You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here

Another Helpful Hint From Yer Uncle Andrew:

Andrew — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 06:57:00 GMT

Best way to get outta jury duty: If they tell you the case involves drug possession, announce yer advocacy fer the legalization of drugs. Total time served: 3 hours...

Coming Soon To A Social Network Somewhere Near You:

Andrew — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 06:49:54 GMT

Beware... THE CULLING!!!... [...we now resume with our (ir)regularly scheduled programming...]

Bragging Rights

Andrew — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 03:12:13 GMT

[via crickett] Put a * by the ones you have done: *1. Started your own blog *2. Slept under the stars *3. Played in a band 4. Visited Hawaii 5. Watched a meteor shower *6. Given more than you can afford to charity 7. Been to Disneyland 8. Climbed a mountain *9. Held a praying mantis *10. Sang a solo 11. Bungee jumped 12. Visited Paris 13. Watched a lightning storm at sea *14. Taught yourself an art from scratch 15. Adopted a child 16. Had food poisoning 17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty 18. Grown your own vegetables 19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France 20. Slept on an overnight train *21. Had a pillow fight 22. Hitchhiked *23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill *24. Built a snow fort 25. Held a lamb 26. Gone skinny dipping 27. Run a Marathon 28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice *29. Seen a total eclipse *30. Watched a sunrise or sunset 31. Hit a home run 32. Been on a cruise *33. Seen Niagara Falls in person *34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors *35. Seen an Amish community 36. Taught yourself a new language 37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (in general) 38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person 39. Gone rock climbing 40. Seen Michelangelo’s David *41. Sung karaoke 42. Seen Old Faithful (the geyser) erupt *43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant 44. Visited Africa *45. Walked on a beach by moonlight *46. Been transported in an ambulance 47. Had your portrait painted 48. Gone deep sea fishing 49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person 50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris *51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling *52. Kissed in the rain *53. Played in the mud *54. Gone to a drive-in theater 55. Been in a movie 56. Visited the Great Wall of China 57. Started a business 58. Taken a martial arts class 59. Visited Russia *60. Served at a soup kitchen *61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies 62. Gone whale watching *63. Got flowers for no reason 64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma 65. Gone sky diving 66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp *67. Bounced a check *68. Flown in a helicopter *69. Saved a favorite childhood toy *70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial *71. Eaten Caviar 72. Pieced a quilt 73. Stood in Times Square 74. Toured the Everglades 75. Been fired from a job 76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London *77. Broken a bone *78. Been on a speeding motorcycle 79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person 80. Published a book 81. Visited the Vatican 82. Bought a brand new car 83. Walked in Jerusalem *84. Had your picture in the newspaper *85. Read the entire Bible *86. Visited the White House 87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating *88. Had chickenpox 89. Saved someone’s life *90. Sat on a jury *91. Met someone famous *92. Joined a book club *93. Lost a loved one 94. Had a baby 95. Seen the Alamo in person 96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake 97. Been involved in a law suit 98. Owned a cell phone *99. Been stung by a bee *100. Read an entire book in one day

I Loved A Banana Because I'm Sexy And I Do What I Want!

Andrew — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 16:14:13 GMT

[crossposted from elsewhere -- http://cranberryflags.blogspot.com/2008/08/i-loved-banana-because-im-sexy-and-i-do.html -- because I have a longer post for there stuck in transit, and I'm hoping just reposting this pulls me outta neutral...] Okay, mine's in the title of this post -- now it's *yer* turn: Pick the month you were born: January--------I kicked February-------I loved March----------I karate-chopped April----------I licked May------------I jumped on June-----------I smelled July-----------I did the Macarena With August---------I had lunch with September------I danced with October--------I sang to November-------I yelled at December-------I ran over Pick the day (number) you were born on: 1--------a birdbath 2--------a monster 3--------a phone 4--------a fork 5--------a snowman 6--------a gangster 7--------my mobile phone 8--------my dog 9--------my best friend's boyfriend 10-------my neighbor 11-------my science teacher 12-------a banana 13-------a fireman 14-------a stuffed animal 15-------a goat 16-------a pickle 17-------your mom 18-------a spoon 19-------a smurf 20-------a baseball bat 21-------a ninja 22-------Chuck Norris 23-------a noodle 24-------a squirrel 25-------a football player 26-------my sister 27-------my brother 28-------an iPod 29-------a surfer 30-------a llama 31-------a homeless guy Pick the color of the shirt/top you are wearing right NOW: White-----------because I'm cool like that. Black-----------because that's how I roll. Pink -----------because I'm crazy! Red-------------because the voices told me to. Blue------------because I'm sexy and I do what I want! Green-----------because I think I need some serious help. Purple----------because I'm AWESOME! Gray------------because Big Bird said to and he's my leader. Yellow----------because someone offered me $1,000,000. Orange----------because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway. Brown-----------because I can... Other-----------because I'm a Ninja! None------------because I can't control myself! Give me the result in the comments [and pass on the meme if yer feeling it, of course, of course....] (Yeah, I know -- I coulda just *asked* yawl fer yer birthdays, but I figgered this would at least be worth an eighth-grader-level giggle [grin]...)

How Adventurous Are Your Tastebuds?...

Andrew — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 20:52:11 GMT

From LizZiBeth ... to torroid ... to me ... to you ... 1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions. 2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten. (I put a * instead [and an '*5' next to anything I believe I only ever had back in 5th grade, due to an unusually-broadly culturally-minded teacher for her era and geographic location, who basically dragged her classes (sometimes kicking and screaming) into the wider world outside of tractor pulls and Hee Haw...]) 3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating. (I put a "x") 4) Maybe put a "?" by something if you've never heard of it and don't know what it is. (Me, anything I had to look up, I marked...) 1. Venison *5 2. Nettle tea *5 3. Huevos rancheros * (though probably not again anytime in the near future...) 4. Steak tartare *5 5. Crocodile *5 6. Black pudding *5 7. Cheese fondue * (high school gf wuz a *fiend* fer this stuff...) 8. Carp * 9. Borscht * 10. Baba ghanoush ? 11. Calamari *5 12. Pho ? 13. PB&J sandwich * 14. Aloo gobi ? 15. Hot dog from a street cart * 16. Epoisses ? 17. Black truffle *5 18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes * (strawberry wine -- mmm!...) 19. Steamed pork buns (I'd think I'd've remembered that name...) 20. Pistachio ice cream X 21. Heirloom tomatoes *5 22. Fresh wild berries * (couple of years in the Boy Scouts'll do that to yah -- see also #'s 42 and 88...) 23. Foie gras *5 24. Rice and beans * 25. Brawn, or head cheese *5 26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper X (peppers in general are not my faves, except when crushed into a fine powder -- and thrown into the foul faces of mine own worst enemies [cough! cough!] -- err, sorry, slipped into 'melodrama' mode fer a second there...) 27. Dulce de leche *5 28. Oysters *5 29. Baklava *5 30. Bagna cauda ? 31. Wasabi peas ? (I've had my own stereotypical unfortunate encounter with wasabi, of course, of course -- but never in *pea* form...) 32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl (not a big fan of clam chowder *or* sourdough, but I wouldn't rule out testing it *entirely*, either...) 33. Salted lassi ? 34. Sauerkraut *X (*once* and never again!...) 35. Root beer float * 36. Cognac with a fat cigar (not with the cigar, no...) 37. Clotted cream tea *5 38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O (can't *imagine* why I don't remember having done this...) 39. Gumbo *5 40. Oxtail *5 41. Curried goat (I would in this instance prefer not to be told what I wuz eating at first, of course, of course...) 42. Whole insects * (I assume chocolate covered whole insects count here also -- but then, if those were the *only* kind I'd ever ate, this would've been marked as '*5' instead...) 43. Phaal ? 44. Goat’s milk * (from a baby bottle anyhoo, so I doesn't remember it so good -- I've been told I threw it up, though...) 45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more (not that I can recall anymore, anyhoo...) 46. Fugu X (not that big of a risk taker, thanx anyhoo...) 47. Chicken tikka masala ? 48. Eel *5 49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut * 50. Sea urchin *5 51. Prickly pear *5 52. Umeboshi ? 53. Abalone *5 54. Paneer ? (possibly in 5th grade, though...) 55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal * (at least once, I'm sure...) 56. Spaetzle ? 57. Dirty gin martini * 58. Beer above 8% ABV (can't imagine why I *wouldn't* have had one...) 59. Poutine ? (neither the Canadian nor Acadian versions, that I can recall anyhoo...) 60. Carob chips *X (once and only once, and never *ever* again, except under threat of death or dismemberment...) 61. S’mores * 62. Sweetbreads * 63. Kaolin ? (only reference to any edible I could find under this name using Google wuz Kaopectate [which I've not ingested anyhoo] -- we on the same page here?...) 64. Currywurst ? 65. Durian X (ewww! -- don't even get one of those foul things *near* me! [the smell... dear G-d, the smell...]) 66. Frogs’ legs *5 67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake * 68. Haggis *5 69. Fried plantain (might've in 5th grade, but can't remember...) 70. Chitterlings, or andouillette *5 71. Gazpacho * 72. Caviar and blini (not *together* anyhoo, that I can recall...) 73. Louche absinthe (astoundishingly enuff, I can't recall this one either...) 74. Gjetost, or brunost? (might've had it in Sweden -- the picture fer Gudbrandsdalsost I found on the interwebbinesses looks vaguely familiar...) 75. Roadkill X 76. Baijiu ? (I *have* had 'white lightning', though [grin]...) 77. Hostess Fruit Pie * 78. Snail *5 79. Lapsang souchong *5 80. Bellini ? (picture on the web looks familiar, though...) 81. Tom yum ? 82. Eggs Benedict * 83. Pocky (I've not heard good things aboot this one, but I might still hazard a taste...) 84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant 85. Kobe beef (I *really* wanna try this, though...) 86. Hare (I would in this instance prefer not to be told what I wuz eating at first, of course, of course...) 87. Goulash * 88. Flowers * (and not just once, either, I'm afraid -- I may have even eaten some in a actual *dining* setting...) 89. Horse (I would in this instance prefer not to be told what I wuz eating at first, of course, of course...) 90. Criollo chocolate ? 91. Spam * 92. Soft shell crab * 93. Rose harissa ? 94. Catfish * 95. Mole poblano ? 96. Bagel and lox *5 97. Lobster Thermidor (purdy dernded shure not, anyhoo...) 98. Polenta *5 99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee X (I can't imagine *any* brand of coffee I would ever like, sorry [I can already hear the cries of "Apostasy! Heresy! Blasphemy!..."] 100. Snake *5

Known Some Call Is Air Am

Andrew — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 12:28:32 GMT

Known some call is air am Carnalism so womanlike Quasi-normal menus As I'm a wit as on I am not as I was...

The Military Paranoia Of Nephrological Nephology

Andrew — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 20:03:46 GMT

a thousand wooden pigeons scream an aria of pain around an attractive flame bedpans of cholera around my knees as nurses collect skin for the local sawmill breathing vapors of methane in your basement through your ears hearing your endearments while I gaze upon your succulent earlobes...

And Now I've Got Big Bird Singing In Me Head...

Andrew — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 22:06:41 GMT

Historically, I've found that I have little talent fer starting memes. Doesn't mean I won't try again (of course, of course [grin]...): Take a piece of paper (or open up Notepad or Word or whatever) and write the alphabet in capital letters in a single column down the left side. Done that? I'll wait... ... ... ... Okay, now without thinking about it (and as fast as you can), write down the first word you can think of that starts with each letter! GO!!! You can put yers in the comments here... *OR* you can copy this meme into yer own blogs and see what *yer* readers come up with... [my answers are in the comments...]

T Minus 969

Andrew — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 23:52:30 GMT

Been thinking aboot doing a 1000-day countdown to my 50th birthday fer a few months now (thinking keeping track might help motivate me in a few areas -- which reminds me: I need to start making a list...) So *naturally* I'm already 31 days late starting it (of course, of course [sigh]...)

Engrish Restaurant Menu (A Remix)

Andrew — Tue, 13 May 2008 18:49:08 GMT

the almond namely whets hot fragrant spring onion in king's vegetables the farmer pays king meat the fish picks rurality salad in pillar fragrant bone fries four treasure frog in fragrant spinach fragrant eggplant fry ginger bumping milk (hot) the fruit salty egg vegetable sponge liver pig soup in strange flavor a peaceful add bean curd fried beef rice slippery meat is small to good to eat mountain in garlic a soup burn beautiful pole sour and sweet bone must home town shredded meat the special features return sea cucumber hoof the spring chicken steam wood flower with scorn and egg a west bean enchants cowboy leg in fish pot [remixed from original: http://rahoi.com/2006/03/may-i-take-your-order ]

untitled poem (vol. 2, no. 1)

Andrew — Tue, 13 May 2008 17:00:37 GMT

last night, after weeks of rain, the sky was finally clear enough to see the half-lidded moon in the southwest corner of the sky, freeze-framed in mid-wink...

In Honor Of 'No Pants Day' [An Oldie But Goodie]

Andrew — Fri, 02 May 2008 21:13:51 GMT

25 Lines From Star Wars That Can Be Improved If You Change One Word To "Pants" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 01) A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master. 02) You are unwise to lower your pants. 03) We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down. 04) She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally, Commander. 05) These pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts. 06) I find your lack of pants disturbing. 07) These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it. 08) Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time! 09) General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault. 10) I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home. 11) TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your pants? 12) Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants. 13) Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought onboard. 14) You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark. 15) Luke. . . Help me take...these pants off. 16) Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants. 17) That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational! 18) Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this. 19) Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness. 20) Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for your sister! 21) Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser. 22) Yeah, well, short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie. 23) Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my pants. I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive. 24) I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants. 25) You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.

Shameless Self-Promotion

Andrew — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:58:12 GMT

"Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in." Thanx to Kim's faith in me (blind as that is [grin]), I've taken on the moderation of yet another tribe: http://tribes.tribe.net/linebylinepoetry ...so if you have any interest in exquisite-corpse-style poetry (or even just non sequitors in general): drop on in, set right down, and give us a hand in writing some synchronistic sonnets (be they serious or silly, psychedelic or psychotic...)

GADZOOKY!

Andrew — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 16:38:53 GMT

Yesterday I had 801 page views. I log into tribe today and now I have 1014! (What happened? Somebody start that 'opening act fer Tori Amos' rumor again?...)

And Now, Another Great Quote In The History Of Music:

Andrew — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 18:08:13 GMT

"...as some of Buckethead's performances are on our album I'll share my Dr. Pepper with him." -- Axl Rose of Guns N' Roses

I Was Dreaming When I Wrote This -- Forgive Me If It Goes Astray...

Andrew — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 21:21:34 GMT

A Still-In-Progress List Of My All-Time Favorite Songs [last updated 15-May-2007] 1910 Fruitgum Company – 1, 2, 3, Red Light ABBA – Does Your Mother Know Ace – How Long Al Stewart – A Man For All Seasons Al Stewart – Year Of The Cat Alan Parsons Project – Don’t Let It Show Albert Hammond – The Free Electric Band Alice Cooper – Millie And Billie Allman Brothers – Whipping Post Amazing Rhythm Aces – Third-Rate Romance America – Sister Golden Hair Andrew Lloyd Weber – Too Much Heaven On Their Minds Archies – Bang-Shang-A-Lang Association – Never My Love B. J. Thomas – Hooked On A Feeling Babys – Everytime I Think Of You Bachman-Turner Overdrive – You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet Band – The Weight Barry DeVorzon & Perry Botkin, Jr – Nadia’s Theme (The Young And The Restless) Barry Manilow – Bandstand Boogie Bastard Fairies – Habitual Inmate Bastard Fairies – We’re All Going To Hell Beach Boys – God Only Knows Beach Boys – Wouldn’t It Be Nice Beatles – And Your Bird Can Sing Beatles – I’m Down Bee Gees – Nights On Broadway Bela Fleck – Bicyclops Bela Fleck – UFO Tofu Benny Mardones – Into The Night Big Star – I’m In Love With A Girl Big Star – September Gurls Billy Joe Royal – Down In The Boondocks Billy Joel – Scenes From An Italian Restaurant Black Sabbath – Iron Man Black Sabbath – Paranoid Blind Faith – Presence Of The Lord Blue Oyster Cult – Don’t Fear The Reaper Blue Oyster Cult – Godzilla Blues Brothers – B Movie Boxcar Blues Blues Brothers – Shot Gun Blues Bob Dylan – Dark Eyes Bob Dylan – Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right Bob Dylan – Something There Is About You Bob Marley – Buffalo Soldier Bob Seger – Beautiful Loser Bob Seger – Hollywood Nights Bob Seger – Mainstreet Bonnie Raitt – Love Has No Pride Bonnie Raitt – Nothing Seems To Matter Bonnie Raitt – Too Long At The Fair Bonnie Raitt – Under The Falling Sky Bonnie Raitt – You Told Me Baby Bonnie Tyler – Total Eclipse Of The Heart Boston – Amanda Boston – Foreplay/Long Time Boz Scaggs – Lido Shuffle Brian Eno/David Byrne – Help Me Somebody Brownsville Station – Smokin’ In The Boys’ Room Bruce Cockburn – Lovers In A Dangerous Time Bruce Springsteen – Born To Run Bruce Springsteen – Candy’s Room Bruce Springsteen – Thunder Road Bugs Bunny – Jimmy Crack Corn Byrds – Eight Miles High Byrds – I’ll Feel A Whole Lot Better Carl Douglas – Kung Fu Fighting Carly Simon – You’re So Vain Carpenters – Solitaire Carpenters – Superstar Cat Stevens – Wild World Celine Dion – Misled Charles Mingus – Better Get Hit In Your Soul Charles Mingus – Devil Woman Charles Mingus – Goodbye Pork Pie Hat Charles Mingus – Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am Charlie Parker – Orinthology Charlie Sexton – Beats So Lonely Chase – Get It On Chick Corea – Nite Sprite Chi-Lites – Oh Girl Chuck Mangione – Feels So Good Circus Maximus – Chess Game Clash – Lost In The Supermarket Cock Robin – Thought You Were On My Side Cock Robin – When Your Heart Is Weak Count Five – Psychotic Reaction Counting Crows – Omaha Counting Crows – Rain King Counting Crows – Sullivan Street Cream – Badge Creedence Clearwater Revival – Have You Ever Seen The Rain Creedence Clearwater Revival – Who’ll Stop The Rain Crosby, Stills & Nash – Helplessly Hoping Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young – Helpless Crowded House – Don’t Dream It’s Over Cure – Close To Me Cyndi Lauper – All Through The Night Cyndi Lauper – Time After Time Dan Fogelberg – Same Old Lang Syne Dave Brubeck – Blue Rondo A La Turk Dave Brubeck – Take Five Dave Brubeck – Three To Get Ready (And Four To Go) Dave Loggins – Please Come To Boston Dave Matthews Band – Satellite David Bowie – Ashes To Ashes David Bowie – Changes David Bowie – China Girl David Bowie – Rebel Rebel David Bowie – Sons Of The Silent Age David Bowie – Space Oddity David Bowie – Suffragette City DeFranco Family – Heartbeat (It’s A Love Beat) Del Shannon – Runaway Derek & The Dominos – Layla Devo – Satisfaction Dire Straits – Romeo & Juliet Dire Straits – Sultans Of Swing Dire Straits – Tunnel Of Love Dishwalla – Haze Dishwalla – Miss Emma Peel Dishwalla – Moisture Disturbed – Darkness Disturbed – Liberate Disturbed – Prayer Dizzy Gillespie – Salt Peanuts Dizzy Gillespie – Things To Come Dobie Gray – Drift Away Don McLean – And I Love You So Don McLean – Vincent Doors – My Eyes Have Seen You Doors – You’re Lost Little Girl Doug Sahm And Sons – You’re Gonna Miss Me Duke Ellington – Caravan Dwight Yoakum – Guitars, Cadillacs Dwight Yoakum – Honky Tonk Man Edgar Winter Group – Autumn Edgar Winter Group – Frankenstein Edgar Winter Group – Round & Round ELO – Do Ya ELO – Livin’ Thing ELO – Mr. Blue Sky ELO – Shangri-La Elton John – Funeral For A Friend (Love Lies Bleeding) Elton John – Little Jeanie Elton John – Tiny Dancer Elvis Costello – (What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love And Understanding Elvis Costello – Accidents Will Happen Elvis Costello – Alison Elvis Costello – Miracle Man Elvis Costello – Watching The Detectives Eric Carmen – All By Myself Eurythmics – Here Comes The Rain Again Eurythmics – Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) Eurythmics – Would I Lie To You Everly Brothers – All I Have To Do Is Dream Fabulous Poodles – B Movies Fabulous Poodles – Cherchez La Femme Fabulous Poodles – Work Shy Fear – More Beer Fiona Apple – Criminal First Class – Beach Baby Flash Cadillac & the Continental Kids – Did You Boogie With Your Baby (In The Back Row Of The Movie Show) Flickerstick – Direct Line To The Telepathic Focus – Hocus Pocus Foreigner – Urgent Frank Zappa – Montana Frank Zappa – Peaches En Regalia Frank Zappa – Watermelon In Easter Hay Gary Puckett & The Union Gap – Lady Willpower Gary Puckett & The Union Gap – Over You Gary Puckett & The Union Gap – This Girl Is A Woman Now Gary Puckett & The Union Gap – Woman, Woman Gary Puckett & The Union Gap – Young Girl Gary Wright – Dream Weaver Genesis – Carpet Crawlers George Frideric Handel – Hallelujah Chorus Gin Blossoms – Allison Road Gin Blossoms – Found Out About You Glen Campbell – Galveston Glen Campbell – Wichita Lineman Go West – Call Me Go West – We Close Our Eyes Gordon Lightfoot – If You Could Read My Mind Gordon Lightfoot – Sundown Grass Roots – Two Divided By Love Guess Who – Hand Me Down World Guess Who – No Sugar Tonight/New Mother Nature Guess Who – No Time Guess Who – These Eyes Guns N’Roses – November Rain Hank Williams Jr. – Man Of Steel Harry Chapin – Mail Order Annie Harry Chapin – Mr. Tanner Harry Chapin – W*O*L*D Heart – Barracuda Heart – Crazy On You Heart – Magic Man Herbie Hancock – Chameleon Herman’s Hermits – I’m Henry The Eighth, I Am Herman’s Hermits – I’m Into Something Good Hollies – Look Through Any Window Hudson Brothers – So You Are A Star Icicle Works – Whisper To A Scream (Birds Fly) Irene Cara – Out Here On My Own Iron Butterfly – In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida Jackson Browne – Doctor My Eyes Jackson Five – ABC Jackson Five – I Want You Back Jackson Five – The Love You Save James Taylor – Sweet Baby James Janis Ian – Stars Janis Joplin – Ball And Chain Janis Joplin – Cry Baby Janis Joplin – One Night Stand Janis Joplin – Piece Of My Heart Janis Joplin – Summertime Jean-Luc Ponty – New Country Jean-Luc Ponty – Tarantula Jeff Buckley – Hallelujah Jeff Buckley – Lilac Wine Jeff Buckley – So Real Jennifer Love Hewitt – How Do I Deal Jethro Tull – Aqualung Jethro Tull – Locomotive Breath Jigsaw – Sky High Jim Croce – Lover’s Cross Jim Croce – One Less Set Of Footsteps Jimi Hendrix – Purple Haze Jimi Hendrix – The Star Spangled Banner Jimi Hendrix – Voodoo Chile (Slight Return) Joan Jett – Light of Day Joan Osborne – Right Hand Man Joan Osborne – St. Teresa Joe Sample – Another Blues John Coltrane – Giant Steps John Coltrane – Saturn John Denver – Annie’s Song John Denver – Sunshine On My Shoulders John Denver – Take Me Home, Country Roads Johnny Rivers – Secret Agent Man Kasey Chambers – Cry Like A Baby Kasey Chambers – Not Pretty Enough Kate Bush – Babooshka Kate Bush – Cloudbursting Kate Bush – Running Up That Hill Kate Bush – The Big Sky Kate Bush – The Man With The Child In His Eyes Kate Bush – Wuthering Heights Kathy Mattea – Clown In Your Rodeo Kelly Clarkson – Miss Independent Kelly Clarkson – Since U Been Gone Kenny Rogers – Sweet Music Man Kids From C.A.P.E.R. – Ridin' A Rainbow King Crimson – Frame By Frame King Crimson – Matte Kudasai Kingsmen – Louie, Louie Kronos Quartet – Uleg-Khem Larry Marks – Scooby Doo, Where Are You Left Banke – Walk Away Renee Lennie Tristano – Turkish Mambo Leon Haywood – I Wanna Do Something Freaky To You Leonard Cohen – Last Year’s Man Level 42 – Something About You Liz Phair – Stratford-On-Guy LL Cool J – Momma Said Knock You Out Long Ryders – I Had A Dream Los Lonely Boys – Heaven Lovin’ Spoonful – You Didn’t Have To Be So Nice Lyle Lovett – Here I Am Lynyrd Skynyrd – Free Bird Madonna – Like A Prayer Madonna – Ray Of Light Mamas & Papas – California Dreamin’ Manfred Mann’s Earth Band – Blinded By The Light Marc Cohn – 29 Ways Marc Cohn – Walking In Memphis Mariah Carey – Someday Martin Mull – Flexible Martin Page – In The House Of Stone And Light Marvin Gaye – I Heard It Through The Grapevine Maxine Nightingale – Lead Me On McCoys – Hang On Sloopy Melissa Etheridge – Come To My Window Melissa Etheridge – I’m The Only One Melissa Etheridge – If I Wanted To Michelle Branch – Are You Happy Now Miles Davis – All Blues Miles Davis – So What Mindy Smith – Come To Jesus Mission Of Burma – That’s When I Reach For My Revolver Mocedades – Eres Tu Monkees – (I’m Not Your) Steppin’ Stone Monkees – Early Morning Blues And Greens Monkees – Goin’ Down Monkees – I’m A Believer Monkees – No Time Monkees – Randy Scouse Git Monkees – Sunny Girlfriend Monkees – Sweet Young Thing Monkees – Valleri Monkees – What Am I Doing Hangin’ ‘Round Monkees – You Just May Be The One Moody Blues – Gemini Dream Moody Blues – Nights in White Satin Mr. Mister – Broken Wings Mr. Mister – Kyrie My Chemical Romance – I’m Not Okay (I Promise) Nancy Sinatra – These Boots Are Made For Walkin’ Neil Diamond – Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show Neil Diamond – Dear Father Neil Diamond – Holly Holy Neil Young – Down By The River Neil Young – Mr. Soul Neil Young – Out On The Weekend Neil Young – Powderfinger Neil Young – Sample And Hold Neil Young – The Needle And The Damage Done Neil Young – Transformer Man New Grass Revival – Callin’ Baton Rouge New Grass Revival – Can’t Stop Now New Grass Revival – Metric Lips New Vaudeville Band – Winchester Cathedral Nickel Creek – Out Of The Woods Nickel Creek – Reasons Why Nirvana – The Man Who Sold The World NRBQ – Talk To Me NRBQ – Yes, Yes, Yes Olivia Newton-John – I Honestly Love You Olivia Newton-John – If You Love Me (Let Me Know) Olivia Newton-John – Let Me Be There Oompa Loompas – The Oompa Loompa Song Outsiders – Time Won’t Let Me Ozzy Osbourne – Crazy Train Pam Tillis – Don’t Tell Me What To Do Partridge Family – I Think I Love You Pat Benatar – Hit Me With Your Best Shot Paul Young – Everytime You Go Away Peter Gabriel – In Your Eyes Peter Gabriel – Mercy Street Peter Gabriel – Shock The Monkey Pilot – Magic Pink Floyd – Wish You Were Here Plimsouls – A Million Miles Away Police – Every Breath You Take Police – Synchronicity II Portishead – All Mine Portishead – Only You Portishead – Over Prelude – After The Goldrush Pretenders – Back On The Chain Gang Primitive Radio Gods – Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand Prince – Little Red Corvette Procol Harum – Whiter Shade Of Pale Psychedelic Furs – Love My Way Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody R.E.M. – Fall On Me R.E.M. – So. Central Rain R.E.M. – Superman R.E.M. – Swan Swan H R.E.M. – Wendell Gee Rachel Sweet – Stranger In The House Rascals – Good Lovin’ Raspberries – Go All The Way Raspberries – I Wanna Be With You Ray Stevens – I Need Your Help, Barry Manilow Raydio – You Can’t Change That Residents – This Is A Man’s Man’s World Reunion – Life Is A Rock (But The Radio Rolled Me) Rhythm Heritage – Theme From S.W.A.T. Righteous Brothers – Unchained Melody Righteous Brothers – You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’ Rob Zombie – Dragula Robert Palmer – Bad Case Of Loving You (Doctor, Doctor) Rod Stewart – Downtown Train Roger Voudouris – The Next Time Around Rolling Stones – Angie Romeo Void – Never Say Never Roy Orbison – A Love So Beautiful Roy Orbison – In The Real World Roy Orbison – She’s A Mystery To Me Sammy Johns – Chevy Van Sanford/Townsend Band – Smoke From A Distant Fire Sara McLachlan – Adia Shania Twain – Any Man Of Mine Shania Twain – Gonna Getcha Good Shania Twain – Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under Sheryl Crow – If It Makes You Happy Sheryl Crow – My Favorite Mistake Simon & Garfunkel – America Simon & Garfunkel – The Boxer Sister Double Happiness – Red Temple Prayer (Two Headed Dog) Sly & The Family Stone – Everyday People Sniff ‘N’ The Tears – Driver’s Seat Spice Girls – Wannabe Spinners – Could It Be I’m Falling In Love Spirit – I Got A Line On You Split Enz – History Never Repeats Split Enz – One Step Ahead Squeeze – Black Coffee In Bed Squeeze – Tempted Stan Kenton - Thermopylae Steely Dan – Dirty Work Steve Goodman – Video Tape Steve Martin – King Tut Steve Winwood – While You See A Chance Stevie Wonder – I Was Made To Love Her Stone Temple Pilots – Plush Stylistics – Stop, Look, Listen (To Your Heart) Styx – Clair De Lune/Ballerina Styx – Jennifer Styx – Miss America Sugar Bears – You Are The One Sugarloaf – Green-Eyed Lady Suzie Quatro – Stumblin’ In Sweet – Little Willy Synergy – Chateau T’Pau – Heart And Soul Talking Heads – Once In A Lifetime Tanya Tucker – Lizzie And The Rainman Terence And Phillip – Uncle F**ka Thelonious Monk – Bemsha Swing Thelonious Monk – Blue Monk Thelonious Monk – Round Midnight Thelonious Monk – Straight, No Chaser Thelonious Monk – Well, You Needn’t Them – Could You Would You Them – One Two Brown Eyes They Might Be Giants – Istanbul (Not Constantinople) They Might Be Giants – Particle Man Thin Lizzy – The Boys Are Back In Town Three Dog Night – Freedom For The Stallion Tiffany – I Think We’re Alone Now Tom Waits – Somewhere (from West Side Story) Tori Amos – Caught A Lite Sneeze Tori Amos – China Tori Amos – Crucify Tori Amos – Hey Jupiter Tori Amos – Putting The Damage On Tori Amos – Silent All These Years Traffic – The Low Spark Of High-Heeled Boys Tremelos – Silence Is Golden Troggs – I Can’t Control Myself Troggs – Night Of The Long Grass Troggs – When Will The Rain Come Tubes – Don’t Want To Wait Anymore Turtles – Happy Together Van Halen – Panama Van Halen – Why Can’t This Be Love Van McCoy – The Hustle Van Morrison – Brown Eyed Girl Vanilla Fudge – You Keep Me Hangin’ On Vapors – Turning Japanese Velvet Underground – I Heard Her Call My Name Vicki Lawrence – Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia Waitresses – I Know What Boys Like Wall Of Voodoo – Mexican Radio Warren Zevon – Accidentally Like A Martyr Warren Zevon – Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner Warren Zevon – Veracruz Waylon Jennings – Theme From The Dukes of Hazzard (Two Good Old Boys) Waylon Jennings/Willie Nelson – Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys Weather Report – A Remark You Made Weather Report – Birdland Wednesday – Last Kiss Weird Al Yankovic – Dare To Be Stupid Weird Al Yankovic – George Of The Jungle Who – Baba O’Riley (Teenage Wasteland) Who – I Can See For Miles Who – Won’t Get Fooled Again Willie Nelson – Whiskey River Woody Herman – Woodchopper’s Ball X – Around My Heart XTC – Senses Working Overtime XTC – Snowman Yes – Roundabout Zombies – Time Of The Season ZZ Top – Cheap Sunglasses [crossposted from http://www.last.fm/user/rex_ferric/journal/2008/03/22/681006/ ]

Musings On The Subject Of Suggestability, Part Wanji

Andrew — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 17:57:13 GMT

I just got a Google ad with the heading "You May Have Matches (3)". Good thing I'm not a pyromaniac...

People Who Live In Glass Houses...

Andrew — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 05:57:18 GMT

...shouldn't juggle cast-iron cookware...

Ever Look At A Bag Of Ramen Noodles...

Andrew — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 18:15:57 GMT

...and think to yerself: "Nah, too much work..."?...

OK, Somebody PPPPPPPPPPPLEASE Tell Me This Is A Parody Site...

Andrew — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 21:20:14 GMT

http://rawstory.com/news/2007/Huckabee_Amend_Constitution_to_meet_Gods_0115.html

The 2nd Annual "Things You May Not Have Known Aboot Me" Meme

Andrew — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 06:51:49 GMT

[Aunt Bea tagged me recently (even though Fang tagged me on a nearly-identical meme awhile back -- answers were herein recycled as seemed apropos at the time...)] Four jobs I have had in my life: 1. studio musician 2. statistical consultant for a college's developmental psych department 3. rural delivery newspaperperson 4. Rock God of West Central Ohio... Four movies I've watched more than once: 1. The Rocky Horror Picture Show 2. Tombstone 3. Urgh! A Music War 4. Sins of Desire... Four places I have lived: 1. Union City, IN 2. Versailles, OH 3. Dayton, OH 4. Massillon, OH (not much of a wanderer, is I?...) Four T.V. Shows that I (will) watch: 1. most any poker show 2. most any professional wrestling show 3. most anything on the Food Network starring Alton Brown, Rachel Ray or Giada De Laurentiis 4. my still-incomplete collection of X-Men:Evolution episodes... Four Places I have been: 1. Finland 2. Sweden 3. Disney World 4. inside my mind (some might say "with alarming frequency"...) Four of my favorite foods: 1. Ramen noodles (most often heavily dosed with chili powder, garlic powder and various other such flavorings...) 2. mac 'n' cheese (sometimes with mushrooms [evil grin, rubs hands together menacingly]...) 3. Doritos (preferably taco flavor) 4. Coca-Cola (although probably more accurately logged under 'addictions'...) Four places I would rather be right now [not necessarily in priority order]: 1. at a final table on the World Poker Tour 2. on stage opening fer Tori Amos 3. meeting some trilaterally symmetrical Trups from the planet Yom in the Pi Ursa Major system sometime in the late 24th century 4. inside the pyramid on a(n unopened) pack of unfiltered Camel cigarettes... Four things I am looking forward to in the next year: 1. warmer weather 2. wearing my tennis shoes everyday (instead of the boots that the lack of #1 foists on me) 3. the possibility (however remote it may be becoming) of the 20th reunion tour of me old rock band 4. the moon (it's gotta stop raining *sometime*, don't it?...) Four people who I think should take this survey 1. Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States of America 2. Albert Einstein, winner of the Nobel Prize in Physics 3. Ray Manzerek, keyboard player for the Doors 4. Howard Roarke, protagonist from the novel The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand... [heck, yawl oughta know me and taggage dunn mix -- if'n yawl feels the urge, jus' *DEW* eet!!...]

Sidewalk Comedy (a found poetry cut-up)

Andrew — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 02:16:27 GMT

Sidewalk Comedy (a found poetry cut-up) ------------------------------- a fireside turned blue a floor below me saying an old man an underwater guy and ambitions are low and any fool and I don't want and make it too and rebel angels and the complications and the resentment rides high as a smiling face as we went kneeling brother can you but emotions won't grow by ten million pounds of sludge can't be trusted captured him come on! come on!! crystallize dead men talk finally, he just stopped for a brother for an attack for the night forgot I'm here got killed had nothing to do with mountains he died he fizzled and popped he rattled and knocked hid us hide all of the skeletons kid I can see I can see a bed I hate bears I have lost my origin if I decide to be illusion I'm just an insect in an attic is in the air is right it's up to me knows a dog like I was a crucifix lined up needs a home not this fucking wreck of the dark of your own dirty tricks old man winter on the mouth on the table secret compartments shine so I'd prefer so sue me spare sunshine spiders crawl over the bed stick to love songs still prepared that's all you're knowing that's taken its place that's what we're going to do the dead soldiers the dust settles the Germans the worms dig there's a kid through the dark to all the pretty nurses to be remembered to find it again to tease and displease trying to get out until the morning comes vanity fairgrounds wash up after yourself we're going to drink what I think when I kissed you when the routine bites hard who controlled the sea with feathers so hollow without surprise you could do without you got yourself you held onto me you never you'll be the victim...

SCATTERGORIES!

Andrew — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 05:39:17 GMT

[by way of Paidia] SCATTERGORIES...it's harder than it looks! Copy and paste into a new post. Let's keep the game going! RULES: *Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following...they have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up!! *Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question. What is your name? Andrew (well, it is *here* anyhoo...) 4 letter word: Aunt Vehicle: Audi TV Show: A-Team City: Austin Boy Name: Alfred Girl Name: Anna Alcoholic Drink: Alabama Slammer Occupation: Acrobat Something you wear: Aviator sunglasses Celebrity: Abdullah Ibrahim [jazz musician] Food: Avocados Something found in a bathroom: Aspirin Reason for being late: Asphyxiation due to carbon monoxide poisoning from a faulty heating system [and yes, I *have* used this one...] Animal: Aardvark

This Is How My Mind Works...

Andrew — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 19:54:23 GMT

...spent far too many minutes this morning in the bathroom trying to solve this system of equations that popped into my head -- so I figgered, why not share the pain? (and if you want full credit fer yer answer, you *must* show yer work [grin]): x = 3y y = 3x + 1 ...meself, my primary error wuz in trying to *graph* the functions in my head first -- and so fer bonus points, wuz this an error because of: a) my natural inability to hold pictures in my head, b) my ingrained antipathy for graph theory in general, c) my lack of critical thinking skills at any hour prior to noon, or d) all of the above [and if you choose 'd', please include your estimation of the approximate percentage breakdowns fer each item 'a' through 'c'...]

Questions I Would Ask iGod If I Had The Time And Patience:

Andrew — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 00:14:44 GMT

[NOTE: all questions culled from various non-original sources -- some slightly tweaked by moi] Are electrons green or pink? Are you an android? Are you gonna go my way? Are you my dad, or is this just an expression? Are you stupid? Are you trying to avoid skin cancer and painful irritation? Are your bits a bit banal? Aren't we all Art? Aren't you, you know who, Albert Einstein? Or was that Herbert? Assuming the inherent evils of capitalism, what alternatives do you expect in the future? But is Bob taller than Pookie? But what about Brett Favre? Can we set fire to belt buckles with bananas? Can we talk about a general theory about non-linear problems? Ciao, mi capisci? Cows fly like clouds, but they also have very sad death. But at least witty? Did Oswald act alone? Did you ever have a name? Did you know my multivitamin contains 5000 percent of my daily Vitamin A requirement? Do people secretly lust after me? Do you know Chuck Yeager? Do you know Green Floyd? Do you know it's 500 million kilometers from Earth to Mars? Does Yoko Lennon exist? Explain quantum mechanics to me. Have you ever seen a flying cow? How about the Yakima scale? How can I learn to resist the temptation of alcohol while still attacking the available members of the opposite sex? How can I make myself happy? How can I maximize my pleasure during sex? How does it feel to be violent, if you can, about Milla Jovovich or Galina Loginova? How does the world see me? How long is a piece of string? How will I be remembered? How would you compare the craft of say a "Primal Fear" to a "Double Indemnity"? How would you take it if someone has been an actor before he became the father of many forces? How would you take offense at nothing, since Jesus has freely given you everything? HUR KAN DU INTE VARA SNäLL ETT TAG? I suggest a game. How about thermonuclear war? If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages? If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it considered a hostage situation? If you can give scientific evidence that Bill Gates exists, I'd be grateful. Is being a Marine a hard job? Is it hard to make arrangements with yourself when you're old enough to repay, but young enough to sell? Is it not debilitating to see a dark pillow embrace an embarrassed Chinese with full effect? Is there only one who could respond to my messages from Limone, Italy? Jaha, hej pe dig hal, vet du varfvr menen dr grvn? Let's discuss Fibonacci. Parlez-vous francais? Please, can you fondle my friend too? Please, can you tell me the name of Sonny's father? Sewing the Bible again? Shall we go again, talking complete nonsense? Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? So how will we brake the ice? So who is Sonny's son? Spots! My... What is the meaning of Life? Sprechen sie deutsch? Tell me about the criminality in the communication unit of the ancient Sumerians by Walter Cronkite. That's terrific, but how come we never act, just sit watching as our world crumbles? Tu parles francais? Was Mr. Spock a physicist? What did you observe in reading my daily blog? Am I a chicken? What do my friends really think of me? What do you call a person with a stick of celery under his arm? What do you know about Oklahoma City? What do you want for Christmas? What does Bill know about Pink Floyd? What family did I screw up? What is 2? What is a plane? What is happiness? What is my favorite fetish? What is some good advice for me? What is the definition of a full deck? What is the meaning of life? What is the square root of 2+2? What is the theorem of Pythagoras? What is this girl that you still respect? Is it Mary? What is Thursday the 14th of August 1997? What is your conception of the liberal rhetoric of Michael Moore? What is your grammatical structure or lack thereof? What is your take on the paparazzi controversy? What should I do with my life? What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? What's the girl's name? What's your evidence of a Jesus Christ? What's your real name? Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all? Who discovered the X-rays? Who doesn't create the car? Who is Chuck Yeager? Who is Patrick? Who is taller, Bill or God? Who is the smartest person in the world? Who killed John F. Kennedy? Who was the first man to walk on the surface of the moon? Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"? Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will clean them? Why do they put Braille on the drive-thru bank machines? Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections? Why should I die? Why should life be full of so much pain? Will I die happy? Will I ever have children? Will I have a happy life? Would you agree with the notion that evolution is a fact while Darwinism is a theory? For your own conversation with iGod, go to: http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html