48 hours of pure awesomeness. SF, you have pulled through again. Thank you, citizens, you are amazing. I miss you.

On November 11, 2007 Rob and I went for a hike on Mt. Hood to Mirror Lake. We stood on the edge of the lake and exchanged vows. There was no script, we just just spoke from our hearts. At 11:11 Marshall said "Here is my pronouncement: Be happy. Love eachother. I now pronounce you Xep and Rob. You may kiss!" and we did.

It's hard not to laugh when you're riding down a beautiful tree lined street and gusts of autumn wind are blowing brilliant warm tone leaves in swirls all around you. The trees were raining raining raining and the cold air was refreshing against my sweaty cheeks. Getting back in shape after three months of pretty intense slacking is a harsh reminder of how quickly one's body can change. The nice thing to remember is that it goes both directions.



Also: It's so strange riding in a town where the majority of the cars actually respect bikers. By default I tend to ride with my hackles up but not a single incident has happened on any rides here that would cause me to actually hiss.

that all seemed more dramatic than i meant it. life is calm aside from constant house and job searching. i feel like i'm in a holding pattern until the house situation sorts itself out but it's all out of my hands right now. searching for a training space and procrastinating on the climbing gym because it's so expensive here.



good food has been a priority and basically we've eaten nothing but organic whole foods for the past month. it's very easy here and my body feels good.



last night i dreamt about the fires. i'm worried about everyone, including the dogs and rabbits that were under my care. i feel at ease with the dreams and accept that it's just how i'm dealing with the inherent stress of being at a new junction in my life.



watching flash the tortoise eat his veggies is still one of my favorite things.

so the nightmares haven't stopped. i've had them pretty much every night since returning. i wake up at 6 am every day and sit and wait for the sun to come up. last night i tried to control them a little bit by causing a giant snail to scoot across the scene and snuff out the antagonist, a through and through sadist who was murdering and torturing everyone i knew. even after he was gone though the dream turned into one of those frustration/confusion dreams where i was trying to put on some complicated cycling shoes and just couldn't. velcro flaps everywhere that didn't make sense. my guess is this is just general anxiety about not having a real place to live and feeling like i'm in a holding pattern until the housing situation sorts itself out. we went up to the land yesterday and were able to wander through the house and across the meadows for hours while the tenants weren't home (they knew we were there, storm gave me a new kombucha baby). it was so easy to see the possibility and let the dreams flow full stream. a large part of me wishes i could just get over the need to live in civilization for a few more years and just dive in. i'm not sure what i'm afraid of.



many months ago n. said "sometimes you just have to let someone hate you." i know that's true but i'm having a very difficult time accepting it. it also feels like allowing that just allows more negativity to simmer through the global pool of emotion/beings/etc. what is the most compassionate action in a case like that?