Oh my YEAH....

so valentine's day was a bit of a let down, but then there was friday with hope, trust, love, MIA, TOM & LUCCI....then there was today with John & a trip to s.f. & running into Juliana & hoping to see Marten & Carla & the possibility of going to JD's birthday party...life as I know it is better than I'd expected, full of more possibility than I can make reality & is overwhelmingly good...thank goodness for the great of heart who allow me to run amok in the city that never sleeps...without them, I would simply be an inanimate piece of an unattainable puzzle.

Almost there....

So, in the past 2 months & 15 days since Dan left, I think I may have done more living than I had in the past 4 years (even including my trip to Holland).
It is amazing to me how much of life I was simply overlooking in the hopes that I would/could have the marriage of my dreams.
I am finding that sometimes it is better to seize the moment than hold my breath for a rainy day.
I am feeling very lucky that even some of the less than stellar or desired interactions that I've had with my soon to be ex-spouse have actually had some pretty amazing side effects.
I have gotten to spend time with people I really like & often wondered about.
I have gotten to envision possibilities that I'd stopped believing in.
I have gotten to just be myself & am finding that I really do like my own company.
I have gotten lucky enough to know that if i reach out to people, they tend to surprise me in the most amazing of ways.
I am learning that is okay to be all sorts of emotions at once & that sometimes it is necessary.
I hope that this finds whomever is curious enough to read my ramblings, content in the knowledge that just by looking, you make me happy.
To those of you I know, thank you!
To those of you I've yet to meet, I look forward to the pleasure that can result from your company!

Saying Goodbye meets Fighting the Good Fight...

I said goodbye to a 90 year old friend today & wished her a pleasant & safe journey to her husband in heaven.
I am trying to figure out why this is making me revert back to my waterfall status when I know that she has tried her best & is ready to lay her head down and meet her lover after a few decades.
So far as I can see, I'm not even that religious...
2008 seems like a time to try to learn new ways to embrace the present & I know that I should be happy for her and perhaps for her ability to recapture feelings of power and freedom.
In life's continuum, I hope that I can learn to encourage people to take their next step, instead of always wanting them to tread water alongside me.
I suppose that fighting the good fight also means knowing how to acknowledge when you are ready to quit fighting?

No longer at this address vs return to sender?

Hopefully this finds people having a happy holiday!
Does anyone out there know if there is a big difference between writing "no longer at this address" versus "return to sender" on envelopes addressed to the recently departed (recently departed meaning moved out as opposed to six feet under).
Yay for fresh starts, new beginnings & the end of unhappiness!

Quick quiz...

1) Can anyone else see their breathe when they are inside their abode?
2) Where will people be on NYE 2007?

Happy Holidays!!!!

I hope that this holiday season brings a little bit more peace on earth, a few more acts of goodwill toward each other & happiness that surprises & delights without any feelings of remorse once the moment of sharing has passed.
Whooohooo!!!! I am very hopeful that the best is yet to come (or at least resurface)!

Where I wander lest I lose my way...

So this month I'm figuring out where I wander when I find my way...and oddly enough finding my way and losing my way have become one in the same.
In the past month or so, I have lost myself, found myself, lost my marriage, started to let go of my hopes and dreams associated with said marriage, I have reconnected with old friends, met new friends, gotten to re-experience feelings of abandonment so strong I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy, learned that the love that I feel can both create and destroy simultaneously, I feel a little bit like my edges are being worn down from inside & out & I am getting used to the idea that possibility abounds around everyone if they are willing to see it.
I hope that finds whichever of you are kind enough to read my ramblings content in your today and excited for your tomorrow.

one man's floor is another's ceiling...

transition is necessary, but not necessarily always desired...I thought that I had found someone with whom to share my life, but as it turns out, sometimes, when the going gets tough, some people just get going...

And then there were...

And then there were so many positive thoughts swirling around in my head...thoughts that just might make me rethink some of my earlier moves...thoughts that would remind me that up is up & down is down & that which fucks me up might not be what is really going around....
there are so many people I've been lucky to meet & yet I no longer go out of my day to day existence to seek them out.
The crazy part is that when I do, I am always amazed at how happy I feel, how alive I am, how much I really do want to connect the dots.
Whether it be a ride to an airport & back, a walk with three bad dwogs, a birthday/unbirthday party, whatever it is it makes me glad to be alive- whether I be your first round, second round or simply back up round pick...I am happy to know you- & yes, this means you! even if I haven't seen you for a while, if ever I was happy to meet you, I am happy to meet you again & again.