Female

40

For my indepth blog please visit: teasybratt.livejournal.com/

After posting my original profile on another site, someone asked me WHY I was interested in exploring my submission…

Initially I answered with some flip, half thought out response that only showed that I had never bothered to REALLY ask myself that question, but over the next several days, the question ate at me and quite a few of the things I thought to be true about myself have been dissected and analyzed and I've been troubled with some of the contradictory answers that I've come up with.

I really didn't know how to answer the question about "what makes me a sub" - WHY on EARTH would I want to be submissive to a man?? It goes against everything that I was raised to believe, it goes against the very core of who I imagine myself to be, it contradicts the very fact that I pride myself on being a strong, self sufficient, independent woman and it screams at me in big red "danger danger" lettering.

After watching my own mother go through a string of abusive relationships, at some point, very early on, I decided that I would NEVER let a man have that kind of power over me. I enjoyed them, I enjoyed their company, and I definitely enjoyed the way they could make me feel physically. But as I got older, I also became more and more cynical and jaded about men.

Being a strong-minded independent female, I seem to attract men that want someone strong to take care of them. The men that I attracted were rarely as strong willed or as dominant as me, and yet I had NO interest whatsoever in being placed in a dominant position. Inevitably the few that I met that were as strong willed or dominant as me either disappointed me with their inability to be open and honest, or they turned out to have so many of their own issues and many of them used their "dominant" demeanors as a disguise and excuse to cover their own fear of and/or hatred toward women. So, as time went on I developed a lower and lower opinion of men. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a man hater... on the contrary, I ADORE the concept of male dominance... I just wish there were more REAL Doms out there.

I guess you could call me an optimistic cynic. I’m eternally optimistic that there are really good decent honest mature guys in this world, who know their own minds and can share their thoughts and ideals with you on an equal playing field, without the mind games and head trips. I'm cynical about ever finding one... or I was... until I began to explore the Dom/sub relationship. I'm still not sure, but at least there is hope that maybe i can find the type of man that my idealistic optimist side wants sooo strongly to believe actually exist in this world.

So... how does all of this fit into my sexuality?

Warning: some of this comes from a really ugly place deep inside of me - but any man who has read this far and is STILL interested/curious needs to know exactly what they are thinking of signing on for.)

So... here it is...

Lets start with the name I picked for myself... Teasybratt... this name is everything i hate about myself... it is the epitomy of the reaction that MOST men generate from me. I do NOT want to be a tease or a brat, but unfortunately that is who i am with most men.

There is my teasing side – this is my angry cynical side, the part of me that believes that men are just toys to play with and use at my discretion. I enjoy the power of teasing. I enjoy making them WANT me, the way I have emotionally WANTED one all of my frigging life. It's the jaded side of me that believes that all men are emotional teases anyhow and bound to disappoint me eventually, so I might as well get at least some power and entertainment value out of them while I can. It's also the insecure side of me... how can I tell if a guy really wants me unless he's willing to work for it? And then, there is the part of me that is trying to just prove myslef right so that I don't feel like I've been missing out on something all this time... being a tease is a no win test for guys to prove to my cynical side that there are only two types of men out there... wimps that would put up with that and walk away frustrated or animals who will just take what they want anyhow. (I warned you, not very pretty when it's all dissected.)

But, then, there is the bratt side of me. This is the optimistic hopeful innocent (yet emotionally vulnerable and immature) child in me that is just mad that I still haven't gotten what I want. I want a man that can comfort me and control me and take care of me emotionally. I want someone who will give me firm boundaries and that won't put up with me being a "naughty" girl. The bratt in me MAKES me push those limits and test those boundaries because without firm boundaries there is only chaos. Someone who can make me behave NOT because of fear or threats, but because I yearn to please them and make them happy. I want a Dom that understands that being a sub does not make me "less than" – it makes me the most valuable thing in the world because He cares for me enough that He want to make me His property.

For the past nine years both of these sides of my personality have been in a semi coma it seems... and yet, for some reason they have started to stir recently... and their call has gotten louder and louder until I have no choice but to answer. But, I'm not sure how to go about it… I stumbled onto alt.com purely by accident and then collarme.com but have been frustrated by the sheer number of "psudo-doms" and wanna-be's out there. I am an optimistic cynic. longing to find the right Dom... one that understands that a D/s relationship can be much more than just a sex game and can delve deeply into psychology and emotion and revelation of inner truth.

That's what I'm looking for right now. Answers – truth. I can get sex anywhere, but sex without connection has lost its appeal. I'm tired of not knowing what its like to truly be in a relationship with a man that I respect and admire, I'm tired of being a Teasybratt.



They should also be okay with the fact that I am a bisexual female in an open but committed relationship with a woman whom I adore, however I firmly believe that it is almost impossible for one person to fulfill ALL of another person's needs. My partner is NOT at all interested in exploring this realm with me, but is understanding and allows me to explore my needs as long as our relationship comes first.

I am looking for open minded, intelligent, dominant men to help fulfill the needs that my partner is unable to. I am strong independent yet sexually submissive female and I'd love to find play partners who are strong enough to deal with me emotionally and mentally... and patient enough to control a head strong stubborn brat.

I'm intelligent, flirty, bubbly, sarcastic, goofy, I can be a big pain in the ass... but mostly I'm lovable