A city guy always wanted to live on a ranch when he retired.
So he finally retires and goes to live on a ranch.
His friend from the city comes to visit him and the guy is showing him around.
"Here's our ranch tractor" he says, pointing to the tractor. "All the other ranchers said I'd need one of those."
"Here's our ranch horse" he says, pointing to the horse." All the other ranchers said I'd need one of those."
Then he pointed to a dachshund and said, "Here's our ranch dog."
His friend looked at him blankly and said, "Your ranch dog is a wienie dog? Should you have a bigger dog?"
The rancher guy said, "All the other ranchers told me to get a long little doggie."
Get it?

Every morning me and the other dogs in my family go out for a walk together.
Harry goes first because his tail looks like a white flag, so he announces our presence.
Captain Jack goes in the middle 'cause he's the baby, but barks the loudest.
Willie has a hard time keeping focused. I think he has ADHD.
Then me. In the back. 'Cause it's safer back there and I can take my time.
There are decorations up all over our neighborhood and personally, I find them distracting. They look like they'd smell good, but they don't.
Willie goes nuts because there are shiny things all over the place, and people are much more proprietary about their lawns. Not that we poop and run. We always clean up after ourselves.
Melissa has a baggie and a little scooper. I don't know what people think we're going to do that's bad.
What kind of trouble could four dogs get into with Christmas decorations, I ask you?

I'm scared of global warming because it's going to change the whole world and the world is scary enough just the way it is.
I'm also scared of wind and fire. And rain. And loud noises.