My Blog

Oh man...

Erin — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 20:22:08 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oj61Q5KPues I tear up just watching this. I get chills. This was one of my favorite books growing up. If they make a movie of Maniac Mcgee, Stranger in a Strange Land, and Snow Crash, I can die a happy person.

I love living in Sunset.

Erin — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 10:35:57 GMT

On a good day you can smell the salt, sand and seaweed coming up from the water. The breeze comes inland all day long, and in the evening it brings with it an intense amount of fog. The fog comes in fast, like a blanket of cold cottony water, and stays unless it's one of those rare late-summer days when the sunshine is warm enough. It's a quiet neighborhood, lots of college students and Asian families. October always sucks. It's the transition months that are usually crap for me. Something about the change of seasons that always throws me; April is crap, July is crap, October is crap. October is especially crap. Maybe that's why Halloween is my favorite holiday, because it means October is finally over. Living in the Sunset house has been an experience. It kind of reminds me of Fremont all over again, except nobody's rolling in the living room. We all do what we can, but it always seems like it's one person pulling the weight, and the weight is always changing hands. I have mixed feelings about leaving in December, because on one hand leaving Sunset will break my heart a tiny bit, but I think if I stayed I'd have dirty-dishes induced episodes of killing everyone. I've been sick a lot. Like, physically. I developed a nasty case of sneezing/coughing. It's the throat tickle kind of cough, which works like this: Once I reach that perfect fine line between being awake and falling asleep, I hack up mucus for at least three minutes, and then it takes me thirty minutes to get to that fine line again. Then repeat until insane. Smoking. I've tried to quit so many times and none of them seem to really stick. I really wish that I was one of those people who could just smoke occasionally, and not care so much. It's killing me though. Each Autumn when cold season hits the coughs get worse and it takes longer to get over them. I just wish it wasn't so heartbreaking to quit, you know? For non-smokers who don't know: When you smoke for a long time, it becomes so much a part of who you are that stopping is like losing a piece of yourself. It hurts emotionally, like a pang in your heart every time you see someone else light up. Every minute of every day is a struggle. This is why people who are quitting are such detestable cunts. It's like going through a really awful breakup and seeing a happy couple. I wish every day that I'd never started smoking. I wish I had more willpower for this shit. Did you know that nicotine gum contains more nicotine per piece than a cigarette? So, if you chew the gum when you're trying to quit and then go back to smoking, you're going to smoke more because you're used to a higher dosage. I've been going back and forth between being very calm, very happy, and miserably depressed. My moods follow the weather pattern here; bright and sunny one moment and gray and ugly the next. I feel very lost and confused most of the time, even when I'm happy. Alexi does what he can and he really does help, but at some point you have to just fucking help yourself. I've always said that if a person is unhappy they should change something. I just wish I were more motivated to do it. It's like, every day I have this conversation with my self that goes, "Hey, I should do something worthwhile today." and then the other side of me goes "Yeah... maybe after I fuck around for a little bit." Then a little bit turns into all day. I also have this problem with completely ignoring stress, which is both good and bad. It's good because I'm not stressed out all that much, but it's bad because the way that I ignore stress is to ignore the stresser. Not doing well in school? Lets watch something on TV-Links. Got laid off? I have a new book to read. I have absolutely no direction and no idea what I'm doing? Let's see what I can make with coat hanger and an shit-load of feathers. I'm so tired of feeling like this. Like the evil twin is trapped inside and snuffing out all promise and potential for greatness. I've always felt this passion for life, this fire in me and at the same time I've always been totally unmotivated to do anything with it. I'm good at a lot of things, really good at a few things, and yet none of these things seem to have any practical uses. I knit well. I sing well. I write really fucking well. I can make amazing things from coat hangers and a shit-load of feathers. Well so what? Who needs all that?

Pain and (is?) Pleasure

Erin — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 06:34:54 GMT

The needle goes in, and i feel the rush of this marvelous cocktail of endorphins and adrenaline. The feeling is indescribable. It's like a centralized pressure pain; not sharp like i was expecting. My body is instantly alert, and at the same time my brain seems to have shut off every thought but the most basic and primal senses The natural cocktail induces a feeling of extreme lightheadedness. I feel drunk. It's a feeling more intense than any dom has administered. I almost want to fuck the shit out of my piercer (Hi Kym!). . One of the greatest experiences with pain i've ever had. It was incredible. not to mention, it looks pretty fucking awesome....:-)

...Wow...

Erin — Sun, 20 Aug 2006 07:17:16 GMT

Snakes on a Plane was exactly what i expected. It was absolutely terrible, and i loved every minute of it. In other news, there was a flash mob of zombies in the city today, which Isaac and i were a part of. It was amazing. There started out being maybe seven zombies, and there ended up being about 300 of us staggering around the market/powell area. Oh...we stormed the apple store. Imagine if you will, about 300 zombies in an apple store. needless to say, i've had a very good day.

What time!?

Erin — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 21:25:46 GMT

Oh my fucking god i'm tired. I didn't even know they still made a 5am. But they do, and i was up at it this morning. Other things learned today include: * Public transportation is stressful, but it should be substantially less stressful next time. * My teachers are all very cool. * In each of my classes, there's at least one weird/strange/hyper-kinetic/possibly insane person, and at least one person that i would rather drop dead than talk to. * In my swimming class, there's a semi-attractive boy who shares my name, and who seems reeaaallly shy. And a girl with no fashion sense but a very pretty face. And a girl who's really cute, totally straight, and completely not the sort of person i'd be into. Other than that, no attractive people. Anywhere. I'm serious. * I'm very out of shape. * DVC is retarded in it's architechture; it's very hard to find things, and it's a rather cramped campus. Being there gives one a significant feeling of claustrophobia. more on things when i'm not half-zombified from lack of sleep.

Shit Talker

Erin — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 23:48:58 GMT

Я думал вы знало меня. Я думал я знало вас. Я думал мы было этими же, и что вещи были одобрены между нами. Возможно вы учитываете меня некоторым видом космического ripper сердца наружным. Но я реально верил он было хорош для меня, право для меня, для немногой пока. Как раз как я верил вы были хороши для меня, право для меня. По крайней мере я имел шарики для того чтобы закончить вещи с обоими из вас вместо препятствовать вам dangle на шнуре, как вы сделал с вашим последним girlfriend. Вы всегда интересуете почему я не смог быть с вами? Вы insecure, к пункту где каждый переговор кончается вверх по быть о всех чудесных вещах, котор вы можете сделать. Он управляет мной шальным. Я ненавижу его. Вы не слушаете к мне на всех, ни вы заботите о моем искусствое, моем creativity, моих идеях, или моих ideals. Специально не если они противоречат вашим. Вы отказываете впустить когда вы неправильны большинств времена, и когда вы совершенно должны сделать это, они очевидны как дискомфортно он для вас. Вы эмоциональн справедливы там, очень ласково of course, но ваше сердце, ваша душа, и идет дальше в вашу головку прячет от каждого, по возможности выравнивается от вас. вы претендуете как вы so much более лучшие чем я, то "Erin ем душ", котор вы будете таким asshole. Оно не как я получаю на ушибать людей. Единственные вещи, котор я повредил были думают что люди были правы для меня. То и когда они turn out не быть, hey, я выходим! Что кошмар fucking принципиальной схемы ual должен быть для вас. Вы оставляете висеть людей. How many девушки будут вами ваш кран с теперь? Вы в ту один обыкновенный толком девушку настолько очевидно toying с вами. Она знает вас делит вашу кровать с людях? Другие люди знают вас делят вашу кровать с людях? Fix your own problems, and stay the hell out of my love life.

Arabic Fun

Erin — Tue, 15 Aug 2006 07:43:16 GMT

http://safetypins224.livejournal.com/ go here. read. fuck, i'm tired.

Insert Contented Sigh

Erin — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 06:05:13 GMT

I am sitting on my bed. A pile of comic books is crushing my stomach. ...Life is good.

David and I are Spooky

Erin — Sat, 12 Aug 2006 07:27:17 GMT

SeptaScarabae (11:59:35 PM): How long have you known him? mewismybattlecry (12:00:22 AM): about a month SeptaScarabae (12:01:11 AM): Is it more than a crush or just a crush? mewismybattlecry (12:01:29 AM): what's your definition of more than a crush? SeptaScarabae (12:04:04 AM): More than mere physical attraction. Something more intimate. mewismybattlecry (12:04:13 AM): ah, yes, well mewismybattlecry (12:04:15 AM): yes. mewismybattlecry (12:04:18 AM): quite. mewismybattlecry (12:04:33 AM): i really like his brain SeptaScarabae (12:04:38 AM): Then talk to him. mewismybattlecry (12:04:43 AM): i like the way it works. mewismybattlecry (12:04:45 AM): oh, he knows mewismybattlecry (12:04:55 AM): and yeah, he feels the same mewismybattlecry (12:05:12 AM): but I'm kinda like, "Damn...what's the point?" you know? SeptaScarabae (12:08:13 AM): I guess if you can't answer that question, it wouldn't make much of a relationship. mewismybattlecry (12:08:55 AM): well, neither of us are idealistic enough to believe a long-distance relationship would work mewismybattlecry (12:09:12 AM): it just sucks, because one of us is leaving. SeptaScarabae (12:12:04 AM): You could always murder him and keep his corpse in your closet. mewismybattlecry (12:12:56 AM): yeah, but i like his BRAIN. Not to mention the way his brain WORKS. Killing him seems kind of counter productive. SeptaScarabae (12:13:19 AM): Well, it's lickable when he's dead. mewismybattlecry (12:13:35 AM): ...you do raise a good point. mewismybattlecry (12:14:03 AM): if only i could figure out a way that would allow me to lick his brain while having an intellectual conversation... SeptaScarabae (12:15:12 AM): Record him on tape saying numerous things and implant the recorder in his chest. mewismybattlecry (12:16:40 AM): yeah, but i'd get bored eventually. SeptaScarabae (12:18:04 AM): I'll voice his chest implant! mewismybattlecry (12:18:24 AM): bah. Can you get the semi-monotone half asian accent right? SeptaScarabae (12:19:12 AM): No, no I can't. But.. with a little inspirational brain licking, I could go Scottish. mewismybattlecry (12:20:42 AM): scottish is no good to me. mewismybattlecry (12:20:51 AM): although, i might settle for Russian. SeptaScarabae (12:21:09 AM): I could work with that. mewismybattlecry (12:21:23 AM): i'll think about it. mewismybattlecry (12:21:55 AM): a living body lasts a lot longer than a dead one...and smells a lot better too mewismybattlecry (12:22:04 AM): the bodies are starting to pile up in my closet anyway mewismybattlecry (12:22:11 AM): i've got plenty of brains to lick. SeptaScarabae (12:22:19 AM): Living bodies do not last longer. SeptaScarabae (12:22:36 AM): They just deteriorate less. mewismybattlecry (12:22:48 AM): thats what i mean mewismybattlecry (12:22:56 AM): and air freshener costs money mewismybattlecry (12:23:33 AM): no, i think i'll settle for talking to him occasionally while he's in new york, and then when he comes back, taking him somewhere secluding and ripping all his clothes off...possibly leaving battle scars...but in a violent way that subby him will like. mewismybattlecry (12:23:44 AM): yes...that sounds like good alternative to brain licking.

Oh My God My Parents are Awesome (and Poor Poor Fish...)

Erin — Thu, 10 Aug 2006 07:41:48 GMT

So I'm going back to being pescatarian. I felt a lot healthier when i wasn't eating meat. I want to be healthier in general. I want my body to be a little more toned, and i want to be able to exert myself physically without getting tired. Also, veggie stuff tends to be less expensive. ...MEAT COSTS EXTRA So not only are my parents paying for my schooling, and not only have they expressed willingness to purchase an automobile for me to drive, I also am going to be getting health, vision, and dental insurance through my dad's work (Yay! Glasses for the seeing!) Not only that, but when my brother moves back to Santa Rosa in september, I am going to take over his house cleaning duties...which pay $50 a week. I'm going to be making $200 a month for four days worth of work. I put in my notice at petco today. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! I'm not going to have to work! I'm not going to have to work! *maniacal laughter* Kym, (who is totally and completely awesome because she talked me down from like, three seperate panic attacks on tuesday) said she could pierce my lip for free. I've been wanting to get this done for the past 18 million years, but i never did because of the whole job thing. ...hehe...hehehehehe.... God! It feels so good to be doing something.

Turning japanese, Huxtable style.

Erin — Mon, 07 Aug 2006 10:09:25 GMT

It is hard to masturbate when the TV is on and The Cosby Show comes on. If i have a wet dream with Bill Huxtable, there will be hell to pay.

Halloween all the fucking time...

Erin — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 10:01:40 GMT

So, I'm sitting here watching what i can only assume is Mexican Idol (because i'm twisted). Honestly, i don't get the seemingly cultural (albeit gender associated) obsession with white eyeliner and white lipstick. There is also a woman (who, as i understand it, is a fashion judge) who looks like she skinned a smurf to wear around her neck. ...Also a woman inexplicably dressed as a bunny. Oh my god anyway, I've figured out what i want to go to school for. I'm going to take the following courses at Diablo Valley College Stage Makeup Costume Design Into to music lit (on-line) American History Post-1877 (on-line) Ballroom Dance Basic Swimming I'm taking costume design because i've realized that i've really enjoyed working on my halloween costume these past few weeks. And i'm good at it. I've put a lot of time a detail into something that doesn't really need it to look good. I just really enjoy working on it, and adding those details that no one will most likely notice. So if anyone needs a halloween costume, let me know! All you've got to do is pay for materials, and i'll make you something bad ass. it's tight too, because my swimming class is right before my two main focus type classes. So i'll get up hella early, go swimming, and then be all awake and shit for class (bow to my mastery of the english language). and i mean, ballroom dancing...c'mon...i'm way too much of a dork not to take that. I'm really excited to go to school after 5 years of doing nothing that has impacted my life to make it move forward.