Convoluted Brainfarts

Boo

Jo — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 22:38:02 GMT

Adieu Yves (August 1, 1936 – June 1, 2008)

Jo — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 09:49:21 GMT

Only 22 days to go.....

Jo — Fri, 16 May 2008 14:53:57 GMT

Got my overpriced obligatory orange merchandise - check Got a rough idea of when communication in my relationship will revert to "Hmmm", "You're blocking the view" and "Did you see that?! Did you see that?!" - check Got my wiki explanation of the offside rule - check Got my sources of silly footie photographs and sordid sordidness for this blog - ah. Will you settle for some rugby for now (NSFW)? http://my.break.com/Content/view.aspx?ContentID=498642 Oh and somewhat related, I am beginning to suspect..... apparently the city of Bern has decided they will lock up drunk football fans in cellars if they're found wandering the streets at night and causing a nuisance (the football fans, not the cellars). As some critics pointed out, fans might just consider this free lodging and not bother to book any accommodation.

Queen Away Today, Subjects

Jo — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 12:02:56 GMT

For it's Queens Day, the biggest street party in the Netherlands. Very little scantily cladness, but lots of Heineken quaffing and entrepreneuring going on (sign says: Pet the Dog for 10 Cents)

Documented, as promised: kittens

Jo — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 08:30:46 GMT

Five of them, to be exact. Not bad going for my little cat. She can stop looking perplexed now. I think the one on the bottom left is going to develop a liking for Radiohead.

And It Makes me Smihiiile

Jo — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 18:02:13 GMT

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sirmaxster/2394222287/

Something to See? Perchance

Jo — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:43:31 GMT

Someone, somewhere on Tribe, has posted something along the lines of "click here if you think you're smart enough". Unfortunately you end up on this page, my apologies. Then again, it isn't so bad if you want to trawl back to my early blog entries and discover the joys of Scottish slang or Happy Trails, but I've not been particularly entertaining lately. No smut. No Eurotrash. No half-nekkidness of any gender. Sorry. It's not as if my libido has been on holiday, I just haven't been particularly inspired lately. It'll wear off, I'm sure. In the meantime, why not sing me a song?

That Takes Care of that 'Life Goal' Business After You're Put Out to Pasture

Jo — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 01:20:55 GMT

My mum - for reasons that are still a bit nebulous to me - went to a 'How To Be a Fun Old Woman' seminar last week. Now I didn't think living in the sticks was that boring, nor did I think she was in need of any guidance. She never phones me to ask me whether I think she's amusing enough (whether I remember her login name for a site she hasn't visited in eons, yes). She is blissfully silent when it comes to questioning her drollness, her ebullience, her jolliness. Some useful things were mentioned during the seminar, she said, but what did bother her was the advice to clear her house of clutter. Not to attain the level of cleanliness that is part of the holy trinity in the Netherlands* Not because it might become easier to find your keys/socks/offspring. No. The presenter advised this group of 50+ women - who vacation in the Norwegian wilderness, create some wickedly wild art, think nothing of 70 km bike rides through the pouring rain - to de-clutter their house. Because this way, after their death, clearing the house will be less of a burden to their children. "I like my clutter," she said. "It reminds me of all the places I've been, the adventures I've had, the time I spent with your dad and you girls." I just said that it seems a bit non-nonsensical to live towards death. And that, when the time comes in another 40 years or so, I'll rent a great big skip. Then again, I think I take after my mum. (Inspired by Madame Gonzanza's Open Letter to Oprah: http://dingleberrylane.tribe.net/thread/214ef0fc-6c79-46fd-8e9d-115386c443b2 ) --------- * http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=Xc9NNsbYNpM&NR=1

Happy Pi Day, Peoples

Jo — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:05:53 GMT

And apparently it's Steak and a BJ Day too. I'm not sure how vegetarians will celebrate - vegetable lasagne, or just skip the steak part? For even tastier Pi, try Grrrrrr arghs: http://people.tribe.net/grrrargh/photos/d0d69e6b-f9fe-481f-a70b-8d702bee9763 I now has 4 chicks instead of 6 - the thieving magpies killed two. Awwwwwww. This morning, at nine am, two grown and very excited men rang my doorbell. They weren't excited about Pi, or Steak and the BJ, but about the cranes deigning our fields with their presence. Their telescope lenses were ever so impressive. Perhaps the cranes will make our local newspaper, because we have a surprising number of birdwatchers in our little village. Me oh my. I'll stick to Pi.

Semi-annual Obligatory Cat Post

Jo — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 15:16:29 GMT

This weekend Harry - ginger, seemingly not too bright and of dubious parentage, like his namesake - went for a catnap on a nice warm roll of glass wool and didn't wake up again. As I was digging a hole in his favourite corner of the garden the chickens wandered around me, searching for worms in the soil I'd just turned over. Harry's feline and far more intelligent companion, who still doesn't have a name (because I know there is a perfect name for her but that Eureka moment still hasn't hit me) came over and half-heartedly attacked the shovel I was using. One of the dogs brought me an onion - he has nine brightly-coloured tennis balls but he prefers onions - and looked somewhat put out that I'd rather dig a small grave instead of throwing his onion across the orchard. As I wrapped Harry in an old towel and lowered him into the hole, the other dog came and sat next to me, sticking his nose in my ear and nearly knocking my glasses off my face. Animals are funny that way. Here's me thinking I'm going to really miss the little guy, while they're all figuratively humming along to 'Circle of Life', and wondering what's for dinner. Harry wasn't much of a farm cat. I never saw him hunt. He wasn't particularly active and barely tolerated the WWF-worthy offensive strikes from the other cat. But when the sun is out, I'm going to miss seeing him lying in the sunniest spot, stretched out to make the most of the rays.

You Can Keep Your Lolcat

Jo — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 17:02:22 GMT

http://www.beatbox.tele2.se/

December Rulez OK

Jo — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 21:51:42 GMT

Oh dearie me and lawks and whatnot, I've been terribly remiss in my postings and Tribings and social networking, I know. I blame modern life and Shiraz. Possibly cheese. Maybe crime fiction. Or the frost which has descended over the Low Country, turning all the clutter in my garden into a magical land. I'm so glad I didn't kill all the spiders this summer with insecticide, because their webs are currently stupendous little works of art. Anyways, just to wish you all a wonderful, wonderful yuletide next week, with plenty of cheery stuff and amusingly deranged relatives and snow angels. I'm off to a small house in the south of the Netherlands to eat terribly unfashionable miniature food and lie about in a heated outdoor pool for five days (in fact it's so southern there might actually be a hill). I've also been told there will be six different saunas, all smelling like a different herb. And there'll be lots of Nature, so a healthy forest walk or two might be compulsory. The things we do for seasonal cheer....

I found some man fur

Jo — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 20:19:58 GMT

Not happy trails, but at least it's manly and it's hairy (might want to turn down your speakers a bit): http://www2.b3ta.com/namethatbeard/ (if you have a look around the site you'll also find the Gash or Tash quiz, which probably isn't safe for work. I don't know how revealing the lady bits are going to be). In other news, here's something for the cat lovers: http://www2.b3ta.com/catgame/ More cat stuff: http://www2.b3ta.com/hecatorshecat/# Because I'm going to be so busy playing all the games on this b3ta site I'm thinking of out-sourcing the Dutchness to this woman (I mean, she takes pictures and has a podcast and all that. I'm way too lazy to put that much effort into this blog. Trust me, you'll be better off with her. She seems to actually want to teach you useful things): http://www.lauraspeaksdutch.info/

Well I Like It

Jo — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 18:26:20 GMT

New music from the city that tolerated my presence for 4 years: Manu Somot is from Strasbourg and sings about Rooftops in a very charming Alsatian English, thereby putting to bed the myth that the French don't speak English: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXMEgNyXKjY The video reminds me of the months I wasted playing Sim City when it first came out and my entire family fought for ownership of the keyboard (I don't remember how we settled it actually. I could lie and claim we were sensible enough to figure out a time table, thus returning to living happily ever after - but we didn't. I suspect there were tantrums and sulking instead (dads, eh), until eventually the novelty must have worn off and my dad returned to his piano, my sister to her horses, my mum - actually, I'm not sure *what* my mum did for a hobby back then). Anyways, that's enough revelations from the geeks family album. I'm off to {insert something debonair and cosmopolitan here}.

Ruud's Galaxy Quest

Jo — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 07:00:55 GMT

In order to convince even more Americans that proper football is the game ~without~ the shoulder pads, we're sending this man across. His wife assures us she will not go partying with Lindsey Lohan (which may have made her marginally interesting), the kids will attend the same school as the Beckham offspring (yawn), and they'll all stay very Dutch and level-headed, immune to tinseltown. But I have my suspicions. Because let's be honest: you move to LA to break into show business. And Ruud Gullit sings: : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZLpexaSiwE

I Love This Man

Jo — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 20:16:50 GMT

Allen Lane For founding Penguin Books because he couldn't find anything affordable to read For sending his office junior Edward Young to sketch the penguins at London Zoo to create Penguin's logotype For those wonderful, wonderful orange jackets. I have to restrain myself from buying them in bulk at jumble sales, having made myself promise that I will only buy the book if I see myself reading it For the "Penguincubator" For his commitment to design - wonderful colours and typography For stealing a book's entire print run and burning it when his chief editor and the board of directors tried to oust him

I'm getting a bit fed up with the Ilanio Wear crotch shot

Jo — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 20:07:20 GMT

Just saying. It's not like there's anything to boast about.

Sunday is alright to blog

Jo — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:06:14 GMT

Perusing the sunday papers today, I deem this writing-most-reminiscent-of-Hedley-Lamarr: "...there is a rich brew of ideas percolating perpetually inside his mind" (It's about David Lynch and how he wants to change your life through transcendental meditation: http://www.sundayherald.com/arts/arts/display.var.1807699.0.trance_mission.php) -------------- Somewhat bemusingly useless bits of research: "In fact, the males preferred a head on a stick to a headless body, the 1960s experiments showed." (It's a book about questionable experiments of modern science. I was looking for the article about how dog-ownership can increase the likelihood of breast cancer, but got distracted by the elephant) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/technology/technology.html?in_article_id=490974&in_page_id=1965 ------------------ Some tongue-in-cheek advice on what to do if Tribe does finally kick the bucket and you have an axe to grind with trolls, but I was more partial to the somewhat strained neologism - good coinage should never have to explain itself: "...where can we wallow in pal-evolence (animosity between ex-mates), celebrate the post-dotcomrade experience, or perpetuate the rancour of FFLs (friends for life) who become EFLs (enemies for life)? http://observer.guardian.co.uk/magazine/story/0,,2203106,00.html ------------------------- Oh, and in case the photo of today has left you pining for more, here's some additional middle-aged men in the nuddy: http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article2786556.ece It's yet another charity calendar, this time from the oldest boys band in the world, who also happen to be Welsh and like a drink. The fireman in the photo got into trouble for posing for the calendar, which I read in another newspaper but can't remember when or where, or if in fact I made that up. I'm still a little bit emotional because a friend of mine just told me if his first offspring is a girl he'll name her Josina.... (he probably has an old rich aunt called Josina, but still).

"I Lick my Cheese"

Jo — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 16:37:49 GMT

Apparently reading and books and such-like are hopelessly old-fashioned and possibly the reason why I only have 3 regular readers (I know the rest of you are only here for the man fur. And I've come to terms with that). But I am willing to adapt to my audience, and so I went in search of something more suited to your favourite pass-times, which leads me neatly to the title of this blog. 'I Lick my Cheese' is in fact a book by a lady from Dundee who goes by the name of Oonagh O’hagan, who has gone out and collected a lot of the notes that flatmates/roommates leave each other instead of communicating face-to-face, primarily because over time you discover that your flatmate is a raving velocipedophilic (god I love that word) work-shy sociopath with a penchant for fridge fungi. To be honest, I don't think I ever co-habited with any velocipedophiliacs, but there was the ex-flatmate who came back with a drug habit after a year abroad and started inventing phantom phone bills. And the law student who was obsessed with her own virginity. And the flat mate who slept in the livingroom and left his used condoms underneath his bed. I don't think I ever resorted to note writing though. I'm too lazy to tell you what the book is about exactly and why this cheese-licking can be blamed on Margaret Thatcher, so here's a link: http://www.sundayherald.com/life/people/display.var.1791409.0.i_lick_my_cheese.php And not entirely unrelated: In Alford, Aberdeenshire, a small boy was one of the contestants at a children's cookery contest. The judge made a great show of tasting his iced cakes and saying how delicious they were. The little boy glowed with pride. Then the judge asked how he had managed to get such a lovely gloss on the icing. How had he managed that? "I lick them" he replied. (I've been to Alford. Don't remember much about the local catering) Lickers Unite! You have nothing to gloss but your frosting.

Who's a cheesy boy then?

Jo — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 07:37:05 GMT

Amazingly enough Google isn't that obliging when it comes to scantilly-clad men and cheese (sorry MT, but I have my other 2 readers to consider, and I'm not sure they're here for the sausage). All I've found is this teenie weenie screen-cap from a Dutch ad for a low-fat cheese. I happen to know that in the ad the cheese was placed strategically. No, not the tiny wedge he's holding, but great big ones. I'm not sure where the wind-blown hair comes in though. And there is a disturbing absence of chest rug. And the worst of it? The particular cheese he is advertising is a bit tasteless, in my opinion. I mean, low-fat cheese? It rather defies the purpose.

We Are Les Cheesy Girls

Jo — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 15:56:04 GMT

I've been an awfully lazy gatherer of all things of a furry chest nature this summer, I know. I'm sorry. I could make it up to you with a bit of Dieux de Stade, but by now you know where to find them yourself. So instead, meet the From' Girls for 2007: Adeline Camembert, Barbara Munster, Eva Morbier and their extremely cheesy friends. They're in a calendar promoting regional French cheeses in, to quote Kenny Everett, "the best possible taste". It's Cheese Gone Wild, invented by the cheese president and also miss December, Véronique Richez Lerouge, in 2005 . So it's old news in a way. I am an awfully lazy gatherer of all things of a cheese nature too, it seems.

I'd pay to actually see her ride that bike in windy weather

Jo — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 18:37:11 GMT

Dutch Disco

Jo — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 14:41:18 GMT

Diligent excavation on my part unearthed this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ax861Mzhqus (what worries me is the backing singers all vaguely resemble my mum...)

Things that Make Me Go Hmm

Jo — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 22:26:20 GMT

“Of course, I am a pure and absolute democrat. But you know what the problem is – not a problem, a real tragedy – that I am alone. There are no such pure democrats in the world. Since Mahatma Gandhi, there has been no one.” Putin

Just What I've Always Wanted

Jo — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 21:10:00 GMT

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1839895.html