I am going to my sisters today for the first time in a long while.
years since we spent a "holiday" together...
But I am going.
and I decide a good time will be had by all....

I realized last night that I am attached to this certain meal this certain time of year, and the conditioning is so strong, that I ordered all the trimmings for two from a place that I was told does it like we do it... Just so I could have the leftovers that I will not necessarily have from my sisters.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

Every year I look again, and recognise that I am some kind of living room sheep, and every year I am disgusted that every year I have to eat mashed potatoes and stuffing just because a large portion of people in this fucking country are eating it?

Yes, don't get me wrong, I like stuffing, I like mashed taters, I like cranberry sauce, I don't really even like turkey, I like chicken, but this is not a meal only to be eaten on xmas and t day........

It's fucked up. How many goddamn turkeys were slaughtered to play this game?

How many kids in public (and some private) schools were told some bullshit about miles standish, and handed brown & tan construction paper and a glue stick to all made the same lame turkey to bring home to their parents this week?

My turkeys never looked like everyone elses.
I didn't think it interesting one bit to go home and present (first off, a paper turkey?) the same thing every other kid was presenting to their parents...
I went to public school, but I had "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee" on the bookshelf in my living room. I hadn't read it straight through, but I did read, and I saw the photos... I knew blood on both sides of my family was shed for this country. And I didn't believe the hype.

I am going to my moms today, and getting that book, and I am going to read it with my son.

My dad's father is half Blackfoot and half Chinicock, My mother's family has strong Dutch roots, and unspoken about Arapaho back down the line (hmmmm wonder how that happened). There is Basian, and then add Tibetan, you will see my son.
I owe it to him to keep him knowing his roots, not enough of mine was shared with me.

The tree that is this country was composted with the blood and souls of many who would have happily chosen to continue life as they knew it.

I knew it then, but as the years went by, and brought me to now, I see how desensitized I have become.

I am just another ugly american.

I haven't even been tuned into network television for almost ten years.....
Shit I didn't even have a tv most of my growing up years,
I have always thought myself to have had a very off center outlook on life from early on,
I grew up listening at some of the most progressive and aware dinner tables.
I remember meeting Swami Muktananda when I was 6 or so....
I have been on this path, consciously looking for continual expansion since I was 11 years old...
I have sat before, and studied with some of the most revered and respected teachers in the Buddhist world and otherwise,
I have frollicked in the sand with peace loving hippies, I've eaten esscene bread.......

It is all a load of shit.

I still have to have fucking turkey and stuffing at the end of november, and I am embarrassed. really embarrassed.

I will appreciate those who bled for this country, built the bridges, roads, skyscrapers, dams, I will appreciate the earth lessons made apparent by those who live close to her. I will appreciate my health and my family, and my life my friends who keep me alive, my beautiful son.

I have a lot.

And I have never really given thanks.......... proper.

Hopefully someday I will.

Someone asked me about my lurker tendencies on this site...

Inspired me to write a little on the topic.

I do like to lurk, and yet in my real life, anonymity is nearly impossible....

Here I can sneak in, and catch a titbit of your offerings without you ever knowing I was there.

Or I can spring out of the recesses and surprise you with some of me...

And in turn you can lurk as well.....

Come, read what I have to say if you like, or even say hi. I don't mind...

I rather like it.

This forum allows people to be completely honest about themselves or about just a little of themselves, you could create someone new or become something you never dreamed you could be....

But it is certain that if you pay attention, you can feel quite a bit.... across mountains and oceans... through wires and cables, a heart can shine through if you let it.