6 bananas

Well. My computer is fixed again. I doubt any of you knew that it was broken. No offense, not an insult to your intellect... I'm just hidden out in a very convenient cove of the world that succeeds in covering my life in mist is all. And I like it that way.
Soo... I posted a new picture. The other one was a year old. Change is good. I like it, anyway, change. I know I'm not smiling in the picture. It feels goofy to smile when you are alone, taking pictures of yourself. I was also trying to capture the quilt I've been stitching up. It's much larger than what you see, still, not nearly big enough to be a quilt for a human yet. It could, however, be a quilt for a big dog.
I saw my brother, Philo, today. What I wrote after the fact to my mysterious brother: ** Hope you don't mind that I use you in my blogs. I'm pretty sure you read these blogs. Anyway Man, I've never seen you so high and drunk (then again, maybe I have, it is likely my memory fails me. memories do that. I think it is a gift.). It was pretty awesome, but all the same, I had an empty room calling my antisocial name. Love ya.** Ahh yes, I was content to retire early as a reclusive computer geek. I use geek in a positive light. I adore geeks. Incidentally, I adore myself. I think a lot of people do (adore themselves, but I suppose you could have read that they adore me..). Of course, there is always the exception to the rule. But I don't want to think about them right now, I'm tangenty enough as it is. So, my brother and I were sitting on the back of the bus (in my mind this is where the cool kids sit), surrounded by noisy teenagers (I'm sure they were cool, but I was thanking god I'm no longer 15...in fact, I am looking forward to being 30...Even 50...I ponder being a fine wine of a human, in the way of getting better with age). Anyway, we are surrounded by these kids, screaming obscenities, and I look into my brother's eyes and realize that they look exactly like mine, only a slightly different color. I think our eyes look like the shadows that play under water. You have to look close to know what I am talking about. He always said, 'we have the exact same eyes' to people who'd just learned we were brother and sister, but honestly, I'd always secretly disagreed, thinking that he was talking about the shape, or the color. But I never said anything. That was the moment. A perception pivot. Today. On the back of the bus. With the screaming teenagers.
I put in my two weeks notice at the job that day by day, comes ever closer to resembling my personal hell. The people in charge are really cramping my style, which isn't hard, and this is what jobs do, but honestly, I don't know what the deal is with strict dress codes, and senseless rules like, 'no i-pods, even when you are out of sight of the clients, spending hours folding maddeningly white towels'. Bah. Over it. Plus, the timing is perfect. I am taking leave of San Francisco for quite a few weeks (Agenda: Portland. Seattle. AVL.). They said it perfectly in the last movie I saw: "How's your job?" "They're assholes, so I quit." "Yep. That's pretty much how it is". I don't know if I got the dialogue exactly correct, but that is what my mind retained from the once-viewed flick.
I'm not particularly chipper about anything, but I'm not feeling morose either. I suppose that's what you just call, 'okay'...but that sounds boring, and I know what I am not. I kinda wish I had more friends to hang out with here. A lot of who I am is determined by interactions with other people. I muse that many people feel the same. I don't alter my behavior particularly, but... Well.... when I have someone to talk to I'm not going to pander around the internet, or eat 6 bananas in a row or go roller skating at 2 am or light things on fire or pretend to be the ocean. Okay, maybe sometimes...Just for you....on a particularly special day.

The purpose of anything is....

It's 2 am. I have been making artwork since the afternoon. At first I was motivated by an emotional whirlwind moving through me, then mood morphed, and the project just became something I HAD to do. Driven. Driven to make my messy strange art. And now, to write about it. I honestly don't see how my art has much PURPOSE. it will not give you shelter (unless you are a mouse), or food (unless you are a mouse who eats paper and tape)...Hehe. i don't know where that was going. Is this Ahem. Is this my purpose, my talent, my reason for living? Doodling people and monsters and shapes with pens and crayons, then plastering it onto something random (in this case, not so very random: a sketch book is a fairly standard place for one's art) using clear packaging tape? Gotta love the clear tape. That stuff rules! Well, I accept it as one of my purposes, surely. Hmm. I also include other random bits and pieces. You'd have to see it. I guess I am hoping to improve the mood ever so slightly of anyone who picks it up. That is as much purpose as it can have, as far as I know. Also, it gives me a place to put my doodles that occupy my time. And the crayons and tape get put to good use. These are useful concepts. Maybe I do it for me. I guess if it inspired just one person (to do what, I don't know), it would all be that much more worth it. Someone asked me why I make art one time, and I was stumped. Oh, those WHY questions will get you every time. There is no answer, or there is a billion answers. If you think about it, everything makes a difference, no matter how seemingly small. Just a little bit at a time. I still think I should work on eventually setting my sights higher. Not that this isn't a good thing to do... Well. At least I have a book full of pretty now. And a delirious me. And a messy room, with crayons, little balls of tape, and scraps of paper strewn all about.........Aye. Aye. I should think of cleaning up this messiness. The moral is: uhmmm.....practice your craft, even if it seems to have little function. Things will change. Just let go and watch it happen. Hmm. Or maybe the moral is multiply your thoughts by 1000, then see if the sum is equivalent of something worthwhile to think, say, or act on. Wow. That was oddly and instantaneously insightful. I think I sound high. But I am not. Just sleep deprived, my good friends. You can try it too. It is a nice change every once in a while.........wheeeeeeeeeee............no sleep til........ (Brooklyn)...............

I'm Scaaaaayyyeeerrrrrrrrrrddddddddd.....

I just abandoned a horror movie. I usually abandon horror movies. Sensitive! I only watch them if I am invited, and want to spend some American bonding time in front of a screen(sad but true scenario prevalent in USA). I can't imagine there being a happy ending to such terror (though, how would I ever know?). Maybe, by leaving the scene of the crime, I can come up with my own ending, one that embodies resolution and comfort.... wishful thinking from romantic comedie fanatic? I suppose that is why horror movies always have sequels (how do you end them? the releasing of the ghosts? forgiveness? justice?). This movie was interesting, from what I witnessed. It was a Japanese movie. (Ju-On: The Grudge, director-writer Shimizu Takashi's nightmarish vision that follows a longtime national tradition of dreamy, surreal terror.) At first, it was rather tame, then it got creepier, bloodier, there were some hangings by hair (hair is nightmarish in itself(ex-cosmetology student)), and ghosts...creepy little kid ghosts.. I think it was all tied together with an intricate plot, but I really couldn't stay to find out. Horror movies put me on edge. I know, that is what they are supposed to do. That is why people watch them...Gah. Even the Sopranos are too intense for me. Give me fairy tales and dry humor any day. ALright, just toss me a chick-flick and I will be satisfied to watch and re-watch. There doesn't even have to be much intelligence in the movie (though it is a big plus). My sisters and I are all keen on watching movies starring Hillary Duff, or Mandy Moore, or the Olsen Twins circa 2001. The few who have actually seen me try to stomach a scary flick know what I am talking about. I am a baby ;-P Just show a little blood, throw in a few screams, some eerie music and an evil demon child (those are always bone chilling) and my stomach is all knotted up, palms sweating profusely, a look of sheer terror across my face. And I am kinda drawn to creepy things in real life, just a little. In real life, 'creepy things' just seem misunderstood, and aren't as scary as the inside of our brains. I like graveyards, the crimson color of blood, and the grotesque comic books and dark costumes.. Yes, the scary humans shall be held dear, and ransom notes left for the loved ones of all zombified abercrombies. Hmm. Back to the movie. Even the ones that are supposedly funny (Cabin Fever?) make me uneasy.... Wonder if leaving half-way is scarier than actually watching the whole thing..? Probably not...Surely there is some type of resolution at the end.......?? (Dun dun DUUUN!) Off to soak up some non-scary images, sounds and feelings so the dream time isn't filled with dead babies........eee...........Now I am just scaring myself. But if you like horror flicks, enjoy anxiety, nightmares, and bloodcurdling screams, I guess this is a good one to rent.

Dream Log.

Last night I dreamt I was at a bar, in the South. I wasn't drinking, just sitting on a stool, hanging out. A guy appeared, and began trying to sell me nutmeg lotion at a ridiculously high price (like $60 for a bottle). He said it was for a fund raiser and showed me his clipboard, with a list of names, and a few blank spaces. I slathered some on my arms to sample the product, having no intentions of actually buying it. Then I remembered that this was a dream. Haha. Money is no issue. If he desired money, money he should get. I focused on pulling $20 bills out of my purse. It worked. I looked at the money I had given him, and it was more than $60. I saw a $50, a couple $20s, and some $1s... After a bit of flirting, this guy and I started kissing. We then moved the scene to my parent's land, where we made out in the grass, and rolled down a hill. It all seemed so carefree and satisfying. Then, I heard a commotion sounding like trouble, and had to pull away to rescue my cat, who was in danger. "Baby, you coming?" No, I guess not. I trekked up the hill and encountered the damage my cat had (surely accidentally) inflicted upon an older gentleman. It looked like a gun wound. He had a deep hole in the side of his head. Luckily, there was a doctor in the crowd to give him stitches, but a mob of people were after my cat... I ran to rescue the poor creature from the angry people, and help it escape. It was all shook up. Somehow, I stopped the mob from harming my kitty. Whew. Then another mob came. I managed to derail them too. The end.

Sour, sweaty, primal beverages.........

Mmmmm....Rejuvelac. That's fermented wheat berries. I mixed in some lemon, and served it over ice. Funny how your tastes change as you get older. I hear that is just because you have less taste buds ;P But appreciation for all of life increases, at least that is my understanding. When I was little, I only liked white, bland foods. Everything else was too much flavor for my sensitive taste buds. Kids gots lotsa taste buds. i tried to trick the kids by putting steamed pumpkin puree in with their mac and cheese tonight. They knew something was up. I confessed, and said they could have cereal if they wanted. I was only trying to look out for their health, plus, as sneaky as it was, I thought it would be delicious! Anyway, back to my rejuvelac... I like this drink because it feels good. It is kind of sour, very refreshing! Smells, by typical standards, quite odd. Some might say like a gym sock. Tee hee. But, somehow, the smell does not bother me. Kinda like it. Smells familiar. Maybe I was a squirrel in a past life, and spent much time enjoyably scavenging the fermented grains and berries. Or maybe I could be one in a future life ;) Anyway. This is along the lines of appreciating B.O., Kombucha (yummm), ergh, stuff like that. The strange things...Hmm......Well, I am not sure that people actually grow to appreciate the funkiness of a gym sock, but surely somewhere...........I have never tried the durian, but have heard quite an uproar about the pungent smelling fruit. It is the spikey one you can find at Asian markets. Quite curious. Anyone tried it yet? My curiosity is going to get the better of me. A few years back, my sister and I made a few gallons of homemade lemonade for an art gallery opening. We left them out overnight, and they fermented. When I smelled it, I was taken aback, disgusted. My sister was too...But after a bit of speculating, she decided that it might just be delicious. The rest of my crazy family joined in, tasting and enjoying the fermented lemonade. I'm not sure if there was enough alcohol to get them tipsy, or they just liked the elating high that comes with fermented beverages.... I didn't get it. Now I do. Yay for age, wisdom, and generally feeling like you have enough love and understanding even for the funkiest of spirits. Feeling a little woo woo now...Until we meet again.

I guess I'm just pleased to know people from all over....

Might as well post a blog. You never know who might read it, not leaving any trace of doing so. I have been reading blogs a fair bit recently. I know I don't usually leave a trace, but fancy that little comments, like pieces of fan mail, are the bits of treasure that make the brunt of the work worth it. In short: a tiny bit of appreciation goes a long way. I got through a whole year worth of blogs in just a few weeks. It was the equivalent of watching a full season of a show, all at once on DVD. Just soak it up.
So. Grandma Shiela is visiting from Scotland. She is keeping me company these days. I learned what a fortnight is (can't believe I didn't know that it means fourteen nights, as I have come across the word many times in novels (Mists of Avalon comes to Mind, so much more than a good read) and movies.... and what a 'lie-in' is: a long stay in bed in the mornings. Though what she considers a long lie-in, I consider still a very decent hour to rise.... She is a good one. I teach her about mangoes (she'd never had one!), and she teaches me what an Irish Breakfast is (look up black and white pudding, I don't think I am qualified to go into what it is exactly)....
It is just interesting (as it should be) to be surrounded by such a myriad of culture. Met a French guy at a show last night. I was explaining what words like 'kinda' and 'hella' (SO very cali, also, 'hekka' is coming about..the kids say it...or maybe it has been about, and I am out of the loop. That is a possibility as well.).
Today is Natalia's birthday! She is the best friend I have out here on the West Coast. She is from Argentina, and is so much fun. I haven't decided what to get her yet... Birthdays...Also, me little sis is gonna be 22! she says she wants to get married. It is on her to-do list, much like, 'paint nails pink' and 'watch sex and the city'. I think it is probably a result of all the femmy hype being hurled about... I notice all the 'wedding' images popping up all around me, TV, ads... I told her to come to CA, then she can marry someone whose visa is due to expire, so that the wedding has purpose (cynical me, what about love? Though her impulsive wedding plans seemed to be based on an idea of a big (kitsch) happily-ever-look-at-me-I'm-a-bride-who-cares-about divorce-when-i-look-this-good?-lump-of-trendiness. Oh America. Then I thought about my own cynical view on marriage. I have decided that if I get married someday, it will only be for legal reasons, like helping someone live in another country, if they desire it, or vice versa. Then we fancied having a double wedding. Haha. She liked that idea. Silly siblings.
Hmm. Well, not much new here. Aren't we all just slightly more evolved versions of ourselves, milling about, encountering the same? Hmm. Maybe.
Plans For Tomorrow: tracking down my mail. long story.
Plans For Tonight: Her Lilliness is staying in. Hmm. No big plans. Hopefully no nightmares.
I have had two nightmares recently about animals being in my room and biting me. One was about a week ago. There were spiders and bugs in my bed, and I couldn't get them off me...they bit, and left a rash, that was actually kind of pretty.
Last night, dreamt of dogs and cats living in my room that bit me. They were haunted and had bit the tenant before me as well. I tried to tell the landlord, but he pretended not to hear me. It was actually a really scary dream! And I don't usually have nightmares. Even if I dream of something creepy, I am usually calm in the dream, observant, and feel fine upon waking. But these times, I woke up really scared, like a frazzled little kid. There was one key factor in reality that corresponded with the dreams: I had fallen asleep with the heater on. I never do that. When I woke up, all super scared, lost between sleepy and wakeful worlds, I had delusions of evil spirits entering my room through the heater. Silly me.
Favorite things at the moment: (as usual, the list begins with food) cutting mangoes in half (well, not exactly half, but length-wise, along the pit) and eating them like a bowl, with a spoon (friend from India says that is the 'proper way to eat mangoes. pah. proper now.). Freezing bananas, then blending them up with a drop or two of almond extract and cocoa...becomes like soft serve ice-cream. Try it.
Okay. Things that aren't food now: Hmm....(thinking hard)...... Blogs. filling up my tiny notebook with lists, drawings, recipes and writings. Stardust (the new movie based on Neil Gaimon's book). Yes... OOh! Roller skating!! I've been doing that all week. I mostly skate whilst listening to The Clash, "Come on Eileeen",T-Rex, "Jeepster", The South Austin Jug Band, 'Grinnin and a pickin', and various other thrilling songs....The Strokes, The Cure, Brian Eno, TOri Amos (haha! Love it...). I am getting paid by these bands to advertise their presence in my comical roller skating escapades.
Now I bid you Adieu. Let us dwell on what we love, and write blogs for unknown persons....

A tribute to Scattergories...

Quick Everyone! In one minute, Think of these things that start with ...... D!
1. Things on a map.
2. things in a classroom.
3.things at a party.
4. colors.
5.things you yell.
6.famous authors.
7. reasons one gives when arriving late to work.
8. notorious people.
9.things that are round.
10.things that grow.
11. animals.
12. fruits.
*This blog is a tribute to the magnificent game, Scattergories. May the game live on forever, being played more often than not, and always with great zest.

Rekindling an old Love....

Roller Skating. It is awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. That's all I have to say about that.

I made raw chocolate!!

Okay--so it didn't look exactly like this heart-shaped airbrushed model of truffeliciousness, but OMG. Sooooo yummy!!
First:
I turned the cacao nibs into powder. Then proceeded to mix a rough sketch of a recipe I found online....

THis is basically what it was-

1/4 cup coconut butter
1/2 cup cacao nibs, powdered
some carob powder (maybe 1/4 cup? I was just sprinkling/dumping it in)
a few dates, pitted (5?)
and a lil agave nectar , maybe 1 or 2 tsp-i was just drizzling)
and this is totally optional--I added a lil spirulina( 1/2 tsp?), cause I am a hippie! lol. Actually more like an experimental health scientist.. ..

food process the hell out of it (My big sister Rose, the pastry chef used that term once, and it just sticks in my head whenever I use a food processor. I have no idea if she says that a lot, or only to me that once. Either way, the phrase lives on!)


Then I rolled the little balls (they should have some pastiness to them) in carob powder for looks, cacao powder works too (probably better, but I had ran out bu that point)....And then serve them on pretty little plates.

The grown ups I gave them to enjoyed them...the children...not so much.

But they really are amazingly delectable. I feel elated, and fully recommend trying this at home.

of vegan diets and switching to other such diets for research and experimentation......

I am contemplating a raw-vegan diet....with 20% grey area for cooked foods...and room for raw fish and yogurt once a week. Hehe. So I guess, technically, I could not say I am a 'vegan' anymore. People will ask me why my eating habits are so strange, and I will give them an ambiguous reply, or maybe say something cryptic, then change the subject....Or flash them a maniacal grin....Or a devious glance..Or maybe I'll just walk away. I am not sure yet. But I am pretty stoked about this new diet. I think my body will be too. Really excited to try making raw smoothies, and raw desserts....Yes, I love sweets...I have been vegan for about 6 months, and I have noticed some changes....increase in energy, easier digestion, followed by a decrease in energy, then a leveling out (or maybe I just forgot what it felt like to feel solid). My sweet tooth went crazy, and so I'd eat desserts pretty much every day, usually breakfast or lunch was sweet things..Of course I took multi vitamins, calcium pills, and ate green food....my acupuncturist kept telling me, "your lungs have taken a hit", and I wasn't even smoking. It did seem like a lot of work to fill my lungs with oxygen....And I'd missed a couple of periods during the course of being vegan....Hhhhhmmmmmmmmm........Uuuummmm.......K. Done experimenting with that...Onto the next phase. Will report back. I think everyone's body is different, we all need different things. My Pop is a strange one, just like me. His diet is mostly apples, cheese, twigs, seeds and nuts.... Weird-o..