My Blog

ramble

lelu — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 20:46:57 GMT

Every now and again I blog. Often I'm inspired by Mrs. Random. I love the way she journals her life. It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one who goes through personal struggles like when to weed and how thoroughly. She also makes it feel so much more civilized. I always step away from those self consultations feeling a little bit crazy and embarrassed at how much I probably actually spoke to myself in quiet little whispers as I determine exactly how I'm going to attempt to harness nature this time. I've been overworked. I brought it on myself and I love most of the work I'm doing so I can't really complain. Today being Sunday, I'm trying to take it easy. Thus the blogging. I have a pile of projects happening all at once with a Mercury retrograde approaching so I feel like I should get a solid start on each and every one before all productivity comes to some screeching halt or another. In addition to 2 part time jobs working with people with autism, I'm sewing a women's skirt suit from scratch (skirt finished, jacket half finished), designing and making an alligator for my friend's film (prototype complete, now I have to make the contracted gator-I love this!) , re-covering 2 bar stools in trade to my dance teacher, and finishing design and construction of a line of 12 outfits for a fashion show coming up mid may. I'm also making a sock puppet remake of Beetlejuice with one of my clients. I'm starting to take piano lessons from my boyfriend. He wants to start teaching so I get to be his first guinea pig (whee! whee!) I take dance once a week, try to work out 3 more times during the week. Recently I've gone back to tracking my food intake in terms of calories, fat etc. to see where I'm failing myself. I can't fit into my clothes anymore. It's depressing, especially with summer around the corner. so I'm cutting back, or so I think, but I now realize how much more fat I am consuming than is optimal for my health and pants size. oops. Nothin' like a little butter to make everything taste a whole lot better! So much for that. It's been like this, in one way or another, for months. I let my vanity go temporarily. I got tired of having damaged hair so i stopped keeping it some shade of pink or another. Now it's grown out into a non-style shades of salt and pepper starts. I've been partially jobless so I haven't done much clothes shopping. And now I'm coming up on a fashion show and looking at my self in the mirror, looking at my closet full of no's and knowing without a doubt it's time to bust out the glamour. I cut my own hair a little over a week ago but I just don't have the same narcissistic patience I used to have for that sort of thing. From now on I'm going back to David. Even if I'm broke I can sew something for him. He loves that. I can't be responsible with a pair of scissors on the back of my head. I just start chopping. So when i do blog it's decompression from all the stuff I'm trying to take a break from being overwhelmed by. That's fine. Maybe I'll even wax poetic. I used to do that so much when I was in my 20's. I've gotten to be so linear. Well, as linear as a crazy aquarian artist can be. It's the Taurus rising that gets me. Sometimes for the best. And sometimes it's the Taurus rising that gets got. Taurus slowly stamps and snorts it's way to the water bearer. The bull scrapes the ground next to the well. The water bearer looks down from the clouds to see this powerful bull. Bull snorts, gestures with his head to the fields. They need weeding and fertilizing. Aquarius sees only the flowers. She begins to think she and the bull are really beginning to connect and starts walking toward the field with the bull beside her. When they arrive Aquarius plops down in the row of blossoming squashes singing gospel toward the forest Eyes lit, body swaying. Bull knows he'll have to wait until the song is done. This much has been learned.

ATTENTION!! NJZ in effect!!

lelu — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 04:08:14 GMT

Check this out http://kcimprov.com/missions/01.php

Snow!

lelu — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 01:30:22 GMT

Yay! I love waking up to a surprise of piles and piles of white ice fluff! I'm housesitting for one extra night because of it. My friend has showtime so now I'm addicted to "weeds". I love that show. Soccor mom gone gangsta! Fascinating. This is why I'm not allowed a very long leash. No cable. No liquor cabinet. Only occasional ice cream. White drugs just for special occasions.

Mrs. Random's Cookin'

lelu — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 17:38:17 GMT

I love Mrs. Random's cooking. Of course I do. Only a breatharian might question it. And I suspect Mrs Random could make even air gourmet. Especially when she makes me special wheat and meat free meals!

Sleep Talking

lelu — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 20:28:42 GMT

I haven't blogged lately, but I want to process this event. I woke this morning to get ready for work and send my love off to work. I'm going about my normal routine when he asks me if I remember what I said to him last night. I had no idea what he was talking about. He described to me an incident that is beyond embarrassing, and I'm curious what I have to clear up with my psychology. Apparantly, He told me he didn't have any blankets and I told him to "stop complaining", At this he tugged on the blankets to which I responded "You are SO irritating!" When he spoke about this I told him to "Shut up and go to sleep" He was up most the night trying to stop fuming, deciding whether or not he wanted to get out of bed and ride his bike back home. I don't remember any of this and I'm disturbed by it. For one thing, this is the kind of thing my parents would say both to each other and to all of us, their children. Also, I have been facing my tendency to easily slip into pessimism and anger. Maybe these things are surfacing as a result of my attention. I'm glad to work it out, but I would prefer my subconscious not take it out on my most intimate friend.

Announcement of Introversion

lelu — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 17:03:26 GMT

About this time every year I retreat like danglers in the cold. I often feel a lot of guilt when my friends yowl and cuss at me for extracting myself from our active social scene. I have a very high ratio of introvert, however, and I must rest my soul. I would like to make all the yowlers both loud and silent aware that my retreat is not personal toward any person. Retreating allows me to be better company when I do venture out. It's a good thing. This weekend I get a little get-away. I'm a housesitter. I love these times when I can eat, surf the web, read, catch up on some of the weird music that's out there, get inspired to write my own stuff, watch cable, lay around, catch up on my laundry...I love this more than partying sometimes. I know that's difficult for some to comprehend. Right now I'm finally checking out "RadioNOT" one of Mr Random's many creative projects. It is chaotic and inspiring. Today I record!

It has been awhile...

lelu — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 01:12:28 GMT

Yes, it has. I'm in full force autumn with all directional forces driving inward. Oh, yeah, I can stay home and delight in my own company. Right on. I'm busy with plenty of inspiration and challenges. I have no idea what's going on right now. I'm looking into it...

New York, New York-It's Everything They Say

lelu — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 21:25:19 GMT

I'm in upstate NY visiting my family this week and part of the next. I spent the last 2 days planning and executing a Birthday party for my 5 year old niece with my mom and 2 sisters. Wow! My sister doesn't mess around when it comes to her children's parties. Last year she rented a pony. This year it was everything bubbles. Gobs of little children running around covered in suds and bubbles in the sunlight. Very cute and very exhausting. My nephew's band-The Sage, Tyler, and Hunter Band-played. They're between 6 and 8 years old, this band! They have keys and 2 guitars. My brother-in-law is a musician, so his kids have ample rockstar encouragement and gear! I'm jealous! It's nice to see children so loved and supported. I give my sister a bit of flack for being a pushover, but the bottom line to raising kids is love and they have that in bucket loads. To toot my own horn I must brag that I put a 20 x 30 foot big top of a tent up this morning. I drove 14 giant steel stakes into the ground with a busted sledge hammer. I got 3 corners of it up when help arrived. Sistah Kem brought an unbroken sledge and the neighbor boy volunteered his brain and brawn. The help made it a lot easier! I haven't run into Huey Lewis yet.

Rock!

lelu — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 17:37:15 GMT

I saw the hottest rock show I've seen in a long time this last Friday 6/1. It was The Filthiest People Alive www.myspace.com/thefilthiestpeoplealive ,The Decliners www.myspace.com/thedecliners ,and The CoStars www.myspace.com/thecostars . Check them out. It was the rocking I've needed for a long time ( I haven't gotten out much lately!) It was so inspiring that I want to dedicate my radio show (Fri. 4-5 PM KWVA 88.1 @ kwvaradio.org) to absolute rocking. I'll play Clutch, Kyuss, Sabbath, Fu Manchu, maybe some industrial stuff like KMFDM, perhaps even some Alice Cooper. The challenge is finding songs that don't have swearing in the lyrics. I'd love some suggestions. Gotta get back to the little people! love, lelu

Delight!

lelu — Fri, 25 May 2007 19:01:13 GMT

My best friend from high school flew into Portland from Minneapolis today. She's driving her rental car here as I type. So exciting! Her boyfriend recently became a flight attendant so she gets to fly stand by for free. I'm so jealous! I must give public props to Mr. and Mrs. Random. Those two are a pair of the finest friends a person could have. I stopped by to pick up some things I left behind at the last LaunchPad swarm (i.e. band practice) and before long I was happily altered and invited to a fabulous grilled veggie dinner with fresh strawberries and chocolate for dessert! Too wonderful, yes it must be just too much goodness for a Wednesday...or is it? I think I can take it. I haven't laughed so much in awhile...except for last night at Trash Talkin' Thursday...oh my, we decided to try a new pasttime, dirty hangman. We filled the backs of two children's placemats from every angle with all sorts of debaucherous semantics. Once again I would like to mention how grateful I am for the incredible people in my life. They're the best and I love them.

My friend got beat up

lelu — Mon, 14 May 2007 19:02:02 GMT

The autistic 31 year old man I work for got beat up last Wednesday. Last Wednesday happened to also be his birthday! I'm so fucking pissed off. 3 kids knocked him to the ground and beat him up-kicked him, broke his nose! He's a small man with scoliosis so he's got kind of a hump back posture. I don't care how old a person is, there is nothing that would make you want to hurt this man. He was beat up in a little walking alley between his apartment complex and Safeway. This walkway is used regularly by all kinds of special needs adults, like little old ladies with walkers. Apparently the investigating officer has an autistic daughter and is particularly invested in this situation. They have a suspect but do not know who these boys were. They were probably Sheldon High School students. I haven't seen him yet. I'm going to really have to do some deep breathing when I go to work with him today to keep myself from swearing and crying! Try to stay calm with the autistic man. He's going to talk about this for the rest of his life. That's how he processes. He retells stories from his childhood over and over.

The Armadillo Radio Show

lelu — Wed, 09 May 2007 00:58:55 GMT

Here's my set list for my coverage of Mr. Random's show All songs selected randomly using dice and the fibonacci sequence Laurie Anderson-Beautiful Red Dress The Gossip-Don't Black Eyed Peas-Hot Autolux-Blanket Beach Boys-Surfin' USA Annie-Me Plus One Cocteau Twins-Know Who You Are at any Age Dead Can Dance-Sanvean Brian Eno-Under Stars II Loretta Lynn-Van lear Rose Diff'rent Strokes theme song Laurie Anderson-Strange Angels Mano Chao-la Chinita AC/DC-Back in Black Air-The Vagabond Blackalicious-Your Move Beck-Guess I'm Doin' Fine Nic Armstrong-I'll Come to You *it was at this point I folded the fibonacci part of the picking because I had to dump a couple of songs which I'm sure sounded like crap so now I can choose from 8 CD's but I must pick the track with the die* The Flaming Lips-Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell Lady Sovereign-Random Dr. Who theme song Franz Ferdinand-cheatin on you Madonna-I love NY Depeche Mode-Waiting for the Night Kelli Ali-Home Honey I'm High Neko Case-Margaret vs. Pauline Black Rebel Motorcycle Club-Love Burns Massive Attack-Weather Storm Client-Everything Must End Led Zeppelin-Thank You

Yay!

lelu — Tue, 08 May 2007 17:38:32 GMT

I am so happy it feels like summer. I slept with my window open last night which made getting up for work this morning about 40 gazillion times easier. I went the My Dirty Little Secret show last thurs. www.myspace.com/mydirtylittlesecret wow! what a class act. Who are those people? Where did they come from? One things' for sure, they are all HOT!!! Today I get to cover Mr. Random's Armadillo Radio program on KWVA 88.1 from 4-6 PM. I'm so excited, a luxurious 2 hour stint compared to my usual 4-5 Friday afternoon gig! I better bust out my dice!!! I got to go to Char and Aaron's wedding reception last Saturday at the Country Faire land. It was lovely. What a nice gathering of people with fabulously abundant and quality food, drink, and music. It was my first tent sleep of the season too. I'm at work and it's time for my next edition of pink group. The children are calling...

!!!

lelu — Tue, 01 May 2007 19:00:56 GMT

Yeah, that's right. I'm going to the !!! show tonight at the McDonald. I'm so freaking excited. Thanks Sistah Kem for getting the tix! I've just had an old friend contact after about 6 or 7 years hiatus. We were very close friends when I lived in upstate NY about a decade ago, and have since lost touch. Apparantly her whole family has moved to Portland! The weirdness is that a couple of weeks ago I found a mix tape she had made for me and was nostalgic for the music-it brought back a lot of memories and I wondered how they were all doing. It was about a week later that I got an e-mail from a mutual friend trying to get my current #. Craziness the spiral trajectories and fractal patterns that our beings travel.

What do you tell your therapist?

lelu — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 18:57:16 GMT

I've been going to therapy since the early winter this year. I've wanted some help with some of my deeper issues for awhile now. I'm tired of not liking my body, tired of not feeling like I'm worthy of all the things I am so obviously worthy of. I talked to my therapist at the start about my liking of various vices and that I didn't want my therapeutic work to be about blaming my vices. They may not help, but the vices were adopted as coping mechanisms to deal with the traumas, so I figure, once the traumas are addressed, then I'll work on the vices which I no longer need so badly, right? All this said, I still sort of hide the extent to which I tend to "vice". I just don't bring it up. It's springtime and the vices abound...last Thursday I had a pretty intense therapy session-a visualization with the inner child yadda yadda, you know. At the end my therapist said, that was really intense. You may be exhausted. I encourage you to take gentle care of yourself tonight, maybe go home and take a nap. I went home, worked out, played guitar, and immediately went out with my friends and got drunk. Friday I was so hung I had to go home from work!!! I don't think I drank more than usual, and I did eat dinner, so was the hangover due to my emotional saturation? I wonder. I am paying this woman, maybe I should follow directions a little better while I have the opportunity to be guided and assisted by someone I trust.

All the people I know are amazing

lelu — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 19:00:19 GMT

I was just blog hopping which is something I rarely have time for at work. I don't have a computer at home so I usually spend my breaks at the elementary school catching up on my e-mails and watching weirdness on Youtube. Today I scanned some blogs, Mr. Random, Dan Jones, Mrs. Random, Sleeve, Raenie Kane. These people blow my mind. I'm so impressed by what goes on in their worlds and I would like to be such a prolific blogger as they are. I'm not doing a great stove building project that will save the lungs of native Peruvians, but Sleeve and Laurie are. I'm not studying anatomy and physiology, but Raenie is. I'm not working too hard and renting bad monster movies but Dan Jones is. Hmmmm..... I'm definately not upholding the diy, rock, and technological cultures but Mr. Random is. And I don't geek out on gourmet food, gardens, and kitties but Mrs. Random does in between her reports of the City Club Meetings and philosophical tangents on shades of blue and green. I'm playing a lot of guitar. I just wrote a new song. It's in an open tuning so I can just slide up and down the neck. I need a glass slide. I used to have a metal one which I loved playing with. The song is about wanting but not getting...hmmm...what does she want? Why can't she have it? It's a secret! I started recording it on my digital 8 track. I found this awesome ping pong effect to run my old school Roland drum machine through that makes the drums sound strange and electro. It was an accidental find which is always the best kind. I must return to the children. It's time to sing songs that begin with the letter "T"

Balance

lelu — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 18:52:19 GMT

Coming into the warm seasons brings up so many ideas and challenges for me. On one hand, having more light gives me more energy which I sorely needed. I've been blowing my friends off all winter so now that I'm feeling social again I'm partying more than is probably healthy, and of course, the next day I have very little energy if it was a good one the night before. This as well as the seasonal change brings up the impulse to purify and cleanse. I want to fast, stop drinking for awhile, eat only raw foods, exercise and meditate every day...It feels kind of contradictory. I must declare balance on my reality!!!

Tired

lelu — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 19:00:01 GMT

I'm tired of being tired. I can't wait for spring break when I can sleep in as long as I want for 9 days!!!~!!! YES!! I spent the weekend sewing instead of enjoying the sunshine. It probably wasn't the best decision for my health but I am sometimes a woman obsessed. I'm making a gown for the masquerade ball! Very fun and detail oriented. The children are scattered today because our teacher is absent. One's swearing, another refuses to eat. It's amazing how sensitive kids are and how they find ways to clearly express their anxiety. We have 6 teachers in this room. Just one of us being out throws a wrench in our very delicate machine. Fortunately there's lots of love and play in our room so we manage to keep the boat afloat without too much tragedy. Yesterday was LaunchPad's swarm. Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Random for hosting a lovely birthday swarm for my cute little sister Kem! Our music was fun as always.

My Radio Show

lelu — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 13:53:21 GMT

It's 5:23 am. Whatchya doin'? Here's my radio playlist: PJ Harvey - C'mon Billy PJ & Bjork - Satisfaction (I've only found this on You Tube) lcd soundsystem - North American Scum (Yes!) PJ Harvey - Man-Sized Snoop - To All My Bitches... The Soul of John Black - Joy (I got to sing this with him, then we kissed...mmm) The Ovulators - Vampire (I'm creaming myself that these rockers are my friends) Goldfrapp - Felt Mountain (I have a thing for Allison Goldfrapp right now-hot in the purest) Hot Hot Heat - Get in or Get Out Hot Chip - You ride, We Ride, I ride Hives - Two-Timing Touch and Broken Bones (I can't quit this song) lcd Soundsystem - All My Friends (no thanks) !!! - Must Be the Moon (HELL'S YES!!!) LaunchPad - You On Fire (It's my band, we're cute) Shiny Toy Guns - le Disko (hotness) Sisters of Mercy - This Corrosion (it's almost 10 min. 4 or 5 would be better) The Rapture - The Devil Shatner w/lemon jelly - together (this is actually good) ladytron - Writing on the Wall remix (nice morning music) The Killers - Bling (Confession of a King) Johnny Cash - Streets of Laredo Neko Case - That Teenage Feeling Loretta Lynn - Portland, Oregon

Beautiful Sunshine!

lelu — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 19:41:46 GMT

Sunny days change my life. I miss the days of living in New Mexico-I love living in Eugene, the weather is certainly an upgrade from my rearing state of New York-I just love melting in the long months of firey bliss that is the southwest. I guess I must vacation more often...alas, rock stardom dawdles, doesn't it? Listen to my radio show on 88.1 KWVA. It's tommorrow "morning" 4-6 AM. DJ lelu in full effect! I just moved. I love my new house and I can't wait to find the time to fully settle in. There are so many things I will be able to do so much more easily with s-p-a-c-e!!! Incidentally, there will be a party Mar. 31. If you're reading this, I'm sure you're invited. Drop me a line if I forget to post the address by then.

Busy Bee

lelu — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 19:51:11 GMT

I'm so busy. I spent last weekend moving. It took me about 25 hours to move my stuff from one domicile to another! I lived in a small apartment and I got very good at creating places for things. It will be absolute luxury to have space to put things and places to do things like dance, art, sewing, music, and gardening!! It's been years since I've been able to have a nice garden. I can't wait. But then there's the time which I seem to ignore the limits of. I just signed on one more obligation-a radio show 4 am-6 am once a week. I'm excited about it but I also think I'm crazy because part of my rationale is that I wasn't doing anything during that time slot anyway. I'm starting to schedule things during my sleep hours which I relish. Yes, I'm crazy. There is just so much I want to do, theoretically. And if I fill my time with ultra productivity then when I have down time I can justify lying in my bed reading books and ignoring the telephone. I once saw the quote "the busy bee has no time for sorrow". I took it to heart.

Little Children

lelu — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 20:00:48 GMT

Little children all around. It's indoor recess and I'm on my break in the corner of the room. I'll quote them for awhile. "oh no, Kelani, oh no" (I work with Kelani) John lost the helium balloon to the ceiling. "oh no Deb, Deb, Deb look" Actually quoting a room full of mostly non-verbal children isn't the best way to communicate how hilarious they are. One of our autistic kindergarteners is in love with a vinyl pillow. His entire personality changed when it arrived in our room. He has to sit with it wherever he goes and he says things like "where did this pillow come from ? I love my pillow. What's against my back?It's my pillow." Eyes wandering to the corner of the room. He's the same boy who greets me daily by asking what I drive. I in turn tell him he knows and ask what it is. "A big green Dodge pick-up truck" The boys love my truck, especially because it has a trailer hitch. Our boys love trains, cars, beans, mud and boogers just to name a few. We've got 8 boys and 2 girls. An unfortunate ratio for the girls, although the staff is all female. I get to learn all about the visceral impulses of being a little boy. Very exciting!

Inspiration

lelu — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 18:36:50 GMT

I just read some of Mrs. Random's blog //mrs-random.blogspot.com/ . She is so inspiring. I love the way she thinks about things and is able to wrap words around them in such a universally sensible way. I always have to go around something 4 or 5 times to get to the heart of it. I'm so glad it's Friday. I'm supposed to go fishing tommorrow with my friend Andrew. I started eating fish about a year ago with a self promise that I would catch, clean, and eat a fish that I had caught to feel fully justified in this. I tried last summer with my dad which was very precious but not fruitful. I hope I get one and I'm terrified to kill something. Have to get back to work. the children await...

stream

lelu — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 19:48:00 GMT

stream of beaming light coming through will I catch it? will I ignore it for the shadows it casts? I am alive it is day I am asked to awake I am a creature of this dimension make no mistake Am I dragon or Human warm blooded or cold? It's always so hard to tell at this time of day as I sway between the waking and the sleeping worlds.

Step up to the Plate

lelu — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 20:01:38 GMT

and Sing!!! One vibration at a time.