I Fart In Your General Direction!

YOU! CAKE OR DEATH?

aeranthes — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 07:40:05 GMT

Yeah. I've got tickets to see Eddie Izzard on Friday, July 11, 2008. ... Ooooh, aren't you just GREEN with envy?

Darjeeling, California

aeranthes — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 07:02:17 GMT

Posted on http://vanillagarlic.blogspot.com/ on FRIDAY, MARCH 07, 2008 Darjeeling, California Remember Coconut Milk Cheese guy? Well, he strikes again... Coworker - So what exactly is Darjeeling? Is it a black tea? Me - Darjeeling is a tea which is usually black but can be oolong or green. Coworker - So why is it called Darjeeling in specific? Me - Well, it’s like champagne. Champagne can only be officially produced in the Champagne District of France. Darjeeling is a specific place in India. According to the Tea Board of India, a Darjeeling must be grown and produced in a tea garden in Darjeeling. The region gives tea a very light and distinct flavor. Coworker - So is there Californian Darjeeling? Me - No, that would be Californian tea, though I dunno if there actually is any. Coworker - But what if they use the same leaves as in India? Me - There is only one kind of tea leaf really. Coworker - So it is the same. Me - No, it has to come from Darjeeling, India. Coworker - But if it is grown here then I can buy cheaper, local Darjeeling, right? (long pause) Me - Yes. Yes, you can. You can even buy official champagne from Fresno. Coworker - Really? Me - Sure. Why not?

Coconut Milk Cheese

aeranthes — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 01:33:10 GMT

Posted on http://vanillagarlic.blogspot.com, WEDNESDAY, JULY 11, 2007 Coconut Milk Cheese A small exchange that took place a few minutes ago... Co-Worker: Where can I buy coconut milk cheese? Me: I’m sorry? No, um, you can’t buy it. Co-Worker: Why not? Me: Because you can’t make cheese from coconut milk. Co-Worker: But it’s milk. Me: No, it’s just called coconut milk because it looks like milk. It isn’t actually milk. It’s juice from inside the coconut. Co-Worker: But you make cheese from milk. Me: Yes, milk from a cow or goat or something. Co-Worker: So you can’t make cheese from coconut milk? Me: Nope. Sorry. Co-Worker: I’ll go ask *other co-worker* and see if she knows where I can buy it. [Because apparently, I’m an idiot and a liar. I wish him the best of luck in his search.]

.Meow.

aeranthes — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 03:59:39 GMT

For all the cat owners out there. Enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1QHS7FLQKU

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! NOW SAVE THIS MAN’S LIFE! (Feb. 24, 2008)

aeranthes — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 03:59:19 GMT

Oh dear god was this a memorable birthday for my mom. First, we went to the NW Flower & Garden show, then PIke Place, so that was good. Then, I dropped her off at the hotel so she could rest for an hour before dinner, then I went home. Started some homework, then heard Bo's zippo *clink* as he filled it with lighter fluid, then *clink* again, then the sound of flames being whipped through the air. *Oh shit,* I thought. *He's set himself on FIRE!* Turns out the fluid from his zippo had dripped down his hand and arm, and when he lit it the flames caused 2nd degree burns on his fingers (that sounds so much more serious than saying he has blisters on his fingers, doesn't it?) So I tried to help him take care of the wound while giving him space to be angry about the pain, then I went out to dinner with my parents. I called Bo after 30 minutes, after we were seated and before dinner started, when suddenly we heard a man yelling to my left. We looked over, and saw this man being helped out of his chair. I instantly thought (being closest to him) *HEIMLICH!* but when I ran over and saw his hands curled up to his chest and the look on his face, I realized I was out of my league, and made way for Mom: SUPER NURSE EXTRAORDINAIRE! I made myself useful by helping a couple of kids get out of harm's way (out of sight of the man going into fits on the floor) Mom helped calm the man down (he started yelling a few times), take his vitals and whatnot while a fireman (seated with his wife at our table) helped mom and organized the ambulance pick-up on his cell phone and fed them the man's medical history, as dictated by the man's girlfriend. Finally the ambulance arrived, and mom was relieved of duty, while the patrons in that entire section of the restaurant were re-seated elsewhere. Turns out the man had had a seizure, had a history of seizures, had just had brain surgery AND was not on any anti-seizure medication! Poor fellow went into a seizure while sitting at the dinner table in a restaurant half-filled with children! I was, of course, terrified, and tried my best to stay out of the way, seeing as I have no *real* medical training (the expired First Aid card in my wallet is proof) and am a mega-klutz. My dad felt the need to hover over my mom's head as she knelt on the floor with the injured man's head in her lap. Mom was a pro! Once the EMTs came in, she got up to wash her hands, sat at our new table, and acted like nothing out of the ordinary had happened... she did, however have more wasabi than usual with her sushi... Long story short, Mom was a hero on her birthday, and the restaurant manager didn't even offer her free dessert! ...just kidding. Oh, and then while we waited for mom and dad's cab to show up, the fireman and his wife came walking back towards us. Their car had been towed! Great treatment of a hero, huh? TO THE RESCUE! Thankfully I had driven to the restaurant, and knew exactly where the impound lot was. It was cramped, my Jeep is in desperate need of a new carpet kit, and there's sawdust all over the seat, but they were extremely grateful for the ride. They even insisted on paying the fee for the parking garage. Seems I wasn't completely useless this evening. So, yeah, it was an interesting evening. HAPPY FREAKIN BIRTHDAY TO THE KICKINEST MOM ALIVE!

It was a pretty good day...

aeranthes — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 03:57:32 GMT

March 3 was a pretty good day... Considering that it was "National Be an Inconsiderate Jackass Day." Among the many slightly irksome things that occurred today, this one really took the cake. As I was standing in line for coffee, I could not help but hear the annoying complaining of the young girl standing behind me. She kept bitching to her friend about how she hates Seattle because it's so cold and it rains all the time... (not taking into account that she was wearing leggings today, when the highest temp. was maybe 45°F... with a constant drizzle all day...) and how she had been spoiled by living in California for the past year, and how she loved Boston, and how it was a college town so the people were young like her and everything was made of beautiful brick, not like the ugly concrete here... All this time, she kept bumping into me. Ok, one or two times isn't a big deal, especially if you apologize. But 8-10 times, with maybe 1-2 half-assed apologies... By the 8th or so time I'd had enough, especially with the accompanying perfunctory "Sorry." As soon as the word left her mouth, I said, "Ok. That's the 7th or 8th time you've bumped into me. Please pay more attention to your surroundings." She gave a surprised, "Ok," and I replied with "Thank you," grabbed my coffee, and walked out feeling really good about the rest of my day.

Is it a full moon or something?...

aeranthes — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 18:17:10 GMT

Just got a message from some guy calling himself "Mr. Jones Miller" saying that he wanted a little God-fearing woman to settle down with... and he thought that I was the one. WHAT THE HELL ARE PEOPLE SMOKING LATELY?!?! And how do I stay the hell away from it?! Later.

Oh.....kay?

aeranthes — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 22:41:47 GMT

On the way to class the other morning, I almost stepped on the remains of a woodpecker. It was so incredible I couldn't help but stop and stare. It was like something out of a horror flick: the upper body was missing, and all that was left was the spine, hips, legs, and tail feathers...It was as if it had been ripped apart by some demon... It was cool.

Ted Andews says "Tireless Joy and the Nectar of Life"

aeranthes — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 23:18:22 GMT

I was just out on my balcony, setting up a trellis for my wildly overgrown beans and peas. Right next to their planter was a small agastache (trumpet-like orange flowers). I hear this buzzing noise and a tiny chirp, and look up to stare face-to-face with an Anna's hummingbird, hovering 3-4 feet from me. It zips over the hand rail to my left, hovers 3 feet from the agastache, and then proceeds to feed from the plant, which is a mere 4 INCHES from my leg!!! Not wanting to scare it away, I could only stare with what must have been the most rediculous look of joy on my funny face. The tiny green and tan bird took its fill, then flew off to the north. I was so excited, I ran inside to text my mom and two friends, then fill my hummingbird feeder. And write this for you. Enjoy.

Circle of Life? Maybe? Or come up with your own catchy title...

aeranthes — Wed, 23 May 2007 04:54:37 GMT

Yesterday around 3:45pm, I saw a crow raiding a robins' nest in the big tree on the corner of 11th and John, while the parents sat just a few feet away, screeching their dismay and torment. Then, around 5:45pm on John between 10th and Broadway, I saw a crow being attacked by a pidgeon that wanted the french fries on the sidewalk between them... Last week, I walked within three feet of, then stopped and stared at a woodpecker going to town on an ant colony that had taken up residence in the sidewalk by my house...he barely registered my presence... Lsat night(?), I think I also saw a snail eating what looked like the remains of another snail or a slug...on the front steps of my house...I promptly picked up the eating snail and set it directly on the line of Sluggo around my front flower bed...which he proceded to eat...so I placed him in the walkway and went inside... What the hell is going on with animals lately??? ...or is someone trying to tell me something? Later, you silly English knigggits!

Bog Bodies: Violently Murdered Nobility, or Pampered Pagan Sacrifices?

aeranthes — Wed, 23 May 2007 04:37:58 GMT

Just watched NOVA on PBS. They found two partial male bog bodies in Ireland, one named Oldcroghan Man, with wounds consistent with torture and violent deaths, both men missing their lower bodies from about the diaphragm down. Both males were in their mid to late twenties at the time of death. Oldcroghan Man was found to have been about 6'6" tall, determined by the length from the fingertips of one hand to the other, and had been tortured, cut in half, and decapitated. Only his torso, arms, and hands remained; no other parts were found. His nipples had been sliced off and he had multiple stab wounds. His arm had what seemed like a defensive wound which extended into the chest cavity, most likely through the lung and into the heart, meaning a fatal wound. No hair was found on Oldcroghan Man's body. Surprisingly, what was left of the body was in extremely good condition, and I don't just mean the preservation from the peat bog: Oldcroghan Man's fingernails were well-manicured, and his hands looked like he hadn't done any manual labor. The contents of his perfectly preserved stomach showed his last meal to have consisted of grains (probably bread) and dairy, meaning, from the lack of fresh vegetables and fruits, that he'd probably died in the winter. His upper arms had fragments of wooden rope, which had been used to tether him to the bog so he wouldn't rise up in the water. He also had a braided leather and metal studded arm band, which the analysts tested to be from around the Iron Age. The other man still had his head, but it had beed smashed in, probably by an axe, which had hit him once in the back of the head and twice in the face (some of his brains were still in tact, and visibly protruding. Heh heh.) He had a large matting of hair on top of his head, which after the peat was washed away showed to be kind of like a bun gathered together with a kind of pomade, then secured with string. The pomade was made of plant oils mixed with resin from a pine tree indigenous to southern France. He was only 5'2", so the researchers mused that he might have used this hairstyle to make up for his short stature (kind of like good old Kim Jong Il). His hair tested to show that his diet, for the six months before his death, was rich in vegetables and fruit. From their observations and many test results, the scientists and analysts theorized that these two males were probably high-ranking celts, mostly from their diets, well-manicured nails, and expensive, imported hair product. They also concluded that, because of the wounds, these males were violently murdered, and from what they said it sounded like they thought the celts premeditated the murder of two nobles...kind of like a bloody coup. Heh heh......a bloody coup.... Anywho, as I sat there, listening to these well-educated men and women tout their theories, I couldn't help thinking to myself: Isn't it possible that these men were sacrifices to the Celts' pagan gods? And isn't it also possible that these men were predestined (or thought to be by their people) to be sacrificed, and thus pampered in order to be perfect specimens to offer up to their deities, and not simply fat rich kids? And another thought came to me. The deaths of these men were very violent, and one man was obviously either tortured or mutilated. Isn't it possible that the Celts belived that, if they made absolutely certain that the soul of a person left a body, it would not linger, and therefore the violence and force was considered necessary? And perhaps the mutilation was part of a ritual, since Oldcroghan Man was killed in the winter, maybe it was appeasement to the gods to bring back the warmth and bounty of Spring? These things occupy my mind... Later, me lovelies. Oh, and P.S... I watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail last night. *grin* "I don't want to talk to you anymore! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"