My Blog

New Growth

Carla — Wed, 28 May 2008 01:06:42 GMT

I've been off line for months but it has been an incredible time of growth and discover both of life & death. I have missed all of you very much and I am glad to find myself back on-line. Spring time is a time of new growth and I never thought of new growth as painful. Does a snake complain when it sheds it's skin? Aaahh but that wonderful new feeling that lies beneath when the new skin is hyper sensitive to the slightest breeze or stimulation. My soul and mind have shed that skin and I feel a new senitivity. Too much in my heart and mind to put it all down now. but I am back with stronger creativity, desires & goals. Hope to hear from you soon! Giggles & Hugs

Could use your Help with a dream

Carla — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 18:06:42 GMT

I have always been a dreamer. Lucid dreaming is the norm and some dreams come true. I would like your thoughts on a dream I had last night. I usually write them down but went to bed without my notepad. I dreamed of reading an ancient document about spirits or beings becoming real and I knew my brother had also read it. Then in my dream I received an email that said. "It is a time of __________ and essentiating. WAKE YOUR BROTHER! The email contained my name and a number for each letter in my name with the number 4 in bold red! It also contained my brothers name in the same fashion with the number 7 in bold red. I woke immediately to write down the dream but did not have my notebook. At the time the ______ word was really clear and I knew the word meant to materialize or become real. But for the life of me I can't remember the word this morning. I did not know what essentiate meant but when I looked it up it means "to be changed into the essence" or "to form or constitute the essence or being of" I would appreciate your thoughts and opinions!

Painful Solitude

Carla — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 17:50:38 GMT

Have you ever needed someone To take the fragile pieces of your heart And wrap in careful hands Deep within the cushioning cotton of his own? Someone who can pull you close, When you're feeling so alone Who speaks not a word, But knows how to touch you In that one special place That lets you know you are still alive? Someone who can look into your eyes And see past the darkness That has come to cloud your soul. Someone who finds that one spark of caring, Who nutures it back to life... The one special someone Who can wrap around you with his body And give your soul a hug, Your heart ease...

Fragile Life

Carla — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 01:00:46 GMT

I have never liked the Thanksgiving or Christmas Holidays. I associate them with loss, death and loneliness. This season has the hightest suicide rate of the entire year. I spent much of today thinking of all the loved ones I had lost and their absence is felt more at this time of year than any other. Then I received a call letting me know I had become an Aunt once again! Now being and Aunt is nothing new, I have 43 nieces & nephews, 44 as of today! Just a small (9lbs) shining light in a dark time. Life is fragile, like a new born, and for purely selfish reasons I hope everyone I love will out live me. So while you share your turkey dinner with your friends and family be truely thankful they are with you today because you do not know what tomorrow will bring. And rejoice for whatever you have because there is always someone with less. Happy Turkey~Day to all

Wisdom in the "I don't Know"

Carla — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 19:04:44 GMT

Ever listen to a child? Everything is "I don't know?" Where are your shoes ~ "I don't know?", why did you do that "I don't know?" There is so much they don't know they are always asking Why or How. As adults we lose that wonder and curiosity. Want to show others we have the answers. We become the know it alls. There is innocence in "I don't know", There is growth in "I don't know" there is peace in "I don't know" I want to live in the wisdom of "I don't know"

Feeling the Breeze

Carla — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 17:20:50 GMT

A steady breeze blows through me, like that of a warm summer evening. My thoughts feel gentle and sure as a morning sunrise. I see tomorrow clearly so I can live today without worry or fear or dread My skin warmed from within sun-baked by an inner light My heart flowing outward love and gratitude like ribbons of light Beneath my heart my passion waits like a natural hot spring hidden in the forest of delight. Ready at any moment to send rivers of warm water up my spine. My feet grounded to mother earth, every step like a walk on the beach, feet sinking into warm moist sand I smile, grinning childishly at my new being

T.M.I

Carla — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 15:58:34 GMT

Lucid dreams and daily visions have become the norm. A deep sense of knowing things about people, even those I meet for the first time. At first I was afraid to speak what I saw and felt. Then I became more confident in what I saw and felt and wanted to tell all. Now I wonder how much information is too much? If it were about you would you want to know? If you saw something about me would I want to know? Can my friends take this information with a grain of salt? Will they know it is spoken with Love? or will they think me insane? More insane than I already am:) I feel energy overload energy pouring into me from every direction, people, plants, air, heaven, earth, into every pour. I can not feel energy flowing out it is simply building up inside me and bouncing around uncontrollably. ~ How much does energy weigh? I should check the scale:)~ May have to go on an energy diet. I find calm in the night drifting off to space, finding comfort among the celestial light. Feel divine love and relaxation of body and spirit. Then returned more connected and aware. Less focus on material, more focus on spiritual. Where will this lead?

Nirvana

Carla — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 14:55:18 GMT

I wandered a path through a dark place. Not sure what I was looking for. Facing my fears both known and unknown. Set on a journey looking for direction You offered direction and I took your hand in trust asking to be lead. You quited my restless spirit and I floated off to an astral place. A place of unrivaled beauty, all worldly weight and worries left far behind No physical feeling of body or mind. Floating there among the stars; wrapped in warm and unconditional love. I felt your breath upon my face, a breath from God that captured that place of bliss and placed it into my smile, my eyes, my bones, my soul. I awakened, my body feeling unfamiliar. Not the heavy burdened one as before. But light and having a heart filled with song. Living and feeling each moment. Feeling as though my eyes are open for the first time. Everything is vivid and bright. I can smell the colors, feel the heart beat of the earth. I look to the heavens and become the clouds. My soul rejoicing! Each night drifting back among the stars - because you showed me how to get there.

Pele - My inner Goddess

Carla — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 18:22:06 GMT

My soul is awakened and I am revitalized! I have a fiery passion coursing through my veins! I will break the dams and find a voice that resonates with inner security!

Awakened pain

Carla — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 22:29:45 GMT

Why was I so easy to cast aside? Not once but many times. Not by mere acquaintances but by family, father, bothers, husbands. What is it about me that makes me so easy to dismiss? My love and trust and body abused by those I was born trusting and those I open up to. My heart has been crushed for years by words and actions. But my heart is strong, it found a way to block the pain and beat rhythmically on. Only function remains, my sensitivity buried deep beneath the callus and scars Yesterday a single tear found it's way from my heart to my eye. Coaxed out by love from new found friends The tear, Burning hot, Stinging my cheek reminding me that there is something hidden beneath A small wet tear clearing a small path, asking to be set free for what might could be Do I dare crack open the old wounds, I have no protection or armor Do I wipe the tear from my cheek and pretend that for a moment I didn't feel alive again Faced now with fear and hope. Fear feels strong and hope feels weak Fear yells loudly, hope whispers in my ear At this moment I do not want to be strong. I want to be a child again, be told what needs to be done. I do not have the strength today to stand and fight this alone.

Rejection

Carla — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 15:37:07 GMT

One step forward, Two steps back, What a painful dance. Soul searching, identify the pain, share it with someone you trust, get ridiculed and shot down, bottle it back up, think twice about trusting. How many times should you open your heart and put yourself out there knowing that rejection is inevitable?

To my Highest Inspiration

Carla — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 02:49:44 GMT

Recently I've experienced a lot of feelings. Those from the past that I had denied/blocked or had dreamed of but thought not possible. I owe this to you. You have opened a door and I have walked through it. You have aligned my world to a true space. I am most grateful. " I painted your body with a curly brush of copper hair which, at times you smoothed back from my face so that we could see ourselves in true and unveiled mirrors, your explorer's hands followed every fold and contour of my entire landscape, out and in, causing me to liquify making you a happy child again with secret, candy-sticky fingers, as my softness hardened you, your stiffness melted me until I, dripping around you and you, deeply dipping inside me found an undiscovered world of land and water, awakened and alive with wonder, we create a sculpture shimmering with love."

Learning to be Loved

Carla — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 15:44:14 GMT

I am learning to be loved, without conflict and in total freedom. To accept the gaze, the caress, the kiss from a friend or lover. I am learning to love, without conflict and in total freedom. To give the caress, the kiss, the nibble to my friend or lover. Learning to provoke greater pleasure. Learning to distinguish desire and passion from love. I am learning the harmony of loving and being loved.

Today I am a Comet

Carla — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 22:56:18 GMT

I have existed for hundreds of years. Life after life in an endless circle. Life's shift has placed me into a new orbit. I approach my inner solar system melting away outer layers of ice and debris. I am now illuminated by the Sun and visible to the naked eye. Watched and waited for, anticipated by many. I will pass quietly through this life to my final sun-grazing orbit. Only to be fully enjoyed by the few who will not rest until they have experienced my light. They are the reason I exist

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall

Carla — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 17:47:27 GMT

“A man and a woman… The man is the eagle that flies. The woman is the nightingale that sings. To fly is to master space. To sing is to conquer the soul. The man is a temple. The woman is the altar. Before the temple we uncover ourselves; Before the altar we kneel down… The man is where the Earth ends. The woman is where Heaven starts.” ~ Victor Hugo I long to look deeply into my lovers eyes and see past my physical attraction. I observe my lover without prejudice but with trust and intimacy. Why is it that I can look at others without prejudice but I cannot look at myself the same way? Inwardly I truly love myself. I love my spirit, my sexuality, and my mind. It is only when confronted with the physical image of myself I become critical. The question is: If I hold prejudice in my heart toward myself do I honestly view others without prejudice? So today I end this battle with myself. No longer will I be behind the camera. I will place photos of myself in my house, my car, my office and where ever I maybe. I WILL learn to see the person others see.

Feeling light

Carla — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 20:24:12 GMT

My mind is still today but I feel more alive than ever. To think that the sensations I have just begun to feel could be more intense is unimaginable. I hunger for more. I met a girl in the meads, Full beautiful – a faery’s child, Her hair was long Her foot was light, And her eyes were wild. A ballad ~ John Keats