i am unsure about my feelings about the current situations brought up in my life. so much change is going to be happening soon that it seems like a hurricane is coming towards me. I have an old friend back in my life and i'm absolutely thrilled about it.

Tomorrow i have a job interview at Blockbuster, strangely enough i REALLY want to get this job, among other things i want to be done looking for a job (that's the part i truely hate, but then again doesn't everyone.

I am once again realizing that some feelings in life don't go away, not even if you have been burned, hurt, crushed or just disappointed. Some feelings will stay the same forever.

If i haven't said it yet, i'm not scared of change, in fact i love change, i'm more scared of making bad decisions or decisions that are wrong for me. It would be a lot easier if we could determine these things ahead of time.

I am moving to San Diego in December/January to go to school, i will be doing a semester at the community college down there and then hopefully transfer to SDSU for Fall 09. I will be studying Business Admin and i will be trying to go for a minor in Women's Studies. I'm excited but also scared especially since i didn't like it the last time i lived down there.

I am also worried about what i would be giving up by moving down there. My friends live up here, my closest and dearest friends whom i cannot be me without.

It should be interesting living down there, especially in light of recent events. I will be hopefully visiting Nor Cal fairly often.

Eventually i think i'd like to move back to Alameda i'm not quite sure why other than most of my friends live there including one... well, never mind...not gonna go there.

So i guess what i'm saying is that i'm taking a Giant leap without knowing if i'll make it to the other side where i want to be.

Wow, what started as a brief update turned into something more.

So yea, think happy job-getting thoughts for me tomorrow morning at 11 :)

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Comedian George Carlin, a counter-culture hero famed for his routines about drugs and dirty words, died of heart failure at a Los Angeles-area hospital on Sunday, a spokesman said. He was 71.
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Carlin, who had a history of heart and drug-dependency problems, died at Saint John's Health Center in Santa Monica about 6 p.m. PDT (9 p.m. EDT) after being admitted earlier in the afternoon for chest pains, spokesman Jeff Abraham told Reuters.

Known for his edgy, provocative material, Carlin achieved status as an anti-Establishment icon in the 1970s with stand-up bits full of drug references and a routine called "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television." A regulatory battle over a radio broadcast of the routine ultimately reached the U.S. Supreme Court.

In the 1978 case, Federal Communications Commission vs. Pacifica Foundation, the top U.S. court ruled that the words cited in Carlin's routine were indecent, and that the government's broadcast regulator could ban them from being aired at times when children might be listening.

Carlin's comedic sensibility often came back to a central theme: humanity is doomed.

"I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this country, I don't believe in religion, or a god, and I don't believe in all these man-made institutional ideas," he told Reuters in a 2001 interview.

Carlin, who wrote several books and performed in many television comedy specials, is survived by his wife Sally Wade, and daughter Kelly Carlin McCall.

tomorrow is my 6 months CLEAN!!!

Who are you
What do you want with me
Where did you come from
I am lost with you and scared without you
Your stuck in me for all eternity
I hate the things you do
I hate the way you look at me
I hate the way you hate me
I hate how you have fucked up my life
I hate the way you eat, sleep, breathe, live
I hate the bad decisions you make
I hate the non-decisions you make
I hate that you smoke and drink
I hate the way you think that you are a good person
I hate the feeling you give me
Why are you tormenting me
I want to live without you
I want you out of my head
You make living life so difficult
Why can’t you just let me be
I hate the way you used to cut yourself
I hate the way you aren’t there when I need you
I hate that I can’t make you go away
You are horrible for me so why do you keep coming back
I can’t be happy with you in my life
You were created just to make me miserable
I hate the way you live only in me
I hate that you need possessions
I hate that you have fucked up your life so bad
Why can’t you just let me be happy
You are fucked up
You can’t make up your mind
You don’t care who’s life you let me ruin
I want to love but I can’t
I want to heal but I can’t
I want to be happy but I can’t.
All because of you
But most of all I hate the fact that I live in you
I created you
I don’t know who I am
I want out of this body you created
You are me…
… and I am you
-athena lorber April 13, 2008