A God With Whom i am Not Familiar

I Wrote this when i lived in Houston, Fresh after the Hurricanes Katrina, and Rita.



This is an open letter to the man sitting behind me at Taco Cabana today, in Houston, at lunchtime, with the Brooks Brothers shirt:

You don't know me. But I know you.

I watched you as you held hands with your tablemates at the restaurant where we both ate this afternoon. I listened as you prayed, and thanked God for the food you were about to eat, and for your own safety, several hundred miles away from the unfolding catastrophe in New Orleans.

You blessed your chimichanga in the name of Jesus Christ, and then proceeded to spend the better part of your meal and mine, since I was too near your table to avoid hearing every word morally scolding the people of that devastated city, heaping scorn on them for not heeding the warnings to leave before disaster struck. Then you attacked them all of them, without distinction it seemed for the behavior of a relative handful: those who have looted items like guns, or big screen TVs.

I heard you ask, amid the din of your colleagues "Amens," why it was that instead of pitching in to help their fellow Americans, the people of New Orleans instead again, all of them in your mind choose to steal and shoot at relief helicopters.

I watched you wipe salsa from the corners of your mouth, as you nodded agreement to the statement of one of your friends, sitting to your right, her hair neatly coiffed, her makeup flawless, her jewelry sparkling. When you asked, rhetorically, why it was that people were so much more decent amid the tragedy of 9-11, as compared to the aftermath of Katrina, she had offered her response, but only after apologizing for what she admitted was going to sound harsh.

"Well," Buffy explained. "It's probably because in New Orleans, it seems to be mostly poor people, and you know, they just don't have the same regard."

She then added that police should shoot the looters, and should have done so from the beginning, so as to send a message to the rest that theft would not be tolerated. You, who had just thanked Jesus for your chips and guacamole, said you agreed. They should be shot. Praise the Lord.

Your God is one with whom I am not familiar.

Two thoughts.

First, it is a very fortunate thing for you, and likely for me, that my two young children were with me as I sat there, choking back fish tacos and my own seething rage, listening to you pontificate about shit you know nothing about.

Have you ever even been to New Orleans?

And no, by that I don't mean the New Orleans of your company's sales conference. I don't mean Emeril's New Orleans, or the New Orleans of Uptown Mardi Gras parties.

I mean the New Orleans that is buried as if it were Atlantis, in places like the lower 9th ward: 98 percent black, 40 percent poor, where bodies are floating down the street, flowing with the water as it seeks its own level. Have you met the people from that New Orleans? The New Orleans that is dying as I write this, and as you order another sweet tea?

I didn't think so.

Your God the one to whom you prayed today, and likely do before every meal, because this gesture proves what a good Christian you are is one with whom I am not familiar.

Your God is one who you sincerely believe gives a flying fuck about your lunch. Your God is one who you seem to believe watches over you and blesses you, and brings good tidings your way, while simultaneously letting thousands of people watch their homes be destroyed, and perhaps ten thousand or more die, many of them in the streets for lack of water or food.

Did you ever stop to think just what a rancid asshole such a God would have to be, such that he would take care of the likes of you, while letting babies die in their mother's arms, and old people in wheelchairs, at the foot of Canal Street?

Your God is one with whom I am not familiar.

But no, it isn't God who's the asshole here, Skip (or Brad, or Braxton, or whatever your name is).

God doesn't feed you, and it isn't God that kept me from turning around and beating your lily white privileged ass today either.

God has nothing to do with it.

God doesn't care who wins the Super Bowl.

God doesn't help anyone win an Academy Award.

God didn't get you your last raise, or your SUV.

And if God is even half as tired as I am of having to listen to self-righteous bastards like you blame the victims of this nightmare for their fate, then you had best eat slowly from this point forward.

Why didn't they evacuate like they were told?

Are you serious?

There were 100,000 people in that city without cars. Folks who are too poor to own their own vehicle, and who rely on public transportation every day. I know this might shock you. They don't have a Hummer2, or whatever gas-guzzling piece of crap you either already own or probably are saving up for.

And no, they didn't just choose not to own a car because the buses are so gosh-darned efficient and great, as Rush Limbaugh implied, and as you likely heard, since you're the kind of person who hangs on the every word of such bloviating hacks as these.

Why did they loot?

Are you serious?

People are dying, in the streets, on live television. Fathers and mothers are watching their baby's eyes bulge in their skulls from dehydration, and you are begrudging them some Goddamned candy bars, diapers and water?

If anything the poor of New Orleans have exercised restraint.

Maybe you didn't know it, but the people of that city with whom you likely identify the wealthy white folks of Uptown were barely touched by this storm. Yeah, I guess God was watching over them: protecting them, and rewarding them for their faith and superior morality. If the folks downtown who are waiting desperately for their government to send help a government whose resources have been stretched thin by a war that I'm sure you support, because you love freedom and democracy were half as crazed as you think, they'd have marched down St. Charles Avenue and burned every mansion in sight. That they didnt suggests a decency and compassion for their fellow man and woman that sadly people like you lack.

Can you even imagine what you would do in their place?

Can you imagine what would happen if it were well-off white folks stranded without buses to get them out, without nourishment, without hope?

Putting aside the absurdity of the imagery--after all, such folks always have the means to seek safety, or the money to rebuild, or the political significance to ensure a much speedier response for their concerns can you just imagine?

Can you imagine what would happen if the pampered, overfed corporate class, which complains about taxes taking a third of their bloated incomes, had to sit in the hot sun for four, going on five days? Without a Margarita or hotel swimming pool to comfort them I mean?

Oh, and please, I know. I'm stereotyping you. Imagine that. I've assumed, based only on your words, what kind of person you are, even though I suppose I could be wrong. How does that feel Biff? Hurt your feelings? So sorry. But hey, at least my stereotypes of you aren't deadly. They won't effect your life one bit, unlike the ones you carry around with you and display within earshot of people like me, supposing that no one could possibly disagree.

But I'm not wrong, am I Chip? I know you. I see people like you all the time, in airports, in business suits, on their lunch breaks. People who will take advantage of any opportunity to ratify and reify their pre-existing prejudices towards the poor, towards black folks. You see the same three video loops of the same dozen or so looters on Fox News and you conclude that poor black people are crazy, immoral, criminal.

You, or others quite a bit like you, are the ones posting messages on chat room boards, calling looters sub-human "vermin," "scum," or "cockroaches." I heard you use the word "animals" three times today: you and that woman across from you what was her name? Skyler?

What was it you said as you scooped the last bite of black beans and rice into your eager mouth? Like zoo animals? Yes, I think that was it.

Well Chuck, it's a free country, and so you certainly have the right I suppose to continue lecturing the poor, in between checking your Blackberry and dropping the kids off at soccer practice. If you want to believe that the poor of New Orleans are immoral and greedy, and unworthy of support at a time like this or somehow more in need of your scolding than whatever donation you might make to a relief fund so be it.

But let's leave God out of it, shall we? All of it.

Your God is one with whom I am not familiar, and I'd prefer to keep it that way

More Of my Thoughts................

Hello all, It's been a while, but i'm back, and i hope i find everyone well. As most of you Know, me and my wife have been going through our own homeless situation. We have our "housing Choice", voucher, and i think we may even be close to finding a place, but things are still hard, and we are not out of the dark yet. You know there are alot of organizations out here who profess to have the needs of the poor and homeless at the forefront, but when you deal with them you get not respect. They either want to label you an Addict or a Convict, and if you fit neither, they call you a liar to your face. I have NEVER done any drugs, i'm not a gang member, nor have i ever sold any drugs, my wife is the same. WE ARE A NORMAL FAMILY, AND THAT SHOULD SHOW PEOPLE, THAT THE HOMELESS HAVE MANY FACES BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE DON'T SEE THAT. Being poor or homeless is being invisible, and even those who claim to be helping you don't want to actually hear you. Your supposed to shut up accept their aid, and be grateful. They claim to know what we need, when they don't know SHIT. The Gentrification of this city grows by the day, that means homelessness grows by the day. For every 3,000 dollar a month loft you see popping up in your neighborhood, that's about a hundred more poor made instantly homeless. The forcing them into high risk areas lowers the quality of life, where you have to worry about your own survival, as well as that of your family. All the perks of living in good areas are lost in the high risk zones, and the education levels in these area's suffer as a result. Money rules the day, and if you live in a community that has noe what do you think your gonna get? There are some who would disagree with me on this, but i ask them everytime, Where did you grow Up?, and the answer usually is far from those type of areas. I was born in Chicago, Illinois, ant Cook County Medical Center(a County Hospital) With Heroine in my veins from my Junky birth mother, and promptly put up for adoption. I was raised i illinos in a good family, but i still spent a great deal of time in the inner city, So i know al about the ghetto, and the strain it puts on your spirit and your emotions. I have a friend still in the killing fields up there and he is so focused on keeping hmself and his brother alive, that the thoguht of leaving is impossible to him. The live with different peoiple every month, and you know how many folks nation wide are living like that? In New Orleans, where i helped with the resuce effort, pulling people and bodies out of submerged homes, i saw the the devestaion that that did to the poor communties of New Orleans. The developers moved in quickly, and turned it in to disneyland for the rich, and now i know alot of families personally, who cannot return, because it is now too expensive. My point in saying all this, is that we have people who know nothing about suffering attempting to help those who's lives are ALL ABOUT SUFFEREING!!!! If you have no respect for the poor or the homeless find a new line of work! I see the people who represent these organizations disrespecting people on a daily basis, not giving a fuck what you think, assuming that because you are poor or homeless, that you are stupid, and you deserve your fate. There are a few who's hearts are in the job, but not enough to make a difference. Remeber the primary organizing purpose of any business Profit of Not Profit is PROFIT!, once you understand that, then you know where you stand, and what you have to do to not only surve, but to get over. These organizatios would not exist if there was no money in Suffering, putting a bandaid on the bullet wound so to speak. I can take you to the parking garage of(insert an organizatio), and you'll see mercades, bmw's, acura, etc. The DIrector of a Certain oranization my family deals with Drives an Astin Martin, and owns 2 bentleys, so believe me i know what time it is. I am grateful that me and my family are not sleeping on the streets, but i will not turn into a house nigga for these people either, i'm not your poster child. Me and my family with a little help, we'll be fine, i'm certain of that, but as far as the poor and the homeless. my eyes are wide open, and have been for quite some time, and i'll stand up and speak for theose who think they cannot. My situation may be solved soon, but i'll always from this point on point out those who exploit, disrespect or lie on my peers, i owe them that much if not more. My peers have a friend for life, and if you are not a friend to the poor and the homeless, you have an Enemy in Me. You get what you Give in life, remeber that everytime you think about doing somebody wrong

Another Rant about Charity, and the Homeless

I know this is old news, but it bothers me so i must speak on it. There's alot of Dickheads in this world who think they understand us "Po Folks", and you know how Celebs and there associates do the charity thing?, well in know you all have heard about madonna, and the adoption scandal going on, and her putting money into this little African village, or about the many Celebs who are sending aid to africa, pouringh out lots of cash, and at the same time, getting lots of press. Normally, i would applaud them in their efforts, but the whole thing, just stinks all to hell to me. First i think it is a publicity thing of course, but second and most importantly, We have alot of people here in the US who are suffering, no Jobs, Homelessness, Aids HIV, The Hurricane, and a host of other home-grown issues. Why the hell would you go thousands of miles away to do charity work, When you might have folks sleeping under the freeway bridge right around the corner from you , or you pass Homeless folks on the street everyday, on your way to the studio, or press conference or whatever. That is the biggest load of crap i've seen in a long time, but i think i might know why. See it's easy to detach yourself from some african kid you send money to, or to feel bad on a journey to a war torn village there, but at the end of the day, you can go back home to your cushy lives, and multi million dollar jobs. The fact that you Have the same shit under your noses (Especially in L.A.) Right here. But that is where the selfishness and denial come in. If you are poor or Homeless, you simply do not exist, people don't see you, and act like there is no such thing as gentrification.This is my messege to you people out there with the power to make a difference in your own city, your own country, but choose to aid others thousands of miles away. Make sure your own house is in order before you even attempt to clean somebody elses. The USA has had this problem for years, and they never learn. Don't get me wrong, i feel for the folks in africa, and the suffering that goes on there, but with all due respect, we have kids here dying in the streets, Families Sleeping on those same streets,child molesters, people who can't feed their families, and shitty schools, as well as piss poor jobs. Act like you Give a damn about your own back yard, then carry the banner to other countries, Damn! People think homelessness is a crime here, and goes hand in hand with stupidity. Nothing could be further from the truth. Don't every let somebody tell you you ,"Can't. There is nothing in this world you can't do, but it is up to YOU to want it. Profiting off the suffering of the poor and homeless is big business in this country, i don't give a fuck what anybody says about that, you can look at it and see it, and untril folks stop using these people for their own gain, the cycle will continue

Housing Search.

Hello again everyone. Everything is going steady right now, still looking for housing for my family, and i think we're gonna be ok. We found out the True nature of our section 8 voucher, and i cleared alot of confusion up, so now i know truly where i can live and can't live right now. One of my ares of intrest is West Hollywood., it is on our list on places we can live, so i am looking for a property owner, who will take our voucher, and work with us. we are looking in other areas, but West Hollywood is a focus, because it would put my 2 year old son still in he area to be eligible for his occupational therapy. This thereapy is important to him, and i don't want to switch him to another system while he is making prgress. West hollywood is still in the realm of the Regional Center, who finances his Care. My question is this, If anyone out there knows a property owner in West Hollywood, who would be willing to work with us one a 1 or 2 bedroom please let me know, our voucher expires in september, so our time is running short. Thank you all for your time.

here we Go Again!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it's 10 at night, and i just got back on the computer, to finish my daily rant. I apologize to those who may have been offended by my cursing on my earlier blog, but you know what?, that's the state of mind was in. I'm fight fo alot, so i get tired too and i have to vent, but i'm still pissed almost everyday, and with each passing day we go through the ringer it get's worse. But there was a bit of sunshine in the darkness today, my resident mamger here at the apartment, took me to look at a spot in Santa Monica, on 14st, by the skate park, and she accepts section 8!, so we got a meeting on thursday. Nothing is set in stone yet, but it looks good. As for the rest of the day, well we have yet another MANDATORY meeting with Beyond Shelter on wednesday, so i can only imagine what kind of bullshit they are going to tell us this time. They keep trying to dirty our names up, by saying that we don't follow up on leads our locator gives us, but all close to the situation know differently, and when we went down there to see who said that, nobody knew. It's a case of people throwing rocks at your back, and then hiding their hands when you turn around to ask who did it. I don't tolerate folks lying on me or my family, so i will confront them on all those stories and they now know that. On top of everything, i have an opportunity to write for a website i've been contributing to for a while, but they want to pay me now, the only problem is i have no labtop to work on and Beyons Shelter is restricting my access to theirs, that sucks! but i'll see what i can do. I hope you all have a good night, i'm gonna try to get some rest, and hopefully i'll wake up to a better day tomorrow

Sick of the Bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's Up everybody, i hope the weekend was good for you all, for me it was suprisingly peaceful, But monday is here and with it, comes the BS. Our ,"Locator", for our organization is steadily trying to push us south, but you know What?, i been finding other things in other directions, and frankly i'm getting tired of being treated like a jackass that didn't graduate 3rd grade, these people are pissing me off, but my wife has a lease on me right now, so i'm not gonna go off like i want to. Like i said before what is the problem with wanting to live safely with your family, really, what is the fucking problem with that?!?!, it's not like i want a condo with the bach for a back yard Damn!!! But my resolve is still the same, we will get to a safe area even if they want us to or not. It's ok for us to live in a warzone, but they just don't want us in their neighborhoods. LA county section 8 office gave me a list of everything they cover, i take this same list to Beyond Shelter (keep in mind it comes from the county!!!), and they tell me it's incorrect. Why not just tell us we don't have a choice and shut the fuck up and go to South Central like we told you to?, instead of maintaining this facade of having one. The more i'm told no, the more it makes me try, because i know Payola when i see it. I'm not gonna just bow down and do it their way. We've been through too much Bullshit, to let somebody stop us not, and believe me i'm tired of the drama, the lying, bait and switching, and the disrespect I had a death in the family recently, my brother is fighting forhis livelyhood, my family at home is in ruins, and on top of all that, me and my wife are going through this shit here, plus running out of food. Can't you see?, i'm tired man, i just wanna breath, but they won't let us. I know our lives don't mean shit to them, or too many others who have no respect for the homeless situation in this city, and others. They thrive off this shit, homelessness IS big business if you don't think somebodys turning a profit off all this suffering, your crazy! But i know what time it is and i WILL NOT BE SILENCED!!!!, because there are a thousand other families like mine who have, and accept their fate, thinking it cannot be changed, but i can, trust me. I know what time it is and for you folks that don't?, you better wake up!!

Past Hurricanes.........

Before i Came to L.A., we were living in Texas, Houston to be exact, and while there, i was working for and independent contractor, and we were in New Orleans right after the Hurricane, then, Houston, when Hurricane rita was about to hit. I've never witnessed so much suffering and death then i did that summer, and the lack of caring by people was amazing. These two events is what led to my family leaving the south(But we are Midwesterners orginally), and ending up here. I post this for my Friends in New Orleans, your not frogotten, i love ya'll.<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="www.youtube.com/v/Z_Ny9_Cr...m><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="www.youtube.com/v/Z_Ny9_CrUVY" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object> www.youtube.com/watch

The Weekend

Hello again, just getting on to try to clear my head a bit, because the weekend is coming. We are low on food, have not made any progress toward leaving(despite my best efforts), and in general, life just sucks right now. I have alot on my plate, from family problems, to the biggest issue at hand, my family plight. My son like i said before has special needs, and we're having trouble with that, and what was told to us by the Director of BS, is a clear threat believe me, and the end of the month is near. And i don't know what to do anymore, i'm just numb from all the drama. I hope everyone else's weekend is better than ours. I hope the weather breaks for us soon, because i don't know how much more of this Bullshit me or my family can take. On top of it all, we are being watched by a few other families here for BS, but i , they'll have to make up something for us, because we have been a stand-up family, and i challange them to prove otherwise. My dad used to say the worse thing in the world was a Coward, he was close, i believe it is a liar. And to the other homeless out there going through the struggle, your not alone, nor are you invisible, don't take any shit from the these Corps, you don't have o setle for whateer scraps they through at you, because if you you, they'll never stop thriving off our misery.

STRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Forgive me for my earlier cursing, i'm just stress out big time today, it's harder when you cannot vent you know?, but anyway, I just got some disturbing info i have to verify, because if it's true, there's gonna be alot of folks sleepin in the streets within a weeks time, Gods i hope it's not true.

Beyond Shelter Family #2

Hello again everybody, i'd like to once again thank kenji and the rest of you, to welcoming me and my family into your community, With that said, i can move on to other things. I'm sure most of you are familiar with the story Kenji told about the Family with the 9 month old at Beyond Shelter, well me and my wife are the other family from beyond shelter. In order for you to understand our situation, i have to explain the nature of the,"program" that we are in. We reside in an apartment complex that Beyond shelter has set aside for it's Transitional Living program. This program puts you in an apartment for 3 to six months or more, until you can get perminent housing, wether that be by way of section 8, or through other means. The other part of the program is the locating of,"Affordable housing and or Section 8 properties", that the clients can move into. Section 8 gives you a list of areas where you can seek housing, for example, Ingelwood, compton, east La, etc. And the Locater at Beyond Shelter's job is to sit down with you to help you locate a home, in Whatever area your family is seeking to do so. This party of the program is where Beyond Shelter is Dropping the ball wether it be on purpose or otherwise. See the problem is, is that even though they let you think you have a choice in where you live, you really don't. All clients are being herded into South central into the arms of,"FAITHFULL Contributors.". Even though they will never admit this, i see what's going on, as do several other people. And if you voice an opinion about this situation, you may find your self thrown out, while at the same time a cover story is being formulated to both pretect beyond shelter, and to dirty your name at the same time. This is what my family is facing. I offered aid to the family with the nine month old, and this is known to them now, so i don't know how much time we have left. Our voucher expires in September,one of our children has special needsm(occupation thereapy amoungst other things), so I am feeling the pressure here, but i do not regret helping my friend at all, i believe he would do the same for us if the shoe where on the other foot. The bottom line is that we need to find another situation, even if it is another transitional, to get out of this current situation. I don't want to get my family caught up in the relationships beyond shelter has with it's Contributors, They want compesation for their donations, and yes i know what i'm saying sounds wrong, but the bottom line in this all is Money, believe that. All i want is my family to be in an area where we don't have to worry about the schools the violence and all the other things that come with being a number out there with being homeless. They think you should be grateful your getting shelter at all and shut the fuck up, even if that shelter is in the pits of Hades. We came here with a little peice of nothing, and we are fighting hard to come up out of this darkness, and i feel like my family deserves to feel safe, and to feel free. I'm not asking for a condo on the damn beach, just some saftey, and peice of mind, so we can finally breath, is that too much to ask for?, if so then call me greedy. Our needs right now are basic, you know, Diapers, Food, etc. We'll need furnature in the future when we find a home, but not right now. But the housing is Vitally important right now, and i thank everyone reading this for taking the time to do so, i have a tendency to ramble, so bare with me. I hope you all are safe out there, and remember, you see another in need, do whayt you can even if it's just to lend an ear, you'd be suprised how much of a difference that makes. It's me today, tomorrow, it could be anyone.......