I've been telling myself that I'm going to be WAY more
cautious if and when I ever have a chance at another relationship.
Of course I say that now, but I know that
emotions are powerful. Maybe one of the reasons
(I'm sure there's more than one) I've been alone so
much of my adult life is that I fear being dumped.
Worse than rejection, worse than not getting the girl,
is getting the girl and then having her tell you "no
thanks, I've changed my mind". I know, I know - if I
want any kind of intimacy, I have to accept that
risk. Still, I sometimes think life would be easier if
expectations about sex, friendship, loyalty, love and
financial inter-dependence weren't all wrapped up in
one person. Neil Young said in a song a long time ago
"a man needs a maid". Sure... and a wife, and a girlfriend
and a mistress - but then each of them would want a maid,
and at least one guy on the side, and it would get complicated.
I'd be perfectly content to have just one woman in my life. I
fully accept that whoever that might turn out to be, she
may not embody 'everything' in one person. At this point, I'd
be really happy just to find someone who's not walking
around with an undiagnosed clinical mental illness.

I think one of my problems is that many of the women I find
attractive are (way!) too young for me and/or they want kids.
Or they expect a man to be able to be too many things to them;
to fill a lot of roles all at once. I'm never going to be somebody's
sugar-daddy (or yogi, or chef or salsa dance partner - you should
see some of the wish-lists on Match.com and Yahoo personals!).

Why is it I don't hear guys saying they'd never date
somebody who doesn't make at least $75,000/year? Or
whatever arbitrary figure; or make at least as much as
they make? Do all these women on the dating sites just
have a blind faith that they will always make this
kind of money? That their skills will always be in demand?
Just because they've been well-compensated at one stage
of their career is no guarantee that it'll always be that way.
I can remember meeting people in the early 1990's that had
been out of work a year or two in their chosen fields, and
were on the verge of, or had already lost their homes.
The economy is not always booming, and even while it
is, some people fall through the cracks. The company you
work for tanks; someone in your family gets sick or has an
accident and can't work... things can spiral down quickly.

A big thing for me, one of the reasons - just one;
there are quite a few - that I'm certain I don't ever want
kids (hell, I was reluctant to take on the
responsibility of having a dog!) is that I've never
figured out how to make a reasonably decent living to
support myself, never mind a family. All through my
20's and 30's I kept thinking that if I just worked
hard, I'd eventually get to a position where the
compensation would be a fair trade-off for the effort
and the time. Finally after getting fucked-over for
advancement and pay at Backroads, Start-to-Finish
and Bianchi, I came to realize that I'll never be fairly
compensated as long as I'm in the bicycle industry.
Well, not entirely true. A friend at Litespeed told
me that people in their customer service department
made twice what I was making at Bianchi, and that it went a
lot further in Tennessee. Although of course, they
have to live in Tennessee. So... I know I'm not the
most desirable life-partner candidate for a lot of
greedy -oops!- I mean 'ambitious' bay-area women. But
I fall somewhere between a high-school drop-out with
two felony convictions and a dot-com millionaire/rock-star
with three homes and a yacht. There must be
somebody out there who's a good match for me.

The last two women I was 'romantically involved' with
(I can't even call them girlfriends, the episodes were so brief)
both worked as waitresses. Smart waitresses with college degrees,
but neither of 'em was gonna set the world on fire, or discover
a cure for cancer. In both cases, I figured that someone working
as a waitress was a pretty good match for a bike shop guy, and
that if things developed, we'd somehow manage to get by.

Both of them ran away. Both of them, I am convinced, were/are
suffering from some form of mental illness. This is where you,
the reader, figure that it's just sour grapes - that my way of coping
with being dumped is to say "oh, I'm better off without her. She
was/is crazy". Well, you weren't there. You didn't see what I saw.
You didn't live through it. What are the odds, you might ask -
that one guy gets mixed up with two unstable women? Indeed...

Many people have mental health issues that go undiagnosed and untreated. It's similar to another epidemic seldom spoken of in our 'civilized' society: the physical and sexual abuse of women. How about this: of the last four women I've been close to, 3 of the 4 had been adult victims of rape; one, of incest... what are the odds on that?! At least one of them was physically abused - beaten - as a child. One of them had her first abortion at age 14, another had had between 6 and 8; she had lost count.

Today, while sitting at an outdoor table at a cafe, a crazy woman* crossed the street, squatted down in front of me and started mumbling something about the boots I was wearing (and reached to touch them). I about freaked. I got up quickly, startling her. She retreated, almost in tears, back across the street to the 'safety' of her fellow alcoholic cohorts. That this poor unfortunate ended up on the streets with only other mentally ill, substance-abusing 'friends' for comfort and support is a sad indictment of our country. Mainstreaming someone like her (*she is far from high-functioning; she's known in that neighborhood as "the bird lady") - forcing her to survive or fail on her own - is just wrong. She should be in a group home, or at least have someone checking on her; helping her stay on her meds; helping her keep appointments with doctors, dentists, social workers.

Anyway, enough bitching and moaning. I didn't mean for this to be a diatribe against our
messed-up society and its so-called values. Life is unfair. What else is new?

Still don't know where I'll be living come March.
Situation with the slumlord/real estate
speculator/building owners is about to get ugly. I had
a face-to-face meeting with one of them the other day,
she was totally kissing ass, making nice. They just
want us all (the existing tenants) to leave quietly
and cheaply so they can get on with the remodel, then
unload the units as four separate condos at a fat
profit. Of course, they'd love for us to come back as
temporary leaseholders at some new, market rate
(possibly as much as $2K/mo.), and then purchase the units
for $475 to $525K (yeah, right!). That way they
wouldn't even have to advertise. They're supposed to
pay us a minimum of two months rent as compensation
for relocation. It's viewed as a "temporary, voluntary
relocation" since in theory we can move back in after
3 to 4 months of renovation to the building. In
reality, I (and most of the other tenants) simply
won't be able to afford the new higher rents. And if I
can't afford the rent, how in the hell could I afford
to pay a monthly mortgage payment?! Rumor
has it that other people in our position are being
paid off by developers and speculators $5K to $25K to
leave and relinquish the right to move back in and the
"right of first refusal" on purchasing the condos. By
state law, they have to offer the units for sale to
the existing tenants at 5% off the market price
(before listing publicly), and we get 90 days to
decide whether or not to buy. So anyway, I want to
negotiate for more money and a clean exit. I don't
want to move back here at some inflated dot-com yuppie
rental price. This place was a good deal ten years ago
when I moved in, and for as long as rent increases
were limited to 3-5% per year. Soon it's going to be a
rip-off.

Anywhere in North Oakland to Emeryville, to Berkeley - basically, anywhere within a reasonable bicycle ride (say half an hour or less) of downtown Berkeley. I have to relocate by the end of February. The Temescal four-plex I've been in for over 10 years is going condo. What I've feared for a long time has come to pass: gentrification = displaced renters. Sucks, but whatcha gonna do? I have a dog (85 lb. black lab mix), I'm pretty quiet, a non-smoker, I have too many bicycles (but they can go into storage). I'm open to house-shares, room-mate situations, collectives, intentional communities - I figure I need to be flexible if I want to stay in the Bay Area. Due to working at a cooperatively run business (missinglink.org), my housing budget has not kept pace with inflation. I really REALLY want to stay at the Missing Link for the forseeable future, but I may not be able to if I can't find a place to live. If you hear of anything opening up, please keep me in mind. Thanks!

apologies to anyone who didn't receive an individual response, but the room has been taken.

Good deal on short-term housing. Front bedroom of downstairs unit in fourplex. Full use of kitchen, living room, backyard. Limited storage. Shared bathroom. Must be OK with dogs (one lives here already; sorry, but one's the limit). 50/50 split of $1015/mo rent. Share utilities; water, gas & electric; dsl/cable optional; wi-fi available. No laundry facilities, but near laundromat. Short walk to AC Transit bus stop; slightly longer to MacArthur or Rockridge BART. Clean, quiet, drug-free, non-smoker of any age OK. I'm a 10yr tenant who's lost his lease (building is going condo) and must be out by end of February. Part or all of Oct. thru Feb. is negotiable. 49th just off Telegraph.