Cancelling my account...

in a couple of weeks. If you want to stay in touch, message me and we'll exchange email addresses.

Just a thought

There is a certain strain of love
that resides inside
the buzz of heated arguments...

Once open
you are in the midst
and left wandering
into the shuffle of feet
muffled voices
carrying tones of failure
and fascination
beyond our ears
behind the doors
that throw shadows on the wall.

Old Poems - from my pseudo-writer days of long, long ago.

The Streetlight - Study of Light -

In the night there is day
purity shines through the darkness.
Fireflies suspended in flight
enhancing, illuminating
torches that line the street.

Spreading of fire,
risen moon contained
by globes of glass.
Mother holding child
in her arms (inner womb).

Imparting a peaceful glow
the spraying of light.

Life-giving pieces,
slivers of sun cracked
in a mirror.

Scattering angel tears
Chattering
while cherubs fall
And their smiles
break
into confusion,

Where anxiety reigns
Millions greet us down
The street...
each somber dampened
night.


Untitled -

Sometimes I cry
somtimes when kneeling
crouched on your floor
like a tub of scalding water
my body steams
as sanity evaporates.
The beast snarls
taken shape within me
a raging bull
charging through my veins
impaling all inhibitions
it sends tremors up and down
these hollow limbs
until a single sigh explodes
escaping to the sky.
And I go slack.
Oblivious to my weakness
I look to your face
to see my embarrassment
reflected back.

Suspension at BM 2005

I posted a few photos in my profile, but I am so excited about my second rope suspension (I am the sub of course), that I had to write a bit about it.

Troy met Nick on tribe, who was camping with the Deep End. He was prepared, knowledgeable and was excellent when it came to communicating with me. I am so grateful for his patience and expertise when it came to handling me. We really hope to meet up with him again, it's too bad he lives all the way in Utah!

I was completely comfortable, and would have been able to stay up longer, but for the chilly, chilly evening air on the playa. I am told that I was up between ten and fifteen minutes. The only regret that I have is that I didn't put on any makeup before going up!

Thanks to everyone who participated, photographed and quietly watched.

I am not an exhibitionist by nature, but it felt so natural...

This shot is from below - thanks to O man for taking the shot, I didn't even know you were under me!

Burning Man is what you want it to be

This year's burn was tougher than usual. It took a while for Troy and I to acclimate - not staying hydrated or eating well enough while building the dome, on top of being exhausted from the last few months. Thursday it started to click. I really believe our wonderful campmates helped it along.

For some reason, I packed expectations in my luggage this year, unlike the previous two years. By Thursday, those expectations dissolved and I truly felt at home. What a release.

I am not a social person by nature. Different people see different aspects of my personality. Some think I am a sweet, flaky girl who doesn't say much. I am sure others see me a distant and snobby. While my co-workers (poor kids) see me at my brashest. I wish I were total sweetness and light at all times, but alas, I am stereotypically Korean at times. Over the last few year I've tried to let go a bit. Experiencing my first burn was the catalyst, and the ones that followed have fueled my progress. They have allowed me to be vulnerable, friendly, self-assured, and confident, because the community embodies those traits as well.

This year, I gifted random people and received smiles and hugs in return. It felt so damn good! I saw the excitement of first timers, whose energy inspired my own enjoyment. I learned more about my husband, and realized that he too can be just as vulnerable as me. It also reminded me of how much I love him, and how amazing it is that we connected in the first place.

Every burn helps me to discover more about myself and everyone around me. The first few days I was sad that I wasn't out seeing more art and performances. Then it hit me, maybe that is not what is important for me to experience this year. After all, your burn belongs to you, mine belongs to me, while we share it together. Burning Man is what you want it to be.

Be happy that you can decide to be happy...

Life is hard. Life can also be wonderful. Sometimes things don't need a deep, underlying meaning to be legitimate or important. Sometimes a painting can simply be beautiful, and bring beauty to a lucky viewer's day. Sometimes anger is justified, and sometimes it is exhausting. Sometimes tragedy is just tragic, and sometimes it touches our lives, and that is tragic. Sometimes it seems the rain is never going to end and the sunny days are far too short. And sometimes a smile can displace all of the storms circling our lives, even for a moment.

Today it seems our lives predispose us to absorb negative feelings and it is easy to forget the times of bliss. We try so hard to find solid connections, to find empathy, and understanding. If we lose one, the world seems to lose its meaning. It is good to remember that life is hard and wonderful, and maybe there is no meaning beyond the tip of your tongue.

So if you please, be happy that you can decide to be happy...