brains tired of thinking. i have to stop this insanity called my life. i just wrote to a friend that whatever God there is im sure he's tired of my bullshit,

im tired of my bullshit.

i needed to breath get out of that house where the memories keep flooding back. i drove to the beach in Pacifica. i always think better when im at the beach, it always seems so clean. watched Duke run with the other dogs. sat on the sand and just cried. right now im at some little coffee house with internet. i might see about renting a little room on the beach over night. i don't want to go back to that fucking insane house, where everyone is in denial about the past. i am not in denial, i ... read more

i am freaking out. i cant sleep, i cant eat, i cant think. my dreams are messing with me big time. i wake up in a cold sweat and cant breath. when will this be over , i cant take it .. it hurts my soul.
im trying so hard to be good. school has a mini break for now, so nothing but time on my hands. time is not a good thing for someone like me, makes me wander and seek. All i can think about is finding the quick fix, the quick fuck in an alley. is it really once a whore, always a whore?
D... read more

im sitting here having a little kahlua which is what i love and reading tribe. my little tree is up and the lights are on. maybe next year i'll get a real one. i know im going to get shit for posting a picture that im sure some of you think that i shouldn't. i really have no hangups about sex or myself sexually. ive said it before, its amazing where i find my shots . found this one on another Tribe, so i stole it back. ive sort of been looking around tonight to see what else i could find of ... read more

i lost?