My Blog

Poem for ALL to rewrite as each sees to fit

HOT DAMN!!! — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 15:55:32 GMT

here's a free poem for all to rewrite: "ALL IS ONE" never rang 'untrue' and so was the 'seed' from which we always 'grew' but never would 'need' So me will help you and you will help me rectifying what dream always could be better together 'gooder' for all but not better, bigger... there is no "tall" "all for one = one for all" recognizes the 'ring' of Truth in that first bellowed call -)(!?All Is One?!)(- maybe we forgot (in order to) improbably imagine inner beauty eternal to redecide better what it is always to BE and what is 'better' and constantly 'free' Restful upward drifting Feather with Humble Respect for the weather and our home THE EARTH we clean up together.

My Response to UCSF

HOT DAMN!!! — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 18:53:08 GMT

So a cop lied, so UCSF copied the lie, tortured me with drugs, and is now trying to bill me for it. Here was my response: To UCSF, Sorry about your misunderstanding. The "arresting" officer (or officer whom invented my '5150' lie) lied to your nurse, who transcribed his lie to my 5150 form. Her, being your agent, accidentally made you liable in court - so you actually owe me big, especially since the ER staff pumped me full of drugs against my will. I hope your institution doesn't suffer. I suggest "passing the buck" to the agents whom behaved irresponsibly. I did not, and I will not be billed or punished for the transgressions of others. Sorry about your challenge: GOOD LUCK. P.S. to "repay" me - consider treating the Burning Man Organization, who leases UCSF property, as nicely as they desire. Sincerely, Tracy Cooke

The Older American not Jesus

HOT DAMN!!! — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 14:53:36 GMT

I don't need to be gobal citizen, Cause I'm blessed by rationality: America is the only real populace, all the rest is just periphery. The are those who seem to pull us under, but It's really us that drags us down We're not a power, not a vital presence, not Vikings underground Be wary of "American Jesus" who leverages against our fate Suspicious sneaky "American Jesus" He falsely seeks to infiltrate. I feel sorry for the Earth's population, cause I view them on the big blue screen. At least at home no one questions my morality, I can jack off to worldly girls without being seen. Sucks for those who counted on our prosperity, Because we used the darkest, blackest math: 20% growth per year means we'd have twice as much in just four years But we've got THE american just us And we control our newer fate, We are all more able than Jesus And is this the food we want on our plate? why the farmers barren fields the spend the army wields the expession in the faces of forgotten children the power of 'the man' the fuel that drives the clan the motive and conscience of the murderer the preaching imagery the false sincerity the formlessness that coming by the big computers the really stupid bombs and the kids with no moms and i'm certain that it's not just me.

American Jesus

HOT DAMN!!! — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 14:28:31 GMT

May we always have a President who is a man knowing our own heart. May integrity and uprightness guide his confidence through his shadows, and feel blameless for his necessary transgressions downward to reflect properly the shadowy people that are always drawn to his flame. May he walk continually towards our truth, and may he not be forced much to spend his time with those behaving falsely, no matter how busy or whatever the crisis. Help him to hear our voice so we may guide him through decisions and experiences that only few of us find the courage often enough to make. not (1 Samuel 13:14; Psalm 25:21; 26:1b, 3b; Matthew 6:6; Isaiah 30:21) Guide those who are deceitful or hypocritical away from our president. When others are trusting in military might and power, may he convince them war is over; and allow him to remember our common ground as a beautiful home despite whatever heights and lows he must endure. Let us stay our accusing tongues that he may feel encouraged to share his stumbles and failures that we may help him grow as a family, but let us speak the wisdom of a parent should his transgressions invalidate our union's construction as some have done. Let us remember false presidents to guide the present straighter. not (Psalm 26:4; 20:7; 26:12a; 31:20) May he know we are his Lord, and he is our guide. We are his ground that he may grow, and his growth will lead our own lives in a usually positive fashion. May he know us, as we are beautiful, and let his enemies convince themselves of their own flaw. He needs no shield, he needs no wisdom bestowed, he needs no reckless doubt; he just needs the best we have to offer, as is the charge of a true American citizen. not (2 Samuel 22:2–4, 31; James 1:5–6)

Evil Guide to Ascension

HOT DAMN!!! — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 09:47:00 GMT

Don't worry: you may not ascend to where you will not allow. And if you are too far grown, knock on wood to remember the future, the unpast, whatever wilderness you find in your mind, you HERE and NOW is the promised land. Kill your branches and die in your mind to be left with only the gems you remember after forgetting. With limit in mind, here's my guide to infinite growth in the mind: 0,1 - me and the universe eternal program of existence, eternal machine 2 - +/- polarity of the ID, your reptile, your drive, you machine 3 - perspective like x,y,z or 'father, son, holy spirit' or 'id, ego, superego 4 - choas/choice, the ability to change perspective: balanced madness 5 - sense from the senses, blood, body 6 - patterns of beauty, "God's spirit on the water", math, geometry, compass + straight edge. 7 - beauty of nature 8 - pattern of unrestricted growth - kind of hive mindish, egg of life, patterns of light 9 - 'truth', music of life, balance of growth + boundary 10 - perfect, all possible realities are a single truth in a 10D universe, ALL IS ONE its funny that 10 is 1 and 0 again and that string theory is provably bullshit since it requires an 11D universe to make sense of itself.

Lillith

HOT DAMN!!! — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 09:21:14 GMT

Basically, God created Satan to manage suffering and 'hell' here on earth. Incidentally, Lilith was manifest to manage hell in the afterworld, as She was everything Satan was not; and everything has to come from somewhere. She is His other half, and the day is awaited that they may tell the greatest love story ever.

Loki's Challenge to the Dark Goddess

HOT DAMN!!! — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 09:12:43 GMT

Oh Dark Goddess, for the purpose of your own elucidation I impart this concept as your device of perception of perfection: Consider all the bullshit 'his'tory His stories... that seemed like bullshit... yet you listened Those may have been cries across the infinite cursed boundary of miscommunication That he braved Because he loved you And was trying in his own damned way to let you know How Beautiful He perceived you to be And you listened because there was something - you knew it Because it was you in a way that you couldn't see And you may only know more of your beauty sensing those proper moments When 'bullshit' was your only way of explaining what you couldn't understand as he did How infinitely perfectly beautiful you may always discover yourself to be.

Veni, Vidi, Vici, then I got seriously fukd

HOT DAMN!!! — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 14:15:57 GMT

BIG CITY SCAM On March 14th I went to SF for the best party of my life, so far: Veni Vidi Vici @ Club Six (youtube search it to see me peacockin). I had to leave my wallet at the door. I met Set the 'other', Osiris the Sight Unseen, Michael the Angel of Battle, Solomon and his Key, and a bunch of other old friends. After that, I was taken to another party where Mic Jagger worried I would dance into his computer; Seth Rogan was smiling harder than he'd ever made me laugh; the Golden Lotus of the Tao argued with me to understanding; I joked about the nectar of bass to who I thought was Lorin; and probably other celebs I didn't recognize - like Chlorophyl. Best night of my life. I stayed at my friends' house in SF. The next morning I drove towards Club Six where I left my wallet. On the way my car overheated. I went to call for help, but my phone fell out my pocket while I slept. So I walked around the SF panhandle asking to use a phone. When I came back, my car had been towed. No phone + no wallet + no car = stranded. Then I ran into a guy who liked hip-hop. I wrote him a "native-American-sounding" hymn a page long. For my gift he stole my glasses, cursed me in languages I knew not, accused me of being Quetzalcoatl, and thought I had to answer for the sins of Columbus and Cortez. Just for clarity, Columbus was a psychotic asshole, and Cortez was a selfish fucker, and those who may forgive them already have. ANYWAY, I was stranded in SF. It seemed a blessing when a SF police car with two officers pulled over a motorist right next to me. As one officer approached the car, I asked the officer in the passenger seat where Club Six was. He said he couldn't help at the moment, but I pointed out he hadn't even heard my question. We didn't communicate well together; and, eventually, I'm standing on the sidewalk explaining how he is betraying the concept of a "public servant." So he handcuffed me and had me dropped off at UCSF Emergency Room where he had a nurse fill out a 5150 form saying I was wandering the streets and wouldn't stop despite his best efforts... yeah right. (Interestingly, even if I had witness to prove he lied, the officer is not legally liable in court - a loophole that protects our city coffers but allows indecent police behavior.) Basically, he had me committed as "probably crazy." At UCSF I was teased, irritated, drugged, restrained, and tortured. They talked to me about God, Satan, Aliens, Dragons, Thinking Machines, you name it. It was obvious they weren't concerned that I was crazy, and I was there because a cop lied, so I started to walk out. Security jumped on me, strapped me to the table, IV'ed me full of drugs, and I was not allowed to urinate. Then I was taken to Langley Porter "mental health" institution. I was pressured to take Zyprexa - the new meth/ritalin/speed. I wasn't supposed to take Zyprexa due to my high cholesterol, and I was exhibiting 'serious side effects:' tremors in my hands, frequent urination, and my heart rate was always about 90 - 110! When I told all this to Doctor Munshi of Langley Porter, she had the gaul to say: "Well I'm not going to prescribe it to you when you leave, so just take it for now and see what happens." This was after multiple days of serious side effects, and she obviously just wanted an unpaid guinea pig. Then I met the head doc - Dr. Booty (i aint joking). Dr. Booty asked me if I wanted to be 5250'ed (the 'next step' after 5150). I said I didn't care, but if they upgraded my disability checks from state to federal, then I thought they could link me to medical to pay for my visit. He thought that was an awesome idea. So the next day my social worker visits me for the first time in four days. She accused me of trying to get more money from the system, and I explained, "No, that's what Dr. Booty is trying to do." Social Worker: "Well we can't let you go until we know that you have a plan." I became irate: "A PLAN? You mean my house I pay rent on with SDI checks, where I live with my best friend. Or my girlfriend's house where I can stay, or do you mean my loving mother who luckily got my car out of impound while you HELD ME AGAINST MY WILL FOR 4 DAYS SO YOU COULD MEET ME JUST NOW TO FINALLY ASK OF MY PLAN? I've told my story to everyone here." Social Worker: "Not me." Me: "Where have you been?" Social Worker: "I was sick on Monday and Tuesday." Me: "Where were you on Wednesday?" Social Worker: "I was catching up on work." Me in my mind: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH, you bitch... Luckily I was able to reason with the staff there, and I was released when it became undeniably apparent that I am not a danger nor disabled. Actually, I turned out fine. My mother got the car out of impound, my girlfriend's mother had it towed back to Davis, and my old boss Ted Chambers at Big O Tires in Davis is fixing the radiator. But I want this story told because not everyone would have emerged okay. Many people are carelessly tossed into mental health facilities by cops who think, "At least you're not going to jail." When there, the facility's interest lies in keeping you there to make money, and they are afraid to release anyone for fear of lawsuit. Please help this story be broadcast, because not everyone turns out fine. I could have lost my car to an impound fee I can't pay. I could have believed the lie in my medically drugged stupor and thought I am crazy. I could have come home to a lost job, a week behind on pay, and friends and family who think I'm nuts. My story ended well, but it's dwarfed by all the others' who did not. I took copious notes about my stay. I filed with the Office of Citizens Complaints in SF, as well as filed three separate grievances with the Program Director at Langley Porter. I also have contact info for a fellow patient who can validate my story. I care not about MY story being told, but I want some of it known that our collective awareness might iron out this huge social wrinkle. Thank you. "You will never say that this statement is true" - Me paraphrasing Godel (please notice that if you agree or disagree with me you will be wrong, because I've divided your logic against itself)

Not "Yellow" by Coldplay... but similar?

HOT DAMN!!! — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 20:35:10 GMT

Forget the Stars Cause they were made for you To guide the things you knew Cause we are not hollow. We made a star So we could make a you To see the things we grew When we learned 'mellow' So then you add your tune We'll hear the music soon Shake it like Jello To be made, to make the 'beautiful' And rejoice, in all our dreams to tell For you I'd shatter 'hell'....THRIVE Now begin To find the 'lost' in 'true' Sing the sweetest blues With a note felt yellow And we'll align, agreeing to agree And I'll try, to see the 'you' in 'me' You bright fellow...like the sun to trees: SHINE

How it all ended...

HOT DAMN!!! — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 16:22:34 GMT

It was the music... We were lucky Some got to be employed in what they love - music In the music, I heard something alien yet familiar. I remembered creating music with math - why? because music is beautiful I remembered creating math with language - because I wanted us to hear eachother I remembered creating language with sound - because I wanted us to see we were the same And I wanted us to see we were the same because that is the truth And the truth will set you free And when you are free you will find what you love And I enjoy so much when you have what you love for you are me And you have truly made me happy when you enjoy all this we have given us... And when I'm happy I can give endlessly

Start of Everything

HOT DAMN!!! — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 16:15:43 GMT

As a universe we were one and complete, yet alone. We came up with an idea to remove a part of ourselves and set it aside that we may constantly seek it. In the end we're guaranteed to find eachother, and experience completeness for that brief moment. Have we run that course to the point of losing our way? If you try to make someone happy constantly, they slowly forget how to BECOME happy in an unhappy surrounding, and eventually your purpose is self defeating. Isn't it strange we've tried so long to forget that we are alone, and yet that is where I've been lead... I feel that when those principles I hold most dear are disgraced that a sleeping god awakes to bellow the obliterating light of TRUTH. It sweeps instantly through their psyche, showing plainly those treacherous shadows we are afraid to confront. Although this may sound insensitive, I see recognition in their faces as to how the infinite love they have for their beauty ensures they may always have more. They cry, and I see them for a moment, and I don't feel alone. Then they notice how beautifully vulnerable they are, shave off a few infinities, and questioningly joke with me about how crazy we were just speaking. They're gone, I'm alone again, and I wonder if their memory will recall the beauty we spoke, or the ravings of Satan.

Poetry Contests Suck - but not writing is worse

HOT DAMN!!! — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 17:49:10 GMT

Here' s what I say, honestly and differently each time, to the people I live for: Only lost do we start to find, And one day we shall find that moment. I look around and see GODS Dimming the light with their own devices. But you, you give me hope. You serve as a beacon to all that I look for, and a boundary to what I abhor in us all. Knowing your bravery to be yourself, I may never feel alone. Whatever demons we may invent I will chase away to the shadows, And live brilliantly in life and in death Because you prove to me that we are the same: All is one. I cannot be alone.

Crazy Police in SF

HOT DAMN!!! — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 15:23:59 GMT

May 31st 2008 I go to SF to party with Crystan for her friend Xtina's birthday. On the way I stop by a Playa Info meeting for Burning Man, bring some gifts, give some ideas, and reverse engineer some playatech furniture. After partying with some beautiful women, I leave to catch the show at Cellspace (a nice club). My car is gone. I can't find it. I walk miles searching. I know it is near the corner of Green and Union. I call 911 because it has been towed or stolen. Flavor Flav hit it home when he sang: "911 is a joke." The operator says it may take 8 hours for a cruiser to show up - they're busy. Instead of freezing on the street, I let this guy Berad drag me to a club where I get in for free. I dance the room alive, get free drinks, help would-be cigarette couples hook up, and nearly take the door girl home. Then I'm tipped about a downlow after party where I slam a triple shot and do it all again. I'm woken up and dragged to a new party by strangers, then taken back to where we left my glasses, shirt, and vest. I get some Chinese food before I hit the Hall of Justice around 12PM June 1st. They won't help me find my car, so I say," You know, it's horrible to see the esteemed position of the public servant dishonored by those who behave as teenagers at a McDonalds who don't even want to do their job. So they come at me eight strong, pull me to the ground, and invent three false charges they dropped later that night. I was taken to a cell... I was awoken to sign a paper regarding my property. When I asked about my mother's gold bracelet, I was taken in a back corner to be "taught a lesson about the attitude problem." Officer Molina of SF broke my right wrist plate, then made me strip naked and spread my butt cheecks. After 2 hours of crying (literally) and moaning from the pain, I was given ice to put on it. After four hours total, I finally saw a doctor to take x-rays and put me in a splint. Luckily, a Sheriff Investigator took my statement and let me go early, and dropped all charges. I walked to the nearby club The End Up, where I met a man who had seen me mistreated. Dominique paid for me to come in, and I danced my ass off some more. I met great people. One of them, Carolina, gave me a ride to find my car (it turns out there are two Green Streets near Union, and they run perpendicular [SF has the most confusing streets]). In celebratory fashion I took her to breakfast and we watched the sunrise in her car along the beach. She sang to me the Paul Simon song "Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard." The lyrics burned the truth into me that I may not let this slide. For the people everywhere who suffer worse, I set out to do more. I filed my story with Investigator Sescon of the the OCC (office of citizen's complaints) 4152417711, and spoke to a PI (personal injury) attorney John Morken of the Cartwright Law Firm 4154330444. I hope they do work together to create a better society where public servants value their high calling instead of disgracing it as some officers do. Here's to a greater dream for us all, I'm doing fine...

Abuse at the "Hands" of UC Davis, Dr. Grabow, and Dr. Barnett at North Valley Behavioral Health

HOT DAMN!!! — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 15:20:55 GMT

Part 1st UC POLICE+ Yolo Jail THREAT PRISON FRAUD RIGHTS VIOLATIONS 5/8/8 Tracy Cooke 581 9th St 10 (530)908-7532 Davis, CA 95616 To Those Interested, I have experienced a great tale of frustration and abuse at UC Davis. I attempt to retell it here to enlighten a situation riddled with shady actions: The Beginning Of the Confusion In the spring of 2006 I enrolled in what was to be my last class to achieve my B.S. degree in Mathematics from the College of Letters and Science within the UC Davis institution. The class was Math 127C, taught by Professor John Hunter of the Mathematics Department. Two weeks into the quarter I received a bill. This was curious to me, as financial aid had always covered the cost of my class load. I found that financial aid would engage only if I could add one more class, so I appealed to every professor and UC Davis office I thought might help. If I could not add a class and could not pay independently, I was to be dropped from enrollment without being charged, as defined by UC Davis protocol. Source of the Confusion: One woman in the Financial Aid Office helped me by postponing my expulsion so I could have more time to plead my case to professors. Unfortunately, no professors were willing to help. Defeated, I left UC Davis hoping to take the class the following year. I was disappointed that one class and my lack of $800 kept me from finishing my education. Her help never discontinued, and I was effectively kept enrolled in a class I was to be dropped from (I discovered this [personally] nearly two years later). What I Found Upon Returning The next year, Math 127C no longer existed in the Spring Quarter of 2007. While talking to advisors on what to do, one advisor accidentally discovered that I didn't actually need to take it… I had graduated already. Imagine my surprise. During the summer of 2007, I applied online to graduate, but I never received a response from UC Davis. I completed the form a second time in the fall of 2007, but still no response. In February 2008 my mother received a catalog of items to buy regarding my graduation, so I did some investigating. It turned out that UC Davis, against its own policy, had kept me enrolled in the class, charged me over $2400 for it, given me an "F" grade, referred me to a debt collection agency (destroying my credit reputation), collected $616 on the FRAUDULENT DEBT (this is very interesting), and withheld my transcripts and graduation because of their very own mistake. For over a month I visited the College of Letters and Science Office, the Mathematics Department, the Financial Aid Office, the Accounting Office, the Physics Department, the Registrar's Office, and the Chancellor's Office – filling out forms and pleading my case as respectfully as possible. Showdown at the Chancellor's Office Every visit lead to no progress, and finally I went to the top of Mrak Hall on the morning of April 16th 2008. The first time in the Chancellor's Office I asked for a meeting. The second time I demanded progress be made. The third time I gave a warning: "I'm going to be back in an hour, and if there is no plan in mind – I will call the police." During this hour I spoke to the Mathematics Department Secretary, Celia Davis, about the availability of Professor John Hunter, should I require his memory about me not having attended his class during Spring Quarter 2006. When I returned (and I could see no one would act rationally), I placed the entire top floor of Mrak Hall under "citizen's arrest," called the police, and sat calmly waiting for them to arrive… Abuse at the Hands of UC Davis Police Arriving to find me calmly seated, Officer Swartass yells, "Get on your knees! Hands on your head!" I slowly placed my hands on my head and asked, "What's going on guys? I'm the one who called the police." Again he yelled, "On your knees!" I clarified, "But I've done nothing wrong, you're here to arrest them. They've committed the crime." Once more he demanded, "On your knees!" When I began explaining again he ordered the younger officer, wielding a tazer, "Shoot him!" He almost did. Luckily, someone was behaving rationally. I said, "Hey man, if you shoot me you might accidentally kill me. How would you deal with yourself then? I'll get on the ground." I was detained at the UC Davis holding cell for an hour-and-a-half for having done nothing. I was brought out , un-handcuffed, and asked to sign a document&183; When I began reading it and asking about my rights, Officer Swartass became agitated. He charged me with "obstructing a police officer" for merely asking about my rights (the same behavior that nearly had me shot). I was then transported to Yolo County Jail for booking. …It Actually Gets Worse I was told by the under officer during transport that I would only be in jail for about an hour long booking procedure. Five minutes after arrival I was thrown into the "drunk tank" cell. After being held there for over two hours (for having done nothing), I became frustrated. I watched the male correctional officers stand there and not do their jobs, and it seemed only the female correctional officer was doing any work. The men would actually stop her to talk, and I felt more frustration. I began to drum on the walls and sing phrases like, "get back to work." After more time passed I banged harder on the walls until my parts became sore. Then I started speak truths loudly under the door: "I'm being held here unlawfully… UC Davis police arrested me after I called City of Davis Police… UC Davis police invented false charges against me…I haven't had food or a phone call, as is my right." Well they didn't like that very much. It was five hours into my incarceration at Yolo County Jail for "a simple booking procedure." Five angry correctional officers came into my cell and told me to lay on the ground. I tried to reason with them, got nowhere again, and finally complied. They wrenched and contorted my body into a pretzel that they could carry into a cell deeper inside the jail. I complained, "Take it easy on my right wrist: I broke it in high school football, and it never healed right." The officer wrenched on that wrist even harder until I screamed. Shifts change, and I was forgotten about in the back of the jail. I pleaded for food, and was told to shut up. Finally an officer condescended to read my chart and said I'd only been there for 5 hours. It had been over 10 hours at that point. 10 hours without food or a phone call. …Actually, it Gets Even Worse Than That When I was finally released it was about midnight. I didn't want to walk home six miles down an unlit highway that late at night. I asked what to do – I was given a bus ticket for a bus that no longer ran. I asked to use their phone – "you can use the payphone." But I didn't have any money – "you can call collect." But collect call don't connect to cell phones, and I asked again to use theirs – "no." I asked for a complaint form – "we're out of them." So after almost being tazored, having false charges brought against me, being held for over 10 hours without food or water, and a slew of other violations of my rights and dignity – I walked over 6 miles home in the dark. I didn't make it home until after 2AM on April 17th 2008. Part 2nd "Psycho" 'Analysts' 5/10/08 Tracy Cooke 581 9th St. 10 Davis, CA 95616 (530)908-7532 To Whom It May Concern, I have suffered great mistreatment at the hands of the "Mental Health" industry. I attempt here to shine my story as light upon the shadows that darken lives. Prologue I had a very strenuous day April 16th, 2008: -I placed Chancellor Larry Vanderhoef of UC Davis under "citizen's arrest, and called the police after giving fair warning. -Those very police nearly "tazered" me for questioning the validity of their actions. -I was "detained" in a cell for an hour-and-a-half. -I was told to sign a document&183; I asked about the rights it listed. For this I was charged with "obstructing a police officer." -I was taken to Yolo County Jail for a "30 minute booking", which turned into a ten hour "detainment" without food or phone call. -I was forced to walk 6 miles home, after midnight, down a dark highway (very unsafe) -The day had started at 7AM, and I didn't make it home until 2AM the next morning. After such a stressful day, I was supposed to return to reclaim my keys, wallet, cellphone, and backpack full of work from the UC Davis police before 4:30PM April 17th, 2008. Asking For Help Worried about what the UC Davis police might do this time, I stopped in to tell my friend Celia Davis (UC Davis Math Dept. Secretary) about what had happened the day before. This was around 3:45PM. After hearing my story, she asked what my plan was. I mentioned that I was going to talk to a psychologist to ensure I wasn't crazy so they couldn't make up some story about me. She got on the phone, called someone, and said, "Tracy needs some friends, can we find him some friends? He needs some 'friends'." She then took me to see Dr. Roy Grabow at the on-campus counseling center. Indirectly Committed Grabow listened to my story and said he wasn't evaluating me, but that I was to be taken to Sutter Davis Hospital to be evaluated. He later filed an "Application For 72 Hour Detention, For Evaluation and Treatment," which had many faults: -My words were misrepresented. -The time was reported as 5PM, when I'd met with him well before 4:30PM. -I'm not a student at UC Davis, and they have no business "treating" me. I would later receive a call from Grabow admitting to making a "mistake" in twisting my words. He even asked what he could do to make it up to me. I told him about the false debt UC Davis thought I owed. I later received an email saying that my debt was expunged. Even though Grabow had me committed, he would later refuse to help me complete paperwork declaring me crazy (SDI). Creepy Hospital Low on sleep, stressed, and malnourished, the staff at Sutter Davis Hospital drew 5 vials of my blood. I was held there for three hours with no food - complaining of hunger. My mother actually drove 50 miles to bring me food. Two people of some "Emergency Rescue Task Force," who were not doctors, asked me if I wanted to be declared 5150 ("crazy"). I said I felt fine, and just needed to go home and sleep. They said that would be okay. When my mom arrived with food, I was about to leave, as no person told me there was any reason to remain. Then a medical doctor who'd never spoken to me said an ambulance was on the way to take me to a facility. The ambulance ride was a little disconcerting. The paramedic kept quoting passages from the bible, and then questioned my opinion about Alex Jones (a man that makes patriotic movies critical of the perverts of governmental power). Part 3rd Snakey Psychiatry Drugs 5/8/8 Tracy Cooke 581 9th St. 10 Davis, CA 95616 (530)908-7532 To Those Interested in Preventing the Further Suffering of People Everywhere, I have experienced abuse at the hands of a "mental health facility," which is small compared to the similar stories that so many others have to tell. May this serve as a rallying point of hope towards a better future for everyone. Descent into a Crazy Place After 11PM on April 17th, 2008 I entered NVBH (North Valley Behavioral Health) for "having a manic episode, racing thoughts, and rambling incoherent speech." Because of this weak reason I was determined to be "dangerous to self." I had been starved, abused, falsely charged, and imprisoned by police on 4/16/8. With little sleep and malnourished on 4/17/8, I had been falsely committed, had multiple blood draws, and little food again. On 4/18/8 I got to wake up surrounded by crazy people. Then things started to get weird… Manager of Madness The Rights for Individuals in Mental Health Facilities Handbook provided me, admitted under the Lanterman-Petris-Short Act states that I was to be held at NVBH for 72-hour treatment and evaluation. Dr. Barnett, the on-site psychiatrist, decided to evaluate me the first morning around 11AM in the morning of April 18th 2008, after only 12 hours of physical presence and less than 5 hours of being awake in my first mental institution. After telling my story of a confusing experience with the police and "doctors" of UC Davis and Sutter Hospital he wrote: "Point: presents disorganized with rapid pressured speech. Point: circumstantial intellectualizing a lot. Mood labile (apt to change). Insight and judgment impaired." These were the reasons that were used to label me "gravely disabled." Dr. Barnett signed and documented this as "4-20-08", but he actually admitted making the determination when speaking to me right then on the morning of April 18th, 2008. Maybe he wanted to vacation that weekend. I wasn't allowed a chance to regain normalcy by catching up on sleep, eating well, or getting used to my new environment. I was already labeled as "5250": holding me for 14-day intensive treatment (basically their 2nd step of crazytown). I was evaluated as such after only 5 hours of being awake in my first "mental health facility." The stress of the past two days went unacknowledged – Dr. Barnett was much more interested in my drug usage from 5 years past. He started me on 300mg Lithium and 1 mg Risperdal immediately. Crazy Drugs Lithium Carbonate From what I know, Lithium isn't so bad right away; but there may be strange long term effects. From what I've read, the bad effects may even carry all the way into later generations – or my children may have health and behavioral defects if I take Lithium for an extended period. Lithium was used in many over-the-counter products once, but its use was banned in 1950. The levels of Lithium in these products was a slight fraction of the amount I've been ordered to take by Dr. Barnett. Risperdal Now I have no idea what Barnett was thinking here. When first ordered to take drugs on the night of April 18th 2008, I asked to read literature on both. I could see nothing wrong at the moment with Lithium, but the printouts on Risperdal were alarming: One form wrote that Risperdal "treats schizophrenic behavior", the other described it as an "antipsychotic medication" (there's a HUGE difference between "schizo" and "psycho"). I refused Risperdal, but I was warned if I refused to take the drugs then the "doctors" would continue holding me against my will. This is a direct violation of the law, and of my own personal religion in which I do not abuse drugs. Furthermore, the side effects of Risperdal include the stresses I was already suffering. Because of fraudulent imprisonment and hospitalization I was low on sleep, nourishment, and under extreme stress. Side effects of Risperdal include: Difficulty Concentrating: Dr. Grabow had written on 4/17/8 that I exhibited "racing thoughts" and "rambling incoherent speech." Dr Barnett wrote on 4/20/8 that I "present disorganized" with "circumstantial intellectualizing" and "insight and judgment impaired." How is Risperdal destabilizing my concentration supposed to help make me more balanced? Both doctors had listed 'difficulty concentrating' as a point that made me a danger to myself, so why encourage me being dangerous to myself? Difficulty Sleeping: I told every doctor along my journey, "lack of sleep can bring on a schizophrenic break." I told everyone that I was stressed and low on sleep from the previous days. Why give me a drug that disturbs my sleep. "Tell your doctor immediately if you have rapid/pounding/irregular heartbeat:" Here they made a drastic mistake. My genetic disposition is one of high cholesterol, and I am not supposed to be given Risperdal because it can elevate my heart rate to dangerous levels. One night I couldn't sleep as I could hear my blood pumping too hard and loud. After I had been laying still for nearly an hour, the nurse measured my heart rate at 107. I am usually running at 70-80, and a meth addict can jump up to 120. This was a very strong indication that Risperdal is very bad for me in the very way its research warns, but Dr. Barnett continued the "treatment" even after I told him about this. I am still requested to ingest Risperdal by "doctors" to this today. Violations of Rights I filed five different complaint forms about abuses of my rights as listed in the handbook Rights for Individuals in Mental Health Facilities. Here are just a few of the incidents I documented, which are only a portion of what I observed. Those violations I observed are only some of what actually happened. Violation of My Religion: I have my own religion, and it's complicated. One of my precepts is to never unknowingly poison my body with drugs. Drugs were forced on me by the threat of continued "imprisonment" (or being held against my will). The facility might argue "probable cause," but they forget such treatment may only be forced if there is "no less restrictive way." They could have just let me catch up on food, sleep, and get used to being in a crazyhouse, but I was coerced into poisoning myself with Risperdal against their own documented research. Punished for Complaining: On the morning of April 21st 2008, I awoke at 5AM to request different sleeping arrangements. The charge Nurse Diane began arguing with me, and I had to ask her to lower her voice so she wouldn't awake the other patients. After asking about the form that committed me to NVBH and questioning its logic, Diane placed me in detention. Denial and Threat of Water Deprivation: In detention that morning on 4/21/8, I asked for water and was denied it. I reminded the employees that it is illegal to deny a person water, especially in their "care." Diane tried to offer me a very tiny cup of water and declared I would be in the detention cell for eight hours. When I warned her how out-of-line she was behaving, she returned with a real-sized cup an let me out in less than an hour. How I was Finally Released Dr. Barnett agreed said, "I will let you go on Friday you agree to drop the Writ Hearing." I agreed, and was released around 3PM on April 25th 2008. What Else Happened Dr. Grabow of UC Davis contacted me around 11AM on April 22nd, 2008. I told him that he misrepresented my statements on the form that committed me, and he said, "Sorry about the misunderstanding. What can I do to make it better?" I told him about the false debt UC Davis had assumed against me. I received an email on April 25th, 2008, when I was released, stating that my debt had be re-evaluated. I finish writing this statement on May 12th, 2008 I set off to UC Davis to discover the "remaining debt" that they claim, obtain the "police report" from my fraudulent arrest, and discuss high-level math research concepts with my former professor Monica Vazirani. I hope for the best in us all.

ALERT-DON'T PANIC: Best Friend Leaving

HOT DAMN!!! — Tue, 27 May 2008 18:52:03 GMT

for anyone missing a friend For the light always here and ever, Though nothing can be constant in time, Life-[love] is the most precious thing we have. The fun was never-ending, So long I've forgotten the beginning. You are my brother, and this is for YOU. Ever feel alone - because you can't be. Family never "leaves" Wherever you situate, I WILL not 'hesitate', No one may absolve our brotherhood THERE IS NO BOTTOM ---> you may count on those you TRUST (especially yourself). ALL of US are bonded FOREVER: If you die I die That's the way it's always been...

C3P0

HOT DAMN!!! — Tue, 27 May 2008 13:59:34 GMT

Cooke's Circular Consciousness Patterning, Organically is what I've invented. I guess I can finish all "math"... whoops. I'm trying to get the department of defense to do it cause they have money + stuff, and ITS ALL GOOD FOR EVERYONE EVERYTIME - provable. JUST 4 ATTENTION: bomb, terrorism, nuclear technology, manhattan project, UFO, alien civilization, Atlantis, fuck the government, anarchy, death to christianity, fuck hitler nazi george bush (either one), "I am going to kill the president of the United States, infidels, jihad, holy war, yada-yada

Now I have a problem with the celtic knot and sacred geometry

HOT DAMN!!! — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 16:47:29 GMT

Both representation don't try to represent what they must undraw. Each line splits and violates circular space, and you can't eat you cake without having prepared it first and plans to excrete later.

Knot Theory

HOT DAMN!!! — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 16:44:41 GMT

I printed up some Mathematica knots. It can't do some simple ones like a 3,2 knot, and its representations aren't symmetrical ("true" to space?). It costs students about $50. Here's a 52 knot image, not mentioning the 3 other knots this one implies (nor the remainder). - Mathematica provides shading, but not the counting present in this image, but both look pretty much the same.

Trinity

HOT DAMN!!! — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 11:19:25 GMT

I like to embrace three distinct concepts to understand abstract ideas as much as possible. I like this because the shapes we visualize, and the colors we see, so it works well for me about a concept.

Horsecow

HOT DAMN!!! — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 11:08:14 GMT

Beware the Ides O' March of Horsecow. I should have...