Why Girls Gone Wild will always disappoint and always make money.

Girls gone wild is an amazing idea. Show nubile, sexy young women (helped along by low lighting and a soft focus) to older men who haven't touched a breast outside of KFC in years and to younger guys who only know that the hot girls on GGW commercials look like what they aren't getting.

Why will this always make money? Because older men think about all the hot girls they always wanted. And for twenty bucks they think they'll get to relive days they never actually had. Younger guys don't get laid nearly as often as they would like you to believe. They just know that other people probably are, and they're getting laid by the GGW girls. (heh, yeah, right).

So at 1 am, 3 DVD's for $20 sounds like a great deal. DVD's chock full of young, possibly bi-sexual girls who seem to be just dripping with lust for each other. Heck, 3 DVD's at all for $20? That always sounds like a great deal, right?

Here's the catch.

GGW girls are about 18-24 (although a lot of the early ones were more like 32). How good at sex were you at 18? Really? Would you want to have sex with you at 18?

Say what you want, at 18 I was a mess in bed. And I was sober. These girls are drunk *and* 18. About all they are able to do is lay there and *look* sexy. I repeat *look* sexy. I can get a Real Doll to *look* sexy if I jiggle it's leg off camera. And, I have to admit, if you haven't been laid in a while, drunk girls laid out on a bed in a camper probably *do* look tempting. But not for a full DVD.

It's a tough problem. How do you get 18 year old drunk girls who just met to do more than kiss in less than 20 minutes? How do you get them to do it well? Like, porn star well?

Hell, *I* can't do more than kiss a girl I don't know in less than 20 minutes; let alone hook up and get a laid; porn star style or otherwise.

So, what do you get from a GGW DVD? You get an hour of girls trying to be attracted to each other for around $200 as they fumble around in a shower and try to get up the nerve to do more than almost make it to third base.

Nobody knows this though, because nobody is willing to admit they bought it. A) It would mean admitting they bought porn. B) It would mean admitting they bought crappy porn for $20 off of an infomercial.

So, what to do?

Personally, I recommend you masturbate to the commercials. They're actually sort of hot and they really are the hottest parts of the films. What do you do about the covered up parts? That's easy. If you can't imagine nipples then you probably need real porn. Aaaaaand, you *are* reading this on the internet. So, think about that.

hint: www.thehun.com