My friend Kola

visited me for two weeks. She is an old lady who tells it like it is. After Kola left I got in trouble for talking to the dog across the street. Kola taught me that. She also taught me how to get treats out of what my mom calls the "trash" can. Why does she call it that? There are good treats in there and I didn't even know that, but I do now. Kola also taught me that a closed door isn't necessarily closed and if I push on it, it will open. She showed me how to push the pantry door open and how to chew a hole in the bottom of the dog food bag. Now why would my mom be unhappy about that? It seems better, she wouldn't have to keep using that little scoop thing to get the food out of that bag!

Oh well, Kola went home. But she might be back someday. She is old, but she has a few tricks left!

A letter from my mom, she loves me.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because
they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Saturday inspiration

Mmmmm... I love it when my mom watches cooking shows on Saturday morning and then gets inspired! Tonight I got a little extra something in my dish along with my dog food.

wow, better than gravy and I didn't think there was anything better than gravy...except maybe a gravy covered tennis ball.

Tag

Ok, so this is the game:
RULES - Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 8 facts/things/habits about yourself, saying who tagged you. In the end you need to choose the 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.

I have been Tagged by Shalee

1. I love dirt colored tennis balls
2. I am a golden retriever, but I don't know how to swim
3. I think gravy should cover all food.
4. My Mom lets me start out the night sleeping in the middle, but kicks me out after a while.
5. My mom says I am a dog, but I don't know what that is. I actually a fur covered child.
6. I like to watch animals on TV
7. I am afraid of rain
8. If you put lotion on your legs I will lick them.

ok, I am tagging.

Ruby
Gus
Soo
Mercutio Mann
Ravenstone
Pumpkin, who lives with Brian

Sneeky Day

Today my mom caught me stealing Beirstat's (my pug neighbor) toys. I had a stuffed cow and a brand new, red tennis ball. She made me give them back. I really loved that cow.

strange thing

The people in my house are doing something really strange. There is a box with lots of water in it and these little creatures that move back and forth and back and forth. They sit in front of it and look and look and look. I tried to reach my nose in for a sniff, but bumped in on the hard wall you can see through. I don't know what they are doing, but they sure like to sit and look. I guess I don't mind, if I lay down next to them, they will rub my neck the whole time they sit there and stare. What is that thing?

Yippee!!

I ask my mom for a special christmas present and she laughed very loud. I think she may get it for me. You HAVE to see them. They are beautiful!!

www.neuticles.com

new hair cut

My mom had a lady take buzzing things and take all my beautiful fur and dirt off. It was scary. Luckily my mom remembered to bring my lucky ball to hold in my mouth or I might have gone insane. I can run really fast now. Maybe if I flap my ears too I can fly!