in the field, not to mention in my daily life. so chocolate, beer, movies, the desires are all beautiful things to help me get through, relax, enjoy, despite feeling the sufferring, the heavy illusion of it all. but it urges me to listen closely, that if i do, i will hear, on some days, that there is a more nourishing way. that something is knocking, wanting to be heard. it is on those days, when i choose to be like the deer and curiously inquire, acknowledge and respect the dis-ease. find out what it has to say, teach, impart, sing. on the other days, well, i'm certainly not against a 5 o'clock beer, or anything. especially if its served with garlic fries. ;) blessings from the jungle~raVen

may day...beltane

raven — Thu, 01 May 2008 21:17:18 GMT

what a perfectly synchronistic day. i found this passage in a book, describing a common blessing shared to honor the pagan celebration of beltane. inspired me to think about how i am allowing and intending the continued merging and union of the masculine and feminine within me. i am a witness to the magick that comes forward in this act. ---------------------------********************------------------------------------------------------------------------ oh mother goddess, queen of night and of the earth; o father god, king of the day and of the forests, i celebrate your union (within me, without me) as nature rejoices in a riotous blaze of color and life. accept my gift, mother goddess and father god, in honor of your union. from your mating shall spring forth life anew; a profusion of living creatures shall cover the lands, and the winds will blow pure and sweet. o ancient ones, i celebrate with you! -------------------------*************************-------------------------------------------------- blessings, friends, welcome the fertility of may! ~raVen

good morning. today i decide to share.

raven — Thu, 01 May 2008 21:05:01 GMT

greetings, friends. it's about time. yesterday i had a fabulous conversation with a fried that inspired me. i came away from that conversation more aware than ever that everything that comes through me is Divine. my sharing and honoring this information, these perceptions is my gift, my service. i feel i have come here to experience and observe/witness the strange, magickal, and sometimes really confusing process that the Earth's beings are going through. the way i see things, experience things, understand things, reflect on things, what truly inspires ME, regardless of how it may appeal or not to others, these are all a part of my unique offerring on the planet. like how i love AC/DC. and chocolate for breakfast. and a belief in the sacredness of ALL paths. so, i dare say, enjoy what comes forward. or get pissed...inspired...offended...overwhelmed...blissed. this is what i have come here to do. what you do with it is your perogative. in love and blessings~ raVen

internal compass

raven — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 20:23:53 GMT

looking for internal compass something IN HERE tells me where to go who to love what to do tired of conflicting judging external arrows flashing this way that way neon it pulls and blinds circling zigging zagging exhausted i fall... wanna close my eyes and hear me feel me know me guided by internal compass something IN HERE tells me where to go hands held high outstretched to you opening inward surrendering to root to sky for its flow to guide me i could love any of you all of you lose me devote me to this overwhelming beauty that surrounds me not for fame, fortune approval or love-- sanity, manifestation connection transmuted from alignment with above looking for the internal compass among the external arrows could love any of you help me close my eyes and hear something IN HERE, hands held high...

story

raven — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 21:58:30 GMT

i have a story yes, its a story that helps me understand myself sure, i may be creating what you don't approve of but until it doesn't fit its the only way i thrive so i'm saying' it'd be great now if we could have our own stories allow each other our own stories help us know our own stories help us see our own stories allow us to strengthen or change our own stories if they don't fit but please don't make your story my story try to make my life your life the way you understand into the way i should understand let's allow the sacredness of our own stories be together and thrive side by side let this be our story when you help help me to clarify my own story encourage me to speak and be my story instead of yours support me in putting it out into the world to share it, be it, describe it individuate. share my individuation with you. listen to my story let me listen to yours be my sacred space let me be yours where compassion and acceptance and love holds our stories let this be our story let this be our story let this be the story let this be love if you desire this to be your story join me in creating a new story of love...

warm winter roots

raven — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 18:58:32 GMT

greetings, ya'll! i hope this message finds you all enjoying where you've placed yourself for the summer! i'm enjoying the oregon woods, people, culture. truly amazing here... howeva......it's been raining, and a bit cold the last few days here, moving me to think about my winter plans and wondering, does anyone out there know of potential warm winter locales with a needed caretaker/work-trade position? my ideal scene would be to work about 20-25 hours a week in exchange for my own space (or house:)) hot shower, kitchen and computer/internet use. if there were a band to play with, art space to use and bellydance troupe to dance with there, people interested in shamanism/tarot/psychic/pagan/native american/herbal studies that would be groovy too! i'm considering rooting in portland, if it impresses me enough, has that glue ;) the music and coffee and beer and personality of this place IS pretty intriguing...yet this cold n' rainy thing is urging me to at least see if there are other options. mostly, i'm finally starting to write my books and make music and art and dance and would love to create an environment and time to focus on this...with a killer community...so, wondering, wondering, blessing, blessing...much love to all of you...raven/reagan

update, ya'll

raven — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 21:34:18 GMT

Friends, familyâ€” It's been awhile since I've last written, to tell you about all the adventures had since leaving the islands. Now I finally settle and tell you the story. Warning: I use the word Magick and its various formations in the following. If you are not prepared for this essence, or if it bugs the frick out of you, proceed at your own risk. I guess I'll start out with my descent into the skies of the Main Land. Flew into Portland and was greeted by my half-sister and her new boyfriend, Ray and his exuberant bichon friseeâ€¦its Not A Poodle, mind you. I went on to spend a good amount of time with them as well as the first time-spending with my nephew. Sis provided me with a home, a much needed nest to touch down in this big wide island. For those of you that do not know, I found out about her only 4 short years ago, in re-connecting with my father's side of the family. She and I have so many things in common it is amazing! Being an only child growing up, it is really cool to be able to get to know and share things with a sibling who has similar blood memories, knowings. So she was in Springfield, a BIG change from the Big Island jungle, in a little trailer park, and whew! What magickal learnings came from being there with her and her family. IT kind of re-initiated me into living life with other people not familiar with the Hawaiian Magick Life. So. A lot happened there and then I was called to go to Breitenbush, to do a working interview. I came to the mainland not even knowing if I would be called, so this was a relief, an unexpected surprise. My sister and fam drove me there and it felt SO good to be in the forest with all of the critters and open space and less people. However, during the "working interview," I realized how hard it would be for me, at this time, to work a full loadâ€¦I was so exhausted at the end of the 3 day fiasco, I couldn't wait to get back to the city! And it was perfect, a beautiful ride manifested and delivered me to the WOW hall in Eugene, just in time for an orientation to be a volunteer in trade for free concerts. For two hours of sitting by the phone or stampin' hands, I could see a metal show for free!!! It felt so much more aligned for me to be there than working 35 hours a week in the forest with no metal for miles and eons. and that night, sister and I went to see a local metal jam in town, too. Perfect. From that point on, I knew I had to explore and be a part of eugene more. Upon this exploration, I felt the most open and welcoming vibration I've ever felt from people- human-beings, there. It was like people actually LIKED living there, were happy with who they were and what they were doing with their livesâ€¦what a concept! They seemed to be able to be really present with the moment whether just in passing or to chat in line at the store. It totally blew me away. So, needless to say, I rode the bus to Eugene a lot for a while and hung out with the groovy vibe. My friend paul came from Hawaii/Kalani next, he was coming to do a working interview at Breitenbush, but his friend lived in Eugene so we got to meet up there for pizza and beer and a party at his daughter's house. It was so good to see and talk to someone who knew the undescribable Magick of Hawaii. His daughter's home is in Whitaker, a funky, artsy neighborhood of Eugene. I fell in love with it, absolutely rad. But back to Springfield I went, as my nest was still with my sister. At some point, things started to shift at my sister's house and I knew it was time to go. I researched the hostels in Eugene and found one in Whitaker! I was SO there, curious about what would occur. I booked a few nights there over the phone and received an email from my Topanga neighbor, Lisa, that said she would be coming to WORK AT THE SAME HOSTEL from Sebastapol! holy cow! I thought this was Most Excellent. So I went there with most of my belongings on my back, and when I walked in, found the most beautiful energy andâ€¦musical instruments to play!! And around the corner, behold, the Most Excellent Pub/Music Venue and Natural Food Comestary! and a Bakery! Well have I Died and gone to haven? The Best Scones. Yummy Microbrew Served From Jam Jars. Cheesy Garlic Pizza. Heavy Metal Jug Bands. Shall I go on, or do you get the point? Needless to say, I stayed for a while, until Breitenbush emailed me and asked if I'd want a "fill-in" position. I contemplated what would be my most nourishing work schedule/tasks that would be fun and asked if I could work within those boundaries. Breitenbush said, "of course That's exactly what we're looking for!"â€”-This was another one of those Most Excellent Learning Opportunities (henceforth referred to as MELO's). I could actually work only the amount of time and doing the duties that would feel good? Somewhere would actually be looking for that? What?!?!? OK! Paul offerred for me to stay in his tent so I could be a "staff guest" when not filling in, hang out, soak in the hot springs...um, YEAH. It sounded perfect, and by that time, he had returned from his interview so a ride was there, waiting. Again, my universe was showing me that I could ask for what I needed, what I would feel nourished by, and watch how amazingly that request would be supported. It was almost unbelievable to me that it was real. Whee! here we go again, into the Woods. Had fun and excellent times there, but at some point it felt like I needed to go back to Eugene again. So Paul was going down for supplies and I rode back with him. Being back in the city felt good, I was met by the hostel owner very kindly, he offerred me a place in exchange for cleaning shifts in the new hostel he was opening up down the road. So that was my next few weeks, helping out there. I got to listen to metal and clean for 3 hours a day as my workâ€¦was sooo nice. Thought a lot about getting into clearing energy from houses as a profession someday whilst cleaning grime from sinksâ€¦it would be carrying on the legacy of my housecleanin' momma, after all. While there, I was also taking in the nightlife, drinking the beer and coffee and culture in. But after a while, I began to grow weary of it all, a deeper hunger was beckoning. I'd go to metal shows or cafes or pubs and everything would just be OK. Something deeper was calling. but I couldn't hear it fully, couldn't discern what needed to take its place. Floated in unfufilled ambiguosity for awhile, until I was very clear that my soul wanted more, at this time, than the Beer, Metal, Coffee and Chocolate Lifestyle. It was calling for something more connected to the earth, to my dreamy, shamanistic magickal roots I had developed in Topanga. Something wanted to reconnect with the land, with my body, with sacredness, ritual, pure being. So I opened and asked for guidance. Along came Aerious, a little FaeryShaman retreat in the backwoods of Eugene. I was escorted there by my friend, Lisa, and immediately as I arrived I knew that this place was going to take some letting go, a challenge, another MELO, if you will. I could've left, but a mixture of inbred courtesy and divine instinct told me to stay. This was a small community living completely off the grid, the land decorated with altars and shrines to the various nature spirits and elements. And completely heated by wood stoves. The weather at the time was very chilly, so I had a really hard time there, just wanting to be warm and not being able to warm myself. So began the teaching of lighting my inner fire, and through a series of events in the short two days I was on this powerful land, I was guided by the Magickal MaryGold in exercises that would help me to clear and warm my body from the inside instead of looking outside for these tools. It was a perfect place to break down and see I'd be held and actually taught by someone how to step up to a new level of caring for mySelf. But when the opportunity to get the heck out of there to a place with glorious faucets full of hot water at my fingertips and warm inside snuggly places, I was the first to jump on the train. So back to the hostel I went, and had some interesting personal challenges with the humans in my lifeâ€¦as a result, I birthed my first two full length songs. They came out of nowhere and had to be expressed. I was excited and motivated by this experience, and I have gone on to play with these divine expressions, pairing the lyrics with guitars and other instruments, and, once I get a recording device, will be able to share them with the world, or at least just myself. Something, again, was calling me back to Breitenbush, and one of the hostel workers just so happened to want to check the retreat center out, offerred me a ride. After a few planning challenges on when and how to arrange this, we found ourselves driving back up into the woods. The next few weeks (up until now) I would stay and develop my Temporary Roots at Breitenbush, writing (magickal laptop provided to me by Goddess Known As Rainey), singing, lying on the earth surrendering my momentary confusion and lack of direction, playing death-metal sounds on mandolins, bathing in the cool river, experiencing Reiki-what-the-hell-is-it-that-makes-me-feel-good-after-receiving-this treatment adventures, learning from the dragonflies, vultures and butterflies, going on Magickal Hikes (if you know what I mean, yo) with guitar strumming groovy people, eating Good Food, Dancing With My Eyes Closed Despite It All. The Nekkid Pagan Summer Solstice festival yeilded connection with and inspiration from a most Magickal Musician, Cassandra Robertson (check her out at cassandrarobertson.com)â€¦Man, what beautiful times. But also hard. I'm still waiting to get clarity for my next step. It's very moment by moment right now, I'm excited to some day have a cleared idea and intention of how it is I'm to be of most service with this body here in this lifetime. For now, its just to practice being completely present as often as I can and practice lots and lots of illusion clearing and SelfLove. An interesting thing has started to happen, though. Everytime I'm wallowing in a Woe-Bog, at some point, I have a Moment Of Clarity and start laughing. About how insignificant my Woe-Bog really is in comparison to the Magnificence of Life. All I have to do lately is reorient myself to the unfuckingbelievable magick that is going on in all of the individual realities and the Life Force coursing through and propelling all of the green and hairy and flying and seemingly invisible or inanimate objects around me and BAM, I'm laughing, realizing that it really IS all good. For me. For you, I don't know, have you had this experience? "Plans" for the rest of the summer you say? Only to go where the winds and rivers and paths of least resistance take meâ€¦but here's where I really HOPE to be taken ;) Oregon Country Fair, OZZFEST ;);), sweet visits with my sister, a Lamb of God concert, volunteering at Faeryworlds festival, A Sounds of The Underground concert in Portlandâ€¦also, a beautiful teacher goddess being in Hawaii directed me to a magickal being in Portland, I might find myself spending some time with her. Think I might take a stab (â˜º) at trying out to be in a metal band there, a bellydance/firedance troupe too. I have a feeling me and Portland are going to get along real well at some point here. I'm also really contemplating going back to Hawaii for the winter, unless something warmer ;) comes my way to keep me here for the winter. So that's it, my friends and family, for now. I'm sending out the most magificent vibrations to you all, hoping this message reaches you in a place you're wanting to be. Excited to see you next time on the path, many blessings til' thenâ€¦ xoxo raven

aloha!

raven — Sat, 05 Aug 2006 21:24:08 GMT

sweet ones, i have surfaced from months of floating on the river of flow...and have received an offer to travel on to NZ...to do this, i have to release my jeep cherokee, which is now in monterey, and am sending out this second query to see if any of you would be interested in purchasing her...please respond to sabbathmaiden@yahoo.com if you want more info! mahalo and aloha to you all reagan