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Rajani — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 16:33:02 GMT

Stop now if you dont want to hear a frustrated young adult's babbling about her over protective mother Sigh, this whole trying to have my own life and still live under my mother's roof is not going so well. Yes I know I will be a mother some day and surely I will understand but that doesnt make my life any easier now. SOmetime I feel like my life is a gilded cage. I have everything I could want - nice house, good clothes, good food, nice things, loving family- but at the same time I have to fit a certain image. I've conformed to what is expected of me for so long I really am not sure I know what's really me any more. I pick things up as I meet people but then often fade. I get into what my mother deems acceptable and I try to leave what she doesnt like. But lately it feels like there's more and more that she doesnt like. I have to hide so much. I cant tell her I'm a witch, even though it's my true heart, my true nature. What I wouldnt give to dance under the full moon tomorrow night with nothing but love for my Goddess instead of hiding in my room like a fugitive secretly lighting candles. SHe doesnt like that I'm into RPG's. She doesnt really like the bellydancing, too sexy I think. She doesnt like me staying out late. THere's no reason for a good Christian girl to be out past midnight, she says. Uh huh. She hates Dobri, for little more reason than that he's Bulgarian. She was fine and happy when I was home every night, never mind the fact that I was depressed and lonely because all I had was work and getting ready for fall. Why do I hide so much you ask? Why dont I just tell her? I dont know what her reaction will be. I'm sure she'll try to explain it to me, how wrong it is, how against God's will and of demonic influence it is. I cant bear the disappointment I know she'll express, even though I feel there's nothing Ive done that's disappointing. I do everything she asks. My life is run taking what she needs me to do into account first, always being ready to run errands, do laundry, etc, etc. I'm 22 years old and I still have a curfew, though supposedly it's not a curfew. BUt since I dont come home by 1, I must not respect her or love her because I'm keeping her up because she cant sleep while I'm out of the house. . . but I cant have people over at the house because she doesnt want anyone but her family in her house past midnight. What does she do when I'm away at school? I know no one probably wants to hear all this, you have your own problems, issues, etc. You're probably saying, well at least she loves you, right? Perhaps. BUt part of loving is knowing when to let go, I think.

Live and Learn

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