First Psychosis Part one

(the picture is of me about 8 days into my fast, with my favorite musician Brock Butler of Perpetual Groove)

The first time I went crazy started in the second semester of my junior year at the University of Colorado. I started to get constipated at the very start of the semester. I thought at first that I was only stressed out by the six classes I was taking so I decided to drop one after the first week. However even though my work load was greatly reduced and I didn't feel any pressure, I remained constipated for the next three weeks. It was highly irregular because I was used to being very regular on my vegan diet, at least twice a day. So i thought I might be eating too many processed vegemeats, so I went back to eating fish. This did not relieve my constipation. I got frustrated and even though I was in school I decided to do the Master Cleanse (Lemonade Diet) to see if it would relieve the constipation. I fasted on this diet for 14 days. During this fast I had some of the most intense hallucinations I'd ever experienced while meditating. The most memorable was one night while it was snowing a tree uprooted itself and moved to the middle of the road and began dancing for me. However after two weeks of fasting and 6 colonic sessions (which didn't pull a whole lot out) I remained constipated. I could not figure out with my limited knowledge what was going on.

One thing that began happening while meditating was thoughts about marijuana. I used to smoke weed everyday when I was younger and I began to question whether I should return to my old self, which I had planned on doing after I graduated from school, but should I do it sooner? Marijuana became an obsession but I didn't want to get high with just one of my stoner friends, I needed it to be more spiritual. Eventually the opportunity to smoke arose when my mother suggested that I go see my sister in Vancouver for Spring break. I thought it was a great idea, I knew my sister was smoking pot and we had always had a psychic connection when we were high together. So I went.

My sister had a history of Bipolar disorder but I had never seen her during one of her manic episodes. When I first arrived I thought she was acting a little strange but I didn't connect the dots right away (maybe I was already falling into psychosis). So right after I got there she pulled out the bong and loaded up a fat bowl and began smoking, at first I was hesitant about smoking but I knew this was my shot at exploring my meditation further. So right after I we smoked that first bowl, I went to the bathroom and took the biggest dump I'd taken in 14 weeks. I realized that my block must have been spiritual, somehow connected to the Earth Mother!!

This is just the beginning, more to come...

Mary Magadelene

So after I gave all of my possessions away I really didn't know what to do. One night Major came over and he had some weed, so Alex, Major and I all smoked some bud. A few minutes later Major was telling me that I had to go, and I needed to pack up... I still don't know to this day; Why I gave my camping gear away?...LOL... So I did still have my school backpack and some sneakers and clothes that I had bought at the Thrift store to replace... well you get the picture. I already had them packed and ready to go and when I came out of my room looking like a 10 year old ready to camp in his backyard Major just laughed and was like you can leave that. So me and Major went walking, I had my passport and a bottle of Water on me... Major kept stopping and expecting me to travel on by myself, but I couldn't...I'm a fucking pussy and I kept getting lost after about 10 steps... Like I needed a guide at this point... I did, but I didn't. Eventually we made our way into town and I saw this girl dressed like a hippie, I then separated from Major approached this girl and stuck out my hand and said, “Hi, my name is James.” She said her name was Jamie. I then took her left hand in my right hand and we proceeded to walk up Pearl Street in Boulder.

We didn’t really talk, I thought she was the one for me and naturally thought she knew that I was the one for her. We walked into a market towards the end of Pearl where she walked over towards the drink section and began to put a soft drink in her purse. I then shook my hands and wagged my head as if to tell her that I didn’t condone stealing and I walked out of the store. I had probably walked 100 feet out of the store when I turned around and saw her come hustling out after me.

She came up behind me and put her hand back in my hand. At this point she asked me what I had on me and I said my passport. I then turned around and walked back to the front of the convience store and placed my passport on a table in front of 3 very confused on lookers. I then walked back to Jamie and took her hand in mine once again. She then asked me about the water bottle, so naturally I dropped that as well. I don’t know why I had the need to keep dropping stuff. Shouldn’t I have learned that after giving all of my possessions away I need shit like water bottles?

Anyways sometime shortly after this I had the sensation that I was a ghost and I could walk through things. I knew I wasn’t really walking through them but I was so loose that it seemed I was. Somehow I was convinced that if I turned my life or will over to this Jamie that I would be able to exist as a ghost. So I just walked straight holding her hand and she would pull me away at the last second if I was about to run into something.

At some point in time we passed some street kids and one of them said, “Mama always said he’d like clowns.” LOL And it was true this girl was dressed like a clown. Another voice from a street kid later on asked me, “What’s up?” I replied, “Everything.” Jamie then sort of got flustered and said, “You don’t have to do that.” And I was all like, “Oh.”

Anyways the walk continued and Jamie instead of guiding me out of the way of objects began pushing me into them. Like she pushed me into this really big frat boy. I’m really glad that I didn’t get into a fight.

As we crossed over Arapahoe I had my eyes closed and I knew that the curb was coming up and when I opened my eyes I sort of missed the curb and tripped a little bit. Jamie laughed.

While walking down Folsom Jamie asked me how many people thought I was Jesus. I don’t recall ever telling her that people thought I was Jesus but somehow she knew that this is what I thought about myself. The most bizarre thing then occurred I asked her who she was and she said she was Mary Magadelene. Right after she said this a water balloon came flying out of a passing car, the only car I remember seeing all night, and hit her directly in the chest. So I turned around and yelled, “You fucking assholes!” So bizarre.

Anyways she then told me she was Alice from Wonderland.

Soon afterwards we got to her apartment on Folsom and went inside. She had a stained bed, a table with melted candles all over it, a shelf with more melted candles and a bong. There was an old hard suitcase on the ground with clothes flowing out of it. The floor was tiled one foot by one foot all grey, I wish they had been Black and white interchanging it would have made her seem more like Alice, but I was already pretty sure I had just met Alice from hell.

We then both sat on her bed and she grabbed her bong and began smoking it. I looked over at her a little more closely and she was smoking mushrooms out of the bong. I remember reading something about not smoking mushrooms on erowid.org because it might cause you to develop spores in your lungs. So I snatched the bong from her and told her she shouldn’t do that.

She then handed me what appeared to be a mushroom and as I sat staring at it she grabbed it back with the quickness of a cat. I was somehow tripping really hard at this time without having ingested any hallucinogens except smoking some weed, cause no one can move with cat like reflexes like that unless they are some kind of martial artist… no, no one could move with that quickness. It was as if she had disappeared right in front of me. I then thought that she was the Cheshire cat.

Jamie then went over to a counter, her whole apartment was only one large room, and began to cook some eggs and mushrooms for me. She asked me what kind of hippie I was and instead of answering I began doing Yoga on her floor to show her that I was a Vegan that was coming off a 14 day fast and I hadn’t touched drugs in about two years.

Jamie then came over and told me to eat what she had just cooked, so I did. I ate probably 1/16th of mushrooms and a couple of eggs. We then started hooking up.

I’m going to have to finish the rest of this story in a second blog.

New Member

I just discovered this site last night through searching DMT and 2-c-t-7 on google.com, and I think to myself what a weird place to be. I am having a mental breakdown at the moment, or at least that is what the psychiatrist would call it. I like to think of it as lucid awakening.

I had some really crazy dreams last night, but I can't remember the first one. But the second one involved my old roommate that saw me transfer from a pretty normal college kid to someone who thought they were the messiah/ brother of the messiah. I'm sure it was as a bit traumatic for him, and in my dream he was really pissed at me but he was also willing to hear my explanation for why I went so crazy. Thanks Bro. Anyways one of the things that tripped me out (one of the many things) was that when I tripped mushrooms with him, I had this over whelming urge to kiss him that I suppressed. I've never told anyone that, but it's the truth and I remember having this fear build up in my stomach that may have messed up my Chakra system. Maybe since I've started meditating again recently, I may have memories or fears being released and I'm sensing them in my dreams. IDK.