I wonder what its like to be pretty, to have people want to talk to you before consuming enough alcohol to stun an elephant. I remeber mos tof the times ive been approached by women/girls in bars etc and its never very interesting, one that sticks out was at a pub called the jailhouse, its closed down now, it was the only place you were garenteed to get in without i.d. and so it was full of underage drinkers and the scum of the city.
Anyways it was one night when a band had just played i was standing in the corner trying to concentrate on the pint in my hand, wearing my usual black clothing, a pair of new rocks and a new leather trench coat. I was scinny back then i used to diet on nothing and when i did eat i would go puke up as soon as i could, a girl who was promoting the band, attractive as most girls are, came up to me and started to talk, she was saying stuff about how i shouldnt be so shy with people because i am attractive and bla bla, (the strange thing besides saying that was that she was incredably nice, smart and funny) and just like usual i had no 'balls' and didnt really speak back.
Most guys would leap at the chance to chat so an attractive smart girl, being as they want to get 'laid' but i just stay quiet and finish my drink, soon she dissapeared and i continued to drink myself into infinity.
The reason i am saying all this is because i dont understand myself, why am i so withdrawn and antisocial, why carnt i chat to people, and even when i do im useless, i dont know what to say, i dont have anything that i think is important or funny enough to say, so i dont.
I think i must just be such a freak that its imposible to hold a real conversation with me, god i hate myself,