far away..so close...

I'm reaching out to all of you...wishing upon a star...for all that's in my heart,wishing to feel close to you!!!!

Being a Dutch gal.......

....it looks like i'm gonne be doing the Dutch country living!!!I've been fighting this whole prospect of settling for my homecountry..it's been a very rich 22 years of soulsearching,traveling the planet,eventually finding my "utopian" land of sedona..believing this to be my heart,my home!!! So yeah,after my deportation I went completely nuts not knowing what direction is calling,as long as it's not Holland......everything I looked into as a new potential destination turned out to be the wrong turn...and oh my dear god how i longed to be close to my spiritual family!!! It's been 5 months back in "dutchland" which holds memories of trauma and grey weather,not a very inviting mystical place to plant my seeds,a repressed country with low conciousness,little sunshine and so very expensive.......Oh well...what do we know...I'm laughing so loud!!!! Source seems to want me to stay put...it just doesn't always work the way we believe is the way,what we want is surely not what we seem to need at times....i surrender,and i intent to make the full juicy best of it which took me quite a while to accept!!!!!Tomorow I'm driving down my little Dutch car with the little belongings to create a new home in a town called Den Bosch where friendly Dutch people live included 2 of my close Dutch sister friends whom i both met in India...gonne create my little oasis,gonne work and study like a good little Dutch girl,cook good ol'Dutch potatos and who knows.maybe the prospect of some Dutch loving coming my ways.... I guess after all i'm turning DUTCH.....Life is such a farce.........

~the journey~

There comes a time
when you will have gone
as far as you can go
in the way you're used to going

There comes a time
when you're led another way of going
to get to a new place
you've never been before
and must get to

There comes a time
when all the places you've been
won't help you go to the next place
calling your name

There comes a time
when coming and going will end
and staying the course bringing you peace
will forever end your wondering

There comes a time
when everything that ever made you go
will make you stay
in that place you can rest.

************

I MISS YOU SEDONA !!!!!

I got deported on the 26th of November...They picked me up at a border patrol near Bisbee AZ where I had spend glorious days with a beautiful love..in a blink of an eye heaven turned into a very dark place,I spend 5 weeks incarcerated at an Arizona prison and had a journey that has affected me deeply......The system punished me for having made America my home,loving it,honouring the land...just not the system....I am sorry for this loss..wasn't quite prepared to let go....nevertheless the letting go will be a catalist for a whole new beginning!!! I am in Holland now,it's cold,dark and raining...I'm homesick and I'm feeling "it"...I'm feeling a grieve that's burning deep!!! Tomorow is a new day,..envision a new life to be manifested..and rewarding...and so be it.
So,beautiful beloveds out there!!!I am very open to receive of you any feedback ,suggestions,connections,information about evolved places on this planet which I could consider to plant my seeds and create a new home............I'm very curious about Canada....I'm putting it out,is all I can do for now and trust that I'll be guided along the way...The love is in my heart,it's all i own at this moment......it's the treassure that will open doors!!! Thank You Sedona,it was such pleasure!!!!!

Sandhya

p.s;I have received amazing blessings and prayers through this difficult time and I feel so very honoured by the love of my friends....gratitude to you my ones..!!!!!

INSPIRATIONAL REMINDER...

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure
It is our light,not our darkness that most frightens us
We ask ourselves,who am I to be brilliant,fabolous,gorgeous,talented?
Actually,who are you not to be?
You are a child of God,
you're playing small doesn't serve the world
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that's within us
It's not just in some of us
It's everywhere
And as we let our light shine,
we automatically give other people the permission to do the same
As we are liberated from our fears,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Quoted by Marianne Williamson,Author of "A return to love"
Also quoted by Nelson Mandela..

Genius Waitress..

Of the genius waitress, I now sing.

Of hidden knowledge, buried ambition, and secret
sonnets scribbled on cocktail napkins; of aching
arches, ranting cooks, condescending patrons, and eyes
diverted from ancient Greece to ancient grease; of
burns and pinches and savvy and spunk; of a uniquely
American woman living a uniquely American compromise,
I sing. I sing of the genius waitress.

Okay, okay, she's probably not really a genius. But
she is well-educated. She has a degree in Sanskrit,
ethnoastronomy, Icelandic musicology, or something
equally valued in contemporary marketplace. Even if
she could find work in her chosen field, it wouldn't
pay beans--so she slings them instead. (The genuis
waitress is not to be confused with the
aspiring-actress waitress, so prevalent in Manhattan
and Los Angeles and so different from her sister in
temperament and I.Q.)

As a type, the genius waitress is sweet and sassy,
funny and smart; young, underestimated, fatalistic,
weary, cheery (not happy, cheerful: there's a
difference and she understands it), a tad bohemian,
often borderline alcoholic, frequently pretty (though
her hair reeks of kitchen and bar); as independent as
a cave bear (though ever hopeful of "true love") and,
above all, geniune.

Covertly sentimental, she fusses over toddlers and old
folks, yet only fear of unemployment prevents her from
handing an obnoxious customer his testicles with his
bill.

She doesn't mind a little good-natured flirting, and
if you flirt with verve and wit, she may flirt back.
Never, however, never try to impress her with your
resume. Her tolerance for pretentious Yuppies ends
with her shift, sometimes earlier. She reads men like
a menu and always knows when she's being offered
leftovers or an artificially inflated souffle.

Should you ever be lucky enough to be taken home by
her to that studio apartment with the jerry-built
bookshelves and Frida Kahlo posters, you will discover
that whereas in the public dining room she is merely
as proficient as she needs to be, in the private
bedroom she is blue gourmet virtuoso. Five stars and
counting! Afterward, you can discuss chaos theory or
the triple aspects of the mother goddess in universal
art forms--while you massage her swollen feet.

Eventually, she leaves food service for graduate
school or marriage; but unless she wins a grant or a
fair divorce settlement, chances are she'll be back, a
few years down the line, reciting the daily specials
with her own special mixture of warmth and ennui.

Erudite emissary of eggs over easy, polymath purveyor
of polenta and prawns, articulate angel of apple pie,
the genius waitress is on duty right now in hundreds
of U.S. restaurants, smile at the ready, sauce on the
side. So brush up on your Schopenhauer, place your
order--and tip, mister, tip. She deserves a break
today.

Of her, I sing.

Tom Robbins
Playboy, 1991