Another Helpful Hint From Yer Uncle Andrew:

Best way to get outta jury duty:

If they tell you the case involves drug possession, announce yer advocacy fer the legalization of drugs.

Total time served: 3 hours...

Coming Soon To A Social Network Somewhere Near You:

Beware...

THE CULLING!!!...

[...we now resume with our (ir)regularly scheduled programming...]

Bragging Rights

[via crickett]

Put a * by the ones you have done:

*1. Started your own blog
*2. Slept under the stars
*3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
*6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
*9. Held a praying mantis
*10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
*14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
*21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
*23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
*24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
*29. Seen a total eclipse
*30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
*33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
*34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
*35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (in general)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
*41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful (the geyser) erupt
*43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
*45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
*46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
*51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
*52. Kissed in the rain
*53. Played in the mud
*54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
*60. Served at a soup kitchen
*61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
*63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
*67. Bounced a check
*68. Flown in a helicopter
*69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
*70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
*71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
*77. Broken a bone
*78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
*84. Had your picture in the newspaper
*85. Read the entire Bible
*86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
*88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
*90. Sat on a jury
*91. Met someone famous
*92. Joined a book club
*93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
*99. Been stung by a bee
*100. Read an entire book in one day

I Loved A Banana Because I'm Sexy And I Do What I Want!

[crossposted from elsewhere -- cranberryflags.blogspot.com/2008....html -- because I have a longer post for there stuck in transit, and I'm hoping just reposting this pulls me outta neutral...]

Okay, mine's in the title of this post -- now it's *yer* turn:


Pick the month you were born:

January--------I kicked
February-------I loved
March----------I karate-chopped
April----------I licked
May------------I jumped on
June-----------I smelled
July-----------I did the Macarena With
August---------I had lunch with
September------I danced with
October--------I sang to
November-------I yelled at
December-------I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:

1--------a birdbath
2--------a monster
3--------a phone
4--------a fork
5--------a snowman
6--------a gangster
7--------my mobile phone
8--------my dog
9--------my best friend's boyfriend
10-------my neighbor
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19-------a smurf
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an iPod
29-------a surfer
30-------a llama
31-------a homeless guy

Pick the color of the shirt/top you are wearing right NOW:

White-----------because I'm cool like that.
Black-----------because that's how I roll.
Pink -----------because I'm crazy!
Red-------------because the voices told me to.
Blue------------because I'm sexy and I do what I want!
Green-----------because I think I need some serious help.
Purple----------because I'm AWESOME!
Gray------------because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.
Yellow----------because someone offered me $1,000,000.
Orange----------because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway.
Brown-----------because I can...
Other-----------because I'm a Ninja!
None------------because I can't control myself!

Give me the result in the comments [and pass on the meme if yer feeling it, of course, of course....]

(Yeah, I know -- I coulda just *asked* yawl fer yer birthdays, but I figgered this would at least be worth an eighth-grader-level giggle [grin]...)

How Adventurous Are *Your* Tastebuds?...

From LizZiBeth ... to torroid ... to me ... to you ...

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten. (I put a * instead [and an '*5' next to anything I believe I only ever had back in 5th grade, due to an unusually-broadly culturally-minded teacher for her era and geographic location, who basically dragged her classes (sometimes kicking and screaming) into the wider world outside of tractor pulls and Hee Haw...])
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating. (I put a "x")
4) Maybe put a "?" by something if you've never heard of it and don't know what it is. (Me, anything I had to look up, I marked...)

1. Venison *5
2. Nettle tea *5
3. Huevos rancheros * (though probably not again anytime in the near future...)
4. Steak tartare *5
5. Crocodile *5
6. Black pudding *5
7. Cheese fondue * (high school gf wuz a *fiend* fer this stuff...)
8. Carp *
9. Borscht *
10. Baba ghanoush ?
11. Calamari *5
12. Pho ?
13. PB&J sandwich *
14. Aloo gobi ?
15. Hot dog from a street cart *
16. Epoisses ?
17. Black truffle *5
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes * (strawberry wine -- mmm!...)
19. Steamed pork buns (I'd think I'd've remembered that name...)
20. Pistachio ice cream X
21. Heirloom tomatoes *5
22. Fresh wild berries * (couple of years in the Boy Scouts'll do that to yah -- see also #'s 42 and 88...)
23. Foie gras *5
24. Rice and beans *
25. Brawn, or head cheese *5
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper X (peppers in general are not my faves, except when crushed into a fine powder -- and thrown into the foul faces of mine own worst enemies [cough! cough!] -- err, sorry, slipped into 'melodrama' mode fer a second there...)
27. Dulce de leche *5
28. Oysters *5
29. Baklava *5
30. Bagna cauda ?
31. Wasabi peas ? (I've had my own stereotypical unfortunate encounter with wasabi, of course, of course -- but never in *pea* form...)
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl (not a big fan of clam chowder *or* sourdough, but I wouldn't rule out testing it *entirely*, either...)
33. Salted lassi ?
34. Sauerkraut *X (*once* and never again!...)
35. Root beer float *
36. Cognac with a fat cigar (not with the cigar, no...)
37. Clotted cream tea *5
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O (can't *imagine* why I don't remember having done this...)
39. Gumbo *5
40. Oxtail *5
41. Curried goat (I would in this instance prefer not to be told what I wuz eating at first, of course, of course...)
42. Whole insects * (I assume chocolate covered whole insects count here also -- but then, if those were the *only* kind I'd ever ate, this would've been marked as '*5' instead...)
43. Phaal ?
44. Goat’s milk * (from a baby bottle anyhoo, so I doesn't remember it so good -- I've been told I threw it up, though...)
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more (not that I can recall anymore, anyhoo...)
46. Fugu X (not that big of a risk taker, thanx anyhoo...)
47. Chicken tikka masala ?
48. Eel *5
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut *
50. Sea urchin *5
51. Prickly pear *5
52. Umeboshi ?
53. Abalone *5
54. Paneer ? (possibly in 5th grade, though...)
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal * (at least once, I'm sure...)
56. Spaetzle ?
57. Dirty gin martini *
58. Beer above 8% ABV (can't imagine why I *wouldn't* have had one...)
59. Poutine ? (neither the Canadian nor Acadian versions, that I can recall anyhoo...)
60. Carob chips *X (once and only once, and never *ever* again, except under threat of death or dismemberment...)
61. S’mores *
62. Sweetbreads *
63. Kaolin ? (only reference to any edible I could find under this name using Google wuz Kaopectate [which I've not ingested anyhoo] -- we on the same page here?...)
64. Currywurst ?
65. Durian X (ewww! -- don't even get one of those foul things *near* me! [the smell... dear G-d, the smell...])
66. Frogs’ legs *5
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake *
68. Haggis *5
69. Fried plantain (might've in 5th grade, but can't remember...)
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette *5
71. Gazpacho *
72. Caviar and blini (not *together* anyhoo, that I can recall...)
73. Louche absinthe (astoundishingly enuff, I can't recall this one either...)
74. Gjetost, or brunost? (might've had it in Sweden -- the picture fer Gudbrandsdalsost I found on the interwebbinesses looks vaguely familiar...)
75. Roadkill X
76. Baijiu ? (I *have* had 'white lightning', though [grin]...)
77. Hostess Fruit Pie *
78. Snail *5
79. Lapsang souchong *5
80. Bellini ? (picture on the web looks familiar, though...)
81. Tom yum ?
82. Eggs Benedict *
83. Pocky (I've not heard good things aboot this one, but I might still hazard a taste...)
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef (I *really* wanna try this, though...)
86. Hare (I would in this instance prefer not to be told what I wuz eating at first, of course, of course...)
87. Goulash *
88. Flowers * (and not just once, either, I'm afraid -- I may have even eaten some in a actual *dining* setting...)
89. Horse (I would in this instance prefer not to be told what I wuz eating at first, of course, of course...)
90. Criollo chocolate ?
91. Spam *
92. Soft shell crab *
93. Rose harissa ?
94. Catfish *
95. Mole poblano ?
96. Bagel and lox *5
97. Lobster Thermidor (purdy dernded shure not, anyhoo...)
98. Polenta *5
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee X (I can't imagine *any* brand of coffee I would ever like, sorry [I can already hear the cries of "Apostasy! Heresy! Blasphemy!..."]
100. Snake *5

Known Some Call Is Air Am

Known some call is air am
Carnalism so womanlike
Quasi-normal menus
As I'm a wit as on
I am not as I was...

The Military Paranoia Of Nephrological Nephology

a thousand wooden pigeons scream
an aria of pain
around an attractive flame

bedpans of cholera
around my knees
as nurses collect skin
for the local sawmill

breathing vapors of methane
in your basement
through your ears
hearing your endearments
while I gaze upon
your succulent earlobes...

And Now I've Got Big Bird Singing In Me Head...

Historically, I've found that I have little talent fer starting memes.

Doesn't mean I won't try again (of course, of course [grin]...):

Take a piece of paper (or open up Notepad or Word or whatever) and write the alphabet in capital letters in a single column down the left side.

Done that? I'll wait...

...

...

...

Okay, now without thinking about it (and as fast as you can), write down the first word you can think of that starts with each letter!

GO!!!

You can put yers in the comments here...

*OR*

you can copy this meme into yer own blogs and see what *yer* readers come up with...

[my answers are in the comments...]